October 2011

potlight S

October 2011

Volume LXXXXVIII Issue 2

Nihl Sacrum Est?

October 2011

1600 City Park Esplanade

Raising the Salad Bar

by Aubin Fefley

11th- Instate College Fair

Calloway Gym 7:30am 12th- PLAN test, ACT test, Late Start for Seniors at 12:05 14th- Tech Rehearsal 3-9pm Auditorium 15th- PSAT 7 am Athletic Hall of Fame Awards 4-7 pm main Foyer

17th- Spirit Week Begins:

Animal Day 18th-Spirit Week:

Multi Twin Day Opening Night of The Importance of Being Earnest PTSA Potluck 19th- Spirit Week:

80s Workout Day The Importance of Being Earnest Matinee 20th- Spirit Week:

Superhero vs. Villans Day The Importance of Being Earnest Matinee All State Choir 21st- Spirit Week:

Red and White Day

Pep Rally Homecoming Game vs. TJ 22nd- ACT 7 am Homecoming Dance

8-11 pm in the Panek Gym 24th- Play at 7 The Importance of Being Earnest 25th- Parent Teacher Conferences

Play at 7 The Importance of Being Earnest 26th- Parent Teacher Conferences The Importance of Being Earnest

27th- East Fall Carnival 5-7pm 28th- No School 31st- No School Halloween!

It’s 11:10. Lunchtime.

And as scores of East students push through the doors, either toting homemade lunches or money to spend at any of the surrounding restaurants, junior Brandy Arguello is standing in line in the Commons, waiting to receive her school lunch. “I hate school lunch!

It’s so gross!” she tells a friend with a roll of her eyes.

“Then why are you in line?”

Arguello pauses a beat before answering. “Because I’m hungry.”

With the diverse selection of restaurants in the East High area, the Commons is often overlooked, but everyday it provides as many as 180 students, many of whom qualify for free or reduced cost lunch, with their morning and midday meals. With a varied and changing menu of up to twelve daily lunch options, and a low price school lunch seems like a great resource. There’s just one problem.

“I think everything is completely nasty except for the fruit!” Arguello declared.

“And the milk is—ugh! The milk just tastes so weird and gross.” Unfortunately Arguello, who gets her lunch for free, receives school food about three times a week.

Luckily, the DPS Food and Nutrition Department is finally beginning to implement new, healthier options

into most school cafeterias.

The East High Commons has added a salad bar to its daily rotation of lunch options.

Also, all the fruit offered in season is fresh, and DPS cafeterias now serve exclusively grass-fed beef. Meals that were once defrosted or prepackaged are now cooked from scratch.

Marlene Candelaria, a DPS food and nutrition worker who was with the district for thirty-three years before retiring at the end of last school year is a firsthand witness to the change.

“Since we got the salad bar, I’ve really noticed kids taking more vegetables!” she said, smiling.

The new options are also garnering praise from local health professionals.

Certified health and wellness coach Lisa Groves is full of praise for DPS’s lunchroom reform. “Fresh fruit is so great because most of the living enzymes, phytonutrients, vitamins, and minerals,” –the things that make fruit healthy—“are lost during canning.” she said. “And grass-fed meat is absolutely phenomenal! Cows are naturally supposed to eat grass, so when they are fed corn, which is government subsidized, they get sick. That’s when you get into antibiotics and disease. Grass-fed meat is much healthier meat.”

The DPS Food and Nutrition Department is also

trying to serve more local food. Theresa Hafner, executive director of DPS Food and Nutrition Services said she’s proud to serve local food to DPS students.

“Our actions support the Colorado economy and are an ecologically progressive way to reduce our carbon footprint.” she said. According to Groves, “Local food is fresher food because it isn’t being shipped across the country. And fresher food has more vitamins and minerals. At the elementary school level, organizations such as Denver Urban Gardens and Slow Food Denver are helping teach younger kids where their food comes from before it reaches the supermarket. On September 12th, 2011, Denver school cafeterias hosted the first annual Colorado Proud School Meal Day, which highlighted local partners on the menu and promoted Colorado agriculture.

The new options may also be helping test scores and academic performance.

By eating more fruits, vegetables, and wholesome meats, students are eating less junk.

High fructose corn syrup (found in many soft drinks, snacks, and candy bars) and refined carbs (such as white bread) are two items classified by Groves as “bad mood foods.” Groves explained that foods containing high fructose corn syrup and re-

fined carbs cause a classic blood sugar spike and crash, causing students who at first felt alert and energetic to become lethargic and easily lost concentration. In short, that is not an ideal way to learn.

Fruits, veggies, good meats, and other such options release glucose at a steadier rate, causing students to not only stay awake, but feel full longer.

According to the students, the new food options taste pretty good too. East Junior Petros Masias is of East African descent, and says he eats his native cuisine for dinner most nights.

Although the East cafeteria food is a far cry from his specially spiced native chicken, Masias says he likes it just fine.

“Especially the pepperoni pizza,” he said with a grin, “And I eat the fruit.”

When asked what she thinks about the new lunch choices, Brandy Arguello is quick to show her approval. “I think the salad bar is really good!” she enthused “Because then we don’t have to eat the other stuff!”

It is clear that Denver Public Schools’ efforts have succeeded in promoting nutrition by making healthy options more available to all regardless of income. Brandy and her peers no longer have to go hungry, but can happily enjoy delicious and nutritious meals.

[NEWS]

October 7th, 2011

page 2

Battle for Parking Lot Suprememacy

by Dylan Wells

editor-in-chief

A

s a September chill settles on the grounds of East High School, security guard Keith Norris steps out of the guard shack in the student parking lot. Row after row of vehicles of all shapes and colors are reflected in his jet black sunglasses. His standard green coat is covered by a bright orange safety vest. The cool jazz of Steely Dan floats out of the small building beside him as he settles into his chair, pre-

pared for another long day of watching over a lot that has seen more trouble in the past month than it has for years. Why has the administration stationed one of their three security guards to roundthe-clock duty in the student parking lot? “We’ve had some things happen out here,” Norris states.

“We’re just trying to run a tight ship.”

Unfortunately, as the 2011-2012 school year looms, that ship has already sprung a few holes.

It was not long ago that this lot was a very tense place, with Mr. Norris and a band of traffic cones being the only remnants of an occupying force that at one time included the Denver Police Force.The events that led to that confilcted period began quite simply: with some paint, saran wrap, and duct tape. “I got tagged one day, I washed it off, then I got hit again. I got hit three times and I wasn’t in a Senior spot any of the them,” said a Junior who wished to remain anonymous for fear of “restart-

ing the beef.” He was referring to a wave of pranking that left several cars owned by Juniors painted with “rude symbols” and coated in duct tape which, Norris reminded, “can pull (car) paint off.” In response, many of the Juniors that utilize the parking lot hastily organized a Facebook event that called for members of the Junior class to come to school early and occupy the “Senior spots” with their vehicles. During lunch they formed a protective circle around the vehicles, set up lawn chairs, ordered Papa John’s pizza, and “put on some tunes” in order to ward off Senior retaliation. The administration was not amused, as evidenced by the police and dean presence at the incident.

Inside the school the atmosphere towards the conflict was one of exasperated annoyance. “To a degree, you have to grow up to participate in high school” Principal John Youngquist said of the pranking and subsequent clashes. “I think this is kind of a middle school response.” Student Activities Director Theresa “Tee” MaCdonald also weighed in.

“The drama? We want it to die,” she stated. “It’s something that’s been made into a big deal when it just isn’t... my feeling is you just park where you park.” The administration posted Mr. Norris in the parking lot to ensure there would be no further incidents. Norris also wanted to remind students of the ever-present surveillance cameras, “some of them act like we don’t have cameras out here... the [lot] is being watched all day long.”

Another source of conflict in the embattled patch of asphalt is the issue of student parking passes. East High’s official

policy is that in order to use the student lot, students must present a valid driver’s license, current proof of car insurance, car registration, and $20 to the treasurer and obtain a student parking pass. In order to ensure this policy is enforced, deans and security personnel have been stationed at the entrances to the lot in the mornings, along with traffic cone barriers. They bar anyone without a valid pass from entering the lot. Students who failed to purchase passes have been irritated by the increased enforcement of the rule. “Before the deans were Nazis about the passes I was going to get one but now it’s a matter of principle!” said East Senior Richard Johnson, one of the hold-outs.

MacDonald describes the purpose of the permits as to “identify cars if vandalized... also so we can identify any cars that shouldn’t be there.” The funds obtained from the permits are used for securing the lot, repairing the fences around East, student events, and Student Council ordained purposes such as the new bleachers. “Last year $2000 dollars went to prom and the Angel Foundation,” MacDonald reminded students.

As of press time some students were avoiding the controversial lot altogether by parking across the street in the lot of the city dog park. “Since the dog park is a city parking area, we can’t really do anything about it, but sooner or later the city is going to take care of that,” assured Norris, letting out a sigh and swiveling to once again fix his gaze on the 325 spaces of the student lot.

What’s Up in the World?

by Jacqueline Kimmell

newseditor

Protests against Wall Street have led to the arrest of almost 1,000 people. While mostly in New York, the protests have spread to Boston, Chicago and San Fransisco, Pittsburgh and Los Angeles. Protests are calling for a second American Revolution.

The Euro faced more troubles as the 17 counties that make up the European Union only have several weeks before they must begin sweeping legislation to fix their currency. Greece will cut over 30,000 jobs.

Palestine put in a bid for statehood at the United Nations. This could legitimize the county, who currently is just an observer in the General Assembly.

President Obama says he will veto their bid.

Where’s Quaddafi?

