Situationship, Victoria Simoes

Situationship

Victoria Simoes

“When you and your partner have sex, hold hands while driving, call every night, fall asleep on the phone, tell each other that u love them but as FRIENDS, and tell each other everything. But you guys are only buddies (Urban Dictionary, 2022).” Although this may not be the most academic definition, user Hahapicklesarecute does a great job in capturing the experience of a situationship. The term depicts the relationship of two individuals who are really into each other, do everything a couple would do together, yet refuse to have a conversation about commitment. A situationship allows the people involved to have an emotional presence and connection in person but freedom when apart. The saddest part is, a lot of people find themselves in the middle of them by accident. I’ve heard the phrase “going with the flow” being tossed around the Gen Z dating space as a term to ease the pressures of navigating a relationship. But I find it is the number one excuse to avoid accountability and DTR - defining the relationship.

Unfortunately, this dynamic has become the new way of coining the relationships that exist amongst most adolescents in the year of 2022. Why would someone want to be in a situationship you might ask? Well, most people think this type of relationship is harmless. It can offer a fun, stress-free way to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without major emotional commitment… provided that both partners are on the same page. If both parties are not in agreement, it is the easiest way to get ones feelings hurt.

The harsh truth is, more often than not, at least one person in the situationship grows attached even if they had no intention to. Undoubtedly, it can be hard not to develop feelings for someone when time and energy is invested into them. When this happens, the situationship becomes a connection where one person (full of hope) thinks they can turn it into a labeled relationship. This person begins to feel deep emotions, crave stability and starts to develop expectations that their partner is not committed to meeting. At this stage, the situationship can get very tricky to navigate and it holds the potential to affect one’s self-worth and mental health. The one who is hoping for more may begin to question why they’re not good enough for an exclusive

relationship, what they could change about themselves to gain their partner’s approval. Technically, both individuals are not in a relationship, so this also brings up questions about boundaries. When is it okay to say something about behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable? Are you even able to address it? These are valid thoughts to have for someone you share intense emotional bonds with. Feelings of doubt and resentment may also surface. Self- doubt is a huge theme prevalent in situationships because people will pass their feelings off as being no big deal. This constant burying of emotions will eventually foster a deep sense of resentment for the other person because your needs aren’t being met by the one you want them to be fulfilled by. Being in a situationship may even lead someone into a position where they can’t seem to walk away even if they don’t enjoy the way their situation makes them feel. They feel stuck and are then perpetuating a loop of invalidating their own experiences and feelings because they think that they should not be feeling this way to begin with. All because the other person is “not” their boyfriend or “not” their girlfriend.

Learn more about situationships:

Journal Article: Gibson, T. J. (2020). If You Want the Milk, Buy the Cow. Book: Jalili, C. (2021). Just Send the Text: An Expert's Guide to Letting Go of the Stress and Anxiety of Modern Dating. Tiller Press. Website: Is Your “Situationship” Harming Your Mental Health? By TalkSpace Song: Love Galore by SZA Movie: No Strings Attached

Bibliography

Gibson, T. J. (2020). If You Want the Milk, Buy the Cow: A Study of Young Black Womens ExperSituationships.

Is your "situationship" Harming your mental health? Talkspace. Retrieved November 6, 2022, from https://www.talkspace.com/blog/situationship-mental-health/ Jalili, C. (2021). Just Send the Text: An Expert's Guide to Letting Go of the Stress and Anxiety of

Modern Dating. Tiller Press. Rice, K. (2022, August 29). 900+ funny ideas in 2022: Funny, funny memes, funny relatable memes. Retrieved November 6, 2022, from https://www.pinterest.ca/k_srice/funny/ Situationship. Urban Dictionary. (2022, August 30). Retrieved November 6, 2022, from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Situationship&page=2