kids
NG
IS YELLING AT YOUR CHILD EFFECTIVE? In short, no. Screaming at kids is ineffective and unenjoyable, however, I often hear parents say, “My kids only listen to me when I scream at them.” This yelling often includes: • • • • •
Get ready for school! We’re late! Do your homework! Clean your room! Go to bed!
How do parents get to the point of blaming, shaming, nagging, threatening, and overdoing it with punishment? It often occurs through a common sequence. It starts with kids procrastinating, follows with parents not enforcing consequences, and ends with parents stuffing their frustration until they explode. Some kids provoke their parents to lose their tempers. I’m not talking here about those kids who are power-tripping. If you are dealing with kids who actively provoke or defy you, you might need family therapy to turn things around. When you scream at your children, they might do what you want because you are scaring them or hurting their feelings. They might be afraid of your temporary emotional instability. While there are healthy and appropriate ways of telling them that you are angry, screaming is not one of them. POSITIVE APPROACHES TO MOTIVATING YOUR CHILDREN There are a few basic steps for engaging your kids and getting them started on the activity they need to be doing. 1. Pay attention to your timing. Avoid doing this activity if they are: • Tired, sick or hungry. • In the middle of a sleepover with friends. • Just sitting down to relax after having finished another task. 2. Have them pause what they are doing. 3. “I need you to pause your game.” 4. “I need you to pause your video.” 5. “I’m going to need a little bit of your time.” 6. State, “I have noticed that you have not done ____________ [the activity they are avoiding] and I have time now to help get you to get started.” 7. Say, “Let’s figure out what the first step is.” At this point, do not give them a laundry list of instructions. Instead, help them write out all of the individual steps for the project, putting the easiest step at the top. 8. Say, “I can help you with this first step if you like.” If they want to start it on their own, then that is great. Then state, “Please come find me when you are done with this continued on page 9
YC MAGAZINE
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June 2021
7