Spotlight East High

EDITORS-IN-CHIEF Genevieve Crawford & Dylan Wells SENIOR EDITOR Max Segal

MANAGING EDITOR Emma Dargen

by Saad Moosajee

STAFF WRITERS Alessa Barton, Deaunna Bridgeforth, Natalia Dellavalle, Aubin Fefley, Kahlia Hall, Christopher Harder, Daniel Hartman-Strawn, Abigail Lew, Kristian Marker, Grace McCabe, Denise Meeker, Gabriel O’Connell, Alison Oksner, Andrew Palmquist, Adelaide Sandvald, Harper Sherwood-Reid, Will Tallarico-Turano, Ty Wagner, Poulami Wielga, Sara Yates

BUSINESS MANAGER STAFF ARTISTS Saad Moosajee and Jeremy Harker Elizabeth Reger NEWS EDITOR Jacqueline Kimmell FEATURES EDITOR Joie Akerson CENTER EDITOR Nick Brown OPINIONS EDITOR Andrew Wise SPORTS EDITOR Keaghan Dunn-Rhodes REAR END EDITOR Joe Harrison PHOTO EDITOR Chris Padgett

East High Spotlight, Room 210A, Some material courtesy of American Society of Newspaper 1600 City Park Esplanade, Denver, Colorado 80206 Editors/MCT Campus High School Newspaper Service.

The Spotlight is published by the student newspaper staff of East High School. The views expressed are those of the individual students and do not necessarily reflect those of the sponsor or of the staff as a whole. Student editors, not the administrators or the Denver Public Schools Board of Education, are responsible for the content published.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the GovernSPONSOR ment for a redress of grievances.

Mr. Mark Ajluni PRINCIPAL Mr. John Youngquist

1,800 Tamil Tiger rebels have been released by the Sri Lankan military almost two years after the country’s civil war. More than 100 still remain in custody.

PRINTED BY BARNUM PRINTING

staffartist

[NEWS]

October 7th, 2011

page 3

Fallen Angels: 10 Years Later How Have We Changed?

by Jacqueline Kimmell

by Harper Sherwood- Reid

A

Who Have We Lost?

staffwriter

newseditor

D

Which Angels Fell?

by Jacqueline Kimmell newseditor

“M

young man is alone in a room full of strangers. They make him y family and I are off in Australia, where avid Friedman, now a sophomore at East, take his shoes off and hand over his phone, his backpack, and his we’ll be until late November. Thanks, and had just returned from a long day at kinsweatshirt. He fidgets on the hard tile floor in his socks and, like every- dergarten when his parents sat him down in we’ll see you when we get back.” The answering one else, looks and feels cold and uncomfortable. But it wasn’t always front of the television. Under his increasing- machine message was set, they had said goodbye this way. ly furrowed brow, his small eyes widened in to their friends and family at a Sunday night din Ten years ago, in the aftermath of horror. He watched the same footage, being ner of manicotti and ice tea, and Zoe had ts en ud st st Ea of 37% the infamous 9/11 attacks, the American bought a new camreplayed conhe that uch government frantically scrambled for inera to take pictures t i n u o u s l y, It’s good to know think there is too m hit ng hi ot creased and improved security, especially of her favorite anity of planes N ri r. cu ffe se su t ’t or airp didn in airports. They re-evaluated employees mal, kangaroos. hitting the d lle ki st ju as and made them part of the federal government, reThey boarded Twin Towers him, he w . quired background checks of these employees, and trained them more their flight in D.C. of the World by dust and debris thoroughly. The lengthy lines and ever-invasive screenings were put en route to Los Trade Cen- David Friedman into place, and racial profiling and the confiscation of passengers’ perAngeles. But just ter in New sonal items have become more prevalent. While once, at a time when 55 minutes into York City few East students can remember, family members and friends could the flight, five hiand the buildings erupting meet each other and wave goodbye as their loved ones entered or exjackers took coninto flames. It dawned upon him ited the airplane, they now are blocked by a cold and sterile security trol and forced all that his cousin worked in the boundary that only those bearing a ticket can 64 passengers and crew to the back of the South tower, and the moist tissues d an aq Ir ts in pass through. The way people travel has been The conflic aircraft where they remained huddled as clutched in his parents’ hands told n greatly altered since 2001, but people’s lives Afghanistan could ru the hijackers turned the plane around and him his cousin was no longer alive. its have changed as well. flew into the Pentagon building. Within His cousin, Rodger Franckle, on s ar ye 0 25 r fo Jyl Reddig, an East High social stud- DPS seconds, the entire family was dead. worked for a law firm on the highcurrent budget ies teacher, talks about how people she knew Leslie Whittington and Charles 70th levels of the building; he had in New York completely altered their attiFalkenberg first met walking through a burgeoning career as an attorney. tudes after 9/11, when they realizing how the halls at East. Leslie was the co-edSince that day in 2001, David has temporary life is. itor of the Spotlight and the captain of heard enough stories about the

“They thought about whether they were changing the Speech team. Both were incredibly experience from the luckier memother peoples’ lives,” she says about a teacher she worked with, popular, “Charlie was one of the most bers of the law firm – those who who had worked on Wall Street prior to 9/11. They had recreative, fun-loving teenagers I have ever escaped -- to imagine what his considered the way that they had been living their known,” remarked Rebecca Cantwell, cousin went through. life- that they wanted to impact other a close friend of his at East. Leslie and It was a normal Tuesday, people. This had been realized after Charlie were friends and occasionally the routine ts are h u m d r u m thousands of people lost their lives. talked but it took several years after they 30% of East Studen on So now, instead of preparing graduated before rs of the office pe a of id more afra each morning to examine a they started datdimming an on computer screen, this exing. Charles was individual of Arabic heritage traordinary person prea year older, he lane than a person t h o u g h t s . rp ai pares to greet a classroom graduated in But the view of another origin full of young people, 1973 and Leslie a outside the much like the students at year later. Their office winEast. relationship was dow was far from ordinary. A

“Many times at strong; both were commercial airplane flying at a night when a new buildwitty and intelliblazing 440 miles per hour, barreling was going up [and I gent and enjoyed ing at the North tower. Suddenly, heard a loud bang], I would long conversathe tower burst into flames. Panic look out the window to see if there tions. They marspread like a contagion as people was another explosion,” says Reddig’s ried in 1984. tried to figure out what was gocousin. Flying is stressful and seems The couple ing on, and if the South Tower, dangerous even if it isn’t. She’s seen moved to Marywhere they were, could possibly families that have land Park several be next. Seventeen minutes later e number of people lost people that Th years later where Leslie became the asit was. The second plane careened e ak m 11 no longer associ- who died on 9/ sociate professor of public policy at into the building just a few floors ate with New York up one and a half times up, between the 77th and the 85th Georgetown University. Charlie was a and refuse to dissoftware engineer at ECOlogic coopfloors.

The building shook unconst Ea n of cuss the event, and the populatio eration where he worked with NASA trollably. Ceiling tiles began to those who once and helped clean up the Exxon Valdez fall. As the shaking subsided, the lived there have since moved away, to oil spill. Leslie won multiple awards for overwhelming sensation among try to find solace in smaller towns. her teaching. Alan Berube says of her, his cousin’s co-workers was the “They just wanted out,” “Most people remember their favorite unrelenting heat of the fires several e, teacher in life as floors away and the need to dodge Purely based on tim she says. More than 422,000 New are estimated to have an elementary tiles. Rodger Franckle couldn’t Americans waste 14 Yorkers post-traumatic stress disorder or high school move.

He was trapped at the desk off as a result of 9/11. Reddig says it lives a year taking teacher. I had my he had sat at blissfully moorts herself, that the fear and jumpifavorite teacher m e n t s East could b their shoes in airp e filled three ness her cousin exhibits almost at age 25 in Lesb e f o r e , ove ti m e s r with soldiers seem like a minor case of PTSD. lie, and I made a h e l d killed in the M r .

Youngquist thinks very good friend prisconflicts in Ir aq and that 9/11 has also affectin the process. oner by Afganistan ed people and students There are some the fallin the way that they people whom, ing debris. While think about and ineven if you don’t trying to escape the debris’ hold, teract with each see them all the Franckle was poisoned by breathother time, you know ing asbestos. Fifty-six minutes Despite the ten the world funclater, the building collapsed; only years since 9/11, the eftions better because of them. Leslie was fourteen people from Franckle’s fects of that fateful day are one of them.” The family was going to floor and the entire “impact zone” more than obvious, not only Australia for Leslie’s sabbatical at the survived. among those that are missAustralian National University, and David still isn’t over his cousents ing, but also among those that when they returned they were planning in’s death. But he finds solace in 13.5% of East Stud are still here.

Young peopleon moving into a new house. the fact that his cousin died fairly an on are afraid to go who cannot even remember The couple had two young chilpainlessly, “It’s good to know that dren, Zoe, 8 and Dana, 3. Zoe aspired to he didn’t suffer. Nothing hit him, airplane because of what airports were like before 9/11- and adults alike endure be an ice skating ballerina who sang, she he was just killed by the dust and terrorist attacks lengthy and embarrassing secu- debris.” But the memory still conjures would dress in flamboyant costumes that she had seen rity screenings. Thousands of people’s painful memories to 16% of East Broadway, fully dolled up every time she stepped students on lives have been changed or even lost. this day, “I just do know s out of the door. Dana had endless energy and incredomebody So while the what everyone else killed ibly curly hair that dwarfed her face in comparison.

81% of East sutdents on 9/11 overwhelmShe was one of 5 bodies unable to be indentified at [who had someone ing sense don’t think the 9/11 at- killed] does, I surthe scene of the crash because she was so little that all of comof her bones and teeth were thoroughly incinerated. vive. Every 9/11 has been munity has tacks justify the wars in hard, but each of the last 10 years have gotten Were the family alive today, Zoe would be a selong since easier. It’s just unbelievable to me though, it’s still nior, perhaps visiting her mother’s alma mater of CU Iraq and faded, the hard to believe he’s gone.” Certainly, the effects of and hoping to go to college. Dana would be in 8th Afghanistan o bit u a r i e s September 11th will always permeate into the lives grade, basing her perceptions of high school on her have been of David Friedman and his family like millions of big sister’s and her parents’ descriptions of East. Inwritten, and the memorials have been families across the country. No individual victim of stead, the family’s remains lie in a commemorative built, 9/11 continues to change Amer- the attacks will ever be forgotten. bench at the rebuilt Pentagon. ica and the world.

