Ghosting, Alana White “Here” by Alessia Cara, Mara Bouldis………………………………………………………142

Ghosting

Alana White

What happens when your ‘Boo’ becomes a ‘Ghost?’ Ghosting refers to “the act of suddenly ending a personal relationship with someone, and without explanation, ceasing all forms of communication” (Thomas & Dubar, 2021). This can occur between friends, romantic partners, or even family. Ghosting can happen to anyone, but it is particularly important when trying to understand the experiences of adolescents, as it is a slang term that they use to describe what is happening in their social worlds. Moreover, ghosting has become increasingly common amongst youth. This is partially because our current culture relies heavily on the use of social media and digital communication, which allows for everything to be done online or via text, including initiating and ending relationships. People often engage in ghosting because they don’t want to hurt the other person (i.e., they think “direct” rejection is more painful), they lost interest, they fear conflict, or they want to protect themselves by avoiding an uncomfortable face-to-face conversation (Thomas & Dubar, 2021). So how does this relate to adolescents? Adolescents do not always have the emotional maturity to deal with nor express difficult emotions. One study found that emotional maturity in adolescents aged 15-18 was extremely unstable (Joy & Mathew, 2018). Perhaps some adolescents ghost others because they are not emotionally mature and therefore, they struggle to express difficult emotions and are unable to consider how their actions affect others. Another possibility is that they are not ready for a relationship. Adolescents are often in the process of

figuring out who they are and what they want and as a result they may not be ready for commitment.

It is understandable that ghosting would cause the individual on the receiving end (the ghostee) to feel hurt, insecure, betrayed, and confused. Adolescents often look for validation and acceptance from those around them, whether that be peers or partners, and this helps them develop a sense of self-esteem. Ghosting is a form of social rejection and research has shown that adolescents who internalize social rejection have lower self-esteem and are prone to adverse mental health outcomes like anxiety or depression (Sebastian, 2012). Since ghostees have no opportunity to ask questions or receive closure that would help them process this experience emotionally, they are often left with self-doubt and self-blame. Additionally, since most individuals will experience their first romantic relationship during adolescence, ghosting can negatively impact how youth expect relationships to work and what types of communication are acceptable. In fact, psychologists have found that one’s first love is difficult to forget because memories from your adolescence leave “hormonal ‘imprints’ on the sensory areas of your brain” and during this time, “neurological developments” are impacting the development of one’s identity (Fellizar, 2021). When these critical relationships end abruptly, adolescents are left feeling unworthy. They may be hesitant to initiate new relationships or to open up emotionally. Ghosting can hinder adolescents’ ability to form meaningful relationships in the future, thus harming their overall well-being. Moreover, ghosting can also impact the mental health of the individual who does the ghosting. Although adolescents may be able to avoid the difficult emotions of the ghostee, they will ultimately be left to face their own. One study found that 60% of participants who ghosted felt short-term guilt or remorse (Thomas & Dubar, 2021). It is essential for adults to help youth

recognize the importance of expressing their emotions in healthy ways, especially since teens often have difficulty responding to feelings and remembering that they are temporary. Educators should also be aware of ghosting to better support their students’ well-being. Adolescents often express their internal lives through external actions. When a student constantly misses class or receives poor grades, this does not necessarily mean they don’t care; it could be the result of them trying to work through inner emotional turmoil.

To learn more, check out this recent study that focuses on adolescents’ motives for ghosting and the psychological consequences. Also listen to “Ghoster’s Paradise,” but be aware there is some swearing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8oft8rQeaU

References

Fellizar, K. (2021, June 7). Psychologists explain why you can’t forget your first love. Bustle. https://www.bustle.com/wellness/why-you-cant-forget-your-first-love-according-topsychology

Ghosting Memes. [Image]. (2020). Memes. https://memes.com/blog/ghosting-memes-that-wontleave-you-hanging Joy, M., & Mathew, A. (2018). Emotional maturity and general well-being of adolescents. IOSR

Journal of Pharmacy, 8(5), 1-5. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/MollyJoy/publication/333918195_Emotional_Maturity_and_General_WellBeing_of_Adolescents/links/5e327cc092851c7f7f0c39d8/Emotional-Maturity-andGeneral-Well-Being-of-Adolescents.pdf Sanghani, R. (2021). Five expert-approved break-up texts to send instead of ghosting. [Image]. https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3 Sebastian, C. (2012, November 4). Don’t leave me out! The British Psychological Society. https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/dont-leave-me-out Thomas, J. O., & Dubar, R. T. (2021). Disappearing in the age of hypervisibility: definition, context, and perceived psychological consequences of social media ghosting. Psychology

of Popular Media, 10(3), 291-302. https://doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000343

