Coming Home
soul in the marketplace, to sing the song of divine love on the stage of the outer world. As my outer life became more busy, the oneness remained, always present at the borders of my mind. I also came to realize that whatever my outer activities, my real attention is elsewhere; somewhere I remain in the emptiness of inner space. With this awareness of an inner state of consciousness separate from my outer activities came the gradual realization that an essential part of me is always elsewhere . Mrs. Tweedie always said that the best part of herself was elsewhere. I had accepted what she said, but until now had not understood it. Now I knew its truth, because I was experiencing this state within myself; I was experiencing my own essential absence. Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, my real self is not here, is not interacting with people or events. There is an awareness of both an absence from this outer plane and a presence somewhere else, though this somewhere else cannot be put into words. In human relationships I began to feel like an impostor, because I know that my essential self is not here, and thus I can never really relate to another person. There can be a semblance of relating, as the personality carries the appearance of a human being, and the thoughts and feelings that surround the ego interact with the outer world. But I know that this is not the real me, that I am somewhere else, being used for another purpose. I am aware that the part that lives here, talks, laughs, writes, is just a shell empty of my essential self. In the dream I had had two years earlier I was shown that I had been made empty, that I had lost myself in a mystical experience. The sense of self, the
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