POWERFUL AND POWERLESS (AN EXCERPT FROM THE TRUTH IS)

Poem by Joanne Kirves , Read by Jen Young

What is most present in my mind from my three days with a powerful group of world changers, who are also survivors of CSA, is the importance of spending time with other survivors.

We traversed a narrow path leading to a breathtaking view. We rebuilt a human size nest, by collecting and adding vines then moved it through the streets of Beverly. There were experiences in giving, receiving, laughing, crying and holding space. We stood together in solidarity, celebrated and debriefed.

I remember being at the Statehouse, listening to other survivors speak, and the shame melting away from my own experience. I felt the bravery in myself, and in the room of our collective experience. Standing at the podium and reading Joanne’s words, I felt a bond with her, and really connected to them. I found it so empowering knowing that I was speaking words from my gut, and that together we had the opportunity to have an impact in the world through voice. When I finished speaking, I felt like I was floating back to my seat, being held by my survivor community.

I am in awe of the safe container that was present throughout. What was always encouraged was to say what we needed in any particular moment, and it was never necessary to explain, or justify what that was. It was a powerful healing in acceptance, and relationships.

Jen

Jen Young reads “Powerful and Powerless” by Joanne Kirves at the Statehouse in Boston, MA

POWERFUL AND POWERLESS

I’m living in two worlds. One where certain people really see me. And the one where I hide. My story seems more appropriate in the dark, musty cave of my psyche. No one gets in unless I let them.

The truth is…I feel like a fraud. People see me as this happy, fun-loving person.

I’m sad.

I’m dark.

I have dirty secrets. I cry a lot when I am alone.

I beat myself up with negative thoughts.

I want out but sometimes I stay in. I want protection.

I want my Man to stand up for me, protect me from something that has already happened.

Can he protect me from myself? I think not.

The truth is…I want to tell my story.

AND I am scared.

I was so honored to have Jen read my piece “Pwerful and Powerless” at the Statehouse in Boston. I wasn’t ready to speak in the same way as the other survivors. I am in the process of slowly emerging as a survivor, baby steps. When Donna asked if another survivor could read one of my writings, it felt like the baby step I could tolerate. Jen and I have journeyed together for a few years now and to have her read my piece was closest it would come to me reading it. As I stood there watching her feel the piece and read it, I was in awe. And then the tears began to flow. Release, Release, Release! I could feel the healing in action. I was in a big hall surrounded by marble and bronze and yet I could feel the warmth of support coming from all the survivors.

Joanne

ABOUT JEN

Jen lives in Michigan where she regularly enjoys kayaking in the fresh waterways, and being outdoors all year around. Art is an important part of her healing from CSA process. Born from her journey, she has created a business called Art Connections, where she holds classes for kids, teens and adults around letting go of perfection, and enjoying art as a connection & wellness practice. Learn more about her on Jen’s Facebook page.

ABOUT JOANNE

Joanne has a BFA in Photography & Ceramics and an MA in Arts Administration. She spent three years as an artist before turning to arts administration for 20 years. In 2020 she returned to clay. Art has been vital in her healing journey from CSA.

Find out more about her on Instagram@ JoanneKirves

I found my voice in clay!“

Joanne Kirves