Bullying and abuse
“ABUSE” continued from the front
“He seemed to be getting more frustrated,” she said. “He got so infuriated, he took all my belongings, scattered them in the yard and stole my phone and my money. I followed him in the garage to get my phone and he slammed me against the wall and punched me in the face.” He then told her she deserved every bit of punishment she got. Then it was done. “I was better than that, and I didn’t need this kind of treatment from anybody. I was tired of being hit. I was tired of being hurt,” she said. “Getting out of the shower and noticing I wasn’t just tan anymore,” she said.
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“I was tan with black and blue marks all over my body. This opened my eyes to everything. I then quit picking up his calls. I ignored his texts and I told my older brother to shoo him away whenever he came by.” After about a month of him persistently trying to win her back, he realized he lost, she said, and quit attempting to make things right. She put her foot down and finally separated herself from this monster. He was done hurting her. He was done crushing her soul. He could no longer grind her heart to dust. “I was done, once and for all. I swear to never let another person treat me the way he did. I dare another person to try. Especially a man …” The suffering was over, she said.
Editorial: Mending a beaten heart when love turns to hate By: Jason Foster How can you claim you love somebody, and then flip the script and hit, beat, grab, shake, or yell and scream at your other half? How can you look someone in their caring, puppy dog eyes and hurt them physically or emotionally? It drives me insane to know my girlfriend was the victim of an abusive boyfriend. Mending a broken heart and reviving a battered soul has not been an easy job. Though I do not yell or hit, she is still very protective of her heart and her body, and doesn’t trust many. Does hurting a significant other make people feel in power? Do some men feel better about themselves after hitting a girl? I believe the men who go to prison because of domestic violence or rape should receive punishments just as severe as the punishments they put their partners through. It’s only fair, right? Anyone who abuses a woman
should get severely punished. And rapists … don’t even get me started. These punishments should be long term, because 7 in 10 arrests for domestic violence are repeat offenders, according to Hubbard House, which helps battered women. Not a one-time deal. That’s the only way the offenders will see the physical and psychological impact of relationship abuse on the human body. Some might say my point of view is harsh, but how would you feel if it was your little sister? Or mother? Movies paint the fantasy of “love” as the perfect house with the perfect white picket fence or the perfect 5-speed convertible. The idea that everything in life will run smooth and clean with no obstacles. Then you look at the national statistics on women who are beaten or emotionally scarred and you realize that this is, more often than not, a Hollywood fantasy that we buy into instead of live.
Editorial: Kicking puppies is “cool” By: Winter Katterhenry A boy or girl no one likes is walking through the hallway while you’re talking with your friends. One of your friends mumbles something rude under his breath about the kid. Your other friends start laughing. Do you laugh, too? Let’s say you do laugh, because the kid isn’t bleeding or crying, the whole sticks and stones thing, therefore you feel the kid should just get over it if he happened to hear. But how would you feel if there was no one on your side? Maybe you should be focused less on “being cool” now, and focused more on making friends who won’t shun you because you don’t like to kick a puppy. Because you’re not “big” or “tough” enough to prey on the weak. So why do we bully? In the high school hierarchy, these kids are often targeted because they don’t have many friends, they’re awkward, or they’re quirky and like to slay invisible dragons in the courtyard. Maybe the bully doesn’t like another kid’s race, religion, or sexual orientation. But no matter what, the kid is targeted because he is the weak link. He’s probably not quick with comebacks, or is too shy to speak up for himself. At the same time, he’s probably too embarrassed to tell a teacher, or doubt the teacher will listen. It makes me sick how a bully can be a “big man on campus.” People want to be around him, think he’s witty and cool. Personally, I never thought being a jerk was cool. Really, if they’re going to pick on someone, why don’t they go for someone their own size, instead of going after the kids who can’t fight back? Really, who’s the bigger pansy here? Some people say bullies have
low self-esteem or lash out because they’re insecure. But studies published on www.discovery.com show most bullies have an above-average self-esteem and have more friends. To me, this is even sicker than preying on the meek because you’re insecure. Picking on someone for no apparent motive is borderline insane. I’m scared to think about what you might do next. A common misconception of bullying is that it is violent, but the vast majority comes from insults, many of which are behind the backs of the insulted. There is also an intimidation, known as “Relational Aggression.” It’s kind of like psychological warfare that includes spreading rumors, excluding people from groups and spewing insults behind their backs. “Because I was skinny, everyone said I was anorexic,” said a student who requested not to have her name printed. “It made me feel so sad, so hurt.” Senior Addie Crosby, 18, handles bullying with a cold, indifferent shoulder. “People can say whatever they want,” says Crosby, who was the 2010-11 Miss Englewood. “Because I don’t really care. Just don’t take it out on the other people. You don’t know their life, their stories.” She thinks it’s impossible to be bullied unless a victim allows himself to care. Unfortunately, not everyone has this outlook. According to an article on kidshealth.org, people who are bullied are at a higher risk for health problems such as depression, anxiety, stress, low selfesteem, or even suicidal thoughts. So the next time you start laughing with friends when someone awkward walks by, ask yourself the question: Is it really worth it? Just to be cool? But before you answer that, please take a moment to consider this: someone we snicker at kills himself, then we have to live our lives knowing that something we said may have caused the death. We are too young to take on that kind of responsibility. We are too young to try and play with someone’s life.
