{ Volume XXIV, Number 6 } November & December 2009
A Publication of the Women’s Community Center of San Luis Obispo County
Painting by Catherine Kossack
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Long Dance
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Motherhood
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Five Steps for Making Changes
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It’s Never Too Late to Follow Your Bliss
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Voices Around the Table:
Being Thankful Four Children Show Thanksgiving’s Meaning
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Women’s Press
Women’s Press | November & December 2009 | womenspress.slo@gmail.com
Courtney’s Quill This is my favorite time of the year. I love how the days get cooler, the hills turn green, and holiday decorations begin to adorn homes across the country. I adore how people seem cheerier and neighbors come over bearing homemade breads and cookies. And while it’s easy to get caught up in the bustle of buying gifts, preparing lavish meals, and feeling anxiety over our quickly diminishing bank accounts, I would encourage you to take a moment to slow down, look out the window, and appreciate the holiday season. Life seems good during these last few months of the year. This is also the time when we begin to review our year. Some may feel accomplished and pleased (I am so glad I finally put all those photos in albums!) while others wonder where the time went (how did I not write even one sentence in my novel?). Whichever way your mind will wander, the writers in this issue have some advice for you: Bobbe Taylor (page 9) writes a wonderful article, letting us know that it’s never too late to accomplish your dreams (that novel will be written one day!); Judythe Guarnera reminds us that children are resilient and the giving nature of humans is immeasurable and commendable (page 11); and MaryAine Curtis gives us an easy way to change our lives, surely getting us ready for the New Year (page 7). All of our wonderful writers have such deep wisdom to share. I am thankful for the persistence to make Women’s Press one of the best newspapers in the county. We hope this holiday season brings you much joy, some time off to relax, and an abundant amount of love and cheer from those that surround you. But before I leave you, let me share some good news! The next issue of Women’s Press will look much different. We are changing our format! Come January, we will have a 24 page, all color, 8 ½ x 11 inch magnificent paper! We will be more noticeable around town! Our voices will be a bit louder! We will continue to make a change—just in a more colorful and exciting medium! I look forward to these changes, and I can’t wait to hear what you have to say! Love and appreciation to all of you this holiday season!
Drum Circle Magic Part Nine:
Sacred Space/Time
Photo by Kathleen Deragon
By Francesca Bolognini Welcome back to the circle. In this installment, I wish to address the healing properties of sound within a particular container. By this I mean a reverberation which is “contained” either physically or metaphysically within certain boundaries that reflect energies back to the source. As I have covered in previous articles, we are directly affected by vibrations received. Particular frequencies have the power to realign our personal energies to promote healing and raise consciousness. This energetic shift is more efficiently accomplished when done in a space designed to accurately amplify and enhance rhythm. An example would be one of the ancient temples where the architecture and décor were carefully calculated to enhance the effect of ceremonies.
Drumming priestesses of Greece, who created healing rhythms within such spaces, were called Melissas, meaning bees. After women’s drumming was banned, cathedrals were fashioned, usurping archaic sacred sites, taking great care with vocal acoustics. A modern version of this would be the concert hall, a predominantly secular setting, built on acoustic principles. But let us go back much further, to the most ancient temple sites known today, on the masculine island of Malta (Honey), and the feminine sister island, Gozo (Joy). These temple ruins are so old that the stones, many lying in disarray, have worn to look like sponges. We can only guess as to the roofs which covered them. However, below the ground exists a honeycomb of chambers, hewn from the very rock, called
About This Issue’s Cover Artist
This Time Around
Catherine Kossack is a third year Art major at Cal Poly. Her work includes paintings, sculpture and photography. See more of her work and an extended bio on our website: www.womenspress-slo.org
By Kalila Volkov Tonight in bed I stretched, then slid my toes alongside my calf and felt a new bump. They’ll keep sprouting up like little warts, the doctor said. Age bumps and age spots how pretty and here I am, only fifty. These small changes are signs of my fall into decline past the half-way mark already;
the Hypogeum. These caverns have magical reverberant properties, as witnessed by my good friend Christine, who recently experienced them. Due to the spiritual nature of their retreat and the knowledge of their tour guide, her group gained access to chambers not usually open to the public. There they meditated, chanted, and toned. She reports intense, transformational spiritual feelings from this practice. Later, when visiting the “Singing Stone” on the cliffs of Gozo, the island where even modern churches reflect the feminine, Christine did us all proud. A local frame drummer was playing, the sun was shining, and each person was striking the stone once. Christine went last and her turn became a duet with the drummer until her hand blistered. She then began to dance, and being trained in hula and belly dance, this must have been spectacular. The reverberation of stone with drum created the mood and metaphysical “container” for her performance, which became sacred art, re-manifesting the energy of the Great Goddess for whom all the temples were formed. Christine is normally a rather modest soul. Such a spontaneous ceremony was indeed a transformation and a powerful, spectacular gift to her audience. We all create sacred space when we focus our drumming and /or chanting on a spiritual purpose with intent, thus reclaiming a potent healing tool. So, remember that you are Goddesses, resonate Love, and keep the beat!
but wait, I’m still that young girl inside who wished on stars and pretended tree stumps and roots were houses with happy twig people in them. I need plenty of more time as I barely know whom I am becoming yet. Even though time slowly seems to be running out I’ll act as if it isn’t and still admire puddles like I always have, talk to my plants, toss cookies to “Puppa Dawg” in the yard, pray for the world, and be grateful for all the good things that make this time around so wonderful.
The Women’s Fall Gathering is November 9th from 11-1pm at Chumash Auditorium at Cal Poly. The gathering is intended for women at Cal Poly and women in the community to have a chance to meet and discuss some of the hot topics affecting them presently. Issues such as furloughs. childcare, finances, etc. We will be meeting next week to discuss discussion topics. The gathering will consist of lunch, table discussions and meeting new women in the community. Contact Women’s Press for more information.
Courtney
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Submissions Welcomed!
Articles, essays, opinion pieces, letters, artwork, poetry wanted & appreciated. The Women’s Press reserves the right to edit all submissions for content, clarity & length. Contact womenspress.slo@gmail.com or call 805-544-9313. Submissions will also be placed online. The opinions expressed in the Women’s Press are those of the authors & do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Women’s Community Center. The Women’s Community Center does not necessarily endorse products or services advertised in the Women’s Press.
Contributors
MaryAine Cherry Jeanie Greensfelder Laura Grace Judythe Guarnera Hilda Heifetz Lisa Pimental Johnson Lisa Jouet Angie King Evelyn Adams Barbara Atkinson Cassandra Carlson MaryAine Cherry Kathleen Deragon Bailey Drechsler Anne Dunbar Cynthia Fatzinger Ani Garrick Angela Henderson Margaret Hennessy Jane Hill Susan Howe
Heather Mendel Jen Mowad Berta Parrish Adele Sommers Jill Turnbow Jacqueline Turner Andrea Zeller
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Local Perspectives
November & December 2009 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press
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Are You Locked in the Trunk of Your Professional Car?
Long Dance: Photo by Zephyr Seven
By Adele Sommers Whenever I’m advising my clients or protégés, I often find myself using a car analogy to describe what can transpire during the span of our careers. Particularly if we start off as employees in a large company, it’s not unusual to develop an employee mindset in which we do not ever learn to “drive” the company car. In fact, we may not even be able to see through the front window of the car— much less steer it—if the company does not somehow involve us routinely in making business decisions. As employees, that’s the only way we would be able to gain experience in navigating the road. Based on my own experience and what I’ve observed in many others, I feel the car analogy helps compare different working modes in our lives. These modes may repeat and even overlap extensively. They are essentially neutral, as each avenue we pursue can serve us well at the right time. The point is that during each shift, our mindsets must evolve to keep pace with the demands of each new scenario, as explained below. • Employee mode can feel in some cases as if we’re “locked in the trunk of the car,” unable to perceive where the organization is headed. As employees, we can become conditioned to a feeling of passive security, where all major decisions are made by others. In job interviews, we’re expected to passively respond to questions based on a relatively passive marketing tool, a résumé. • Contract mode is the next stage in the progression where we take on work that has been outsourced by others. Since we are independent, we must at least be able to able to see out of the “front window” of our metaphori-
cal car, even if it only occurs from the “back seat.” To pursue new business, we might use brochures and similar proactive marketing materials, including proposals. • Consulting mode puts us even closer to being in full control of our vehicle because we are taking a trusted advisory role with our clients. This role places us figuratively in the “passenger’s seat,” where we can see the client’s challenges clearly and may even be holding the navigation map. To solicit new business, in addition to other marketing tools, we might rely more heavily on proposals. • Entrepreneurial mode places us squarely in the “driver’s seat” of the car, particularly if our goal entails building a self-propelled, turnkey operation that hires employees and can eventually run without our day-to-day involvement. In this mode, we and our team must make all risk-reward decisions, based on a business plan or similar strategic planning process. In conclusion, some of the most dramatic shifts in life occur when we decide it’s time to strike out on our own, usually after a period of employment. Gaining independence entails handling new expectations as we progressively maneuver ourselves into the driver’s seat. Adele Sommers, Ph.D. is a business performance consultant who helps entrepreneurs align their life passions with their business purpose. She also guides organizations through “tactical tune-ups” and “strategic makeovers” in individual or group sessions. Contact her today for a free initial consultation at Adele@ LearnShareProsper.com, or 805-462-2199.
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Highlight of the Spiritual Calendar By Tobey Crockett PhD The nineteenth annual Long Dance took place the third week of September. A spiritual and community event sponsored by the Church Of Empowerment, the ceremony itself, as well as the days leading up to it, are full of excitement, sharing, joyful celebration and tears, wonder and above all, transformation. This is my fourth year attending, and now I know that I will always go, no matter if I continue to live in this county or not. It’s just an amazing occasion, full of unexpected poetry, authentic connection, and a sweet spiritual intimacy which I deeply value as a cornerstone of our human journey. Approximately 100-150 women gather for a Medicine Way ceremony in which they dance, drum, sing, pray, and share teachings all night from sunset to sunrise near Lopez Lake. Men do participate as well, playing a key role in creating and holding the sacred space in safety, but the ceremony itself is strictly women. And it’s beautiful! Some things are just beyond words and the Long Dance experience is one of them. Nonetheless, I wanted to ask other women why they want to go if it is their first time, and why they keep coming back for more. Tobey Crockett: What are you most looking forward to about your first Long Dance this year? What are your hopes for what you will experience? Shantel Beckers (first timer): For me Long Dance is about bringing forth the Divine Feminine in a supportive community. I have spent most of my life fully engaged in the masculine (I’m a tough tom-boy raised on a farm) and it’s only been in the last six years or so that I’ve come to appreciate the beauty and power of the feminine. Although this is my first dance, I have met several of the women involved and it is very apparent this is a group who wants to support you on your journey. Everyone has made me feel completely at ease and welcomed any questions I may have. I am looking forward to honoring Mother Earth and learning from the wonderful women in this community. Indi McCarthy (first timer): I have experienced only a little time with the Church in the Full Moon Circle, so my expectations are pretty broad in some ways. What makes it so exciting, though, is that it might very well be a real opportunity to let go of my Ego for a time, surrounded by very capable and loving people. Rumi writes, “May the dissolver of sugar dissolve me just in time.” I am curious to see what will arise from that dissolved state. Karin Leonard (ten plus years): I was talking with an old friend who said that to her, Long Dance was about
“Bring wood, bring water, bring your life’s questions. Take home what you need for the year.” I’ve gone for over a decade, because it reminds me of the dreams I still long to live out in my life. Each person makes an impact in the circle of women speaking in clear intention. Women grow into themselves in the flow of Long Dance week. Men step into a protective and spiritfilled existence as they stand sentry for us. I find the event is the turning point from the past year to the coming one. Stephanie Olivia (two years): Because I heard the call of the Diva of the Dance: At first she softly whispered in my ear, and as the time grew nearer and I took no action to to participate, she became insistent, her voice was stronger it until I had no choice but to respond to her call. Hua Anwa (nineteen years): I go because I said I would. That’s it. Showing up to a ceremony that is dedicated to the Earth Mother and the western gate, my home. Because I said I would. Christine Troples (eleven years): My personal experience of Long Dance is that it is Magical. Your life is gradually transformed as the day and the evening moves forward. When the Sun comes up and your heart and soul have been moved to a new level of ‘feeling’ and your emotions are softer and more easily expressed, there is still the morning of Long Dance in which there is more magic to experience. This will be my eleventh year and I must say, I am blessed to be within such a wonderful community of women, growing themselves, as am I. Lori Steed (two years): I remember going on a nature hike at nature camp in 6th grade and stopping in the shade of the oak trees, finding special rocks and grinding them into powder and making a paint that we then used to paint our faces like the Chumash had done. Over the years since then I have noticed the rituals and traditions of many cultures and am always grateful when a particular culture opens its arms and allows me to participate in one of their events. The experience allows for a taste of what is tradition and sacred for them. It broadens my awareness and increases my capacity to understand their perspective in some small way. More importantly, I have the opportunity to grow as an individual. This is why I value the Long Dance. For more information on the Long Dance and registration forms, please see http://www. churchofempowerment.org. For more info more on Hua Anwa, the woman who leads the event and about whom I wrote in Women’s Press a few months ago, please see www. huaanwa.com
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Motherhood
Women’s Press | November & December 2009 | womenspress.slo@gmail.com
Balm For The Soul Photo by Ravajas
By Kathy Bond Roses saved me this year. When the Home Owner’s Association gardener told me to cut the flowers, he didn’t realize that I’d deadhead and prune them, too. Those proved therapeutic steps. We enjoyed roses all summer long, and I shared them with condo neighbors. I sketched and painted the blooms and appreciated their room-filling scent. I marveled at the rainbow of colors. Some white ones had red edges. Yellow turned to orange and gold as buds uncurled. We had pale pink and deep fuchsia in the two-year old bed. Later, the gardener added two miniature bushes, one yellow mixed with red, and one coral. A snake entered Eden in the form of yellow, spotted, and grayish white leaves.