[FEATURES]

October 7th, 2011

Animal Enthusiasts Hatch New Plan

by Poulami Wielga

Denverites are bringing chickens into urban backyards

Are they hovering too close for comfort?

by Denise Meeker staffwriter

ne overnight shipment changed their lives for good. As the O Hutchinson family carefully opened the egg-carton and saw the creatures peeping out from under the lid, the family was united for the

I

t’s Sunday night at 8:00 p.m. and you have once again prolonged starting your homework. You pour out the contents of your huge backpack onto the floor of your room. Your sandwich from last last Friday comes sliding out, along with miscellaneous crumpled papers, pencils, pens, and aha! That big U.S. History project you were assigned two weeks ago. You panic, there is no way you can finish it before third period tomorrow.

So what do you do? You slump into your dear mother’s room and stand at her feet. You look into her eyes innocently, give her your biggest puppy eyes, and grovel, “Mommy! I didn’t finish my history project and now I’m going to fail!” Add some tears and poof: instant excuse service.

Your mom marches right into school on Monday looking like Satan in a business suit, eyes burning like the red hot embers from the barbeque she hosted for your A in “Drawing and Painting” last weekend. She goes up to your teacher with an excuse for you in hand and an instant extension because you had a “family emergency” on Friday and couldn’t finish. The teacher

photo by

1.

You are invited to a party that’s happening this weekend, you:

Sophomore Tanner Shelp houses and cares for chickens in his own backyard.

by Kahlia Hall

D

ke eA i o J by to o ph

MADE hopeful Francesca Sally dreams of becoming a dancer.

nods with faux sympathy while thinking; “Too bad I assigned that project two weeks ago!”

Helicopter moms are mothers who are too heavily involved in their childrens’ lives, rarely out of reach whether their kids need the help or not. While it’s good to have involved mothers, teachers have started to take the heat from parents for students’ shortcomings and it begs the question: how much is too much?

Teachers and administrators alike are asking the same question. Today the average amount of time teachers spend in the profession is 4.5 years, and the number of years is still decreasing due partly to the increase of parents interfering with the teacher’s job.

Many former teachers list “issues with parents” as one of their reasons for retiring.

Homework is a large aspect of the parent teacher debate. Mr. Goldin, a teacher at East High School has had a few encounters with parents interfering in the academic lives of their child in an unhelpful manner. “A student’s job is to do work to the best of their ability, parents

s h o u l d n’ t write papers for their child,” says Goldin.

As well as homework, grades have been a cause of conflict as well.

“For the most part East High parents are great,” says Golden, but is no stranger to parents who come in and make excuses for their student, arguing that a grade is unfair or inaccurate. “I have had parents come in and say, ‘My child has never had a B! Only A’s!’ and I have to explain that, well, this is their first B.” Matt Murphy, coach of the East High forensic team, welcomes parental involvement, but with respect to the teachers’ hard work: “I’m inspired when parents contact me to help, encourage, suggest and voice concerns. I’m not interested in parents coming to voice only the negatives, such as problems on grades,” says Murphy, “When we get right down to it all we really want is respect and the chance to teach your students to be the best they can be, but it all starts and ends with the parent.”

What type of Mom do you have?

East Students Get

n rso

page 5

Helicopter Parents

staffwriter

first time with six little fuzzballs. They were just hatched, and all of the chirping chickens could fit in the palm of a hand.

But they would not be so little for long. The Hutchinson’s soon realized the handmade coffin left over from a childhood play would soon be too small to house these beady-eyed waddlers, and so the family embarked on the mission of piecing together a coop and run.

“Everyone has got to be on board if you wanna have chickens. It’s definitely a family ordeal,” says Junior Megan Hutchinson.

Although the initial time and effort put in to raise and care for these animals may seem large, urban farming has caught on throughout the metro area. Denverites are throwing their doors open to chickens. Even students at East are taking the initiative to bring these twolegged, clucking birds into their homes. As Denver has grown from a small farm town to a large, bustling metropolis, animal enthusiasts have advocated for the change of the city ordinance laws concerning farm animals. Previous laws forced farmers to pay an initial fee of $150 and an additional $50 or so annually. Attaining permits in the past has been considered a real pain, but recently urban farmers’ enthusiasm has taken an upward swing. Due to public pressure, access to these permits has become easier.

Sophomore Tanner Shelp houses his six chickens in his backyard as well. With a 15 ft long and 6ft wide run, Pumpkin, Chubs, Orzo, Amelia, Prancer and Lil’ Mookie have a chance to stretch their legs, a luxury that mass produced chickens are often denied. Animal welfare is an ever-growing debate, and backyard farming has become an increasingly appealing and accessible option for those looking to be more environmentally conscious with their food choices.

“I can’t really change how factories raise their chickens, but I decide how mine are treated.” Shelp comments.

Raising the animals in his own backyard has redefined ‘free range’ for Shelp. Shelp saves a trip to the grocery store by simply opening a latch for easy access to freshly laid eggs every morning. No longer do his thoughts flit to questions of ‘Where did these eggs come from?’ or ‘How far did they travel to reach my table?’ With one glance, Shelp sees his well feathered, happy producers. Sustainability is on the plate of the Shelp household.

The Hutchinson’s have learned that chickens are not only an environmental perk, but they are also great entertainers.

“We spend our time watching chicken TV!” Laura, Megan Hutchinson’s mom, says enthusiastically.

Three chairs line the wired habitat for ideal viewing. The soft clucking and cooing is a constant background noise, occasionally rising as a stand-off of hen versus hen occurs.

“While hardcore farmers may intend to eat their hens,” Hutchinson laughs, “for us they’re pets with benefits.”

‘Going green’ moves in a new direction as urban farmers continue to pop up around Denver neighborhoods. From chick to egg-layers, city hens live a life of comfort and care. Providing their owners with both a sustainable lifestyle and a daily dose of laughter, these feathered friends are staking their claim in backyards across Colorado.

[FEATURES]

October 7th, 2011

page 4

rama kids. Artsy kids.

Jocks. Nerds. Choir kids. Popular kids. Students are no strangers to these labels that are heard and seen everyday. But East students like Francesca Sally and Clarke Sondermann are looking to defy these clichés. They have bigger and better dreams, and now they have the opportunity to make their dreams come true - with a little help from MTV’s MADE, of course.

The producers of MTV’s hit reality show MADE have been helping teens reach new goals since 2003. The series follows teens that have a specific goal and want to be “made” into a personality or taught a new skill, like a cheerleader, prom queen, football captain, rapper, and even an opera singer. The teens are given a “MADE Coach,” a person who is an expert in the field that they

staffwriter choose, to help them along their journey. In anywhere from several weeks to several months MTV documents the teens making their transformations.

MADE is no stranger to Colorado. Just ask Tara Weldon, a teen from Colorado Springs who wastransformed into a snowboarder, or Matthew Rodgers, a Denver School of the Arts student who became a boxer. MTV’s MADE is back for more excitement and decided to make a stop here at East High School.

MTV held open auditions on September 10th to any East students “with specific, original goals that: they are passionate about achieving; need assistance in order to be able to achieve; and can be achieved within the next few months.”

This was an opportunity Junior Francesca Sally

could not miss.

Nervousness and excitement filled the room as students anxiously awaited their interview with the MTV representative in the East auditorium. Students were asked a few questions about why they were worthy to be featured on MADE. “It was very nerveracking, but exciting,” said Francesca Sally after her interview. “I learned how much I really want to be a dancer. I didn’t realize it until I started talking about it.”

No matter how farfetched their dreams, these East students are determined to become something new and televise their entire transformation. They want to break the mold of being just a single label and gain a new sense of confidence from trying something different.

A. Are grounded for who knows what!

B. Already have work out training all afternoon and into the evening the day of.

C. Can go, as soon as your mom finds her missing driver’s license in

it so she can drive you there.

D. Can’t go because your mom is taking you to an animal abuse pro

test and then a nation-wide recycling conference.

E. Told your mom you are going over to a friend’s for a study

group and, like always, she believed you…on the condition that

you send her five minute updates via text.

F. Drive over with some friends and come home before cur- Your curfew is: 2.

A. Hah! You never get out of your house in the first place.

B. You go to sleep early every night, you have a 6 a.m. practice

bright and early.

C. She’s too busy getting her lost in her own room to worry about

your curfew.

D. Whenever your stomach has settled from your mom’s mystery

quiche.

E. Early enough so your mom can tuck you in and give you a good

night kiss and sing you a lullaby.

F. Reasonable. 10:00 p.m. on school nights, 11:30 on weekends.

3.

A. B. C. D.

E.

F.

Could you go away for college?

4.

A.

B.

C. D. E.

F.

What’s the main reason you get A’s?

You need to. You need to get out of your moms grasp!

You’re going wherever your athletic scholarship takes you.

Does your mom even know you’re nearing graduation?

Maybe, but wherever you go your mom is going to send you weekly care packages full of glucose free snacks.

Whether you’re near or far; your mom will call you every night crying over how much she misses you.

If you want to, sure. But you think you might just want to stay close to home.

So you can have a slight chance of hanging out with your friends this month.

Because you have to stay eligible for your sports or your mom will be super angry.

“You get A’s?” says your mom.

Your reward is a dessert that actually has some sugar in it.

Because if you don’t your mom barges into school and yells -I mean, negotiates -- with your teachers.

For yourself, you are the pursuer of your own goals.

You told your mom all about your crush and, you bump

into them at the store. You introduce your mom and she says: 5.

A. “You could do better than my kid.”

B. “So I’ve heard you’re athletic…”

C. “Wait, who are you?”

D. “You have an obscene amount of sugars and preserva-

tives in your basket!”

