LIL’ HIPSTER’S POCKET GUIDE
poor taste publishing
ERIKA SCHNATZ
LIL’ HIPSTER’S POCKET GUIDE ERIKA SCHNATZ
Table of Contents f Introduction 1 What is a lil’ hipster?
Dress 2 What to wear
Accoutrement 4 Tattoos, hair dye, and facial hair, oh my!
Sounds 6 Tunes for the tragically hip
Words 9 What to read
Victuals 13 Man cannot live on cupcake alone
Icons 17 Your patron saints of lil’ hipsterdom
Amusements 21 Fun and games – Wes Anderson style!
Closing 25 What have we learned today?
Introduction
I
What is a lil’ hipster?
f curiosity has driven you to pick up and open this book, congratulations. You are on your way to becoming (if you are an advanced reader), or helping someone else become (if you are an adult), a lil’ hipster. Why spread hipsterdom to the 10 and under set? Because it’s adorable. Children have a lot in common with hipsters, the main difference being that they enjoy things honestly and openly, without irony. Hipsters often are childlike in nature and dream of making a living from arts and craft projects sold on Etsy. Both groups utilize public transportation or bikes since they don’t own cars, both will spend entire days binge-watching television programs, and both groups unabashedly love cupcakes. These are only a handful of commonalities. Furthermore, how many of us look back on pictures of ourselves as children and cringe at how dorky we look? Unflattering clothes, awful haircuts, and tacky accessories were the norm of our childhood, but it doesn’t have to be that way for future generations. We can make our children cool, cooler than we ever were. We can make them lil’ hipsters. This is an opportunity to live vicariously through your child/niece/nephew/neighbor’s spawn. Though modesty/ shame/common sense prevents you from donning a t-shirt and brightly colored skinny jeans everyday, that doesn’t mean the small child in your life can’t wear these things. Take out that Wiggles tape and pop in The Talking Heads! (The fact that you still possess a tape player is a little sad but incredibly useful for your burgeoning lil’ hipster.) It’s time to improve the taste level and taste buds of toddlers and pre-teens all across the nation.
Dress
What to wear While there may be many subdivisions within the hipster community, one thing that unites them all is clothing. The quest for individuality has somehow led hipsters to dress in a uniform manner. V-neck tees, skinny jeans, wayfarer sunglasses, and beanies are a necessity for hipsters of Messy bun Oversized sunglasses
Bedazzled Peter Pan collar
Suspenders Oversized cinch belt Fashion magazine Bubble skirt Knee socks Combat boots
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have 2 Lil’ Hipster’s Pocket Guide
both sexes. Females may choose to wear leggings, jeggings, or tights under their flannel dresses. Males can opt for cutoffs and American Apparel tank tops in warmer weather. Scarves and cardigan sweaters are very popular with both gentlemen and ladies during colder months. Footwear choices run the gamut – boat shoes, Chuck Taylors, slip-on sneakers, and work boots are all viable hipster options. For more fashion guidance, see our models below. Adorably – disheveled hair Thick-rimmed glasses
Deep V-neck tee shirt
Punk pins Messenger bag Denim cut-offs Converse AllStars (low top)
little or no influence on society.” -M. Twain Lil’ Hipster’s Pocket Guide 3
Accoutrement
Tattoos, hair dye, and facial hair, oh my! What does your fake mustache choice say about you? The “Einstein”
Smarter than the average bear. Fond of math and science. Sticker-outer of tongue. The “Caterpillar”
Friend of the insects. Lover of fuzzy and/or hairy things. The “Barber”
You enjoy singing in quartets and making things neat and tidy. You love to sweep! The “Lothario”
People are drawn to you for incomprehensible reasons. The “Volcano”
Explosive. Ready to party all day, every day. Referred to as a “loose cannon.” The “Sheriff ”
Leader of the playground set. Authoritative and gruff. Dream job: law enforcement. The “Weirdo” (drawn on)
Creepy. Unpopular. Eccentric. You are one or more of these! 4 Lil’ Hipster’s Pocket Guide
Tattoo Options for Lil’ Hipsters Cheapest (in more ways than one): Tattoo sleeves Available in costume stores and online . $3.00 and up Pricier: Artistic tattoos (including typographic varieties) Available at Tattly.com . $5.00 each Priciest: Handmade tattoo-sleeved shirts Available at Etsy.com (obviously) . $20.00 each
Try this: dye your hair with Kool-Aid
Materials:
Directions:
»» 1-2 packets of Kool-Aid »» Plastic cup »» Dark towel »» Old clothes »» Warm water
»» Fill the plastic cup ¾ of the way with warm water. Stir in Kool-Aid packets. »» Put on old clothes and put towel nearby. »» Put hair in ponytail and dip it into cup – dip as much as you want to dye. »» Leave hair dipped for 30 min. »» After 30 min, go to sink with cup and rinse out hair until water is clear (do not shampoo). »» Wrap hair with dark towel until it dries. Lil’ Hipster’s Pocket Guide 5
Sounds
Tunes for the tragically hip
Would hipsters exist without music? Would they want to? Music is the lifeblood, and a favorite conversational topic, of the hipster community. Start off the lil’ hipsters in your life with the following titles and add to their collection as their tastes improve. By the time they reach college, they will have developed such a deep appreciation for obscure music that they will impress everyone. The following titles are in no particular order. Neutral Milk Hotel
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
Possibly the most hipster album of all time. Some of the themes and melodies are quite dark, so reserve this one for more mature lil’ hipsters. Radiohead Kid A
Radiohead got major hipster cred after they decided not to release any singles or liner notes for this album. Music critics and hipsters adore it. 6 Lil’ Hipster’s Pocket Guide
Arcade Fire Funeral
Expose lil’ hipsters to music in a foreign language with “Une année sans lumiere.” Pump them up with “Rebellion (Lies).” It’s inspirational! LCD Soundsystem Sound of Silver
Containing the ultimate hipster party anthem “North American Scum,” this album is perfect for lil’ hipsters on a sugar rush. The Postal Service Give Up
The hipster album that had crossover appeal once “Such Great Heights” was used to sell everything from M&M’s to UPS shipping supplies. Fleet Foxes Fleet Foxes
The melodies and harmonies on this album are beautiful, but will make the listener very sleepy. Recommended for lil’ hipster nap times. Lil’ Hipster’s Pocket Guide 7
The Flaming Lips
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
The first four tracks on this album can serve as a story time of sorts for lil’ hipsters who don’t enjoy reading. Then switch over to The Soft Bulletin. The Velvet Underground
The Velvet Underground & Nico This album is not appropriate for lil’ hipsters – its inclusion here is based on the banana sticker on the vinyl album cover. Lil’ hipsters love stickers! The Beach Boys Pet Sounds
Rivers Cuomo, of Weezer fame, claimed that Pet Sounds was the greatest album of all time. Listen to Pet Sounds because he says so. Bruce Springsteen Born to Run
Unwritten law dictates that people of all ages must love Bruce Springsteen (or at least enjoy his singles). Lil’ hipsters are not an exception. 8 Lil’ Hipster’s Pocket Guide
Words
What to read To be continued…
Lil’ Hipster’s Pocket Guide 9