Soap Box Mandy Nolan
CANCER: A TALL STORY
THERE’S NOTHING like reading the paper with one’s morning coffee. This morning as I gloated over pictures of a pinched-looking Rupert Murdoch getting some overdue karmic backwash with the news of the rest of the world scrutinising him, my eyes fell on a smaller story. ‘Tall people are more likely to get cancer’. Apparently every 10 centimetres you are above average makes you 16 per cent more likely to get a significant cancer that you’ll die of. And guess what ‘average’ is? A measly 155 centimetres. About one Rupert. I’m almost two Ruperts. I started out gloating and ending up floating… face down in my own decaf latte. I’m a dead woman. I’m 180cm, so at a quick guesstimate that makes me 50 per cent more likely to die of cancer than some shortarse. Scientists are theorising that the hormone that is active during adolescence that causes us tall people to put on those extra centimetres is responsible for predisposing us to an agonising death. All those years I walked around feeling superior to short people and it turns out now that the shoe is literally on the other foot. (Albeit a very built-up shoe.) While Randy Newman may have sung Short People Got No Reason to Live, ironically, now they have. And their reason is to bury tall people. Think of all the money they’ll make! I checked the average height of the scientists who conducted this so-called research, and would you believe not one of them is over 154cm! Dwarf scientists tired of the size-based ridicule have decided to scare those of us who are height-endowed. So where are the health warnings? They put them on cigarette packets but what about a cancer warning on a carrot? ‘WARNING! THIS CARROT COULD MAKE YOU VERY TALL AND MORE LIKELY TO GET BREAST CANCER’. Man, I knew that my childhood reluctance to eat fruit and vegetables had a scientific basis. Had I been nutritionally deprived during those growing years I would have the cancer
protection of the little people. It’s not as if I haven’t suffered enough as it is already being tall. Tall girls will concur, being above average height for a lady causes us continual social disadvantage. There’s the inane comments: ‘Gosh you’re Tall’. Yes, I am. I have often been tempted to reply ‘apparently height is an indicator of your IQ… mmm, I notice that you’re rather short.’ Well-meaning aunts would cluck around me going ‘You’re lovely and tall now. Let’s hope you don’t get TOO tall.’ Like I had any control. And what is too tall? Clearly too tall is when one warps from model material to just plain mannish. It’s very intimidating for the average heterosexual man to see a hand on his member bigger than his own. I see TOO-tall girls and they make me sad. They always seem to have this apologetic stoop, like they’re trying to be small and girly. I love to see a giant woman standing proudly, shoulders back, like a fierce Amazon. I was served coffee by one today. She must have been 185 centimetres or more. It was hard to believe that this beautiful girl strutting about in her skintight cheetah pants was facing a higher cancer stat than myself. It would appear that we tall girls really are damsels in distress after all. Not that anyone has ever noticed. When you are a tall girl men assume you can kill your own spiders. Hell, if they put a foot wrong, you might even be able to kill them. Tall girls have to change their own tyres, carry their own groceries and mow their own lawns. It must be nice to be small and helpless just for a day. I asked my husband, a health academic, why he thought taller people were more likely to die of cancer. ‘More of them. Greater surface area.’ What a silly man. I killed a spider lurking on my desk, then mowed him down with my office chair. He should thank me – he’s a tall man; I just reduced the likelihood of his dying of cancer by 100 per cent.
hits during his career, many of these self-penned, and he continues to entertain audiences with an amazing live show featuring his uniquely powerful and recognisable voice. Since his first tour down under in the early 70s Leo fell in love with Australia and in 2009 became an Australian citizen. Leo’s forty-year journey that has seen him win a Grammy, fill stadiums around the globe with his concerts and ride a wonderful rollercoaster of career highs and lows in the crazy world of the music industry. Leo has come out smiling with energy and enthusiasm to burn. To celebrate four decades in the music business Leo will be touring throughout 2011. Join Leo for a night and celebrate his amazing career – we know that you will feel like dancing! Twin Towns Saturday.
Virtuoso guitarists at Tyalgum The truly international duo of Peter Constant (Australian) and Marion Schaap (Dutch) combine their virtuoso guitar talents. They met while completing their Master of Music degrees at Yale University, USA and for more than a decade their ‘first love’ has been playing music together. As they’ve just arrived from Holland, the Tyalgum Concert will be their first performance in Australia before they commence a residency program at the Queensland Conservatorium in Brisbane. The program includes Vivaldi’s Concerto in C, Scarlatti’s Sonata K4 and Sonata K53, Gerard Brophy’s Sacred Leaves and Paulo Bellinati’s Jongo to name just a few. This will be an extraordinary program of music;, be sure not to miss it at the Tyalgum Hall Sunday.
Pop ‘til you drop Soda Pop are an accomplished duo, who groove to hit tracks from the past 50 years. Combined with smooth vocals and funky guitar, Soda Pop deliver a refreshing twist to any occasion. Bringing a mix of old-school soul and rock from The Shirelles, Fleetwood Mac, The Eagles and many others. They also cover top 40 music of today including Katy Perry, Duffy, Pink, Train, Jason Mraz, Kings Of Leon and many more. Make an afternoon of it at the Currumbin RSL on Sunday.
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fRETfEST Volume 4 For lovers of folk and folk-blues the fourth volume compilation in the fRETfEST series is well worth he money spent. From Bree Bullock’s sparkling Dylan to Sam Wallman’s questionable but comical If I Had an Effort, the CD skips along at an enjoyable pace and delivers pretty much on every song (with a few minor hiccoughs), not an easy feat when you are wrangling ‘various artists’. King by Alison Briskey and Bernie Carson’s George are just lovely as is Into The Light by Alec Burns. At times this CD is reminiscent of Joni Mitchell and Rodriguez, and Missy Higgins has cast her influence far and wide, but this is still a fresh offering with a collection of quality musos and vocalists. Outstanding tracks are With the Sun by Angharad Drake and Walkin’ by Abbie Roberts but the highlight for me was Ross Hunter and Owen Van Larkins’ Tapestry – a joy to the ears and heart and I will definitely be hunting up an album by these extraordinary music makers. Beautifully recorded fRETfEST should become part of your CD collection. Go buy it! For info on fRETfEST gigs, visit: www.fretfest.com/gigs-2011
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meat pies and beer, depending on the occasion. They were recently nominated for the Australian Bridal Industry Academy Awards. Get set for fun at the Currumbin RSL Saturday.
Seeds of the new and the old Having spent the last few months holed up in their Wellington-based studio, the The Black Seeds have packed up their gear and are heading to Queensland to test-drive brand new material from the forthcoming new album, as well as to play some old favourites. ‘We have been working really hard on our next (5th) studio album for a while now’, says vocalist and guitarist Barnaby Weir. ‘Our new jams are sounding great and we can’t wait to take them to the stage for everyone to hear’. The Black Seeds perform at Splendour In the Grass before headlining their own show. Renowned globally for their killer eight-peice live shows, which sees them regularly performing at some of the world’s major music festivals. Catch The Black Seeds live in concert at the Coolangatta Hotel Saturday.
He is a stayer Hit-makers come and go in the fickle world of popular music, but Leo Sayer is a stayer, a powerhouse performer who is still captivating audiences globally after 40 years. It was in 1971 when Gerard Sayer made the decision to leave his career in commercial art and seriously follow his passion into the world of music and songwriting. His manager’s wife thought he looked like a lion with his incredible mane of curly hair. It was that moment that Gerard became Leo – Leo the lion – Leo Sayer. Leo has sold millions of albums around the world and has had 20 worldwide top ten
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