The luster left. The gardener promised to spray the following week—but I don’t think he did, and I felt glad. I just kept clipping away with those trusty red-handled shears, and eventually, after several weeks of cutting out the bad and the dead, a healthy shine with fresh buds and leaves appeared. I explained deadheading to the HOA board members. Many marveled at my ministrations, and some who understood the process thanked me. Ten year-old Kylie, two condos away, who occasionally cooks with me, saw me, and so I outfitted her with tools and gloves. She learned that if she removed the roses going to seed, the buds underneath get their day in the sun, like shy children getting a chance to shine. I worked up a sweat on a few days, tore my clothes, and sustained several rose “wounds,” but the work rewarded with
healing. Beauty won out when the blossoms swayed gently in the breezes. Pale pink cuttings centered the dining room table between sky blue lit tapers that reflected a glow in our mirrored wall, a visual balm for the soul. And I felt closer to our daughter who died of cancer in late April. Disease eradication helped me focus my energy in this year of bereavement. Angie loved to garden. I may have garnered appreciation for my efforts in the garden, but I second St. Fiacre’s thoughts—stamped on gold Irish linen, on our patio: The kiss of the sun for pardon The song of the birds for mirth One is nearer God’s heart in a garden, Than anywhere else on earth
Love By Kathy Bond I’ll never forget our children’s arms As they reached out to cradle their dying sister. They whispered comforting words Of endearment as they Tenderly held her, Bathed and medicated her For the last time. All the years of suffering Past, they sent her Home at last.
And I felt nearer to Angie in the rose garden.
Attached Parenting The Children’s Bookshelf By Lisa Pimental Johnson “Every night before going to bed, we should listen to the trees talking. They tell stories about holding up the sky with their branches and tickling the bellies of the smallest clouds.” The enchanting world of Stella unfolds from a small child’s perspective--with wonder, curiosity, and the sense that everything is possible. “When you are very, very small, words look like ants running off pages,” or “when it snows, it seems like the whole world disappears”: Simple, image provoking words. Not only are the words tenderly written, the illustrations done by the author as well are gorgeous. Turn each page slowly, soak up the colors, details, and tantalize your eyes in the watery sunshine of the drawings. Sweet drawings of a little red haired girl, Stella, will engage your heart. The colors and whimsy of the art add to the playfulness of the story as well. Mary Louise Gay, the author/illustrator, reminds us in her book, When Stella Was Very, Very Small, to bend our knees, lay on the floor, and pretend to be a snake with our children. It might lead to jumping up and acting like a hungry rabbit that eats graham crackers chased down with pink lemonade! The “Stella” inside all of us is ready to come out and play again... In honor of Halloween, I need to mention a few ragged-breathing-nose-whistling-
claw-scraping-oozing-green monsters. It all begins one night (of course!) when a little boy, Ethan, checks underneath his bed to greet his monster. Instead he finds a note, “Gone fishing. Back in a week. Gabe” As the night unfolds, many substitute monsters try to win his affections underneath his bed but are all wrong for various creepy reasons. • Herbert’s teeth aren’t sharp enough. • Ralph’s claws have pink nail polish. • Cynthia is a girl and her tail has a pink ribbon. • Mack’s slobbering makes Ethan giggle. Discouraged, Ethan starts to wonder if he ever will be able to go to sleep without his monster. The illustrations by Howard McWilliam are appropriately ghoulish, dark and slimy but child friendly enough to illicit smiles, giggles, and spookiness. The drawings reminded me of Monster’s Inc. with all the charming saliva dripping fangs, rolling multiple eyeballs, and colorful warts. It is his first picture book by the British illustrator, and I think he has a fiendishly promising career. Written by Amanda Noll, I Need My Monster, is a monstrously cute tale proclaiming the fact that monster’s can be our friends! This book may even give a few parents costume idea’s for Halloween this year too. Just don’t come by my house: I am allergic to any type of monster!
Principle #3 By Lisa Jouet The third principle of attachment parenting is “Responding with Sensitivity”. I believe this is a crucial principle because it provides the foundation for communication between parent and child for the rest of their lives. It began for me with being tuned into my baby’s first sounds and cries. She was very quiet and calm unless she needed something. When she was upset or uncomfortable, she could really put some volume behind her efforts! Some babies have difficulty being soothed. Fortunately for my husband and me she was not a “fussy” or “high needs” baby. Some high needs babies seek almost constant contact with their mothers to feel even slightly comforted. This can last approximately 3 months or so. Once families get through this “fourth trimester,” often their high needs baby begins to show interest in the world around him and he is much more content. Our daughter only had bouts of uncontrollable crying a few times that I can recall, and a quick walk outside in the cool night air was usually calming to her. Taking turns with a partner when soothing a crying baby can really help as well. The key for us was to try our best to calmly and lovingly address her needs as they came up. For example, attachment parents look for clues that their baby is hungry far before any crying occurs. When our baby was beginning to feel hungry she would turn her head toward me as I held her in my arms. She would then start to suck on her fingers or fists. I could usually
catch these signals well before she cried. It is fascinating to me that a baby attempts several other forms of communication before resorting to crying. It seemed so much more logical to me as a new mom to pay attention to my daughter’s cues this way. As our baby became a toddler, our responses have changed very little. We still try to be aware of her needs and practice patience every day. I have tried to respect my daughter’s feelings, and I have tried to be as involved as she needs me to be. If she asks me to join her in play, I do. Recently, our nephew was visiting, and I sat down with the two of them while they were sculpting with clay. My daughter turned to me and politely asked that I go back into the kitchen. I was actually so pleased she was able to tell me she wanted to play with her cousin without me. A subject that challenges many parents is sleeping arrangements. Many attachment parents co-sleep. Co-sleeping can mean many things: a crib temporarily attached to the side of the parents’ bed, a crib in the room, and having the baby in bed with the parents. Most babies do not sleep “through the night”. If new parents know this, they will realize and hopefully respond with sensitivity to their waking baby. Breastfeeding did make my nighttimes easier because generally that was what our baby needed. The interrupted sleep was difficult, but in the long run, it was actually a short period of time. The subject of safe sleep is one of the principles of attachment parenting. I will cover it in depth after a few more articles. Look for it in the coming months.
Motherhood
November & December 2009 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press
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When Is Your Child an Adult Child? By Diane Halsted “I’m going running, Mom.” It was pitch black, midnight. I was getting ready for bed. “Okay. Have a good run,” I said. And just like that my child became my adult child. We both recognize that moment now as the transitional one. We’ve talked about it several times in the many years since it occurred. My son Kevin had returned home for Christmas, his first visit since he had left California in September to attend the College of William and Mary in Virginia. After the door closed behind him, I engaged in a soliloquy of self-talk: He had been on his own for three months, no doubt running down the streets of Williamsburg whenever he chose. And, I went on to myself, his transformation probably happened sooner than this December night, for he had flown across the country alone and lived on a college campus, but this was my Aha! moment. To Kevin’s credit he told me where he was going. And whenever he stays at my house, he wisely and sensitively lets me know his approximate time of return and calls if he will be late. He does this out of courtesy, not because I am checking up on him or need to know the details of his day or his life. He knows I click back into mother mode as soon as one of my children comes to stay. Immediately the sirens in the street worry me in ways they never do when my children are not here.
*** My friend Jennifer’s son, Joe, flew to Washington State for a pre-college backpacking trip and orientation. Jennifer and her husband followed ten days later taking Joe’s things to move into his dorm room. She was having a hard time with Joe’s going to college. That is to be expected. She has been an involved and loving mom for eighteen years, home schooling Joe until he went to high school. Watching them together always delighted me because they so clearly cared for each other, the son for the mother as much as the mother for the son. I felt duty bound to tell Jennifer that when she went north with Joe’s things, he would already have changed. He would have become her adult child in ten short days. Between them things would be different. “I know,” she confirmed reluctantly. I’ve been congratulating her on fostering his self-confidence so he knows he can leave home prepared to cope with life on his own in a new situation. When he called to tell her he had dropped a class—after conferring with the professor and then with his advisor, and enrolling in one that is a better choice, I complimented her again. He knows what to do and he is doing it. She has done her job; now she has an adult child and has a different kind of parenting to learn. Diane Halsted teaches classes in writing poetry, creative nonfiction, and memoir to older learners in the Emeritus College program at Cuesta College. Her prose and poetry have been published in numerous journals.
Where to find Women’s Press
All Libraries and the following exceptionally fine establishments! • NORTH COUNTY: Atascadero – The Coffee House and Deli, Starbuck’s at Von’s Plaza, Green Goods, Player’s Pizza, Harvest Health Food Store, North County Connection, Senior Center, Women’s Resource Center/Shelter Office, Curves. Paso Robles – Cuesta College North Campus, Café Vio, Curves, DK Donuts, Panolivo French Cafe, NCI Village Thrift Shop, Paso Robles Health Foods; Templeton – Twin Cities Hospital, Templeton Market & Deli, Affinity Chiropractic, Kinship Center, Jobella’s Coffee; Santa Margarita– Santa Margarita Mercantile. • NORTHERN COAST: Baywood – Coffee & Things; Cambria – Cambria Connection, Cambria Pines Lodge, Chamber of Commerce, Gym One, Azevedo Chiropractic, Lilly’s, Alloco’s, Cambria Drug and Gift, Bob & Jan’s Bottle Shop, Linn’s, Donna’s Nail Salon, Cookie Crock, Rainbow Bean and Coffee Shop; Cayucos – Cayucos Super Market, Kelley’s EsPresso & Dessert, Ocean Front Pizza, Chevron Station, Mobile Balloons; Los Osos – Starbuck’s, Baywood Laundry, Cad’s, Carlock’s Bakery, Chamber of Commerce, Copa de Oro, Garden Café, Los Osos Deli Liquor, Volumes of Pleasure; Morro Bay – Backstage Salon, Coalesce Bookstore, Coffee Pot Restaurant, The Rock, Southern Port Traders, Sunshine Health Foods, Two Dogs Coffee, La Parisienne Bakery. • SAN LUIS OBISPO: Broad St. Laundry, Cool Cats Café, La Crepes, Edna Market, Booboo Records, Creekside Center, GALA, Marigold Nails, Palm Theatre, Susan Polk Insurance, Utopia Bakery, Unity Church, Zoe Wells, Naturopath, Cal Poly Library and Women’s Center, Center for Alternatives to Violence, Chamber of Commerce, Cuesta College Library, EOC Health Services Clinic, HealthWorks, Healing Alternatives, Laguna Laundry, Linnaea’s, Monterey Express, Natural Foods Coop, New Frontiers, Nautical Bean, Outspoken Beverage Bistro, Phoenix Books, Planned Parenthood, West End Espresso & Tea, San Luis Obispo Housing Authority Office, SARP, The Secret Garden, SLO Perk Coffee, Spirit Winds Therapy, The Studio Fitness for Women, Uptown Cafe, Yoga Centre, Ahshe Hair Salon, Apropos Clothing, Soho Hair Salon, Hempshak, YMCA, KCBX, Salon on Monterey, Jaffa Café, Med Stop (Madonna Plaza), World Rhythm and Motion, Steynberg Gallery, Correa Chiropractic, High St. Deli, Sunset N. Car Wash, Jamaica You, United Blood Services. • SOUTH COUNTY: Arroyo Grande – Mongo’s, Act II Boutique, Central Coast Yoga, CJ’s Restaurant, Curves-AG, Cutting Edge, EOC Health Services Clinic, Girls Restaurant, Grande Whole Foods, Chameleon; Avila Beach– Avila Grocery, Custom House, Sycamore Hot Springs, Inn at Avila, Joe Mamma’s; Grover Beach – Back Door Deli, Cindi’s Wash House, Nan’s Pre-owned Books, Therapeutic Body Center, 30-minute Fitness; Halcyon – Halcyon Store; Nipomo – Anna’s Creekside Coffee House, Healing Touch Spa, Curves, La Placita Market, Healthy Inspirations, World Gym, Trendy Sister Salon, Senior Centers; Pismo Beach – Honeymoon Café, Pismo Athletic Club, RETurn to JOY!; Shell Beach – De Palo & Sons Deli, Seaside Cafe, Steaming Bean. • SANTA MARIA: Café Monet, Hunter’s Landing, Library, Curves on Main and on Broadway, Lassen’s. • ORCUTT: Loading Dock, Oasis Spa.
