Count Me In

-Kristin Colino

When I started writing my memoir, I was excited to share my testimony of how my personal relationship with Jesus Christ was at the center of it. I wanted nothing more than to glorify Him and to share the multitude of ways His mercy and grace have saved me from disaster and despair. Just like so many of us today who start out with a mission or ministry to bring people to the Lord, somewhere along the line, the world always seems to get in the way.

Recently, I began questioning my motivation for promoting my upcoming book, blog, ministry, and agenda. Was it too self-serving? Was I still honoring Jesus Christ with my work? I am now discovering a whispering voice asking me to revisit why I started writing in the first place. It has slowed me down, given me pause for reflection, and reminded me to go back to tending the sheep.

When we meet David in Scripture, he is almost overlooked because he is the good and obedient shepherd out in the field watching over the flock (1 Samuel 16:10-13 MSG). Although he is finally anointed by the prophet that day, his future as King David is far off. He has yet to conquer Goliath, wrestle with King Saul, and sit on the throne to lead Israel.

I am beginning to see that an initial anointing that leads me to God’s desire and plan for my life has a timeline I did not anticipate. I drafted a vision statement for my book in September 2003. I developed a clear picture of what I wanted to accomplish and share my personal experience with serious mental illness. At that time, I did not know God had much greater plans for me. Most importantly, I needed to show how his compassion and faithfulness would take me on a 20-year journey to find His direction, meaning, and purpose in my ongoing story.

What I prayed for was to be healed. Instead, I learned about God’s sufficient grace as I navigated disruption, disappointment, and detours (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV). In the quietness of the wilderness, I found Him guiding me and leading me to others who needed to hear my struggle. However, along the way it started to be more about me and less about God. I began to think I understood what God had planned for me and became confident in my calling.

Like the Israelites who started worshipping other gods, I found myself looking for recognition.

In our world of mass communication, the tendency and worldly expectation are to promote oneself via social media to bring others to Christ. Like modern influencers, we post our pictures, verses, and blogs about how He is the God of redemption and forgiveness. Then, we assess our progress by the number of followers and likes we receive from friends and the public. It is a slippery slope when the camera is pointed at us and not reflecting the goodness of God. Our society has made success and influence measurable and comparable by the number of people reached. The depth of the information continues to lose value on a global scale.

By the time David rises to King of Israel, his pride starts leading his decisions. He covets Bathsheba and has her husband Uriah killed (2 Samuel 11 NIV). Then, he angers the Lord by deciding to take a census of the fighting men of Israel. This incident leads to a potential three-day plague on the people God relents from out of His merciful heart for Israel (2 Samuel 24:10-17 NIV, 1 Chronicles 21:1-17 NET).

I find many parallels between David’s life and what we experience on the Internet today. We want numbers and names for ourselves instead of God’s Kingdom on earth. We covet what others appear to have in their online profiles. We forget how close we were to God when we were shepherding our flock and following God’s next steps in the wilderness. I am learning to slow down what I believe God wants and listen for God’s planned next step as I wait in joyful hope for my calling to come to fruition.

David’s son, the wise King Solomon, found favor with God for rebuilding the temple as he followed the word of the Lord (2 Chronicles 7:11-22 NET). The construction took seven years, but he also built a palace for himself which took 13 years.

As I search my heart today, I am growing in my ability to leave the multiplication of my ministry to Jesus. I am focusing on glorifying God to the best of my abilities in my current sphere of influence. Although it is not at the speed I want, I trust God’s timing. I start each day at the computer asking the Lord these questions:

“What is my motivation for writing and sharing my story?

“What is the purpose of this post on social media?”

“Who are my sheep, and how do I lead them?”

May we be disciples who live to glorify God with humility. Because our Father who hears and sees what we do in secret will give us the desires of our heart

(Matthew 6:5-6 NIV, Psalm 37:4 NIV). God is looking for servant-hearted leaders. Will you join me in honoring our Savior’s sacrifice?