FROM A QUEER ELDER SURVIVOR

Written by Barbie Kristina | Read by Maggie Donovan

This was the first time I’d ever gone up in front of a group of people and so publicly identified myself as a survivor.

Reading Barbie Kristina’s piece felt especially unique because of the connection I feel to her, a soul connection based on some similarities in our experiences. As a young queer survivor at the beginning of my journey, to read the words “From a queer elder survivor to you who might be beginning your journey…” from a survivor who I in many ways see myself in and look up to as a mentor, was unforgettable.

I felt so lucky that the stars aligned for it to happen this way. I felt her flowing through me as her words flowed out of my mouth, and felt her behind me with her hands on my shoulder as I spoke her truth—our truth.

About The Author

Maggie Donovan (they/them) is a psychology student, who works with the non-profit organization Time to Tell as a technical moderator for online writing circles. They also co-curate an e-Zine for queer survivors of sexual abuse and violence, Beneath the Soil They hope to continue working with survivors as long as possible. Music and laughter are their best medicines.

From a Queer Elder Survivor to you who might be beginning the journey of recovery: Dear Friend,

My recovery journey began in August 1992 when therapeutic services, and recovery literature, had started to come out of the “dark ages” but were not as robust and viable as they are today. What I share in my little offering is somewhat terse because the times and processes available, were somewhat terse. I am so pleased for you that services today are so vastly improved. Kristina

Never forget, No matter your fear or pain, Or any chatter of the mind, HEALING HAPPENS!

Read stories of recovery.

Find warm hearts who will listen.

Talk until there are no more words And keep talking.

Keep feeling But do it safely. In measured amounts. Feelings can be like a run-away train.

My body discharged the pain in stages. Your experience will be unique to you.

Go to any programs that might help: Art, music, dance, sports.

BUT be always aware of how the experience affects you. Leave promptly if overwhelmed. Recovering is a tender time. Be gentle.

Deal with your addictions. I went to 12 step programs and found LOVE< SUPPORT<VALIDATION>RELIEF.

Seek out qualified and experienced Therapists. Listen closely, even if in pain and confusion, to body, heart, and mind, when choosing the person.

I did not. But perhaps that was a path to learnings I needed.

Practice gratitude with every fiber of your being. It keeps the lights on.

DO NOT GIVE UP! AND CRY! PLEASE CRY! TEARS ARE ESSENTIAL!

QUENCHING OUR YEARNING SOULS!

On November 1, 2020, 33 years after a chance article in a magazine by a survivor, awakened me to my buried memories, and with diligent physical, emotional, and spiritual practice, a quiet feeling of acceptance, peace, and poignancy about my father came to me.

I loved my father. He abused me. He also loved me. I have been cruel. I have, and continue to love. This is the human experience.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Maggie Donovan (they/them) is a psychology student, who works with the non-profit organization Time to Tell as a technical moderator for online writing circles. They also co-curate an e-Zine for queer survivors of sexual abuse and violence, Beneath the Soil They hope to continue working with survivors as long as possible. Music and laughter are their best medicines.