Informed Consent
Photo by Kostya Kisleyko
By Jennifer Stover Recently I missed a birth. I am a doula. I help guide women and their partners during pregnancy, labor and birth. I had been hired by a woman pregnant with her second child to insure that this time she would be informed of any procedures or options by the nurses and doctors during her birth so that she could make her own choices. This time, she wanted to be listened to and respected during the birth process. But this birth, as often happens, had its own story to write. Her labor came so fast and furious there was barely time to get to one of our local hospitals before the baby zoomed into the world. I was left “doulaing” via speaker phone as I raced down the road. I heard the baby’s first cry as I exited the freeway five minutes from the hospital. When I walked into their room, Mom and Dad were ecstatic as the doctor quietly finished sewing a minor tear and moved on to another woman in labor down the hall. The baby looked great. Mom looked great. Then I noticed she had an I.V. of medication running into her. I asked my mom what it was. She said it was her saline lock. I said no you are hooked up to an I.V. of medication. We looked at the nurse who calmly told us it was Pitocin and that it was standard protocol at the hospital for all moms. I was shocked. My mom looked shocked. Where was the informed consent? When did it become okay to administer a drug to someone without getting their permission? This was not an emergency when fast action has to be taken. This patient wasn’t unconscious, delirious, or out of her head. She was simply having a baby. Actually she had just had her baby. She was elated, alert, and aware. She was completely
capable of rationally saying yes or no to a medication given as a routine at a hospital. The nurse became concerned and offered to unhook her from the drug, but half the bag was already in her system so my client chose to allow it to finish. Would she have said yes or no if asked, “Do you want us to give you medicine that can stop any excess bleeding that might occur?” We will never know because she was never granted that right. In a study done in 1969, Hershey and Bushkoff came to the conclusion informed consent means, “the patient has the right to know the nature of, the risks and benefits of, and the alternatives to a proposed treatment or procedure.” The United States Court of Appeals ruled in Canterbury v. Spence in 1972 that it is a fundamental concept in American jurisprudence that “every human being of adult years and sound mind has a right to determine what shall be done with his own body.” This right has been supported both federally and on a state level. Further, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists first publicly acknowledged the pregnant patient’s right to informed consent in 1974. This was followed by the International Childbirth Education Association publishing “The Pregnant Patient’s Bill of Rights” in 1975. So how can it be that 35 years later birthing women, such as my client, are routinely given medications or have procedures performed on them without even telling them it is happening let alone giving actual informed consent? Jennifer Stover at Labor of Love, Birth Education and Support. 473-3746 jjmstover@sbcglobal.net http://slolaboroflovedoula.blogspot.com/
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Women’s Community Center
The mission of the WCC is:
Women’s Press | November & December 2009 | womenspress.slo@gmail.com
Year in Review
• TO maintain an accessible center to collect and exchange information of interest and concern to women • TO organize and facilitate workshops, clinics, seminars, classes, and support By Angie King, President, groups on subjects of interest and need Board of Directors, WCC • TO engage in and facilitate interaction among local, state, and national agencies and organizations working to benefit women I know the year isn’t over yet, but as I write
Women’s Community Center’s New Endeavor By Robin Rinzler, Chairperson WCC Board Member The Women’s Community Center (WCC) of San Luis Obispo County is very proud of our newest endeavor to help families. Incredibly, there are children in our community that have not seen their mom or dad for months, and in some cases over a year, because their parents can not afford the expense of hiring a supervised visitation provider. (For some parents going through a divorce or separation, the courts require that they have a supervisor or monitor present when visiting with minor children.) Can you imagine a child, who might already feel guilty when parents divorce, being deprived of visitation of one or both parents because of the cost of hiring a supervised visitation provider? That is where the WCC comes in: we’re jumping into action and we’re putting all our ducks in a row to address this problem. The WCC will be offering a new program, sanctioned by the courts, to allow a volun-
teer supervisor to monitor the family visit for an affordable fee on a sliding scale. It’s a huge endeavor, and will take much work, but we are committed to its importance and recognize the value of implementing it for the sake of families in our community. If you want to help either with a financial donation or want to volunteer your time, please call the WCC at 544-9313.
Domestic Violence in the World Today By Sonia Paz Baron-Vine WCC Board Member I have done research on this terrible worldwide epidemic, and I have learned that women are victims of violence in approximately 95% of the cases of domestic violence. Race, Religion, Culture, Economic Status...none of these are a shield against domestic violence. It violates the fundamental human rights of women and often results in serious injury or death. Studies show that between one quarter and one half of all women in the world have been abused by intimate partners. Worldwide, 40-70% of all female murder victims are killed by an intimate partner. According to the The Family Violence Prevention Fund one in every three women in the world has experienced sexual, physical, emotional or other abuse in her lifetime. The World Health Organization reports that in forty-eight surveys from around the world, 10-69% of women stated that they had been physically assaulted by an intimate partner at some point in their lives. In the United States, approximately 22.1% of all women have experienced some form of assault by an intimate partner. Each year, 4.5 million physical assaults are committed against women by intimate partners. In 1999, approximately 1,218 women—more than three women every day—were murdered by an intimate partner. In that same year, intimate partner homicides accounted for 32% of all murders of women on domestic violence in Europe indicates that every day, one woman in five is a victim of domestic abuse Most of the time the person or persons being abused is so
terrified of what their abuser can and will do to them if they did try to leave, that they stay quiet. In 95% of the cases the victim is so brainwashed by their abuser that the abuser has the victim believing that they could not make it alone or without them in the world. Most people do not realize the physiological damage that occurs when a Domestic Violence Victim is told day in and day out that no one would want them because they are used or damaged goods, unworthy, unattractive, how stupid they are, and they are not worth the air that god gave them to breathe. Being abused in this manner causes a person’s self-esteem to fall so low that they begin to believe the lies that their abuser says. By this time the victim’s self-esteem and self worth lay completely and utterly shattered on the ground in millions of pieces. Then what is replaced by the person everyone once knew is a traumatized shell of a person. The Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women recommends that states parties “promote research, collect data and compile statistics, especially concerning domestic violence, relating to the prevalence of different forms of violence against women and encourage research on the causes, nature, seriousness and consequences of violence against women and on the effectiveness of measures implemented to prevent and redress violence against women.” Here are the Domestic Violence Laws of the World http://cyber.law.harvard.edu/population So what are we doing? The Women’s Community Center is strongly against Domestic Violence. We are here at 805-544-9313 to listen, guide any woman, who may need our support.We can connect you with different agencies in the SLO County to help you get out of a Abusive Relationship!
this the days are getting noticeably shorter and the nights distinctly cooler, so I know what’s coming. It seems an appropriate time to recap all the wonderful activities the Women’s Community Center has been involved with this past year. In February, we were part of a collaborative effort, along with the County Commission on the Status of Women and the San Luis Obispo Business Network, which produced a seminar on financial literacy, entitled “Women’s Way to Wealth.” This daylong program featured a number of local experts on various aspects of financial issues – including health insurance accounts, mortgages and real estate issues, taxes, credit, and investing. Coming off the success of “Women’s Way to Wealth,” we received the bad news that Goodwill re-organized its programs, needed more space, and told us we had to move out of our comfortable digs there, and by the end of May! We have found a new home at the San Luis Business Center. While it is very different (we can’t paint the walls the way we want, and there’s no room for that comfy couch, for instance) we have gained a more professional appearance. There is a receptionist to greet callers during business hours; the Center supplies all our office needs, like computer hookup, copier and paper supplies, etc. If you haven’t stopped by 4251 S. Higuera yet, please do – just check in at the front desk first. Of course, one of the biggest events is Day with Creative Women. Although it always seems like such a struggle to get it organized and there are always too many loose ends and not enough people to handle them, by the time the second Saturday in August arrives, it is all worth the effort. This year was an exceptional one. Besides being
the 35th year of the event, the weather was not too hot and not too cold, but ju-ust right. The entertainers were a stellar bunch and such high energy. We had over 70 vendors’ booths demonstrating once again how talented and creative we women are. It was a well-attended, well-organized, wonderful day in the Mission Plaza. Thank you to everyone who participated. The Family Law activities are still our mainstay program, offering information and resources on the divorce process and a legal clinic with volunteer attorneys from the county bar association giving legal advice once a month. We are very excited about a new program we are developing to provide supervised visitation monitors for parents who must have someone present when they visit with their kids (see related article about this program). We have had a series of volunteers in the office, from Cal Poly and from the community, all of whom offered their special talents to keep the office running or to make sure our special events were well organized. We are the community, so it is gratifying to see how offers to help keep surfacing. We always need more people and are looking for a few good board members, if you are interested.
Halloween Again... By Sonia Paz Baron-Vine WCC Board Member After the rain, my grandson and I walk holding hands among the pumpkins pointing at this one and that one… He runs up and down the patch his eyes sparkling, filled with joy… Memories of choosing pumpkins long time ago, with his mom at his age come back to me.... Halloween Again... In the Autumn afternoon I feel the brisk cool air, the aroma of wet earth while he chooses one and insists on carrying it himself... Holding his treasure, we walk he smiles at me, with rosy cheeks and tells me how we will carve it and place a candle inside Halloween Again.... Time for costumes sweet candy, red apples and dry corn As we drive away he tells me, this is the best pumpkin ever, grandma!