“Here” by Alessia Cara

Mara Boldis

The key word I decided to choose for this assignment is the song “Here” by Alessia

Cara (2015). This song can be described as an introvert’s party anthem. ‘Cara wrote this song back in 2015 when she was sixteen, after coming home from a party that she did not feel that she belonged at’ (Song Meanings and Facts 2020). Cara has the listener understand her thoughts and emotions while attending the high school party she feels that she does not belong to, nor is enjoying. In the music video Alessia Cara is watching the party from the distance. This makes her appear as the ‘outcast’ or ‘the one that does not fit in’. When she enters the house party everyone except for herself is frozen. At the beginning she states, “Or I'm not listenin' or I'm indifferent/Truly, I ain't got no business here/But since my friends are here, I just came to kick it…” (Cara 2015). She describes how she is more comfortable with being at home than staying in an environment with a lot of ppl who are not close to her. Additionally, Cara questions why she followed her friends to the party. She feels that people see her coming off as anti-social.

I chose to use the song “Here” by Alessia Cara as my keyword, because as described above it address how teenagers sometimes feel left out or like an outcast in big social gatherings, which can lead to being bullied, depression and anxiety. Many times, teens feel pressured to fit in a certain way, be on the ball with the current trends, or cool enough. Consequently, going to large social gatherings such as a party can be exhausting and terrifying for teens since, they might feel unwanted, lonely or like an outcast. As described in Waddell’s articles, relationships for adolescence are important for their development. They help make/shape an individual; make them feel validated. As she explains “…The perspective from which someone might view himself and his relationships with the world [is important]. Such are the paranoid-schizoid position and the depressive position. The theory of "positions" from which life and relationships

are experienced constituted a significant shift within psychoanalytic understanding, a shift away from an emphasis on the explaining and curing of discrete symptoms and towards one in which the developmental possibilities are traced in the person as a whole, in their relation with prevailing mental states” (Waddell 6). Thus, a student’s relationship and the way they fit into a social group really influences/can take control on their development and mental states. If that student feels unwelcomed to a particular group, it can get them to feel like Alessia Cara is feeling in her song “here”. Many of the times these individuals may also be bullied and alienated if they do not fit into the norms of the people apart of the large social gatherings.

For my alternative medium representation, I decided to make a collage on what an adolescents may be feeling/reflecting themselves when being a part of these big social gatherings (ex. high school party). In my collage I divided the canvas into two sections. The section on the left represents the adolescent inner state feeling. I chose someone who is upset and sad and many of the words are in black in white with minimal colour. This is supposed to represent the youth’s misery, scaredness and negative emotional. I wanted to use text painting by having the colourless side represent the inner state of how a teenager may feel confused, scared, anxious and depressed inside. On the other hand, on the right side I chose to have many ‘positive’ words and colour to represent the liveliness persona the adolescent may be perceiving on the outside to their peers. For the person in the middle, I chose to include enhanced features such as a different eye, mouth, skin, hair etc. to illustrate the influence and pressure a teen must go through to ‘look a certain way’ or ‘fit in’. As explained earlier, many of the times, unfortunately, these adolescents are bullied because they do not fit in or even sometimes ‘are trying too hard to fit in’, hence a state of loneliness, depression and anxiety can arise in them.

In the article “What Teens Want: Barriers to Seeking Car for Depression” by Wisdom et al. examines the experiences of teenagers seeking and receiving care for depression from primary care providers. Interviews were conducted on these individuals to see what the prominent themes were for having teens feel this way. To add on in a well-known site called kidshealth.org “Coping With Cliques” also goes in depth about the idea of adolescents feeling like an outcast in large group gatherings (similar to Alessia Cara’s “Here”). Finally, if one wanted to inform/educate themselves more on the keyword “Here” they can look at KiddNation’s video on “Alessia Cara – Meaning Behind ‘Here’ – KiddNation 3/5”. Below are the links to the websites and article described above to be educated more about the keyword “Here”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4BmA7EAEI8

https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/cliques.html

Wisdom JP, Clarke GN, Green CA. What teens want: barriers to seeking care for depression. Adm Policy Ment Health. 2006 Mar;33(2):133-45. doi: 10.1007/s10488-006-0036-4. PMID: 16489480; PMCID: PMC3551284.

