tucked with a belt, untucked with a baseball cap. Flex arms, tense jaw, push out chest. And I keep a bottle of Old Spice in my glove box. I put the cap on the Pringles and smile to myself, proud of my will. Five down: Actor William from The Big Chill. Four-letters, starts with H. The condom in my wallet is five years old. On the stand outside a restaurant, I glimpse through an article in the Morning Post. “Man robs two banks, steals from self.” Mr. William Walsh of Anderson County, wanted in the state of California for seven possible armed robbery charges, robbed the Columbia First National bank last Wednesday before being hired for a second heist. Arriving on the scene, Walsh found that his employer was in fact a Mr. Kelly Treat, the president of Columbia First National, last week’s hit. Treat, already under investigation for fraud and security negligence, had hired Walsh to replace the missing funds for a stipend of $5,500. At 11:37 Monday morning, Walsh was apprehended by state officials while fleeing the parking lot of Realston Credit Union. Walsh had accidentally tripped the silent alarm in the vault just before forcing a clerk to fill a duffle bag with over $150,000. Realston Credit Union was the bank where William Walsh held his account, and where he had stashed the majority of the loot from the previous robbery in a lock-box. Following his capture, despite his requests, he was not reimbursed. Walsh explained to the police that he needed money because his pregnant wife could no longer afford her antidepressant medication. Further down the article quotes a Sheriff Yancy, who misuses impotence where he means incompetence. I laugh and light a cigar. I feel I know William Walsh as a brother. I want to meet him, buy him a beer, and talk college football. I wonder if the nurse switched our bassinets or if William Walsh is God’s joke to me. “This chair is uncomfortable.” The chair is uncomfortable. “I’m trying to get you two to communicate what bothers you. It’s about you. You need to say, ‘I feel this way when you do this.’ Even if your feelings seem obvious to you, they aren’t always so clear to your mate.” “My mate? Her name is Mary.” “I was speaking to both of you, Joe. You have no need to feel defensive.”
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