Women’s Community Center Board Angie King, President Sonia Paz Baron-Vine Robin Rinzler Family Law Action Committee Dealing With Divorce 3rd Wednesday of each month – 7 PM Sept 16, Oct 21 and Nov 18 $10 donation
Self-Represented Litigants’ Clinic 4th Tuesday of each month – 5:30 PM Upcoming: Sept 22, Oct 27 and Nov 24 Reservations required. $40 donation
Body & Soul
November & December 2009 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press
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My Ohana By Tricia Wolanin
An Adult Acne Cure—My Story By Caity McCardell My wedding celebration was perfect. Well planned, beautifully executed, in line with our left-of-center ways. I wore a gorgeous olive green antique-style dress, high-heeled boots, and silver designs in my up-done hair. My make-up was perfect, but as the evening wore on and I kissed and hugged our guests, my true skin condition revealed itself. When I looked at photos of the evening during that first review of the prints, I was dismayed. At that moment, staring at my blemished face in the photos, I knew I had to do something serious about my skin. I was thirty-two years old and had lived with adult acne for over ten years. I was done. My skin was relatively clear throughout high school, but in my early twenties, acne came to stay and I fought it throughout college and my first careers. I tried almost anything to heal my skin—lotions, potions, facials, chemicals, herbs, love energy, hate energy, soothing balms, oxygen. Skin care specialists always had the answer to my acne—a brand that was sure to work—and that cost me a pretty penny over the years. And guess what? They didn’t work. Any acne—whether on a teen or adult— is humiliating. I often didn’t want to leave the house. Once I made an appointment for an acne facial at a new salon, and when the esthetician shown her light on my skin, she exclaimed, “oh, man, I don’t think I have time for all this.” Another time I was on the set of a production company preparing for an interview and the make-up artist simply didn’t know what to do with my skin. It was so dry from all the chemicals I was using at the time, so my face looked like a craggy rock by the time she was done. Often I thought I was ugly. Most of the time I figured I was less than other people because of my skin. The acne tore into my self-confidence and left me feeling hopeless
that I’d ever have beautiful skin again. All I had to look forward to was acne and wrinkles, after all. When I looked at my wedding photos, I remembered something from my family history, something so far back in my memory I’m surprised I even accessed it. It was a memory of my grandmother saying that she had problem skin that would clear up when she didn’t drink milk. All my life I’d been like most Americans—I drank milk, relied on yogurt and creams. And cheese. How could anyone live without cheese? The idea to quit eating dairy products was radical and sounded extremely difficult, but I was desperate. And very motivated. Let me tell you something: within two weeks of quitting dairy, my acne was gone. I didn’t cheat – dairy of all forms was out, and the reward was what I had dreamed of for a decade. My skin no longer had red marks and white heads. They were gone! Every time I’m tested for calcium levels, doctors are surprised. That’s because they’re taught to assume dairy is needed for proper nutrient levels, which is simply not true. I eat a variety of food, and I’m in perfectly good nutritional health. I read an interview with Woody Harrelson in Maxim Magazine that revealed he quit dairy after a woman on a bus told him it would help his acne. He was 24 at the time, and the actor had 24 more years of acne-free film-making ahead of him. Sometimes I want to tell people with acne – like that woman on the bus told Harrelson – that quitting dairy might help them, but I don’t. I’m afraid of offending them or some other impact the information might have. And while I’m clearly not offering medical advice, I do know what worked for me and my family. I spent thousands of dollars on fancy products that didn’t work. Quitting dairy ten years ago costs me nothing, and it was easy. There’s nothing like healthy skin to inspire this gal.
Photo by Mark M.
Ten years ago, I could have never imagined a holiday without being around my immediate family. Being from a small Midwestern town, everyone is expected to come home during the fast paced November and December months. Thanksgiving Eve became known as the biggest night of the year, impromptu reunions filled every restaurant and bar in Canton, Ohio. Yet, once I moved 3000 miles away from home to California, I could not afford plane tickets for each holiday season. One of the most amazing holidays I had was Thanksgiving the year I lived in Hawaii. I had been living there for several months and made one friend, Teresa, an implant from London. Making friends as an adult is tough, and I was thankful I had her, but we generally commiserated together on our failed attempts of developing a social circle. Echo, a mutual acquaintance, invited us to a local turkey dinner. It was to my surprise upon arrival that we were surrounded by a dozen individuals. I learned most were from the mainland. Most were expats who had relocated within the past year or several months. We had the commonality of being strangers in a new
environment and being metaphorical adult orphans, with no local ohana (“family” in Hawaiian) to turn to. The dinner was potluck, and held by Elsie, a fellow world wanderer, and co-leader of a local dining group. The group was called Dinner Girl Boys Hawaii (DGBH), and members gathered biweekly to try new restaurants or return to favorite restaurants. The goal of joining this club was to meet new people, whether they were locals looking to expand their friendship circles or newbies looking for different ways to fit in. Guests stayed past dinner. We shared stories, played Cranium, relaxed in a Jacuzzi. Numbers were exchanged; tentative plans were made for future events. Little did I know that my Hawaiian Thanksgiving would create the niche Teresa and I had been searching for. Throughout my year stay in Hawaii, I kept the bare skeleton of this Thanksgiving group as my locally formed family. We had future nights out together downtown, birthday parties, farewell parties, and of course the upcoming holidays were booked with these same folks. Throughout the years, I have kept in contact with most of these friends from that holiday dinner. I know when I return to Hawaii, I always will have my Ohana to greet me with open arms and a lei.
Five Steps for Making Changes By MaryAine Curtis I was joking around when I put Emissary of Change in my e-mail signature and on my new cards. It must have put the ball in motion. After reviewing my budget and considering the economic challenges, I knew it was time to downsize and make some big changes with my office by the sea. Here are the steps I took and how they correspond to what actually happened. #1 Choose to make a change. Stop thinking about it and jump in. #2 Let people know, family and friends. It’s easier to stay with it if people know you’re doing it. #3 Let go of the outcome and do the work. #4 If you change your mind it’s ok. Choose again. #5 Expect something better to show up. 1. Ok, how will that look? How will I feel about giving up my attachment to “my office”? I can work from home and still have a job. Making changes seem so uncertain. Do it anyway. I have to close one door before I see the next door to open. Faith and encouragement from friends helped. 2. I’m really moving out of my office. What will I do? Face the fear. Keep moving forward. 3. Suddenly I lost my mind and original intention of sharing a space and working from home. I found a new office in SLO. I rented it and had help painting and moving. I found new decorations and got it all perfect. Announcements were made. 4. After the second month I changed my mind. This is not what I originally intended to do. I moved out. This happened once
before while grieving the passing of my mother. So giving up the office I loved by the beach created some grief. In the attempt to regain what I lost, I found myself busy with renting again and recreating a very similar and much smaller office. That’s not what I originally meant to do. 5. New choice: I’ve learned that I can make new choices. It’s ok to choose again. A friend gave me the idea how to rearrange the space I have. I cleared out the old heavy and bulky furnishings and created more space. That reminds me of a line in the Serenity Prayer that says: “Courage to change the things I can”. Feelings are processed in a similar way. We hang on to old ones until we have to change to make room for new life experiences. I sold all of my big heavy furniture and created a ne w space. It feels so good! I changed rooms around to make a new office with a front door and voila. I have a new solution and I’m centrally located. It feels great to get rid of old stuff I really don’t need any more. I’m still fine tuning where everything goes and finding more to get rid of. It’s a process. Change is about letting go of the attachment that things have to be a certain way. By challenging that belief in myself, I discovered a new freedom. What changes do you want to make? I’m happy to be your cheerleader. It’s challenging, fun, reflective, loving and absolutely freeing. Emissary of Change seems very appropriate to me now. Change happens all around me. MaryAine Curtis, Inner Transformation Programs, Rapid Eye Technology www.return2joy.com
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Local Perspectives
By Berta Parrish If you have ever doubted a decision, despaired an unkind act, resented a personal injury, or questioned the status quo, you need to meet the Rev. Nancy Ballinger, the Spiritual Director of AWAKENING Interfaith Spiritual Community in Morro Bay. She has been there and done that. Yet, now her life luminously reflects her philosophy: “Don’t let the past dictate the future. Take a risk. You are pure potential.” She knows the transformative power of this affirming perspective. Even though she was a successful Marriage, Family and Child Therapist and an active consultant for Lion’s Quest, an international K-12 life skills program, she was in extreme personal pain. On a deeper level, things were not going as she had hoped; something was definitely missing. Going through a second divorce, raising two children, struggling with addiction, and searching for that something more, she read Satya Sai Baba’s words, “Never call yourself a sinner. Know that you are an embodiment of the Divine.” These words changed her life. “Ever since reading Siddhartha and living in Korea, I’ve always been drawn to Eastern philosophy, and now my soul said ‘Yes. This is it.’” Nancy further explains, “I had a felt sense that something else was going on besides the high drama of my life to which I was so addicted. These words connected me to the Source.” Following this inner sense, she began studying, meditating, and slowly changing her relationships with self and others by letting go of the need to control. Instead, her morning began with “Here I am. Show me.” A quiet mind and a surrendered heart led to becoming a minister, something she had never imagined. After graduating from the Meru Seminary, which is affiliated with
Women’s Press | November & December 2009 | womenspress.slo@gmail.com
the Center for Spiritual Enlightenment in San Jose, CA, Nancy again followed the inner urging to found an independent interfaith ministry. She was used to initiating exciting endeavors and creating new programs, but this was quite different. This required a real leap of faith. Reflecting on the risks involved in changing careers at midlife; Nancy states, “Just as my life has taken on many surprise forms – it has gotten deeper, better, and sweeter -- that’s what’s happening to this ministry. I never doubt if it will continue; it’s only how it will continue. As long as I surrender and hold nothing back each day, this ministry, like my life, will unfold.” AWAKENING Interfaith Spiritual Community provides a home for seekers of all faith traditions to awaken to the One Truth known by many names that exists within all of us. Its teachings are based on the ancient Vedic philosophy of Kriya Yoga which stresses studying the sacred texts of the world’s religions, meditating, cultivating specific life-enhancing virtues, and recognizing our oneness with Spirit. Its ongoing offerings include weekly meditations, Sabbath and other sacred ceremonies, spiritual education classes, retreats, and premartial and spiritual counseling. Not many of us can say “I’m absolutely sure that I’m now doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing” as Nancy believes. All her training and experiences as a counselor, as an educator, as a consultant, and as a parent have prepared her for this everchanging, never-ending adventure. By following and trusting divine inspiration, her life and her ministry are unfolding as they should. And so, dear reader, are yours.
Unsung Heroine
Nancy Ballinger Unfolding Pure Potential
For more information about AWAKENING, go to www.awakeninginterfaith.org.
Clare B. Lowery L.Ac. Acupuncture and Herbal Medicine Diet, Exercise and Lifestyle Guidance San Luis ObiSpa 4115 Vachell Lane San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 805-541-6772
Local Perspectives
November & December 2009 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press
By Jeannie Greensfelder A sunflower in my neighbor’s yard called for my attention. I observed it everyday, photographed it, and wrote about it. It seemed to appear overnight, the sturdy stalk with a bloom ready to burst forth. Out of sync with the garden, it was a volunteer, perhaps from a seed dropped by a bird. When the flower opened, I doubted it was a sunflower. I didn’t see any seeds, but I decided to be patient and watch. First honeybees came. They gathered pollen, placed it behind their back legs, tiny little hunks of gold. I wanted to fly home with them to see what happened at the hive. When the pollen was gone, small fivepointed-star florets formed. A week later
they dried and dropped away unveiling a tight web of sunflower seeds. Goldfinches feasted. The wilting plant still stands and I thank it each morning for all the gifts I received. I have photos, a poem, and a deep connection to sunflowers because I took time to notice. Noticing can be simple, like watching our breath, touching a flower or piece of fruit: seeing it as if for the first time, slowing down, and using our senses. We think we don’t have time to notice, but when we stop and observe, we often find the meaning we crave. Noticing during the holidays, being thankful, can nurture our spirits. Think about your favorite ways to notice that you’re alive, living in a wondrous world.