E. Nothing, until she sets up her lie detector and begins her inter- rogation.

F. “Hi, it’s nice to meet finally meet you.”

Mostly A’s, you have the:

Evil Step Mom: Yeah, your mom practically comes straight out of a Disney movie. She is, dare I say…evil; evil like Cinderella’s step mom who locked her up in her room. You are constantly grounded for almost no reason at all. You have brought up the subject to your dad but he waves you off, taking offense and saying something like “She loves you very much, why would you say something like that?” So you are the crazy girl no one believes. while in reality you are the only sane one in your house.

Sorry, sucks to be you.

Mostly B’s, you have the:

Soccer Mom: Your mom is all about the athletics. When she hears you didn’t make varsity this year, she hounds your coach pleading that you “deserve varsity” until yes! You get that primo varsity spot. During your games, your mom is found either yelling at the referee, yelling at your coach, yelling at you, or bragging about you to another adult. “Your son just started walking? Well, my son was born knowing how to dunk!”

Mostly C’s, you have the:

Disorganized Mom: If something in your house is misplaced she is the LAST person you go to. In fact, she is usually asking you where her keys are or even where she parked the car. She can barely keep track of herself, so how can she be expected to take care of you?

Mostly D’s, you have the:

Hippie Mom: Your mom does things a little alternatively. When all your friends go buy their Chipotle burritos for lunch, you’re left wondering what’s with all the green pasty stuff she packed for you. And if your friends come over, they make sure they eat pre-visit because gluten free food just doesn’t cut it.

Mostly E’s, you have the:

Helicopter Mom: This mom goes by many names, but our favorite (and hers) is mommy. Wherever you are she is not far behind because you are her baby! So when you forget to do that project you were assigned last month, never fear, your mom has got it covered. This is all great, until you’re away at that out of state college you wanted and realize that no one else on campus still calls their mother mommy…

Mostly F’s, you have the:

The run of the mill, normal mom: You have a pretty average relationship with your mom. She doesn’t overly embarrass you, and in return you stay (mostly) out of trouble.

[FEATURES]

October 7th, 2011

page 7

Month:

by Ty Wagner

“Tennis” Aces the Denver Music Scene

staffwriter ne of the most prevalent indie music developments in 2011 is a postmodern flashback to the mid 1900’s; back when sand-kissed guitars and sunset vocals evoked the smell of suntan oil and brought back memories of folly, jolly and surfing.

Rock duet Tennis is ironically leading the beachy music scene from Colorado, “probably the most landlocked state in the U.S.,” guitarist Patrick Riley said to the Denver Post in an August interview.

The band originated while Riley and his wife Alaina Moore were on an eight-month sailing trip along the Eastern Seaboard. “When we got on the boat, we joked about playing music together,” Riley said. “She didn’t know I played guitar and wrote songs, and I didn’t know that she could sing really well.”

Reminiscent of Zooey Deschanel’s band She and Him, Tennis features layered vocals, keyboard melodies, laid-back percussion, bluesy bass lines, and electric guitar riffs which drive the music. Songs such as “Marathon” and “Take me Somewhere” are catchy and danceable. “Seafarer” screams of Beach Boy influence while reminiscing “It was a summer day, when you took my cares away.”

What’s perhaps strangest about Tennis’ story is the band’s collision rapid rise to fame. Tennis is the toast of indie rock tastemakers everywhere.

-- they have been profiled in the Denver Post, Westword, and even the New York Times. The group was recently signed by Fat Possum Records, home of Band of Horses, The Black Keys, Andrew Bird and more. But that’s not what Tennis is about, Riley said.

“What we’re going for — and I don’t think people got this — is there’s a minimalism in the music and simplicity and that gets overshadowed by the sunny-pop side to it.”

Their story is straight out of a Hallmark movie: A young couple saves money for years, living sans cable, cellphones, and rock shows, to fulfill their dream of sailing the Atlantic Ocean for two years. Tennis is what happened when that dream was accomplished.

“That’s what the songs are for,” Riley said. “Our stories didn’t make any sense to people on land, and the songs, for us, were our way of saying, ‘We’re not done with the trip.’ And there are so many aspects that we dearly miss. It’s a way for us to escape and grasp onto those more adventurous times.”

And as we bounce and sway along with the songs, we’re right there on the sailboat with Tennis.

O

[FEATURES]

October 7th, 2011

Center for Urban Education

SENIORS! Interested in: Teaching elementary, special education or early childhood students?

Having a job in a classroom each morning as a teacher‛s apprentice?

Attending college classes from 1:00 – 4:00 in the afternoon?

Doing it all RIGHT HERE IN DENVER? If your answers are “yes,” you can be on your way to a Bachelor‛s Degree and a Colorado teaching license at UNIVERSITY OF NORTHERN COLORADO’s Center for Urban Education Denver Center Call 303-637-4334 or 303-637-4336 www.unco.edu/urbaned

Drawing by Jeremy Harker

f the Artist o

page 6

DPS Feels the Heat by abbeylew

T

staffwriter

he open window in room 402 was meant for a cool breeze, instead it became the entrance for pesky bees which caused a wave of havoc throughout the classroom. The resulting shrieks and loud fans drowned out the voice of science teacher, Margaret Bobb. The sweltering heat presented a difficult decision: breeze or bees. Ten minutes later, students returned to their seats and continued to bake in the 90 degree heat. And students were supposed to learn.

August 2011 was the hottest on record for 139 years. It broke a national record, with 22 days of 90+ degree heat. As the city made weather history, DPS students struggled to concentrate in their non air-conditioned classrooms.

“I felt like I couldn’t focus because of the heat. I was distracted and often had a headache,” says freshman, Hannah Ghasemi. There have already been three cases of heat related illness within DPS, two of which resulted in hospitalization. One was a dehydrated Smiley student, the other was a Cowell Elementary paraprofessional who fainted, both returned to school shortly after.

Stacy Smith, a DPS parent and founder of an online petition, said to the Denver Post, “There’s a reason why kids are not allowed in hot tubs or why they can’t legally be left in cars. But yet, they’re being left in 100-degree classrooms all day.”

DPS has started school in mid-August ever since the CSAP tests were required. Each year school starts on August 18th to accommodate the tests in March. But, due to the heat, many concerned parents are urging the Board of Education to either fund schools for air conditioning or to start school after Labor Day. “You put your kid in a sauna with a schoolbook and think they’re going to learn? I don’t think so,” argues Smith. After September 5, only 7 days exceed 90 degrees and the weather becomes increasingly bearable. The average high temperatures in June are reported to be 5-10 degrees cooler than those in August.

There are two online petitions addressed to the Board of Education and the Superintendent, Tom Boasberg. They are titled “Too Darn Hot to Learn” and “Change the School Year Calendar,” and they have over 4,500 combined signatures. The petitions states, “We understand the pressures for higher test scores create a desire for more preparation time. But a comfortable learning environment should be an important consideration. Are we getting much out of this advanced start time? Hot and thirsty children do not learn particularly well.”

Jacqueline Kruszek, a supporter of the petitions, commented, “It is insanely hot. I was advised not to bring the class pets back until it cooled down.

They are native of the Australian deserts. Imagine humanity towards other animals, but not our children.”

At East during August, there were regular trips to the water fountain, the dress codes were relaxed, and fans were set on high. East teachers Peter Goldin and Margaret Bobb were strong supporters of starting school after Labor Day. “Learning in 80 degrees versus 95 degrees is a big difference,” says Goldin.

After teaching on the blazing fourth floor, Bobb argues, “It is a myth that by teaching an extra two weeks, you can significantly influence test scores.”

She said that CSAP’s are just a way to rank schools and that an extra two weeks of preparation is not the only contributing factor to test scores. She also suggested the idea of moving CSAP’s from March to April. Frustrated with the heat, Ms. Bobb conducted tests by measuring the temperatures of various classrooms at East, including Mr. Harned’s, Ms. Reddig’s, Ms. Utsey’s, and Ms. Connelly’s. The hottest her room ever reached was 88 degrees, but Ms. Connelly’s room (room 215) reached a high of 96 degrees.

A message from Superintendent Tom Boasberg recognizes the extreme heat in classrooms but states, “We put the cost of installing A/C in our older buildings at nearly $400 million. Given budget constraints, I think we’d all agree on the priority of other pressing financial needs.”

Boasberg addresses a later start, but discloses the fact that “surveys make clear our employees’ preference to continue to structure their summers around the school year ending in late-May and starting again in midAugust.” In a 2008 teacher survey, 2/3 preferred to start school mid-August.

Many parents were upset that they didn’t have a vote on the matter.

At the public board meeting held on September 15, the Superintendent said they were open to the idea of starting later, but they must take into consideration sports, schedules, and college placement classes. Also, first semester would continue after Christmas break (including finals). The board postponed a vote on the resolution as the board president, Nate Easley, wanted more time to consider other options. They also required the district to present recommendations on how to start school after Labor day, they will be due at the December board meeting.

The Board of Education has yet to reach a decision, and DPS parents and teachers have stressed that the well being of the students should be their top priority. “The bottom line for me comes down to health and safety,” says Stacy Smith, and apparently 4,500 others think so too.

[OPINIONS]

October 7th, 2011

page 10

October 7th, 2011

Food Fights Understanding the battle between East students and Colfax Eateries.

Stepping Up Our School’s spirit

by Deaunna Bridgeforth

by Ali Oksner

by Editorial Staff

H

e can see the teacher through the open classroom door. He starts toward the entrance, but doesn’t have the courage. Images of reprimands, of embarrassing answers to difficult questions swirl in his mind. “Why didn’t you do the work?”

“I have to hold you to the same standard as everyone else in the class.” He panics, turns, and walks down the hall, away from the teacher, away from any chance at recovering. He still has an F, and he still won’t talk to his teacher about it. This is the first step in a slippery slope of destruction, and it all stems from failed communication.

We feel that communication between teachers and failing students needs to improve. Embarrassment and difficult conversations can’t be a barrier to success in a class. A large portion of the obligation falls on the students, yes, but teachers cant expect that every kid has people at home pushing them to pass their classes. Teachers can’t expect students to ask for help when they are failing. That is a frightening and embarrassing step to take. No teacher can deny that it is extremely difficult to admit failure.

