Patsy's sample chapter by Equinox Publishing

Patsyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sample Chapter 10 April 2013

Patsy

ince I am the oldest of Patrick and Louise’s children and since any elders are dead, I can rightfully call myself The Matriarch. Other names I am known by are Pat, Patsy (to my family and my Ravenna schoolmates), Mama Pat (by Nick), Grandma (by Ali. Avi, Julia and Elena) and Grannyma (by Derya). I cherish each name just as I cherish the name givers. Again since I am the eldest of the five I am Patricia, daughter of Patrick. Surely if I would have been a boy I would be Patrick! My middle name is Marie after my Aunt Marie Bisson while my Confirmation name is Katherine to honor Aunt Katherine Prendergast. When I was born on February 20, 1935, my parents lived on East 118th Street in Cleveland. The only grandparent I knew was Nora and she died when I was one, so I really have no memory of her. She lived on West 80th Street in Cleveland with caregivers Katherine and Evelyn. My grandmother had a goldfish bowl on the window ledge of the dining room and the story is told that I toddled to that bowl, reached in and squashed her favorite goldfish! From the east 118th Street apartment we moved to a second floor duplex in East Cleveland on Catalpa Road. We have photos of Rosemary and me in that space. I do remember our father coming home one evening with a tiny puppy wrapped in a newspaper. I don’t think that puppy lasted long with us, as we have no photos. Our family’s next move was to a home on Woodview Road in Cleveland Heights sometime in the early 1940s. Tom was born when we lived there, then Marie came along also. Rosemary and I went to Christ the King School in East Cleveland. I remember taking the bus to and from school and trading playing cards at recess. I was in the third grade and must have been misbehaving when my

teacher asked if I wanted her to go to the first grade and get my sister. Of course I said “NO”.

It was during this time frame that World War II occurred. President Franklin Roosevelt called December 7, 1941 “a day that will live in infamy”. Well for Rosemary it was a day of anger! That was her 4th birthday and, of course, a party was planned Aunt Marie and Uncle Red Bisson had come from Ravenna for the celebration. Sometime during the afternoon the phone rang and the Akron Beacon Journal operator told Red to return to Ravenna for the distribution of a special newspaper edition reporting the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Rosemary was most distressed that a war could interrupt her party. Other wartime memories are the rationing of

food such as sugar, butter and meat. We shared food ration stamps with Katherine and Evelyn since we had more than we needed. During this time our dad worked at Towmotor Corporation in Cleveland. I don’t remember exactly what he did but I know he was a part of “the war effort”. The end of World War II happened on August 15, 1945. Neighbors rejoiced in the streets while our mother stayed inside and cried. I didn’t know then why she cried since I was only 10. Later I understood that she was crying tears of relief that the horrors of that war were ended.

game using a scorecard. The Ravenna newspaper carriers were really impressed by our knowledge of baseball. Rosemary and I shared a bedroom on Woodview Road; we proudly displayed photos of the entire Indians team. Eventually Tom became a collector of baseball memorabilia and would never forgive us for not saving those photos!

Also on Woodview Road I remember that our father allowed us to style his hair. We had such fun combing his hair any way we wanted. He was so patient with us. Before supper each evening we would gather on the living room floor huddling around the radio and listen to serials such as Captain Midnight, Fibber McGee and Molly and Jack Armstrong, the All American Boy. Rosemary and I were given a good deal of freedom in bus and streetcar travel in Cleveland. Some Fridays after school we would get on the Euclid Avenue bus and travel to West 25th Street to the Shell Oil Company office of Katherine. When she got off work we went to the West Side Market for groceries and took the streetcar with Katherine to their West 80th Street apartment. Those weekend evenings were when our aunts taught us to play Rummy. We loved to sleep in the Murphy bed which appeared from their living room wall! Municipal Stadium was the home of the beloved Cleveland Indians and the frequent summer destination of Rosemary and me. Again we took the bus downtown and enjoyed major league baseball. Having a great time we scored the entire