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Nurturing Noticing Abilities
Photo by Ivan Prole
It’s Never Too Lat
e To Follow Your
By Bobbe Tyler Long before I heard Joseph Campbell exhorting all of us to find our lifelong happiness by following our bliss, I already knew that. I also knew what my bliss would be and that it would come as soon as I had time to write—full-time, all day, for the rest of my life. I didn’t know yet which genre I would choose to say all that was in me yearning to be expressed, and I couldn’t imagine yet what I would write about, but I guessed, because my nature was so inclined, that my writing would be serious, important—you know: something of value. But never mind the imponderables. What I did know with absolute certainty was that one day—when I had finished school, earned a degree (in Russian literature, maybe), and had the time and the privacy and my subject matter all lined up—I would be the most blissful writer of them all. I was seven years old when my instinct to write gave birth. I had just seen one of those deeply patriotic World War II movies, the kind that ripped your heart out and inspired everyone in the theater audience to commit themselves to doing something at least as “heroic” as those who were fighting and dying for us. They were beautiful young men when the movie began; by movie’s end, as the music soared, sonorous and uplifting, they were (Oh pleeeez God, no!) bloodied, no longer beautiful, dead forever. My feelings were so huge and heavy I could think of nothing else but to run home, find paper and pencil, and write my pain away. Yet, however desperate I felt to write all of that sadness out of my system, I was at a total loss to begin. There were no words in me yet to match the sense and depth of my feelings—and right there, of course, was merely the first of many lessons I learned about becoming a writer. One needed a “vocabulary” to express one’s feelings, and I had miles and years to go before I could pair my emotions with some welldeveloped thought and an ounce or two of wisdom. So, from seven to sixty-seven I lived my largely quotidian life: three children, a couple of husbands, a long career having nothing to do with Russian literature, and a lot of serious ups and downs, all of which I journaled when times got bad enough and I needed to make sense of my life (and practice my prose). Then, on the day I turned sixty-seven I had a piece of my favorite cake (chocolate, one candle only) and, midchew, a stunning revelation: The kids were grown and gone, of course; my recently departed mother had taken with her the heavy weight of my long-suffering com-
mitment to her well-being; and, with a cheerful willingness to live frugally, I had thrown my cautious ways to the winds and retired from nearly a lifetime of working in the world—writing thousands of assorted corporate pages, but nothing I would ever call meaningful. So now I was free! For the first time ever, all things were aligned to roll out my writing life and its attendant, long overdue state of bliss. I had everything I needed: passion, privacy, enough money to get by, and endless time (well, not all that endless) to live for better or worse a life I could finally call my own. Yes! And off I went, relocating from a big city to a small town by the sea in which to hibernate and write undisturbed by big-city helicopters and neighbors who fight only at bedtime. I celebrated my retirement by doing nothing that wasn’t fun for the first time in years and “sleeping in” mornings whenever the spirit moved me. I socialized in the coffee shops, unplugged the telly, and read all the way through two tall stacks of books on either side of my bed, instead. Finally, I explored God’s gorgeous green acres outside my door and a beautiful blue ocean a mere stone’s throw away and bounded only by the sky’s horizon. Then I was ready to write: the story of a lifetime, I imagined—illuminated, edifying, informed by experience, strength, wisdom, and hope. Something like that—inspiring. I hunkered down to wait . . . and wait . . . and wait. The next time I looked at my watch I was seventy years old. Are you suspecting it might be a little late now for me to start a second life? Are you wondering yet if this story is going to have a happy ending? Of course you are! So was I, especially because so much time was chewing up the days while I, pen poised, remained stuck on a blank page, totally unmoved to write the serious words in my heart that, by example, might give hope to those who needed it. I don’t understand this, I journaled in prose. I have acquired a “vocabulary” of life experiences that by now will stand alongside the best of them—and furnish enough meaningful material to last a lifetime—or so I thought. And while it is heaven not having to keep corporate hours anymore, it feels
Bliss
to publish my book. You want to talk about bliss? At this point, I was dizzy with
terribly wrong not to be writing all that “meaningful material” into books. What happened, Universe? Was that long-lived writer’s dream of mine merely a childhood fluke—a young child’s intuition too fragile to take root? And what about now—am I meant to toss my dream in the let-go-andforget-it bin? In the month following my seventy-first birthday, when—you won’t be surprised—I had laid all thoughts of writing aside, celebrating low-key and not-so-much that year, a friend stayed overnight with me on her way elsewhere the following morning. Before she left . . . “Take as long as you like and go as deep as you can,” she said as she handed me a sheaf of hand-written questions titled The Harvesting Wisdom Interview. It was a research project for a second master’s degree and she was asking some of her “older and wiser” friends to write our responses. “Okay,” I said, “but don’t count on too much wisdom from me, please. And [glancing at the questions as I spoke] it looks like I’ll need a month or two to finish them— is that soon enough for you?” (Raise your hands, readers, if you know where this is going yet.) The questions were interesting and unusual, even compelling, I thought at the time, and though I finished with my responses by the date promised, I would have liked more time. Five years from the day I sent them to her, she had been celebrating her master’s degree for at least a couple of years, and I—having returned to those very compelling questions—digging deeper this time, writing at much greater length—had completed the last draft of a manuscript for a book: Searching for Soul. Another writer helped me find a publisher who agreed—first, to read the manuscript (calling me frequently to say he liked it); and second—before a month had passed—
bliss! If I have told this story well, you already know that I was not—nor will you ever be—too old to follow my intuitive destiny—unless maybe you’re my age and the only bliss that attracts you is planting a flag on the highest peak of the Himalayas and even then I wouldn’t bet against you! Writing my book was the hardest work I have ever done. Nevertheless—and though I was often discouraged at the end of a day when none of my words behaved themselves—I was steadied and sustained throughout my great, long effort with a quality of satisfaction that perfectly fitted the seriousness of my purpose. After all, how many people have an opportunity to give back in words all that one has learned from reading the words of others? I loved what I was writing! I loved my reasons for writing it! I loved the Continued in BLISS, page 14
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Body & Soul
Women’s Press | November & December 2009 | womenspress.slo@gmail.com
Spirituality Matters
Signs & Symbols
Photo by Kevin Connors
By Heather Mendel
Photo by Maare Liiv
What are you most thankful for? Jeanie Greensfelder I am most thankful to be a person in this extraordinary world. Stacie Garcia It’s simple really. Each day I wake up is another day to live. I think quite often we get lost in the daily chaos that is our modern lives. I am thankful for that first breathe in the morning when the house is still, before my four little loves come down the hall to ask me what is for breakfast. In that breathe I have clarity. A thousand glimpses into my little piece of heaven. My husband sleeping beside me. My kids smiling at something that tickles their fancy. Yes, I am thankful for a chance each morning. Another day to live and to love. Jennifer Ashley My job. Lisa Jouet My health.
Sally Demerest I am thankful for so many people and things that make my life possible and enjoyable. But, without question, I am most thankful for my health and the health of my family. It’s what I wish for every time I blow out a candle—health. Tasha Johnson My friends and family. Michelle Butera I am most thankful for health—for myself, and of friends and family; Joy; Vacation; and when people I love are happy.
Next issue question: With all of our new year’s resolutions occuring in January, what are you not going to give up or change? E-mail responses to womenspress.slo@gmail.com
In his new book, The Lost Sign, Dan Brown informs us that the world is certainly stranger than we know. Members of the ancient fellowship of Free Masons are divided as to the meanings of the symbols of their tradition. Ancient signs are mythic and multi-layered and meet the observer at whatever level they are encountered. It was ever thus and is as timely as it is timeless. Quantum physicists are showing the validity of this concept as they explore the world on a subatomic level. The observer may affect the results of laboratory experiments. Are we seeing the meeting of science and spirituality? Nothing is as it appears. Surface and substance—which is real? An ancient Buddhist teaching reminds us that the finger pointing at the moon is not the moon, and unless we move our focus away from the finger, and focus on the direction of where the moon is, we miss the splendor in the night-time sky. In a totally contemporary setting, we are confronted with the multilayered world of Twitter. As novices, what appears as a disconnected cacophony of signs and symbols carries layers of information. One ‘tweet’ does not follow another in conversation-like fashion of she-says, he-says. The short bursts of no more than 140 letters contain cryptic codes, apparently random events sent out to invisible audiences of people we have never met and likely never will. These messages contain strata of meaning and information that initiates are able to follow, at lightning speed no less.
In learning the language that connects them, people are able to find like-minded compatriots all around the globe and share information that is important to them, from the most mundane, such as where to get the most delicious chocolate in the neighborhood to satisfy the body, to the most profound concepts that inspire readers with courage, hope, and empowerment to satisfy the soul. Our language and communication skills are getting shorter and faster, closing vast distances of geography and society, as the communication net we cast out reaches further than before. Long gone are the days of the pleasure of receiving a long awaited letter in the mail. So much is changing so quickly. News is no longer news 24 hours later, which means newspapers were replaced by TV news, which is now getting its instantaneous information by e-news. Shopping in stores now being conducted online, and like-minded people all over the world connect through a gadget that fits into the palms of our hands. Authors are discovering that it is no longer the reviews of professionals that build readership, rather it is the words of readers, you and me, that will encourage one another on enjoy what we have found meaningful. For some, this is daunting, for others exciting. There are benefits and dangers to this e-age, multiple possibilities that are affected by the senders and receivers of these apparently cryptic messages. A strange new world indeed!
The Art of Mindfulness By Laura Grace In Buddhism, there are three spiritual powers that require the art of mindfulness and have the capacity to generate genuine happiness for ourselves and others. The first power is the ability to cut off our afflictions—to sever our passions, hatred, and despair. Thich Nhat Hanh states, “If we cannot cut off passion and hatred, we cannot ever have happiness. We can learn concrete practices to do this. Once we sever the ties of passion and hatred that bind us, we become light and free and spacious.” The second power is the power of insight —in Buddhism it is called prajna. It is not the type of knowledge that we gain by reading books or learning in school. The insight of the Buddha and the bodhisattvas goes much deeper—what is called enlightenment —and has the capacity to cultivate the qualities of compassion, loving kindness, and altruistic joy. Photo by Robert Aichinger
The third power in Buddhism is the capacity to forgive. When we develop the capacity to accept and to love, we do not need to hold onto resentments or be vindictive. Genuine love manifests through the words we speak and the compassionate way we look at another. In the Lotus Sutra, the boddhisattva Avaloketisvara looks at all beings with compassion. Looking at all beings through the eyes of compassion is a wonderful way of behaving like the bodhisattva. Mindfulness is a spiritual art form that can also be cultivated in every area of your life; upon waking by greeting the day with gratitude, before eating by blessing the nourishment essential to your body, when finishing the meal by stating the following Buddhist practice: “This plate is empty. My hunger is satisfied. I vow to live for the benefit of all beings.” Habits are opposite from mindfulness. Habits prevent us from perceiving the richness and growth offered in each moment. Continued in MINDFULNESS, page 14
Local Perspectives
November & December 2009 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press
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Four Neglected Children Give Thanksgiving New Meaning
Walking Buddy By Judythe Guarnera “Hey Grandma, what can I do to help?” These welcome words greeted me as my four new grandchildren burst through the door two years ago. This was the first Thanksgiving that we were celebrating with them. My daughter had been persistently trying for almost three years to jump through the hoops required by the Department of Social Services, so she and her husband could rescue her four nieces and nephews from separate foster care and group homes and add them to her family. What these delightful children, ranging in ages from nine to sixteen had endured in their lives prior to their rescue, still brings tears to my eyes. Their birth mother, who used drugs and consistently exposed her children to the abusive men in her life, had never provided a safe and stable home for her children. During the waiting period, Bonnie and her husband, Rick, visited the children frequently, celebrating their birthdays and the holidays, bringing gifts and love. Although we had never met them, my husband, Steve, and I began to shop for gifts and send them with Bonnie for those visits.
Listening to Bonnie’s stories about what the kids had endured was painful. But she tempered these stories with delightful anecdotes about their quirks and foibles. The kids loved these interactions and their startlingly different personalities began to emerge. Without planning it, we began to love them, long before we met them. Finally, the slowly turning wheels of bureaucracy spluttered into action and the children moved into my daughter and sonin-law’s small home. The weekend after the kids came “home,” my husband and I drove to Fresno to meet them. We had decided to have a celebration at a local family restaurant where we often ate when we were in town. Bonnie and Rick are always prompt and as often happens, Steve and I were a few minutes late. As we pulled into the parking lot, the two boys, nine and 12, erupted from the restaurant with their uncle in tow and ran through the parking lot toward our car. We quickly exited the car, only to see that the boys had suddenly turned shy. Their eyes were huge and questioning. I could almost hear the question, “Will you Continued in THANKSGIVING, page 13
Nothing Serious
Don’t Ask…
By Jill Turnbow “So, what do you want?” I’ve been getting this question a lot lately. And I’m not sure if it’s a genuine concern toward my lack of decisiveness, or just because I’m holding up the line at Taco Bell. But nevertheless, people ask, and I can only answer with a blank stare. What happens when you cross 50? I thought by the time I reached this age I would have all the answers, and not just to my own questions, but those of the Universe. But here I am, on the other side of the Big 5-0 and I still don’t know what to do next. I could tell you what I wanted, if I knew where I was going. And vice versa. I’ve had a pretty interesting life so far: radio personality, actress, writer, comedienne… none of which looks good on a resume in this economy. It’s difficult to tell a 30 year old job recruiter that your greatest skill is telling a good joke, though you’d
think that would be good for office morale! But I’m finding that few agree with me. But I keep looking, because telling jokes doesn’t pay like it used to, and it’s time for something a tad more productive. I just don’t know what that is. What I do know, though, is a laundry list of clichés and affirmations. “It’s not the journey, it’s the destination.” “You’ll know when it’s right.” “Everything happens for a reason.” So I try to have hope. I think of the poster with the adorable kitten hanging from a branch with the words, “Just Hang in There!”, and I’d like to believe that the kindly photographer simply lifted the kitten down after getting that shot. But we all know that cat plummeted to the sidewalk. But maybe that’s what I’m looking for. My photographer. Someone who can see the big picture from a distance, knows the answer, and will then kindly lift me from my precarious roost. And hopefully before I jump.