The solution to this problem is simple: talk. Students and teachers, realize that you both have the same goal. There is no teacher at East high that is failing students out of spite, just for the thrill of it.

Teachers, there is no student at East that is Photo by Austin Woolfolk honestly proud to be failing a class. One con-

staffwriter versation, stopping a kid as they are leaving class to let them know they are failing and offering help during tutorial, might be all it takes.

East has implemented a program in certain freshman classes where honors and non-honors students are put together in the same classes, hetero-genus classes.

Failing students are sent to 9th period study hall, where they are given the tools to bring their grade up. These classes have had considerably lower failure rates then all others in the school. We advocate the principles of this system, and feel it can apply on some level to every class in the school. We believe that that any student can succeed in a high level class with support and communication.

Teachers are obligated to begin the conversation. They have the ability to identify the problem, to notice students who are not putting any effort into the class. The students are the ones who have to continue the conversation, for they have the ability to fix the problem and get the work done.

The fear, the embarrassment of discussing a failing grade with a teacher needs to be removed from the equation, first and foremost. There is no reason that should cause a student to fail the class, not go to college, not graduate, and never make it. The slope is too slippery, the stakes too great for lack of communication to persist.

Dress Code Enforcement: Spaghetti Strap Thin

by Grace McCabe staffwriter t the risk of going against every piece of popular opinion voiced by the female (and sometimes male) population of East High School, I don’t have that big of a problem with the dress code.

Yes, it has its flaws, and it’s hard to understand how an extra inch of fabric on a tank top strap makes it appropriate, why boys aren’t allowed to wear muscle shirts, what exactly determines “inapropriately sheer or tight clothing,” or why a partially exposed back or stomach isn’t allowed when girls walk around every day with more than partially exposed cleavage.

It turns out that some of these ambiguities come from the district, not our deans, and there may even be some dress code rules that I (GASP) am a fan of. It’s not as hard as you think to find cute skirts and shorts that are mid-thigh, and frankly, no one wants to see your rear end hanging out during the school day.

The real issue with dress code is the enforcement. Is there actually a way to fairly and accurately mandate a dress code over 2,200 students? Even Dean and unofficial “Dress Code Lady” Aspen Miles acknowledges this is a difficulty. If there a perfect policy, East hasn’t found it yet.

It’s unrealistic that every single dress code violator will be caught by the deans at the front entrance, when plenty of students enter the building through other doors or are simply hidden by the throngs of people. The fact that some teachers will catch students for dress code while others don’t is unfair, especially when teachers use their own dress code standard, not the school’s. And when students are caught by the deans for dress code, it’s unreasonable for them to be required to call their parents to bring them new clothes, often taking valuable time out of the day of busy working mothers and fathers, and taking valuable class time while the student waits for his or her parents.

So what can we do about these inequities in dress code enforcement? We might not be able to develop a perfect system, but we can and should develop a fair one. First of all, this year the teachers have become a much bigger part of dress code enforcement, which makes sense because they see a lot more of the students than the deans. If they are such an integral part of the process though, they should all follow the same rules. A Photography student forced to put on a sweatshirt even though her tank-top does not have spaghetti straps and her bra is safely out of view is just another example of how subjective dress code enforcement can be.

Believe it or not, Ms. Miles thinks the student reaction to dress code this year has been very good. She and the deans are encouraged by good student compliance, which they say will allow for more compromises in the future. That’s why I’m not calling for radical dress code change that allows us all to walk around in shorts that should really be underwear and shirts that are just asking for a Janet Jackson-style wardrobe malfunction. I am calling for is a few reasonable changes in policy and some major clarifications in enforcement.

We’ve published our opinions.

Now publish yours. Contact us at articles@eastspotlight.com

Cartoon by Jeremy Harker

A

Distractingly Modest Attire

page 11

There’s No Fun if the Angels Can’t Get None

Staff Editorial:

Fighting the “F”

[OPINIONS]

A

fter a morning of strenuous classes, 2,330 East High School students welcome our cherished 45-minute lunch break. As a surge of hungry teenage stomachs flood down the main staircase and through the front doors, local businesses prepare for the lunchtime rush. We pay, we eat, and we get out, often times leaving a generous tip and almost no trash.

However, the average restaurant makes no effort to keep us coming back.

East High accounts for 10-15% of Pete’s Gyro Palace’s business. So why does it have such a negative reputation at East? “The service is horrible,” sophomore Ed Garner shared.

“First of all, it takes 10 minutes to get your order out. Second, it takes another 20 minutes for the lunch to come. After that, I still gotta eat and get back to school. And the waitresses are rude.”

He feels that students are treated “extremely differently” than other customers.

“The grown-ups get seated right away and they ask em how their day is – they never ask me,” Ed elaborated. “Food’s always good though!”

After such testimony, it’s easy to see the employees of Pete’s Gyro Palace as the bad guys. And that’s the story I thought I was going to write: the story about innocent East High School students, stereotyped by the antagonistic local businesses.

Because every school day, Colfax is engulfed by thousands of East students for 45 minutes and according to a survey conducted by the East Spotlight, the average East student buys lunch from local businesses three times a week, spending about $6.00 every time, for just over 34 weeks per school year.

That makes over 1.4 million dollars spent collectively by East students in local businesses per year. Doesn’t that kind of investment warrant some gratitude?

Yes, it definitely does. But many East High School students do not feel as appreciated as we should. In my time at East, I’ve discovered few restaurants in which students can expect consistently pleasant and speedy service. Jimmy John’s, Chipotle, and The Shoppe are perfect examples of such establishments. Unfortunately, they are exceptions to the rule of rudeness.

Earlier this year, a group of my friends and I were lectured about tipping at Okinawa before we even ordered. “He was very confrontational and it made me not want to tip him,” Ciella Sfirri said. “It seemed like he was treating the students differently than all the other customers.” I highly doubt that any adults were given the same rude speech. Nobody enjoys

being so obviously stereotyped. Similarly, at the Tattered Cover, customers are not allowed to use certain tables and eat in certain areas. They give us the impression that our money is not worth as much as others’.

I thought it was as simple as that, until I had the opportunity of talking to someone with another perspective. “I’ve worked here for 27 years and I have to train them all as freshmen,” waitress Nasrin Mehrmanesh explained. “Honey, if they’re rude, you gotta get rid of them or discipline them.”

Despite our chaotic surroundings as a routine lunchtime rush whirled around us, Nasrin was more than happy to take time to have a real discussion with me. My pleases, thank-yous, and smiles made her want to go the extra mile. She answered multiple questions and even asked her boss when I had a question to which she didn’t know the answer. Her willingness to go above and beyond made me want to help make serving students a better, less stressful experience. When I asked what East could do to improve, Nasrin said with a smile, “Leave a little tip, Honey.”

Leaving a fair tip (15-20%) goes beyond politeness; it is ethical to pay someone for a service they have provided. It is not an extra. It is expected to be part of the server’s living wage. In this case, Nasrin and the other employees of the Gyro Palace work extremely hard to get us in and out in under 45 minutes. Leaving a table without leaving a tip is sending the message that their hard work is insignificant. I would honestly feel embarrassed to be so stingy that I wouldn’t leave a dollar or two after a good meal.

Nasrin says she treats customers the same even if they don’t tip. She just wants some more appreciation for her and her job. How hard is it to spare some consideration? After thanking her for her time, Nasrin even asked me my name as I left. She was more than cordial; she was friendly.

Yes, Ed shares the same experience as many students who are absolutely mistreated by some local businesses, but Nasrin and other employees are more than reasonable in their request for more courtesy. Ultimately, this is a problem of both parties: the customers and the employees. A little respect would completely transform the tumultuous atmosphere of the lunch experience, one without frustrated workers and enraged customers.

I set out to write a story about how East High students need to leverage our 1.4 million dollars and some manners to order respect, but in talking to Nasrin, I learned a lesson; students are not the only victims of the daily lunchtime rudeness on Colfax.

E

staffwriter

ast High School, home of the Angels, a place where school spirit is at an all time high. There’s only one question that constantly crosses my mind as I walk the halls of East: Are the angels scared of a little creativity when it comes to our rivalries?

I come from Montbello High School, a school where whether we won or lost, we still kept spirits high from the team to the fans. We all know in the 2009-2010 school year, Montbello did the unthinkable by painting the ‘E’ black, causing commotions at both schools. That’s a day I will never forget. Everyone was receiving picture mail of the previously red “E” that was now a beautiful black. In our eyes, it was pure comedy. Our principal didn’t seem to feel the same way, and as a school we had a nice pep talk on how it was “immature,” but to us it was genius. We anxiously awaited retaliation from East but to my surprise it never came, even though Montbello’s football team got demolished by East that season.

Now that I’m at East and I am an Ångel, my senior class, along with the rest of the school, has to show everyone in every school district that Angels will forever be number one, win or lose. School spirit is something that this school has all year long. In my opinion, though there is nothing wrong with adding some flavor, or going the extra mile to add a extra something to angel spirit. I’m not encouraging anyone to go around vandalizing school property, of course not, but if there are any ideas that you come up with that will just add a little something to get the school spirit even more live please execute them. East athletics in my eyes are completely untouchable. Seeing that East has many sports you can play compared to a lot of DPS schools, there is no reason why any team should feel no love. I just want East to show that we’re not all sugar, spice, and everything nice, but that a little devil does live inside of us Angels.

One game that was big at Montbelllo was the East vs.

Montbello boy’s basketball game, the famous Carey vs. Carey rivalry. For those who don’t know Montbello’s varsity basketball coach is East’s varsity basketball’s coaches’ son, so the pressure was even more intense.