From Cleveland Heights our family moved to Ravenna into a home jointly owned by Mother and Aunt Marie. Prendergast finances became precarious in the post-war late 1940s. That move saved rent for our family. In addition, Mother returned to work at Robinson Memorial Hospital in Ravenna as a nurse anesthetist. Dad was unable to work for a time. Surely it was difficult for an Irish man to realize that he was unable to support his family adequately. It took me years to realize that his lack of

education hindered him so much. No wonder he wanted his children to become well educated. In 1949 I graduated from grade school in Ravenna and went on Ravenna High School. Girl Scout troop #21 became important to me. I fondly remember progressive dinners, camping and earning badges. When Clare was in grade school, I organized Girl Scouts for the entire school! I wanted my daughter and other girls to have similar good experiences. My problem was the lack of a coleader and committed parents. We stayed together for 3 years or so, but in the end it was just too big a job for one person. That surely is one of my regrets. I did a lot of childcare as a high schooler earning 25 cents an hour. I cared for four small children and ironed shirts when they fell asleep! That money added up however as I saved most of it and was able to pay my own tuition to nursing school. Times were so different then as my high school principal, Wayne Watters, was the college counselor. He said that anyone interested in a school of nursing should just speak with him. There were few options; collegiate programs were rare and expensive. I chose Saint Thomas Hospital School of Nursing in Akron, Ohio just 18 miles from Ravenna. Wayne Watters assured me that was a good school! He was correct, as it was a good choice for me. We had a class of twenty unmarried females all who lived in the Nurses Residence complete with housemothers who made sure we kept the curfew. Our first year consisted of classes in Akron two days a week and the other three were spent on a bus traveling back and forth to Saint John College in Cleveland for college level classes. That bus trip became so hazardous in winter that we were the last class enrolled in an out of town college. Community was easily formed as we all lived in one hall in double rooms. We shared much in the years of

1953 to 1956 and those who are gifted with life in 2013 continue to be in contact with one another. Saint Thomas provided us with a good nursing education but it would be another nursing school for me to study the humanities. Adult medical-surgical nursing was open to me upon graduation and I accepted a position at Robinson Memorial Hospital in Ravenna. I wasn’t the only Prendergast on staff as our sweet mother was practicing anesthesia there. Mother was well known and loved there and I was readily accepted. That was where I learned how little I really knew about the practice of nursing! For four years I worked the afternoon shift and that was where I became a real nurse. The highways around Ravenna were called “Bloody Strips” by some of the doctors. I cared for a good number of patients with head injuries. That experience led to later employment at University Hospitals in Cleveland on the neurosurgical unit. I lived at home, which was just a short walk away from work. It was easy to make friends with the nursing staff of that institution. My favorite memory is riding to the Pennsylvania home of one of those friends up and down the dark snowy hills of that state directly following a snowplow. In late 1960 and early 1961 lives changed in our family. Rosemary married Chuck Merchant and two weeks later Susan Massari became Mrs. Thomas Prendergast. The timing seemed right for me to make a change also by continuing my education. Again I chose to stay close to family by enrolling at the Frances Payne Bolton School of Nursing at Western Reserve University in Cleveland. That school is now known as Case Western Reserve University. I now know my choice is highly regarded world wide and at the forefront of nursing education. I have always appreciated not only the in-

depth nursing skills acquired there but also my new found knowledge of the humanities. Even English literature was new to me as well as subjects such as sociology and Introduction to Social Casework. A whole new world was being opened to me. I needed to support myself while in school and began employment at University Hospitals, adjacent to the university. I worked part time on the neurosurgical unit with a superb staff again gaining much knowledge. After two years a brand new Intensive Care Unit was opened at University Hospitals. This was the first of its kind at the 1000 bed institution and I was given the position as one of three Assistant Head Nurses. My learning curve was raised in this setting as I participated in the nursing care of critically ill babies and adults. In 1962 I was blessed in meeting Judy Hubert

(Kruger). Judy was a public health nurse in school in my RN/BSN completion program who had become a part of the Newman Club. She encouraged me to investigate that group and therein lies my formation into a serious Christian Catholic. Newman is the organization for Catholic students on secular campuses. I joined the “Grad Chapter” which was composed of graduate students of Case and WRU. Because the RN to BSN students were older, the Grad Chapter was open to us. Our chaplain was Father Eugene Best whose