Photo by Scott Liddell
By Sheila Doerfler Just over a year ago, a small act of kindness changed my life in innumerable ways. It was early June, and there was a heat wave, and our favorite pools were closed for term break. Our house, like most on the Central Coast, doesn’t have air conditioning. To keep the house cool, I closed the doors and blinds, pinned sheets up to all the skylights, and pulled out a beat-up fan from the closet. But, the heat was inescapable. An unexpected knock at the door interrupted our misery. My neighbor from across the street, whom I’d only ever shared friendly waves with, was standing on my doorstep. Toni introduced herself and invited us over to swim in her pool. My seven year old son and I gratefully accepted her offer and spent the afternoon splashing and chatting.
After a few months of casual exchanges on the sidewalk, we confided in each other our mutual desire to begin a regular routine of walking for exercise. When my son got settled in a new school in October, I was finally freed up from three years of homeschooling and could commit to walking five mornings a week. We juggled our schedules and sleep habits a bit to come up with a plan that worked for both of us. Our needs were simple. We wanted to be able to walk out our front doors and begin our exercise. No excuses. We didn’t want to spend money on equipment, memberships, or classes to get fit. We wanted someone, a buddy, to keep us motivated. We wanted to build up slowly. In order to monitor our distance, Toni measured our little suburban enclave with the odometer Continued in WALKING, page 13
Who is Jan Lievens? By Inglis Carre’-Dellard I am looking at a picture of a sumptuous painting portraying an episode of the biblical story of Esther. The Feast of Esther, painted c. 1625, has always been attributed to Rembrandt in art texts, and was last sold in 1952 as a Rembrandt. It is just one of many works that have now been discovered to have been painted by Jan Lievens. The confusion is understandable, considering that Rembrandt and Lievens were contemporaries, born 15 months apart in the same town in western Holland. They apprenticed to the same painting master, Pieter Lastman, at a young age. They shared models, art supplies, and possibly a studio. They even modeled for each other. Their early work is almost impossible for experts to tell apart, even though they admit that Lievens’ paint handling shows more liveliness and physicality than Rembrandt’s, and there are some who think that Rembrandt learned this from him. The most interesting part of the story happens after the two boys leave the studio of Lastman to begin their own careers as artists, in their home town. After a time, Lievens traveled to London, while Rembrandt moved to Amsterdam, where he spent his life. After London, Lievens goes from place to place, Amsterdam, The Hague, Leiden (his home town), and Antwerp. He does commissions for statesmen and kings, absorbing new artistic influences as he goes, adapting to changes in public tastes and changing to please his patrons. He keeps up with the prevailing winds of the international art scene. His paintings continued to be brilliant and fashionable, but his personal style became less individual, somewhat more shallow. Rembrandt, who stayed in one place and developed his own vision in comparative isolation, relied on selling prints as a major source of income while he refined his
Jan Lievens’ self portrait c. 1629
painterly expression of the human form by finer and finer nuances of light and shadow. Mood, character, religious meaning, and the effects of time and tragedy on the human face were all expressed by his tender and sensitive manipulation of light. As his art became ever more personal and distinctive, his contemporaries often found it unacceptable. Many felt his work was tasteless and too concerned with ugliness. The end of their lives found these two old friends and rivals living along the same Amsterdam canal, the Rozengracht, in poverty and debt. Neither of them knew that history would elevate one of them while the other would drop into obscurity. This is surely a lesson for all of us to learn from: which artist do you wish to be more like? “Jan Lievens: A Dutch Master Rediscovered” opened at the National Gallery of Art in Washington D.C. last fall. For more information on Jan Lievens, read the article entitled Out of Rembrandt’s Shadow in the March 2009 issue of Smithsonian magazine. Inglis Carre’-Dellard, M.F.A. is a Los Osos artist and teacher whose teaching style emphasizes individuality and self expression in a nurturing environment. For more information on individual coaching or creative process classes, contact her at ingartist@yahoo.com or (805)534-9693.
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NOW News
This Page Presented by the
Women’s Press | November & December 2009 | womenspress.slo@gmail.com
National Organization for Women
Coordinator’s Corner
The purpose of NOW is to bring women into full participation in the mainstream of American society NOW !
Violence Against Women
By Angie King Does it seem to anyone else that there is just too much news? And, most of it bad, badly reported, incomplete, and biased. It’s getting so we can hardly find the truth. It’s 8 years into the Iraq and Afghanistan fiascoes; health care reform is just another dirty word; sex scandals seem to be the discussion du jour; the recession is up, down, over, just beginning--take your pick. Over 1 billion people in the world live in hunger; the corporate execs are still pulling in their big bonuses for leading us to ruin; unemployment is up to 10% and more in some places. So, what’s a poor activist to do? Volunteerism is down, despite the fact that more people are without jobs and therefore have more time to give back to the ever-growing needs in our community. Donations are definitely down, for obvious reasons. Yet, we know it will get better. It has before and it will again. So maybe now is a time to regroup and consider how to best spend our energies. The Code Pink convergence in September had a panel discussion with long time activists who were asked: how do you keep on doing it, despite the fact that nothing seems to change? The answer, from one of our own NOW members, was that things do change, and we have to keep on keeping on, in the words of the old civil rights song, and eventually, we will make a difference! We’re trying to change peoples’ attitudes and thinking, and that takes time. We’ve really come a long way already – remember when women were “chicks” and girls couldn’t take shop in middle school? Now we have women in high elected and appointed offices all over the country; the gen-exers can’t even remember why there was ever such a fuss about sexism; and now, the US Navy is even considering assigning women to submarine duty! NOW is holding its annual holiday get together, a time for just fun and socializing. All NOW members and those interested in getting involved in NOW are invited. Come meet the faces behind the names! It’s at the home of one of our members – send us an email to slonow@kcbx.net if you want directions. It’s December 15 at 6 PM, potluck. And, save the date in January: January 22, for our Roe v Wade commemoration.
Calendar November 8: • Birthday of Margaret Mitchell, 1900 November 12: • Birthday of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, 1815 November 17: • NOW regular meeting, 6 PM November 19: • Birthday of Indira Gandhi, 1917 November 26: • Death of Sojourner Truth, 1883 November 30: • Birthday of Shirley Chisholm, 1924 December 14: • Birthday of Margaret Chase Smith, 1897 December 16: • Birthday of Margaret Mead, 1901 December 15: • NOW Holiday party, 6 PM December 23: • Birthday of Madame C. J. Walker, 1869 December 25: • Birthday of Clara Barton, 1821
Taken from NOW.org
Reproductive Rights Update: A new study released by the Alan Guttmacher Institute, which follows abortion issues around the world, reveals what we already knew: in developing countries where abortion is safe and legal, the number of abortions has decreased in the past several years, as more birth control and sex education have become available. However, in those countries, mostly in sub-Saharan Africa, where abortion is restricted or illegal, women continue to seek out abortion services, but the fact those services are illegal or unavailable in safe settings causes upwards of 38,000 deaths per year. Almost one-half the abortions worldwide are medically unsafe – either self inflicted or carried out in unhygienic surroundings with resulting medical complications and often death. The study concludes with the same recommendations NOW has been advocating for years: expanded access to modern contraceptives and improved family planning services; expanded access to legal abortions; increased coverage and quality of post-abortion care to reduce maternal deaths from unsafe abortions. NOW continues to support Roe v Wade, the 1973 decision of the US Supreme Court that determined a constitutional right to terminate a pregnancy. Each year the San Luis Obispo chapter of NOW holds a public event in January to commemorate that decision. Look for more information in the January issue, but save January 22, 2010 to help us keep this issue in peoples’ minds. Remember: at least 1/3 of all American women will have had an abortion by the time she is 45. Over half of these women already have families and are making their decision in that context. This isn’t something that only happens to “them”; your friends, neighbors, and professional colleagues are likely to be in that 33%. It could be you. Keep abortion legal!
October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Despite the fact that advocacy groups like NOW have worked for two decades to halt the epidemic of genderbased violence and sexual assault, the numbers are still shocking. It is time to renew our national pledge, from the President and Congress on down to City Councils all across the nation, to END violence against women and men, girls and boys. This effort must also be carried on in workplaces, schools, churches, locker rooms, the military, and in courtrooms, law enforcement, entertainment outlets, and the media. NOW pledges to continue our work to end this violence, and we hope you will join us in our work. Murder: In 2005, 1,181 women were murdered by an intimate partner. That’s an average of three women every day. Of all the women murdered in the U.S., about one-third were killed by an intimate partner. Domestic Violence (Intimate Partner Violence or Battering): Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year. Less than 20 percent of battered women sought medical treatment following an injury. Sexual Violence: According to the National Crime Victimization Survey, which includes crimes that were not reported to the police, 232,960 women in the U.S. were raped or sexually assaulted in 2006. That’s more than 600 women every day. Other estimates, such as those generated by the FBI, are much lower because they rely on data from law enforcement agencies. A significant number of crimes are never even reported for reasons that include
Impact On Children: According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund, “growing up in a violent home may be a terrifying and traumatic experience that can affect every aspect of a child’s life, growth Continued in VIOLENCE, page 14
NOW Goals • Support reproductive choice • Work to eliminate ALL violence against women • Fight against sexual harassment • Encourage tolerance and diversity • Promote feminist issues • Commemorate Roe v Wade (Jan 22) • Celebrate Women’s Equality Day (Aug 26) • Participate in Farmer’s Market • Support feminist politics
NOW Chapter # CA 565 PO Box 1306, SLO, CA 93406 SLONOW @ kcbx.net http://groups.myspace.com/~slonow
Love Your Body Every year the NOW Foundation presents Love Your Body Day, a time to reflect on what makes women truly beautiful, not what the fashion and cosmetic industries want us to think is beautiful. This year, the event was celebrated on October 21, but we can be mindful all year long of how we harm ourselves and other women by confirming to someone else’s standards of who we are. Try this quiz: #1 What advertisement, TV show, movie, trend or product most annoys you in its treatment of women’s and/or girl’s bodies? #2 What positive images of women’s and/or girl’s appearances have you seen in the media recently? #3 Do you think that images of women/girls in the media have a direct result on how women/girls feel about and take care of themselves? #4 What misconception of how women/girls are “supposed” to look would you most like to see disappear forever? #5 What can NOW and feminists in general do to help promote healthier attitudes about women’s and girl’s bodies?
the victim’s feeling that nothing can/will be done and the personal nature of the incident. The Targets: Young women, low-income women, and minorities are disproportionately victims of domestic violence and rape. Women ages 20-24 are at greatest risk of nonfatal domestic violence, and women age 24 and under suffer from the highest rates of rape. The Justice Department estimates that one in five women will experience rape or attempted rape during their college years, and that less than five percent of these rapes will be reported. Income is also a factor: the poorer the household, the higher the rate of domestic violence -with women in the lowest income category experiencing more than six times the rate of nonfatal intimate partner violence as compared to women in the highest income category. When we consider race, we see that African-American women face higher rates of domestic violence than white women, and American-Indian women are victimized at a rate more than double that of women of other races.
General Meetings 1060 Palm St., SLO
3rd Tuesday of every month at 6:00 pm
Get Involved — Join NOW! San Luis Obispo Chapter National Organization for Women Every woman doesn’t have to join NOW, just the 142 million who are discriminated against! Name: _ ______________________________________________ Address: _____________________________________________ City/St/ZIP: ___________________________________________ Phone: ________________________________________________ Regular Dues ….$40, Sliding Scale…..$15-39
Send your check and this form to
PO Box 1306 SLO, CA 93406 Chapter # CA 565 slonow@kcbx.net
Amount enclosed: _____________
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THANKSGIVING Continued from page 11 love us?” hanging in the chilled winter air. It seems likely, given their non-nurturing existence, that they wondered if they would measure up to our standards, so that we could love them. The minute we pulled them into a hug, Robert and Mikey’s tense bodies relaxed and they couldn’t stop smiling. The girls, 14 and 16, and more reserved than their brothers were waiting just inside the restaurant door. The older one, Deana, gave us a wide and engaging smile, while the younger one, Rosa, accepted our hugs, but held back. (Deana told us two years later that she could not understand why we loved her, that she had been “such a brat.” Can you imagine the conviction she held that she could never measure up and we would reject her as everyone else in her life had done? For several months after her arrival, Deana was frequently angry and out of control. Patience and love and the slowly accepted belief that her new family would love her regardless of what she did, pulled her through those difficult times.) But that first night, we all settled in at the table with much fanfare as three of the sibs jostled to sit next to their new grandparents. Rosa chose to sit by her Auntie Bonnie and Uncle Rick. Although the numbers did not work out to allow the
other three to sit as close as they liked, they were good sports. We began the process of getting to know these engaging individuals. Steve and I have retained a sense of fun and playfulness and as this surfaced at the restaurant, the kids began to relax. Soon, they were shooting straw wrappers at us and laughing gleefully at our jokes and stories. Their new Great Grandma Barbara had brought a huge decorated sheet cake to celebrate. Once the cake was sliced and distributed, Rosa, who had been holding back throughout the meal, started to giggle. Turned out that her new Grandma had a blue tongue. This discovery led to more hilarity and soon we were all dipping fingers in the frosting and coloring our lips in vibrant colors. Since that day, when Thanksgiving rolls around, Steve and I count our blessings that these troubled children have become part of our family and are finding new pathways for themselves with all the love and support that all of us freely give them.
presents
A Monthly Series of Spiritual Workshops
Save the World Temple Beth David, 10180 Los Osos Valley Road, San Luis Obispo Third Thursday of Each Month • 7-9 pm • $20 Contact womenspress.slo@gmail.com or (805) 541-6874 for more information.