At my old school, we had a whole spirit week leading up to the game as well as a pep rally the day before. The highlight of this week was always the pep rally, including the famous skits. My favorite one was hands down during my sophomore year. Njah Lawson had transferred from East to Montbello that year so she had to be included in the skit. They had her run in the gym in her East hoodie chanting “ Halo Lo Lo Halo Lo Lo, Hey!” then the whole varsity basketball team surrounded Njah and out of nowhere she takes a pie dead to the face. They took her hoody off and held it up in the air and threw it down. As the bas- ketball team gathers around it and huddles up they begin to chant “ Bellos What Bellos”. The pep rally had the whole school ready for the game and had the team even more anxious to bring home a win at all costs.

Win or lose we kept our team excited for the game. With East being the rival school that every DPS school wants to beat, why not let it be known that we can’t be beat? Try something as simple as a little Facebook post or a tweet on Twitter to get the controversy stirring leading up to big events at East.

It’s time to keep the school even more ecstatic that it already is. For a lot of us it is last year of high school, so we have to go all out this year. Class of 2012, I’m counting on you as well as the rest of the school to make it be known that the Angels are the best no matter what. Win or lose, we will go out with

The Hipster’s Manifesto

page 12

by Andrew Wise opinionseditor

I

would never admit to being a hipster. Therefore, I am a hipster. My pursuit of uniqueness is non-unique. I claim that I did things before they were cool in order to be cool. I am a pop culture contradiction.

We will save the world, one way or another. We will save the ozone layer, the local coffee shops, independent music, and vinyl records. We will probably be really obnoxious about it the whole time, but it will happen. Our empty PBR cans will be recycled and made into Priuses. The only corporations left will be Levi jeans and Converse. Marijuana will grow 10 feet tall in community gardens, and everyone will ride a really cool bike.

People are scared of that world. They label people hipsters with as much disdain as people used to label hippies, or even communists. The word has become a bit of an insult, and is often prefixed with “dirty.” The truth is everyone is a little bit hipster. Even Lil’ Wayne wears skinny jeans and Ray Bans. It is not just the clothes, though. Every vegetarian, every democrat, every cyclist, everyone who claims to be part of a counter-cultural revolution is tied to the hipster idea.

Indeed, Hipsterism is the culture of being counter-cultural. It is about making your own life harder, going against what is pragmatic in exchange for something more pure and right. It is biking when driving would be much easier, supporting local bands instead of pop icons, or paying a little extra for a cup of house-made chai. And it might all be total BS, but they are steps in the name of progress.

Maybe we will never really change anything. All movements are eventually bought by big companies and sold back to members of the next generation who just want to be cool.

But it is worth a shot. A look out the window on modern America offers a grim view. Cultural homogenization, corporate greed, fast food, SUV’s, and mega-church brainwashing impede progress at every turn. We hipsters are the counter punch to that side of America. Ask yourself: what side are you on?

Cartoon by Jeremy Harker

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Going Clubbin’

You know we have so many clubs here at East, and all of them are really am azing.

There is a club fo r everyone, so ev eryone can be a part of th e East community.

There is even a Harry Potte r club, which is the biggest club at East, we must have a lot of Ha rry Potter fans.

—That creeper wh o is in every club

staffwriter

[SPORTS]

October 7th, 2011

page 13

The Sports Corner:

Athlete of the Month: Kadeem Hendrix The Angel’s quarterback heads into his junior year as a third-year starter with a wealth of experience

Pressure Rises for Senior Athletes

by Chris Harder

staffwriter

W

hen you see Kadeem Hendrix walking with a cool swagger down the halls today, fear and uncertainty are the last words to pop in to your head. But even the 6’4”, 220 lb junior will admit that his freshmen season wasn’t easy by any means.

“My confidence, it was there, but the fear…I was really scared,” he said.

Back in the fall of 2009, incoming freshmen Kadeem Hendrix had the experience of a lifetime starting on East’s varsity football team, and from the quarterback position no less. Hendrix was at the helm of East’s football team for the entire season, leading the Angels to a respectable 6-4 record with a 5-2 mark in league play.

Every fall, a new crop of freshmen roll in to town with high hopes for their high school football careers. The glory of victory and success through hours of grueling practices and relentless dedication is what drives these newbies to give it all they’ve got in hopes of standing tall on the biggest stage; varsity. But more often than not, the majority of these freshmen will begin their high school careers on either a freshmen squad or the junior varsity team. However, a select few like Kadeem do earn spots on varsity. For these chosen few, the pressure can often be enormous.

“It’s good and bad. It’s good that he’s gained a high level of confidence playing at the varsity level and his technique has certainly improved. The only drawback is that he hasn’t been pushed as much as he could have been; I think that as athletes and human beings we benefit from struggle to really battle for what it is that we got,” said East football coach Mark Calhoun.

Very often, the main issue with freshmen starting varsity sports is not only how well they perform but how their presence affects their teammates.

“It was pretty interesting, I think they gave him a little bit of a hard time but I think they also recognized that he did give us the best chance to win,” said Calhoun, who has been with Kadeem since the beginning. Many upperclassmen can feel disrespected by a younger freshmen starting, especially if the freshmen beat them out for their spot. Such was the case during Kadeem’s freshmen season, as the expected upperclassmen discomfort arose when Hendrix was the one calling the shots.

“It felt pretty weird because the seniors, they didn’t want to listen to me, but in a way they had to and it actually felt good to see that they did,” Hendrix said.

Hazing can also be a very serious issue every year as the next bunch of freshmen roll in to town. Many seniors “haze” or “initiate” the newbies in order to show their superiority and also view it as a right of passage. One particularly extreme case, in which members of the Robertson High School football team in New Mexico sexually hazed younger teammates, has recently been settled for five million dollars.

Hazing happens to some degree in many football programs and can often have very serious consequences. However, Hendrix was able to make it through his freshmen season unscathed.

“I got a free pass,” he said. But don’t be so quick as to think he doesn’t agree with it. “I actually do, because I knew someone that went through the hazing situation, and I think it’s just part of the game,” he said. It seems to have proved a good choice not to mess with Hendrix, as he threw

by Keaghan Dunn-Rhodes sportseditor

A

Hendrix leads the football team as an upperclassman for the first time in his three years in the starting spot.

for over 700 yards and 26 touchdowns in 10 games as a freshmen, a substantial feat for any quarterback, not to mention a first-year play-caller.

Many times these fledgling starters need help getting through the pressure and ridicule of being on the varsity squad.

“We have study table every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday after school and for Thursday tutorial, and also every Monday we get a D and F report from the athletic director Mr. Mendelsberg,” said Calhoun. The program is slowly but surely shrinking the D and F list, but Coach Calhoun says that the most important thing is to “support each other and push each other as teammates in order to get better.”

Dealing with an increased load of school work, practice everyday, and in Hendrix’s case, learning how to lead a team consisting of many players older than himself, can prove a very difficult task. That is why Kadeem chose Jared Burton, former offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach at East and current tight ends coach at the University of Northern Colorado, to be his mentor.

“He was the guy that got me through everything I had to keep up with. My games, school; I had to keep everything balanced,” said Kadeem.

And balanced he has kept it. Leading East to the class 5A state playoffs both of his first two years, Kadeem is poised to take the Angels even deeper in the 2011-2012 season, proving that starting a freshman on varsity is not always as crazy as it’s made out to be.

s the fall sports season gets underway, many seniors who played sports in their previous years at East will be watching from the stands instead of the sidelines. The years of hard work that they dedicated to the sport will all have gone to waste, just because some hotshot sophomore made the team over them.

Such is the pressure of being a senior: make varsity or nothing. As mandated by CHSAA, high school seniors must make the varsity team in their respective sports. Those who don’t will miss out on a chance to finish out their high school sports careers. Here at East, the number of students trying out for fall sports this year is unprecedented. A staggering 95 boys are a part of East’s soccer program, while 87 girls compete in field hockey. Technically, the policy of both teams is “No Cut,” meaning any student that tries out will make one of the four levels of teams: varsity, junior varsity, C-team 1 or C-team 2.

Unfortunately for seniors, there is a catch: junior varsity and C-teams are not an option. Coaches dread cutting seniors, but they know that it is necessary. “We did have to cut seniors this year,” said boy’s soccer coach Beth Hinz. “Typically, we want to keep them, but it comes down to if they have done what they need to do from year to year.”

There is a lot of truth in Coach Hinz’s statement. If 12th graders were not mandated to make varsity teams, there would be little motivation for players to get better. East is an elite athletic school, and the work that players put in to get better will push teams to the next level. Consider the pressure to make varsity as a senior an added incentive to work hard, and therefore make the team even more competitive.

However, there are many seniors who work incredibly hard to make teams only to fall short when a talented underclassman takes their spot. Some say that this is unfair, and that players who have put in the work for all four years of high school should get priority.

To suggest this would be ridiculous. Here at East, we pride ourselves on our excellence both in the classroom and on the playing field. Believing that upperclassmen have the right to make a team is fine if they deserve it, but cutting a more talented underclassmen due to seniority is unfair and unethical.

Coach Hinz feels a sense of loyalty to the upperclassmen who have put in the work year after year, but she also believes that “It’s a situational type thing, and one that varies from season to season. Seniors may need to accept that if they are around the same talent level as an underclassmen, they may play less because the underclassman has more potential or talent and will contribute more.” Winning should always take first priority, and if that means cutting seniors, so be it.

Expectations Spike Up for the Angels Volleyball Squad

by Willow Turano staffwriter

C

oach Hernandez walks on to the court with his team, heart full of anxious anticipation for the night’s game. In the back of his mind, he feels the pressure to once again claim the division title. Frustrated, he pushes the though out of his head, knowing it’s just as possible to win tonight as it has been on any other night since he started coaching. He is hopeful that the game will result in a win, and bring the team one step closer to winning the district title for the 6th year in a row.

The 2006- 2010 defending Denver Prep League Champions are without doubt challenged this season. The team has not started league play yet, but is working diligently to get prepared for that portion of the season.

They have had quite a few injuries, which often leaves a player out for a major part of the playing season. The team is doing their best to stay healthy by minimizing their activities outside of volleyball. Two of their top players, one being their captain, Jeffri Mulder, have been out for 5 of their 9 games, effecting their rotation and record.

