Dismissed

By Beth Siegling

I felt helpless and embarrassed, walking the line of a teenager longing for independence, and a frightened child who didn’t understand what was happening to me.

Spending three days with a group of courageous and kind survivors was a truly healing opportunity.

I spoke my truth at the Massachusetts Statehouse and had the chance to connect with survivors in our community from all over the country. I am so grateful to share my story on my terms, and to be believed and supported by the powerful survivors around me.

Beth Seigling

Beth Seigling, Time To Tell speaks at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

Good morning. My name is Beth Siegling, and I am honored to speak with you today amongst so many courageous survivors, like the people standing beside me, I too am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

I was sexually abused by my 19-year-old boyfriend when I was 16 years old, while on a cultural exchange program funded by the US State Department. Knowing no one and unable to speak the language when I arrived in a foreign country, I quickly fell prey to a fellow American student who groomed and abused me. During those two years, I was drugged, raped, strangled, threatened, physically abused, isolated, and constantly told I was loved.

Sounds confusing, right?

There are many misconceptions surrounding the sexual abuse of teens and adolescents.

I was abused by a repeat offender, someone whose warning signs flew off the charts, but went completely unnoticed by the adults around us . He was charming and terrifying, dearly loved by everyone we knew. I felt helpless and embarrassed, walking the line of a teenager longing for independence, and a frightened child who didn’t understand what was happening to me, and why no one seemed to notice.

By the time I had healed enough from my own trauma to press charges for the abuse four years later, he had already moved onto another victim. While I hadn’t yet spoken out, my abuser was arrested and went on trial for allegations brought forward by another young woman.

Unfortunately, the legal system as it stands today knows little justice when it comes to sexual abuse, and the victim’s complaints were dismissed.

I decided to press charges against my abuser 4 years after the fact, knowing that some of my charges faced statutes of limitation which necessitated swift action . At 21, I spent 3 grueling hours in a police interrogation room, detailing the most horrifying experiences of my life to officers with no interest in a trauma-informed approach. I worked overtime to finance thousands of dollars on legal assistance and parsed through hundreds of pages of my case file, hoping that my legal actions now would prevent my abuser from harming another person.

Although I was the model victim ready and willing to provide hours of grueling testimony, going to therapy I struggled to finance, making straight A’s in college – I was not believed.

My case was thrown out in a stack of papers, which, amongst other things, explained to me that my “dissatisfaction” in this “sexual relationship” did not constitute abuse.

I was in high school when I experienced sexual abuse, and I was beginning college when I took on the criminal justice system in the hopes of stopping this from happening again. I took this on very young, and very alone, knowing that the clock was ticking for me to ever pursue legal action. The pressure of time limitations for pressing charges drastically interrupted my life and compromised my health.

There are a myriad of reasons that survivors like myself do not make reports in the immediate aftermath of sexual abuse. I won’t speak to all of them today. But I will say that even if we have access to the healthcare and therapeutic resources we need, many of us do not press charges for fear of stalking, violence, and retaliation from abusers for our most times fruitless legal pursuits.

At 21, I spent 3 grueling hours in a police interrogation room, detailing the most horrifying experiences of my life to officers with no interest in a traumainformed approach.

There is no timeline for the healing of sexual abuse. We live with it every day; we learn to field its inconveniences and tolerate the emotional havoc it wreaks on our relationships.

There is no length of time after which the abuse becomes more acceptable, or less egregious. As such, there is no viable standard by which to defend statutes of limitations which serve only to protect abusers from judicial retribution and place undue stress on us as survivors.

When I look back on my experience as a survivor of sexual abuse, I see so many gaps in support, advocacy, and education in the adults who were around me. These adults were uncomfortable, inexperienced, afraid, aloof, or simply unconcerned. It is too late now for the course of my experience to be changed, but it will never be too late to prevent another child or teen from experiencing what I went through.

And for the children who do face what I did, it should never be too late for them to pursue justice.

I am proud to be here today as one representative of Time To Tell, an organization founded by Donna Jenson with the mission to spark stories of incest and childhood sexual abuse to be heard.

Working with and for survivors has been one of the most healing and rewarding experiences of my life; but it shouldn’t have to be. I believe in a world where sexual abuse does not take the prevalence it does in our country today. I believe in the education of adults who notice the signs and know how to speak out, prevent, and support.

I will continue to be one of those adults and hope that our laws will mirror the services and policies that we, the survivors, so desperately need. Thank you for listening to my story and for welcoming us here today.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Beth Siegling (she/they) is a survivor and artist from North Carolina. They are currently wrapping up their BA in Theatre Arts and Gender Studies at Mount Holyoke College with a certificate in Queer, Trans, and Sexuality Studies. Beth became involved with Time To Tell in 2019, where she has regularly moderated writing circles and events for survivors. Currently, Beth is on the editing team for Beneath the Soil vol. ii, a magazine which features artistic works from queer survivors of sexual abuse.

Beth is so grateful to be involved in survivor community spaces and extends all love, awe, and gratitude to survivors everywhere.

Working with and for survivors has been one of the most healing and rewarding experiences of my life; but it shouldn’t have to be.