Judythe Guarnera is a freelance writer, Mediator, and a Senior Peer Counselor. She has been involved with senior issues and communication for over 20 years. Recently she was a finalist in two categories in the Lillian Dean Contest at the Central Coast Writers Conference. Judythe can be reached at follow.yourheart@sbcglobal.net.
WALKING Continued from page 11 in her car. We started out the first few weeks with two miles. After about four weeks we were up to three miles. By December, we were walking over four miles. Both of us felt stronger and healthier. Moore than just exercise, our walks give us a chance to tell stories, share our day-today stresses, our losses and our successes. We laugh. We blow off steam. Most of all we just take turns listening. On the days we don’t walk together, due to illness or other commitments, we both feel we’ve missed something key to our well-being. If we walk by ourselves there is less enjoyment in it. It becomes obligatory exercise. For my New Years’ goals I wanted to add some hills to the routine. Fortunately, Toni agreed. So, we measured a hilly route in an adjacent neighborhood and added that to our walk. The first few weeks we added the hills there was a noticeable lull in our conversations as we saved our breath for the incline. But, it wasn’t too long before we were laughing and carrying away on nature’s stair master. At a recent check up, I shared with my doctor how great I feel since I started walking regularly. He concurred that walking was really good for my sense of contentment. When I told him about having a walking buddy, he mentioned the studies that have been done about the importance of friendship to women’s health. Of course men benefit from friendship too, but for women it is a physiological need to connect with other women. He emphasized how fortunate I am to have found such a friend
to exercise with. Both aspects—exercise and friendship—were equally important to my new healthy outlook. This is what had been missing from my life. And now here it was on my doorstep. On the days the walk feels, hard we support each other. On the days that it is easy we take in the beauty of the plum blossoms, or say hello to the neighborhood kitties, all of who Toni is on a first name basis with. She’s given me gardening tips. We share recipes. I have benefited from her 20 years in banking with her clear financial perspective. We’ve even talked about local history and real estate. Because we walk we have also gotten to know more of the people who live around us. We meet elderly neighbors at their mailboxes, greet others working in their gardens. We’ve gotten to know our mail deliverers, our trash collectors, and the water meter reader. Occasionally, one or two neighbors have joined us for a morning here or there. But, most just lament aloud as we pass that they wish they had the discipline or the time to walk regularly as we do. We chuckle to each other knowing that we would have given up long ago had it not been for the simple promise we made to ourselves and each other to walk for our health – together. Sheila Doerfler is a writer, artist and teacher. She holds a BA in English from Binghamton University and a MA in Photography from NYU. Her writing and artwork have been published and exhibited in the United States and Australia. She now lives in San Luis Obispo with her husband and son.
November Workshop December Workshop Healing Meditations for Wellness and Inner Peace Join us as Mary Beth DeVillar discusses the Taoist approach to Inner Healing for the Autumn season (Metal Element) as well as the Winter Season (Water Element). Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) Five Elements/Six Conditions theory interprets wood, fire, earth, metal and water as the basic elements of the material world. In TCM this theory is used to interpret the relationship between the physiology and pathology of the human body. Following the discussion, Mary Beth will lead us in a series of guided Chi Kung Meditations based on ancient Chinese Taoist Health & Longevity practices that help support vitality and well-being during the Autumn and Wintertime. Mary Beth DeVillar has studied and practiced integrated healing therapies for over 20 years. For the past 10 years, Chi Nei Tsang has become her central practice at Five Cities Medical and she has trained with Gilles Marin, Master Teacher at the Berkeley-based Institute and Master Mantak Chia. Mary Beth also holds lectures/workshops on Chi Kung.
The Return of the Light Celebrate the Return of the Light with an evening of rebirth and renewal! Shantel Beckers will lead a discussion about the significance of the Winter Solstice and share stories from other cultures on how to celebrate this time of transition. Following the discussion there will be Candlelight Ceremony and Pranayama meditation. Pranayama is the art of mastering the breath to guide the flow of energy. Allowing the energy to flow freely opens you to live with clarity and peace in the present. You will utilize a deep, rhythmic breath which balances the chakra system creating relaxation and a deeper connection with Spirit. Shed the limitations of the past and step into the infinite possibilities of the New Year! Wear comfortable clothing and bring blankets/pillows, because you will be laying down for meditation. Shantel Beckers has been studying shamanism for the past seven years with David Elliott, Carrie Woodburn, Jamee Curtice and The Four Winds Society as well as through travels to Thailand, Tibet, India and Guatemala.
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Community Bulletins
Bulletins Smile-A-Mile Family Walk & Fun Day On Saturday, November 14 from 9:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m., the MOMS Club of Atascadero will be holding its first annual Smile-A-Mile Family Walk & Fun Day at Atascadero Lake Park in the Bandstand area. In addition to a 1.1 mile fundraiser walk around the Lake (registration and fee required), attractions include a raffle, children’s games, bounce house, face painting, and food. The Club will split all proceeds generated from the event between the North County Women’s Shelter and Resource Center and the Atascadero Unified School District (AUSD) Parent Education Program. In addition, walkers can bring a food donation to benefit Atascadero Loaves & Fishes. For more information about the event or information on joining the club, community members can contact Tina at 305-0140. Smile-A-Mile Walk registration forms are available at www.northcountywomensshelter.org under “upcoming events” and the Atascadero Chamber of Commerce.
Energy balancing sessions free of charge in San Luis Obispo The Global Alliance for Balance and Healing is offering free energy balancing sessions on Saturday, November 21 from 11:00am to 4:00pm. The free clinic will be held at Sierra Vista Hospital in the Auditorium, 1010 Murray Avenue, San Luis Obispo. Parking is best in the outpatient parking lot (on the west side and then go through the second entrance sliding glass doors). Once you enter the doors, turn right and then left into the auditorium. Sessions are 25 minutes in duration and no appointment is necessary. All are welcome. Visit www.globalalliance.ws or call 805438-4347 to learn about energy balancing or other offerings from the Global Alliance for Balance and Healing
BLISS Continued from page 9 world and everyone in it! I can hear you now: surprised at my luck and wishing me well, no doubt—but to wait so many years for a shot at one’s bliss? I questioned that, too, of course, but not for long because the answer was so simple. I could not have written my book— nor would it have been of much value, given the kind of book it is—unless I had lived long enough to write my story honestly and authentically from real-life experience. Once I started to write, it didn’t take long to realize that in answering my friend’s questions in so much depth, I was writing an intimate discourse on self-discovery, a re-creation of an inner journey whose full meaning and substance would be revealed to me only when my work with them was completed. I have no trouble believing that the book—after all my wishing and wondering and wanting—was my destiny, was meant to be, is what became the greater part of what gave my life its meaning. And so it was that in exchange for my considerable time and effort, I am able now to enjoy a rare and valuable gift: my life—fully deciphered, whole, and comprehensible in all of its layers. Probing my past, plumbing my depths, I had set about re-living the peaks and valleys of my story
Women’s Press | November & December 2009 | womenspress.slo@gmail.com
How to Bring Joy to Your Life facilitated by Dorothy Segovia In this workshop you will learn how to focus on feelings of peace, well-being and joy in order to claim more energy and expansion. By saying YES to your playful self, you allow your heart to lead you to a life of delight! Wear loose comfortable clothes and bring a favorite journal or pen. Be Well Center: 8810 Morro Road, Atascadero, CA 93442 Monday, October 12, 7pm to 8:30pm $10.00 Reservations suggested! To register call the Be Well Center at 805 460-9907
Honoring Your Self by Honoring Your Feelings Many times we find ourselves repeating patterns of behavior that lead us exactly where we don’t want to be! These patterns are often created by burying ‘taboo’ emotions. Taboo emotions are the feelings that society labels as ‘negative’ such as anger, fear and depression. But these feelings are natural to our human experience. Our emotions are energetic indicators telling us where we stand regarding any given circumstance. In this 3-hour workshop you will use gentle movement, music and Creative Journaling to explore your feelings in a safe, non-judgmental environment. You will learn tools to access and express your emotional self. By honoring and accepting all of your emotions, you can live a life of balance and joy. Wear loose comfortable clothes and bring a favorite journal or pen. Be Well Center: 8810 Morro Road, Atascadero, CA 93442 Tuesday, November 3, 6pm to 9pm $45.00 To register call the Be Well Center at 805 460-9907
and found out at the end of every chapter that it was not just my story—but everyone’s story. By diving as deep as I could go into the heart of my own particular darkness, I found again and again the essential meaning and purpose of life, itself. We are unique, so our stories will always be different on the transparent surface of life, yet the deeper I probed—beyond the “particular” to the level of soul—the more I was certain we are all one at our core. Were you to “explore” your own story, your efforts would slowly and quietly change your perceptions of yourself, and perhaps more than yourself. If you are looking for your bliss— and you’re not as old as I am—you might try climbing the Himalayas. But if you’re a writer (with a serious bent) you might “take as long as you like and go as deep as you can” and I would bet you at least this much: The day will come when you know yourself more completely than you ever thought possible, and on that day you will hold your soul—like a precious jewel—in the palm of your hand. That would be bliss. The book: Searching for Soul by Bobbe Tyler November 28, 2009 from 1 to 3:00 p.m. The Painted Lily Gallery — East Village 2026 Main Street, Cambria (805) 927-5747
Classifieds Reiki Koki Ho Therapy Deep Relaxation Stress and Pain Relief Reiki Usui Certified Level 1, 2, and 3 Classes Julie McKenna RP/RMT 805-235-6283 Imginehealing@aol.com CCY 900E. Grand Ave. Arroyo Grande
Advertise Here Women’s Press is now offering space for Classifieds. Reach an audience of thousands of women on the Central Coast! Contact womenspress-slo@gmail.com for more information.
Co-Dependants Anonymous Co-Dependents Anonymous, a 12-Step group for those seeking to improve the quality of their interpersonal relationships, has announced the first book study meeting in the Central Coast area. The new meeting takes place at 7:00 p.m. each Wednesday in the Community Room at the Rabo Bank branch at the northeast corner of Broadway and Battles Road in Santa Maria. The format is reading and sharing; the meeting is open to anyone with a desire to improve the quality of their relationships. The other Co-Dependents Anonymous meeting in Santa Maria takes place at 7:30 p.m. each Friday at the same location and is an open sharing meeting only. Interested parties may email not_moses@fastmail.fm or call 909 709 1588 for further information.
MINDFULNESS Continued from page 10 Washing the dishes the same way for the thousandth time, we get swept away in some other moment, missing the experience of the here and now. Greeting our partner as we have done countless times blocks us from truly seeing them. Mindfulness is born in each moment we turn our attention to where we are. We can play with our pets as if it was our last encounter with them. We can walk to the store as if it were the most important journey of our lives. We can listen to ourselves as if we were listening to a Buddha. It was once said that “There’s nothing special about the present moment except that it’s all we have.” This holiday season, I invite you to take time to develop the art of mindfulness, to appreciate that this moment truly is all that you have. Laura V. Grace is the Spiritual Leader for the Circle of Spiritual Enlightenment in San Luis Obispo (www.spiritualcircle.org), an interfaith spiritual community. Laura is also a teacher and spiritual director, and a member of Spiritual Directors International. A syndicated columnist for more than twenty publications, Laura has penned 200 articles on spiritual growth and is the author of the books Gifts of the Soul and The Intimate Soul.