With a loss of six seniors from last season, it is obvious that this will be a difficult season. As most high school athletes, only two went on to play in college, Katie Wiese at Occidental, and Kristi Atufumwa with an athletic scholarship to New Haven.

photo by Lauren Jablonski

[OPINIONS]

October 7th, 2011

Junior Michaela Witter looks to set up a teammate for a spike to win the point.

“We lost some great hitters last year,” says senior, Jeffri Mulder, “but two of the hitters this year are 6’ 3, which is a great asset to the team.” A tall volleyball player is an advantage to any team, and the Angels are lucky to have both Emily Nicholson and Symone Faulkner at the net. The team broke records in DPS district for the first time in East history last

year. “This season we have a much stronger defense and we’re looking to improve on our offense. We are working very hard however and I think that things will come together pretty soon,” explains sophomore Emily Nicholson.

Coach Hernandez is beloved by each one of his teammates. He focuses on the positives of the team, individually and as well as a whole. Nicholson’s second year on varsity is a change from her previous year. As a freshman last year, Nicholson experienced a lot of pressure, but her coach had faith in her and continues to carry his belief in her talent into this season. Nicholson has always known she wanted to be a great athlete and compete at a high level, and making varsity in her first two years at East has been a great way of reaching her goals. Nicholson has also decided to commit herself to make it to a college level and maybe even into the Olympics.

As for the whole team, Hernandez finds it extremely important to stay in shape to survive in this difficult season. He religiously holds extended practices and core conditioning, such as pilate workouts, two or three times a week. The team is beginning to realize that collectively as a team, they need to step up their game. Coach Hernandez is not too concerned about how the team will end up, “We have a young team,” he states. He plans to make division league champions for the 6th year in a row. He does not plan on losing this streak.

[SPORTS]

October 7th, 2011

page 14

A Tale of Two Nelsons staffwriter

When asked how Maya integrates with her male teammates, Coach Dwight Berry says, “She pushes them.

When you have a girl on the team who is probably one of the tougher members of the team, she pushes them. She speaks her mind out there too. She lets them know that they outweigh her by 30 pounds, and that she’s out there playing more physically than them. She motivates them.” But he also remarked that the boys “have accepted her” and “respect her.”

She lets [the boys] know “pounds, that they outweigh her by 30 and that she’s out there playing more physically than them.

-Coach Dwight Barry

”

way I think about it...I can pretty much do anything “The that [the boys] can.

-Maya Nelson

”

She clearly possesses the skill, but from where does she draw her motivation to excel in her athletic pursuits? “My main motivation has been my family. They have been really supportive of me. And, you know, I really like to beat up on everybody.” In spite of the fact that she is the only girl on the field, or perhaps because of it, Maya is determined to succeed and improve her abilities. “I go out there and play as hard or harder than [the boys] do. And I am going for the same shots as they are.”

Mr. Murphy Finds Himself in a Hairy Situation staffwriter

C

by Daniel Hartman-Strawn aya Nelson believes that anything boys can do, she can do better. “The way I think about it, they are training just as hard as me, have the same equipment as me, so I can pretty much do anything that [the boys] can.” As the only girl who plays football at East High School, Maya knows what it’s like to push boundaries.

Often, when people learn that Maya plays football, they ask “why?” Why did she choose to play football, historically a male dominated sport, instead of any of the sports offered to girls? Her answer is immediate: “When [my dad] was younger, he went to college for [football]. And I just thought, why not?”

Her father was also responsible for her start into another traditionally men’s sport, wrestling. “My dad coached wrestling, so I was always around that. I actually started when I was 4.” Her hard work and determination from such a young age propelled her to winning her category at the Girls Folkstyle (a style of wrestling) Nationals this year in Oklahoma City as well as Second Place in the Colorado State Freestyle Championships.

Maya, like many girls, enjoys putting on makeup and wearing fashionable clothes. Junior Ryan Chavkin observed, “I guess it’s the first time I have had a teammate who wore nail polish and makeup, but you know, after seeing the way she hits and brings the team together, she really does command respect. I respect Maya.” Her personality bleeds onto the field as well. According to Coach Berry, she sometimes comes to practice “with pink nail polish and a pink bandana on.”

Call Maya a jock or a girly-girl, but her personality transcends these labels. It is obvious to anyone who meets her. She is confident, eloquent, and very relaxed.

She looks you in the eye as she speaks, and never hesitates when she answers. Most importantly of all, she knows the moral to her own story, “[This experience] has taught me to never give up. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t accomplish your dreams.”

elebrated Speech and Debate teacher Matthew Murphy sat crying at his desk last Friday in response to news that MTV’s MADE would be cancelling developments on his dream of hair growth. His scalp, however, glowed with its usual cheery luster as students sat uncomfortably, observing their generally mild-mannered teacher completely break down.

Mu r p h y, leader of the nationally ranked Speech and Debate team, approached MADE weeks ago with a desperate plea: To return hair to scalp that had not seen life for over a decade. Mr. Murphy told MADE interviewers that he was haunted by memories of his “glory days” in the late 80’s; a time when his charm was second only to his profuse and substantial head of hair. With nothing left, he came to MADE, begging them to help him unearth his lost comrade.

“I looked the man in the face and told him I’d do it,” said MADE manager for East High Interviews, Heral S. Head. “I saw something in those hound-dog eyes, like a lion with a lustrous, flowing mane trying to break free.”

For the past few weeks, Mr. Murphy had been undergoing rigorous treatments and exercises from MADE hair-

growth coach, Craig Benzine.

“A lot of people don’t realize the mental strain that can come from growing hair,” Benzine told interviewers last Monday. “Like I told Matt, hair never really goes away. It just hibernates, burrowing deep beneath the scalp like a polar bear in Arctic winter. If you’re lucky, one day it springs out of Men’s Rogaine Foam like our metaphorical polar bear after a good, long snow.”

Earlier in the week, Mr. Murphy explained the exercises and how progress was moving along.

“Lately they’ve been having me talk to my hair and give it some encouragement.

It’s kind of like a delicate flower, you know, it just needs some time and support to grow.” While this all sounds relatively harmless, friends and family of Mr. Murphy tell a different story, one latent with occultist rituals and ancient voodoo ceremonies.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to get any sleep when every night it’s ‘Cthulu banish the bereaved baldness, Cthulu banish the bereaved baldness’ or some equally loud and ridiculous nonsense,” said Murphy’s elderly neighbor, May C. Toupee “My husband and I were having supper the other night when out of nowhere a group of hooded men came knocking on our door, asking if we could spare a bag of salt, some sackcloth and a few candles! I’ve complained to the city three times now, and all I get in response are terse letters from MTV promising to be more quiet and including a brief schedule of weekly summonings and sacrifices!”

Vanarchy

....His Voice That Is

East’s new number 1 singles player raises expectations for season

Vile Vulgar Vandals Vilified

staffwriter

Other Rising Angels Number 2 singles player Kyle Schuster placed second in state last year and has the potential to earn top honors this year Number 1 doubles players Spencer Borison and Philip Milner are in their 3rd varsity season and looking to end their careers with a win

The joy and relief of winning didn’t truly hit Matt until he was being approached by newspapers and teammates alike as he “realized how close I had drawn Regis to a state title.”

CHSSA rules preclude a transfer student from playing in the first half of the season at a new school. Fortunately, Sayre faces no match absences this season on account of his decision to forego last year’s high school season playing for Regis so he could instead attend a tennis academy. While his decision to pursue the academy route carried many benefits, his absence from the high school tennis circuit meant that he missed out on one of the best years in Regis tennis history. In a year of extreme athletic success for the high school, Regis added a tennis championship to their list of state titles, an experience that Matt was on track to be a part of. “Realizing I had missed something I was striving for so much the season before, made me question my decision initially.”

Sayre, however, says he has never looked back at his decision to play academy with any deep regret. “The level of improvement I made at the tennis academy outweighed anything Regis could have provided.” No matter what a state championship would’ve provided him emotionally, Matt has made up for it with the refined and improved strokes he possesses today.

One thing is certain -- the intensity and drive that Sayre exhibits at every match and practice speaks to his desire to claim what he missed last season. His quest for both an individual state title and a team championship for the Angels “drives me to work that much harder and push my team forward.” Although he jokes he left Regis because of simple disadvantages like the uniforms, he comes to East hoping to find a better academic and athletic situation, possibly pushing East to something he came so close to his freshman year and was absent from his sophmore year: a state title. Sayre will be out for 2 weeks of the first half of the season due to an MCL strain however he is poised to make a deep run in the State tournament along with the rest of the Angels at the end of the season.

photo by Chris Padgett

by Harrison Ford

V

photo by Denver Post

s the East Angels Tennis team ramps up for another smashing season on the courts of City Park, visions of a state title sneak into the minds of players and coaches alike.

Rounding out East’s impressive veteran squad is East’s newest weapon, junior transfer Matt Sayre. “The whole entire team’s goals and mood towards this season changed [after Sayre transferred,” remarked senior leader Spencer Borison.

Following two years as an ace starter on Regis Jesuit’s varsity team, newcomer Sayre takes the helm at the number 1 singles spot on East varsity. His depth of experience in previous Colorado State tournament play will prove invaluable to what has stacked up to be a strong Angels lineup.

As a freshman at Regis, Sayre won for the number two singles state title, while his team fell just short of securing the overall state championship. When the final ball of his freshman season fell behind the baseline, and he was the last player standing in the tournament, reality did not initially set in. “Winning state is just a surreal experience and it’s just such a great reward after working so hard throughout my career, just to end it on a high note was beyond comparison.”

Star transfer Matt Sayre has been winning points like this one for East all season long.

andalism has taken an all time high, more than anywhere in the whole world forever these last few weeks of the new school year at East High. The hallways are where it all starts.

One locker in specific has been entirely painted blue! Seriously, who would do such a thing as to deface a perfectly good locker? These lockers are top-of-the-line, in better shape than ever and safer than a safe.