“other job” was that of Public Relations priest for the Diocese of Cleveland. He went to Rome with the bishops of the Catholic Church (because of his PR position) to cover the Vatican Council, which resulted in significant reforms in the church. The day he returned he initiated the changes right in front of our eyes! All this happened in 1962 and 1963. Newman enhanced my spirituality tremendously. Just as I had been in learning environments in nursing school and at University Hospitals I was in a spiritual learning area in Newman. We had many meetings and sat “boy-girl-boy-girl”. Many marriages were spawned by that seating arrangement and those unions remain to this day in 2013. I attribute that fact to shared values and faith. We learned community in that setting by interacting with one another (in this case) in a faith setting. I feel strongly that community is all-important and that once you have experienced it you find it or make it. Dick and I are truly blessed by the communities in our past and present lives. During my Cleveland years I lived in the Nurses Residence on Euclid Avenue and then in a Little Italy apartment with Judy. Both places were located very close to the Cornell Road apartment of Rosemary and Chuck. I loved having them so close. I was able to have quality time with their newborn son, Matthew. My life was changed again upon meeting Dick briefly in 1965 on a trip with others to Chicago and then again in 1966. We were both working in Cleveland (at UH and the Federal Reserve Bank). We had a mutual acquaintance named Ralph Delaney who was an avid advocate for the oppressed in Cleveland. Ralph brought many people together including Dick and myself and mutual friends. One evening both Dick and I were invited to a party. Since I had worked the evening shift I joined the party about 11:30pm. I was in uniform, sat down and said “I need a beer!” (it had been a busy shift.) Dick says he wondered just who this person was! This grand and glorious second meeting led to two dates after one of which he mentioned a favorite song from the play “Carousel”. I was so curious that I went to downtown Cleveland the next day to find that record. Eventually it became clear that “If I Loved You” was the song. That became “our song”.

I soon had the feeling that Dick would say he loved me but I had reconciled that I was 32 and probably would never marry. AND that was OK with me. I had a job I loved, had great friends, why get married? I spoke with a priest friend who advised me to continue to date this guy and see what would happen. Catholics know the Sunday after Christmas as Holy Family Sunday. That was the day I invited Dick to travel to Ravenna with me and meet my family. They were really wondering about the man I was finally bringing home! Well, that was also the day I knew I did love Dick and that I could tell him that. He fit in perfectly with Mother and Dad and whoever else was present. Marie insists she came just to check him out. Uncle Red Bisson was happy, I remember since he had wanted me to marry for years. I remember thinking that this relationship was right and that marriage to Dick would work. We had only dated 2 months but that was enough for us. Within a week or so I told Dick I loved him and he soon asked me to marry him. I was 32 and he was 29. The first time I met his family Dick invited them to a wedding! At the time of our engagement Dick was prac-

ticing law from a storefront in the inner city of Cleveland. I was proud to have him continue this important job but he wanted to move elsewhere. He decided to return to the trust area of banking and found a job in Toledo. Before he interviewed for that position we had dinner with a former Federal Reserve System boss. Dick asked what salary he should request of his prospective employer. He was told $10,000! This was in 1967. His Toledo employer was the Ohio Citizens Trust Company and he was to start the new job in April. We had decided on a June 3 wedding so we found Toledo housing and Dick moved to our new city in April. I continued to work at UH until our wedding. And, oh, our wedding was beautiful. I had always thought that if I had a wedding I would prefer a small low-key ceremony. The reality was that on June 3, 1967 Immaculate Conception Church in Ravenna was filled with family and friends! My cousin, Joe Coates, sang, “God is Love” for the processional and as I stood with our father at the back of church, I had the overwhelming feeling that this is meant to be. Dick’s friend, Father John Mueller, came from Cleveland, as did Father Gene Best for the ceremony.

We did survive the advent of Clare. Then Paul Richard joined our family thirteen months later on April 29, 1969. Mothering Paul proved to be much easier as I was a more confident mom with our second child. Before Paul’s birth we purchased the home at 2479 Scottwood for $18,000. We knew there probably would be more children! That fivebedroom home allowed each child to have a separate bedroom. Early in 1969 two different friends each approached us asking us to consider foster parenting a teen. Several advised against this but we dis-

Rosemary was my Matron of Honor (five weeks after she gave birth to Karen). My sister cried all the way from the church to the reception setting. It took me some time to realize why she cried. Finally I knew she was going to miss me. It was on our honeymoon to Cape Cod that I cried because I was going to miss her and family and friends in Cleveland. Again Dick must have wondered about this woman who now was his wife. It was also on our honeymoon that Clare was conceived! A brick duplex on Collingwood Avenue became our first Toledo home. A friend called that building “the newest house in the Old West End”. We welcomed baby Clare in March 1968. I use welcomed with reservation since there were times when I was feeling all the emotions of a first time mom. I realized I was more comfortable in the ICU of UH in Cleveland than at home with this crying daughter. These times were when Dick became my rock. Until that point I was a confident newlywed. Motherhood was a whole new experience and I realized I really needed the support of my husband. Many mornings I stood in the Collingwood window and cried as I watched Dick take the bus to work at Ohio Citizens. I kept thinking that he was the lucky one since he got to go to work. Of course I now know that caring for our child was my work! Rosemary supported me from afar during this time as she remembered the challenges I was facing. These times were especially hard since we had lived in Toledo a short time and our friends were limited.