Works Cited

AlessiaCaraVEVO. “Alessia Cara - Here (Official Video).” YouTube, YouTube, 26 May 2015, www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKp2CrfmVfw. “Coping with Cliques (for Teens) - Nemours Kidshealth.” Edited by Kathryn Hoffses, KidsHealth, The Nemours Foundation, July 2018, kidshealth.org/en/teens/cliques.html. KiddNationTV. “Alessia Cara - Meaning behind ‘Here’ | Kiddnation 3/5.” YouTube, YouTube, 13 Oct. 2015, www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4BmA7EAEI8. London, Amanda. “‘Here’ .” Song Meanings and Facts, 4 Oct. 2020, www.songmeaningsandfacts.com/here-by-alessia-cara/.

Waddell, Margot. Inside Lives: Psychoanalysis and the Growth of the Personality. ROUTLEDGE, 2019. Wisdom JP, Clarke GN, Green CA. What teens want: barriers to seeking care for depression. Adm Policy Ment Health. 2006 Mar;33(2):133-45. doi: 10.1007/s10488-006-0036-4. PMID: 16489480; PMCID: PMC355128

Homelessness

Thorin Stryker

Youth homelessness is a topic not discussed much in the media these days, with topics being focused on wild politics, celebrity stories, or things that are much easier to digest than reality. However, the truth about homeless youth is much worse than we could imagine. The statistics from just Toronto alone are shocking, and saddening to hear about. 1 in 11 homeless people in Toronto are youths. 1 in 100 youths will go homeless in Toronto each year. 32% of people experiencing homelessness will have experienced it before the age of 16. Youth shelters in Toronto are at 97% capacity. Every night, around 2000 youths experience homelessness (Youth without shelter, n.d). This is a crippling issue that youths in our own city, a very wealthy city that is, are struggling with. The mental health and development of so many adolescents and youths are being negatively affected by this epidemic, and it shows no signs of slowing down. Its impact reaches far beyond the poor souls that spend the night in halfway houses and couch-surfing, but also their peers and friends as well. When this was first brought to my attention in high school, I could not believe the numbers that were being shown to me. How could this be happening? What is causing all these youths to run away to homeless shelters? In my school that year there were roughly 1500 students. With the statistics provided, it meant that around 15 of my fellow classmates were living on the streets or in a shelter. This showed me that homelessness among adolescents is a big and serious issue that is facing young people in our world today. According to “Youth without shelter” and “Covenant House Toronto”, there are many causes of homelessness. For instance, it is said that over 60% of youths attribute abuse and trauma at home as the reason why they chose to leave, and 58% have had some involvement with child welfare and the foster home system before becoming homeless (Youth without shelter, n.d). This issue also greatly impacts the development of the child, as up to 65% of youths who experience homelessness do not complete high school. This is a fundamental issue that plagues our society, as the thought of what these children have to go through in their daily lives just to survive is heartbreaking and unimaginable. When an adolescent experiences such a traumatic event and is thrust into this set of circumstances, their entire lives are disrupted and are put on a hiatus. There is no enjoying their youth anymore, or living life to the fullest. Their minds no longer think about partying, the social antics of school, or mundane activities like homework and chores. Their minds must now focus on things far beyond their age category, like how they will eat, or how they will sleep. They are forcibly thrust into a life that is supposed to be relegated for those in a much later stage of life. Their youth and adolescent life are cut short, and forcibly removed from them. Gone are the traditional ideas of how kids grow over their development years, and in its place is trauma, depression, and anxiety. My heart goes out to the 2000 children that are sleeping in a foreign bed tonight, and I wish them the best in this cruel world that they are forced to live in. If you would like to read more about the issue of homeless youths in Toronto and Canada, please visit the links provided below. They are from charitable organizations that have homes and shelters for homeless youths in Toronto and the GTA. As well, I have included an article that

dives deeper into the youths themselves and the ways that society can intervene and assist those struggling with homelessness and its causes. Altena, A. M., Brilleslijper-Kater, S. N., & Wolf, J. R. L. M. (2010). Effective Interventions for Homeless Youth: A Systematic Review. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 38(6), 637–645. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.amepre.2010.02.017 https://yws.on.ca/who-we-are/youth-homelessness/ https://covenanthousetoronto.ca/the-problem/youth-homelessness/

References

Youth without shelter (n.d) Who we are https://yws.on.ca/who-we-are/youth-homelessness/