The image that love lasts forever is romantic and it’s understandable why so many ache for it. Little girls start experimenting with romantic love even before they’ve experienced it – they dress up Barbie and Ken dolls with the plastic pink house and car, and are secretly planning their wedding day and future husband. So why does our ideal of love turn into hate so often? Maybe it’s because of these fake expectations of what ‘love’ is supposed to be. When they are not met, that’s when the abuse starts and people take out their physical, emotional, or sexual aggression on others. Or maybe it’s because people will just jump into any relationship, saying they can’t live alone. So they settle for something less than perfect because of their insecurities. We need to step back and think before we hop into relationships. If you are with someone who cannot satisfy you, that’s when he or she
becomes unhappy and forces you to feel how they want you to feel and make decisions for you, rather than with you. When people feel like they aren’t getting 100 percent out of their partner, they will do whatever it takes to achieve emotional and physical comfort, and many times it leads to abuse. There are rocky relationships all over. I’m 100 percent positive no one in this world has had a perfect relationship. Relationships have their ups and downs, twists and turns, but the strong partners are the ones who emotionally battle for what they really want. When the word storms and thundering punches start brewing, the incompatibility with your partner should be plain to see. Once the put downs and fighting words start stirring, that’s the key to break it off. It may be hard, but it’s the right thing. If not, then our generation will need to invest in lots of makeup to mask the bruises and black eyes.
Bullying: Warning Signs In a recent survey conducted by the RamPage, studies show about onethird of Englewood students have reported being victims of relationship abuse or have been spectators to the abuse of their friends. Of the 100 students surveyed, 50 were juniors and 50 seniors. About one-half of the seniors said they have witnessed some kind of abuse, and nearly one-third of the seniors reported they are in or know someone who’s in an abusive relationship today. By: Jason Foster It might start with a seemingly innocent remark, a slight putdown. This grows into accusations, humiliation and isolation. There are dozens of signs of physical or emotional abuse. Sadly, nearly one-third of American adults have reported being abused in their relationships, according to a 2004 study by The Commonwealth Fund, a group dedicated to finding help for battered women and children. Experts say this can be avoided if people become thoughtful about the warning signs and then leave relationships that were filled with abuse. In a recent survey, Englewood students reported to have firsthand experience with abuse. More than one-third of juniors and seniors said they are in or know someone in an abusive relationship. Psychologists have defined two types of abuse: physical and emotional. Physical means beating, tugging, grabbing, slapping, pushing, shoving, or unwanted sexual advances. This basically means any contact that causes pain or harm. For example, if he shoves you against the wall and yells, “Don’t back talk me little girl! I’m the man around this house!” Experts report this kind of abuse can lead to sheltering and hiding out. These victims feel worthless, embarrassed, and frightened during the course of the day. Outsiders can see signs of this when bruises and marks appear. Emotional abuse comes in the form of putdowns, bickering, denying, dominating, blackmail, belittling, and verbal assaults. The RamPage researched several websites to compile a list of descriptions on abuse most common in relationships and signs on what to look
out for: -Aggressing: This type of emotional abuse refers to name calling, and goes as far as accusing and threatening, sometimes ordering another around. -Constant chaos: A form of bickering when the abuser deliberately starts arguments and is usually addicted to drama. -Denying: Someone disregards his or her partner’s emotional needs with the intention of hurting, punishing, or humiliating. -Dominating: Someone who wants to control every move. If it’s not their way, they will threaten to get it. -Emotional blackmail: The abuser uses his partner’s fear against them. -Minimizing is a slightly less extreme form of denial. Statements such as “you’re too sensitive,” or “you’re not smart enough,” suggest the other person’s emotions cannot be trusted. -Verbal assaults: This type of abuse is a combination of several of the other abuses, when the abuser uses sarcasm, humiliation, threatening, criticizing, screaming, and belittling to gain power over his or her partner. This form of abuse makes the victim feel worthless and believe no one else could want to be with them. Victims of abuse struggle with feeling powerless, fearful, and angry. Emotional abuse is like brainwashing that wears down the victim’s confidence, selfworth, and trust in their own perceptions.
If you are victim, or know someone who is experiencing any of these forms of abuse, contact 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit the website, “thehotline.org“ for information and tips on how to cope or get out.