COMING
OUT QUIETLY Members of the queer community should not be expected to come out BY ANIKA BHANDARKAR
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rom the initial “Hey, I need to tell and after the exchange. Even after my you something,” to the eternity friend had texted back a supportive of watching the three dots response, I dreaded the awkwardness appear as my best friend typed back, I and was hesitant to go through the anxiously waited, because I was going exchange again. to come out to her. The realization that In the next few months, I gradually I liked girls was not one that upturned came out to my small friend group the world as and a few family I knew it, and m e m b e r s . being queer was Eventually, I just another was asked the I FOUND MYSELF FEELING meaningful part question, “Are of my identity, you out yet?” and MORE UNCOMFORTABLE but perhaps it I did not know THAN RELIEVED OR was the sheer how to respond. awkwardness On the one PROUD WHEN I CAME OUT of the whole hand, I wanted TO HER. situation that to come out to made me feel a few people I apprehensive. was close to, but I found myself feeling more did not want to explicitly come out to uncomfortable than relieved or proud everyone else — I was fine with telling when I came out to her. Nearly six people if they asked, but did not want months after coming to the realization to make it a point to come out to them. that I was queer, my friend was the For a while, I was conflicted: coming first person I came out to, and my out had seemed like a crucial part of nervousness ran high both during my identity as a queer person, and the
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EL ESTOQUE | FEBRUARY 2024
people I had not come out to asked me if “I liked a guy” and made other assumptions about my sexuality. I felt compelled to place a label on myself by coming out, but at the same time I found it incredibly awkward and anxiety-inducing and I did not want to go through it again. I eventually decided not to come out to anyone for my mental health, instead making the so-called closet “comfortable” for myself — I found peace in my decision rather than feeling trapped in the closet. I was lucky enough to be able to choose to not come out — many queer people cannot come out even if they want to. Queer people may experience hostility and a lack of acceptance from peers, and LGBTQ+ youth risk losing financial support from their parents after coming out. Furthermore, coming out is a major emotional event that can bring about feelings of stress and anxiety, and its difficulty only puts more strain on queer individuals’ mental health. Having to come out multiple times