cerned that if we really were good Christians we were being called to take this step. Gina moved into our home and lives during that summer. Gina’s life was complex and challenging. She lived with us for the last three years of high school. I’m convinced we all did our best to be a family but eventually she chose to leave as she neared high school graduation. She went on to graduate from Case Western in Cleveland. Back to our birth children and Mark Patrick who was born 18 months after Paul. Dick had been quite sick in August 1970. Bob and Judy Kruger took Clare and Paul to Ravenna to be cared for by Grandma and Grandpa Prendergast. Cleveland friend Michael Reitz appeared in our lives during the time Dick was hospitalized and offered to care for Clare and Paul prior to their trip to Ravenna. Hank Coyle transported Dick, Gina and me to the hospital at 4:oo am for the birth of Mark since Dick was home but recuperating from surgery. Precious Hank had offered to be on standby for that trip because he and Nancy had been the recipients of that

same service. Mark’s birth was on September 11, 1970. You will see later what else that date brought to us. Our survival of these challenges was made so much easier due to the help of family and friends. The ability of Dick to financially support us made it possible for me to be at home, for that I remain thankful. John David joined us on his due date, January 23, 1973. So you see we had 4 children in 5 years. We wanted a family and got one! We lived in the large Scottwood home in the Old West End of Toledo. The benefits of a large home, a fenced in yard, a neighborhood composed of large families, sidewalks and front porches certainly added to enrich our lives. All of the mothers were stay at home moms. Children freely were accepted into the homes of neighbors and told to come home when the streetlights came on. Again we were part of a community. Dick’s most involved surgery was in 1984. For 16 evenings at 6:oopm the doorbell would ring and a neighbor would deliver supper. Paul once asked, “when do the dinners start?” during a subsequent illness of Dick! My dear brother Tom

came to Toledo from his Springfield, Ohio, home to accompany us on that journey. My three other siblings have made the same trip for the same reason many times. I think the record was set when Marie just moved in for three weeks to care for us. One lesson I learned was the necessity to open yourself to the kindness of others. It is hard to be humble and accept help. There are times in all of our lives that we cannot make it without others. The best response is “Yes, thank you” when offers are made. The unspoken intent, of course, is the knowledge that the favor will be passed on sometime. I spoke of community. The time came in the 1980s when we were not nourished in our current church setting. Dick and I searched for a faith community that fed our spiritual needs. We became members of Corpus Christi University Parish in 1986 and our active participation there continues now in 2013. For 30 years Father Jim Bacik who has been called “the best pastoral theologian in the country” was our pastor. We are truly blessed to have had him. He is no longer our pastor but the faith community remains, as do we!

I did return to my profession after being at home for 10 good years. For 15 years I practiced adult medical surgical nursing at Toledo Hospital. By choice I worked on the night shift as I really enjoyed the patient/family contact. Most staff and family members had gone and I was able to allay the fears that night can bring. It did feel good to go to sleep when the rest of the world was awakening! The pinnacle of the profession I shared with my mother occurred with the modern day birth of the hospice movement. Thanks to the findings of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross the needs of those at the end of their lives were being recognized. In the past when folks learned that I was a hospice nurse, the response was “how hard that must be”. My response always was that the hard times of my nursing career occurred before we had the knowledge of symptom control for the dying patient. The hospice concept just made sense to me after accompanying pain filled patients to their deaths – and watching

families suffer at the same time. I was a member of the first volunteer training class at Hospice of Northwest Ohio and stayed in that position for 10 years. In 1991 I was asked to convert my status to staff and be a part of the first Inpatient Unit of that group. Again I usually worked at night. I was able to provide quality symptom relief to those at the end of their lives and support their families. Hospice so often accomplished the above goals. I loved bedside nursing and this was the pure form of that. By 2003 I realized that my body was rebelling against the physical demands of a bedside nurse. At the same time I was asked to initiate a program of Caregiver Education for the community. I had witnessed over the years the awesome care provided by caregivers and eagerly accepted that position. My colleague and I scheduled sessions throughout the entire area. Our main message to the wonderful, faithful caregivers was “take care of yourself ”. A fire for social justice was lit during the Newman days, dimmed somewhat during the years of child rearing, and then relit as the needs of our offspring involved us less. My proudest moment was “crossing the line” at Fort Benning, Georgia. In doing so I knowingly committed a violation of federal

law. That action sure felt good. I was protesting the training of Latin American military on US grounds with US money. We have been a part of various vigils as our awareness was frequently heightened by our offspring. We learn much from these wonderful ones we raised. Family, faith, community, the nursing profession, the hospice movement as well as social justice

for all hold their own value for me. I am committed to these areas. To all who read this: please know that by whichever name you call me I treasure you.