While walking out toward the student lot, one will find grass torn out of the ground, cracks in the sidewalks, and even the fence has broken chain links. These acts of vandalism are far worse than the locker crisis. How are students supposed to make it to school on time when they have to worry about breaking every bone in their body if they so much as to trip on the desecrated sidewalk. Plus, when people want to sit out on the grass on a nice sunny day, they can’t because the grass is torn up and scattered all over the untorn grass. How are people supposed to know the difference! This is obviously a health hazard and is just not enjoyable for anyone to deal with.

If you manage to survive this obstacle course of doom to the parking lot, then you will find the vandalism that many find as a simple game, but it is not! At all! It simply started as merely a game when people were painting others’ cars entirely different colors. One case in particular was that of Covred N. Paynt. She complained that “I like came to school with like my red car and then after my like practice I came to the lot and it was, like, gone. But then I like realized that it was all like painted and, like, whatnot, so it was all like blue like instead of red. So like I like thought like that like someone with like a blue like version of like my

It

by Flock-of-Segals

M

by Andrew Palmquist

“Frankly, I don’t know what all the commotion is about,” said Benzine in response to the allegations. “There may have been an instance or two where we experimented with a few passages from the Necronomicon, the sacrifice of a few virgin chickens… maybe three or four lamb-eyes and a very considerable amount of ‘Head and Shoulders – Full Volume’ but that’s not the point. We were only doing what we felt was necessary for Matthew to make the most of his treatment.”

Now, however, it seems that hair-growth foam, cheerful encouragement, and occult rituals alike have all failed before the mighty testament to baldness that is Mr. Murphy’s head.

“We haven’t only failed Mr. Murphy, we’ve failed all those who dream for better,” said Heral S., eyes beginning to fill with tears. “But that head was like… like the surface of the Moon! How could we have ever hoped to bring life to anything so barren?”

Despite facing circumstances that would have left others debilitated, Mr. Murphy claims to have come out stronger for it, devoting himself to making a better life for balding men everywhere.

“People need to know that having less hair doesn’t make someone less of a person.

I wasted years of my life wishing for a set of glistening locks, when all I ever needed was right here,” Murphy said, gesturing towards a modest comb-over. He has recently announced plans to launch: “O.R.B.” the “Organization for Resolving Baldness,” designed to help console victims of the horrors that accompany hair loss. The organization has already begun receiving support by teachers such as Mr. Doyle, Morr, Seaholm, Oxman, and even Dean Villarreal. Voiceless no more, it seems we haven’t heard the last of the bald and balding community at East High School.

Karsh Finally Loses

New Transfer Brings New Promise A

page 15

by Lame-C’connell

East’s only female football player garners respect and sparks motivation on and off the field

M

[REAR END]

October 7th, 2011

rearendeditor like car had taken my like spot. But I like like the blue because its like a like change.”

Each period the vandalism has increased exponentially. First period there is paint, and by the end of the day, sophomores are being found saran wrapped in their cars, unable to move, unable to breath, just unable period. A mini cooper was found in the lot that had been in the same spot all weekend. When people started arriving to school on Monday, they noticed that a student was chiseling his way out of his car through the roof. Although someone mentioned that he could have just rolled down the window and cut the saran wrap with his keys, he could have suffocated or even starved to death in such a small vehicle.

The freshmen were fed up with the hostility that had recently arisen in the school. In retaliation of this, they decided to swoop the senior spots by having their parent’s park on the senior side and take the busses to work. This outrage caused a ruckus and sent the division of classes spiraling down into a wormhole of destruction. Now the vandalism throughout the school has become somewhat of a war. There have been a few casualties too.

Mostly people’s cars, but that still counts.

The fight rages on and seems like it will continue to until East High is either studentless or reduced to rubble.

senioreditor

ost students around East are familiar with the vigorous off-season workouts baseball players go through during the fall and winter. Few, however, have taken note of the meticulous preparations Howard Karsh has already begun making for the spring. As a younger coach, Karsh could yell and scream at his players at full volume throughout the season. But now, as a seasoned veteran, Karsh has realized if he screams at the rate he has in past years, this spring, his voice may not stay with him through May. While Karsh’s players lift weights to beef up during their time off, Karsh has spent August and September recording his voice to give himself muchneeded insurance should his vocal chords fail him in the spring.

“Back in ’88, I could scream all I wanted, but last year I wasn’t able to achieve the same volume late in the season. Heck, if we had made it past the first round, I don’t• know if I could have said another word,” said Karsh. “I realized this year I would• have to put in some extra work in the off• season. That’s why I picked up this bad boy,” said a grinning Coach Karsh as he held up a small voice recorder. Karsh, who • is traditionally thought to be rather old school, had a surprising amount of faith in the equipment. “Now, even if my voice • fails me, I know technology won’t!” he exclaimed.

Despite Karsh’s hard work, some people still can’t appreciate his style. “I think he’s actually lost it,” said basketball coach Rudy Carey. “My office is right next to his, and lately he’s been shouting all day until he goes home. At first I thought he had players in there, but then I went in and he was just blabbering all by himself. I think he may be senile.” Karsh, however, insists he is perfectly sane, saying he’s going through this “for the good of the team.”

In anticipation of losing

his voice, Karsh can be heard in his office screaming into his new tape recorder. The device now contains phrases like “You boys better get your sorry butts into shape!” and “Get yourself in the outfield and shag some doggone balls!” “I’ve also got one that says ‘you better get your eyes checked boy!’ but that’s for my little friend behind the plate if you know what I mean,” he noted. Karsh is finally matching his players in terms of offseason preparation, and he hopes it will lead to a deep playoff run in the spring. And if the Angels do go far, Karsh will always have his voice in his pocket.

Top 5 Karshisms Fair Statement If this was the military...

Good job, just kidding!

Keep Working!!

Are you outside your mind!? *Angry Senile Scream*

Karsh was unavailable for a photo in action due to his senility.

[REAR END]

October 7th, 2011

page 16

Lending Anderson a Hand

by LeGlitteresque

R

ecently East High has been looking more a like an airport than a school; students are being shoved by security guards into lines that started at the entrance of the school and wound all the way down the Esplanade. Students expressed frustration as the lines grew longer and they were late to class, only to be blamed by those who established the lines.

“I finally reached the front of the line and Dean Anderson greeted me stuttering,” said senior, Livy High. Livy described Dean Anderson’s appearance as unkempt. “His curls rose up in every direction. His eyes were in a daze and looked like puffy red balls, and when I say balls, and I mean messed up, bloodshot ‘golf ‘ balls.” Livy begins to speak more passionately, “And the smell – gross! He probably hasn’t showered for weeks.”

“Then he began sniff my hand and to inhale vigorously. A devious grin spread across his face, and then a security guard dragged me into the menacing room 128,” Livy ranted.

Four hours and 20 minutes later, after under and upper classman’s hands had been thoroughly sniffed, approximately half the school joined Livy and the other accused “druggies”.

Among the accused was sophomore, Noah Sohbur. “When Dean Anderson came in,” Noah recalled, “his Baton Rouge dialect was barely audible, when he said ‘yeah, you’s can go.’ ” The Dean took a whiff of their hands while the group left. “No one was in trouble,” Noah, said, beaming with satisfaction “in fact each pothead was rewarded with missing class; I didn’t even have to take my geometry test!”

staffwriter

According to Noah, Dean Anderson has undergone even more radical changes, “The day after, he arrived wearing bell

comic by Jeremy Harker

Horoscopes

“Rear End” Disclaimer

The nonsense included in the “Rear End” section does not represent the views of the Spotlight staff, the editorial board, the sponsors, the Top(f) Five, the College Board, Dancing (the night away), the 85% of East students who don’t understand this, Rupert Grint’s awesome red hair, the new cast members of Glee, or the water cooler. The point is this section is meant to be taken lightly!

bottom jeans with green stains - I thought those were for hippie chicks. He wore a bandana too, which apparently violatined the dress code.” Even Dean Anderson’s regard for rules has changed. “Ms. Miles went berzerko on him for the dress code infraction; his responded by telling her to ‘cool it’”.

“I knew there was something peculiar going on,” Principle Younquist remarked. “I was delivering some files to his office and when I entered, it was covered in lava lamps, and psychedelic murals were on the walls.” Pandora was left on, and Mr. Youngquist described the music as “definitely Woodstock.”

“He was not in the office, but I saw him outside of his window,” Mr. Younquist monotonically said, “and he was chanting and bowing down to a half dead tree.”

Later that week, Dean Anderson was caught in the attempt to sell back students’ bongs, which had been confiscated from their lockers in previous weeks. “He was the music of my life,” Freshman Imma B. Laze wept from failure to retain her bong Stonetana.

With a heavy sigh, Principle Younquist said, “When I heard about the bong incident, I realized that Dean Anderson had a marijuana addiction.” He immediately implemented a new school policy, forcing all students to stick their fingers up anyone’s nose who tried to sniff their hands. He also sent Dean Anderson to a drug addiction rehabilitation facility, and cannot wait for him to rejoin the “East High hands free community.”

Aries

Taurus

As the stars align lost lovers will meet their true companions on Mondy, except you.

Unfortunately you’ll have to wait until Truesday.

I don’t think having a dinner party with your family counts as a rager...

Gemini

When you have to pop Aderol to finish a vocab lesson before your 9 o’clock bedtime, there is something terribly wrong.

Cancer

Trying new things is great and all but we’re all sick of hearing how great your Which Wich was.

by Magic Marker

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Don’t let life pass you by, especially since tomorrow’s your last day...

If you love someone set them free, if you really love them though, chain them to your bed. But only if they are okay with it.

You can’t make the horse drink unless you’re the horse whisperer.

You will receive an inheritance check that will give you an infected paper cut on your finger.

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pices

Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses. Unless your allergies are acting up.

A day of pampering isn’t dipping your feet in the toilet.

You’ll grow a 6th toe and become famous for your improved abilities to swim.

If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a life, until he realizes there’s a lack of population due to nuclear waste dumpings.