Opportunity to Volunteer! Women’s Press is desperate for volunteers in San Luis Obispo and North County! We need a few people to committ to distributing papers in designated areas. This is a job that requires you to pick up papers at the WCC in San Luis Obispo and then distribute them in designated places in your area. You will need to restock papers usually twice a month (or more, depending on how popular the location is). It’s such a rewarding job: you get to distribute WP to your community, you get to meet local merchants, and you are helping a great organization. We are also looking for someone with a van/truck/large automobile to pick up Women’s Press at Cal Poly and deliver the papers to the WCC. This is a volunteer job that needs to be done only once every two months! That’s only 6 times a year!!! Please let Courtney Brogno know if you are interested by emailing womenspress.slo@gmail.com
VIOLENCE Continued from page 12 and development. . . . children who have been exposed to family violence suffer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as bed-wetting or nightmares, and were at greater risk than their peers of having allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches and flu.” In addition, women who experience physical abuse as children are at a greater risk of victimization as adults, and men have a far greater (more than double) likelihood of perpetrating abuse. Impact On Health And Social Services: The Centers for Disease Control estimates that the cost of domestic violence in 2003 was more than over $8.3 billion. This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity. Legislation: In 1994, the National Organization for Women, the NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund (now called Legal Momentum), the Feminist Majority and other organizations finally secured passage of the Violence against Women Act, which provided a record-breaking $1.6 billion to address issues of violence against women. However it took nearly an additional year to force the Newt Gingrich-led Congress to release the funding. An analysis estimated that in the first six years after VAWA was passed, nearly $14.8 billion was saved in net averted social costs. VAWA was reauthorized in 2005, with nearly $4 billion in funding over five years. Violence Between Same-Sex Couples: According to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, “domestic violence affecting LGBT individuals continues to be grossly underreported . . . there is a lack of awareness and denial about the existence of this type of violence and its impact, both by LGBT people and nonLGBT people alike.” Myths regarding gender roles perpetuate the silence surrounding these abusive relationships; for example, the belief that there aren’t abusive lesbian relationships because women don’t abuse each other. Shelters are often unequipped to handle the needs of lesbians (as a womenonly shelter isn’t much defense against a female abuser), and transgendered individuals. Statistics regarding domestic violence against LGBT people are unavailable at the national level, but as regional studies demonstrate, domestic violence is as much as a problem within LGBT communities as it is among heterosexual ones.
Resources
November & December 2009 | www.womenspress-slo.org | Women’s Press
ABUSE
Adults Molested as Children Support Group (AMAC) Rape Survivors Support Group, SLO Support Group for Sexual Assault Survivors
Project Lifesaver
Planned Parenthood
Safe and Sober Support Group
Stroke Support Group
548.0909 www.projectlifesaverofslo.org 473.6507
545.8888
St. Barnabas (Depression/Divorce/Grief)
781.6406
Talk/Listen - Emotional support
(inc. domestic violence support groups) 461.1338
Transformations Counseling Center
545.8888 or 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Consumer Credit Counseling Services
Center for Alternatives to Domestic Violence
489.2990 www.stbarnabas.ag.org
North County Women’s Shelter & Resource Center,
489.5481
SARP (Sexual Assault Recovery & Prevention) Women’s Shelter Program of SLO
781.6401 www.womensshelterslo.org
ADDICTIONS AA Meeting
541.3211
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)
498.2176 Al-Anon
534.9204
Cambria Connection (12 step support)
927.1654
Casa Solana
Women’s Recovery Home 481.8555 Chemical Dependency intensive outpatient program
Free monthly workshops 541.7908
Gay and Lesbian Alliance of the Central Coast
541.4252
PFLAG.Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays
438.3889
SOL (Single Older Lesbians)
Mostly socializing! Call 474.9405
HOSPICE
Hospice of SLO County, AIDS Bereavement Group
544.2266 and 434.1164
Hospice Partners of the Central Coast
782.8608
788.2643
Narcotics Anonymous
549.7730 and 800.549.7730 Overeaters Anonymous
541.3164
SCA, SLAA & SAA (Sex, Love & Romance Addictions)
461.6084
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly)
929.1789 www.tops.org Women for Sobriety
534.1101
Women’s Healthcare Specialists
544.4883
Code Pink
Commission on Status of Women
545.8412; Dawn Williams
Democratic Women United
541.4252
League of Women Voters
543.2220
NOW (National Organization for Women)
www.kcbx.net/~slonow/ slonow@kcbx.net
READERS/WRITERS Adult Literacy
541-4219
Creative Writing Group
748-2676; contact Gloria Nightwriters
549.9656; contact Shirley Powell
Cal Poly Foundation
http://SinC-CCC.blogspot.com
Cal Poly University
Adult Day Care
Sisters in Crime
Jobline 756.7107 www.calpolyfoundation.org
SENIORS
http://calpolyjobs.org 756.1533
489.8894 (Arroyo Grande); 434.2081 (Templeton); 927.4290 (Cambria)
Cuesta College
http://www.cuesta.edu Jobline 546.3127 The Creekside Career Center
788.2600 or 237.3014 www.slocareers.org Department of Rehabilitation
549.3361
215.536.8026 www.womenforsobriety.org
CHILDREN & FAMILIES
Private Industry Council (PIC)
546.3755 www.bbrn.org
Women’s Support/Therapy v (general)
AARP
Mission Community Services Corporation Women’s Business Partners
Birth and Baby Resource Center
544.2266 (SLO)
www.codepinkslo.org; ososousaville@charter.net
546.1178 www.ceahow.org 781.4275
Caregivers of Stroke Survivors
800.540.2227
JOBS/CAREERS
Drug & Alcohol Services
471.8102 (SLO)
POLITICAL
541-9113
Compulsive Eaters Anonymous, H.O.W. Concept
SLO 549.9446
FINANCE/BUSINESS GAY & LESBIAN
595.1357 www.mcscorp.org www.jobhunt.org 788.2601
Adult Protective Services
781.1790
Computerooters:
Computer help: 489.6230
Department of Social Services:
In-Home Support 781.1790 Nursing help for the terminally ill 781.5540
Elder and Dependent Adult Advocacy and Outreach – Victim Witness Assistance Center
781-5821
Elder Law, Geraldine E. Champion, Attorney
Childcare Resource Connection
LEGAL
Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA)
544.7994
Foster Grandparents.Senior Companions
544.6334 medeee8@aol.com
Senior Ballroom Dance club
781.5821
Senior Peer Counseling
541.2272 or 800.727.2272
“A child’s voice in Court in SLO County” 541.6542 Children’s Services Network
781.1847
First 5: Children & Families Commission
781.4058; ask for Susan Hughs
Homeschooling in SLO County (HSC)
462.0726; ask for Barbara
La Clinica De Tolosa 238.5334 La Leche League
489.9128
Migrant Childcare Program
544.4355 and 466.3444
California Rural Legal Assistance
473.4747
Core Mediation Services
782.9200
District Attorney’s Office – Victim Witness Center
489.5481 dg17@juno.com
Family Law Facilitator
788.3418
Free, trained in.home counseling for 60+ 547.7025 ext. 15
Lawyer Referral and Information Service
541.5502
SPIRITUAL
Circle of Spiritual Enlightenment
Pro Per Divorce Workshop
544.9313
Senior Legal Services
543.5140
541.1963; www.spiritualcircle.org
Awakening Interfaith Spiritual Community
Meditation Monday evenings 7-8 pm Open to all. 772-0306 awakeninginterfaith.org Hungry Hearts Spiritual Community
MOMS Club of South SLO county
MEDICAL SUPPORT/SERVICES
Partnership for Children
227.4785 or 674.4162
Meditation Group
Real F.A.C.T.S. (Forum on Abused Children)
547.3830, 534.9234 (SLO/Los Osos) 888.488.6555
New Beginnings Church
473.2548; www.southslomomsclub.org
ALS Support Group (Lou Gehrig’s Disease)
RC liturgy with womanpriest 546.8672
541.8666; ask for Beth
Alzheimer’s Support
Mondays, 7:30–8:30 PM; 772.0306
460.9016
Social Services
781.1600
Support for Kids Coping with Domestic Violence
473.6507
EMERGENCY/CRISIS Hotline
www.slohotline.org 800.549.8989
Sexual & Rape Prevention (SARP)
545.8888 or 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Temporary Restraining Order & Victim Witness Program 781.5821
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
A.D.A.P.T. (Aid in Divorce Adjustment Problems Today)
543.0388
Alzheimer/Dementia Resource Center
800.443.1236
Alzheimer’s Association
547.3830
CALL–Concerned Agoraphobics Learning to Live
543.3764
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA)
542.0577 (SLO) 481.5093 (Grover Beach) 927.1654 (Cambria) 466.8600 (North County)
American Cancer Society
San Luis Obispo 543.1481, 238.9657 Templeton 434.3051
Anorexia Nervosa & Bulimia Support Group
541.9113
Arthritis Foundation
892.5556
Cancer/ Breast Cancer Support Groups
543.1481 ext. 3 for information
Caregivers of Aging Parents
543.7969
Celiac Disease Support Group
226.9893
Endometriosis Association
www.endometriosisassn.org
Every Sunday, Coalesce Bookstore, MB Self-Realization Fellowship
Sunday Services 995-1599
WOMEN’S CENTERS/SHELTERS Homeless Shelter
781-3993
Housing Authority
543.4478
North County Women’s Resource Center, Shelter
461.1338
Prado Day Center (for the homeless)
786.0617 www.pradodaycenter.org Women’s Community Center, SLO
544.9313
Women’s Shelter Program of SLO
Enhancement, Inc. (for breast cancer survivors)
549.8989 (crises), 781.6401 (business) www.womensshelterslo.org
EOC Health Services Clinics
OTHER WOMEN’S ORGANIZATIONS
771.8640 www.enhancementinc.com
no or low cost reproductive health services 544.2478 (SLO); 489.4026 (Arroyo Grande) Healthworks of the Central Coast
No or low cost reproductive health services 542.0900 Hearst Cancer Resource Center
15
Altrusa International, Inc.
481.1039; Cici Wynn, President
American Association of University Women
781-0922 Karen www.aauw.org Camping Women
440.2723 www.campingwomen.org
Community Counseling Center
542.6269
Dealing With Divorce
3rd Thursday, SLO, 7 -9 pm 464-0564
Depresson and Bipolar Support Alliance Group
785.0132
Central Coast Peace and Environmental Council
Divorce Discussion Group
2nd Monday, 4-5 pm, 782-9300
Compassion & Choices (or Final Exit)
543.7969 544.9313
927.3703
489.2990, saintbarnabas@sbcglobal.net Eating Disorders Support Group
546-3774; free, meets weekly in SLO
IC Interstiti al Cystitis/Painful Bladder Syndrome
Hadassah.SLO
543.9452
Long-term Care Ombudsman Services of SLO County
OTHER GROUPS & GATHERINGS
Lymphedema Education & Support Group
544.3399 or 783.2383
Parkinson’s Support Groups
800.247.7421 or 489-5481
466.7226 (Atascadero/Templeton) 481.7424 (Arroyo Grande) 541.8633 (SLO)
Please send additions, corrections or deletions to: womenspress.slo@gmail.com or leave a message at the WCC: 805.544.9313. Last update 10/28/09.
Dine-in • Take-out • Full Catering Service All three locations are open: Mon.- Sun. 10:30 AM to 9:00 PM 570 Higuera St., #130 • San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 - tel. 805.544.0861 325 Pier Ave. • Oceano, CA 93425 • tel. 805.473.2383 In Avila Hotsprings • San Luis Obispo, CA 93405 • tel. 805.627.0288
Also, order online: www.MamasMeatball.com
... looking for a spiritual change? The Circle of Spiritual Enlightenment is an interfaith community dedicated to celebrating diversity and honoring the spirit that connects all things.
Spiritual Leader: Laura V. Grace Sunday Services 10:00am
Please join us for meditation at 9:30am each Sunday before the service Sunday School Provided: Educational and Fun 1500 Lizzie St., Room J-2, Adult School, San Luis Obispo
For more info: 805.541.1963 Website: www.spiritualcircle.org E-Mail: spiritualcircle@spiritualcircle.org
Please join us for a celebration of expanding consciousness and love.