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pretty lightly. However, my more recent column on vegans seems to have stirred up some very passionate and rather abusive Mandy Nolan herbivores. It’s a bit like being heckled by a hamster. Ironically, it ended up proving my thesis entirely. They just don’t get the joke. (There was a letter from a very nice vegan lady who invited me to attend Goveg meetings. She was the one well-balanced exception and her argument was passionate but reasonable). As for the others, they were rabid! Why would anyone make a food choice that makes them so angry? I thought that choosing not to kill animals for your fodder I have been writing a regular was an indicator that you had satirical column for The Echo for just over eight years. In that time a sweet and gentle disposition. Apparently not. They’re tofuI have amused many, offended eating psychopaths. One person some and filled others with a mild disinterest. It doesn’t bother rang The Echo and demanded that I be sacked! Another me. Reading this column isn’t mandatory. If you don’t like what woman threatened to withdraw advertising that had never been I am saying, you can pull out. Stop. It’s not like trying to leave a placed. And then the abusive live gig. If I catch you slinking out emails started. of a comedy show I’ll hammer I received threats from a person you. But here, dear reader, when who claimed to have established it’s just you and me, you can a group called ‘The Vegan leave the literary bed and I won’t Warriors’ – some sort of joyless, even know. Like a horny old soy-eating bikie gang that can’t man on redtube, I can finish up wear leathers. Just jackets made myself. from cabbage. Crazy Vegan went on a rampage. Apparently With comedy and satire in I’m an oxygen thief and the particular, it’s always hit and reason stupid people shouldn’t miss, and as the boys from The procreate. Gosh, I remember Chaser found out with their skit another racial supremacist who on Make a Wish Foundation, there are times when your purest was also a vegetarian, a chappie named Hitler? She went on to intention is mistaken. Making tell me that I wasn’t funny, that I jokes about kids with cancer was obviously poorly educated is always going to be risky, no and unintelligent. Geez, that’s matter how clever the irony. ironic, vegan lady loves animals Apart from the odd abusive and hates stupid people. By phone call from a woman a few definition stupid people are still years back who kept calling animals. Poor stupid people. So me fat (I think it was my mum), what if I’m an idiot? Aren’t we all the Mullumbimby teenager equal? Last time I checked idiots who yells out ‘Mandy Nolan also have human rights and are is a slut’ (I’d answer him back, permitted to breed. but he’s right, I am), the posters Then Vegan Queen went on with I occasionally find defaced the big one: Ellen De Generes with penises on my forehead (my kids) and the charmingly is a vegan and she’s funny and eloquent message left in paint the No. 1 talk show host in the on The Echo office wall ‘Fuck you world and nobody knows you. Mandy you asshole c**t’ (I think That’s a bit below the vinyl belt. it was Telstra), I tend to get off I’ll have vegetable head know
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that I’m huge in the Byron Shire. Once you get past Billinudgel it’s ‘Mandy Nolan who?’ Some would even compare me to psoriasis, a persistent and incurable affliction. But personable. I would have to say though that Ellen de Generes may be a vegan, and she may be well known, but she’s not funny. So I think I did score another point on my thesis that ‘vegans are humourless’. Potatohead also suggested a list of other famous vegans like Pamela Anderson. Hello, the slapper wears ugg boots up to her thighs, and I’ve seen the Tommy video. She’s a meat eater. And between you and me, I wouldn’t be using her as the champion of any lifestyle choices. I have stirred vegan lady up. She actually thinks I eat pandas. It’s not true. I prefer orangutan, or whale‌ She’s livid. It’s fun, but I have to stop teasing vegans. It’s not their fault. I feel a bit like Salman Rushdie after he’d released the Satanic Verses. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I’ll have to go into hiding lest I’m bludgeoned to death with a large carrot. While I’m on the topic though, I’d just like to finish up with vegetarian dogs. In my time I have come across the odd (some may say very odd person) who professes to have a vegetarian dog. No you don’t. You have a meat eating carnivore being subjected to animal cruelty by someone who professes to abhor animal cruelty. Dogs are like children, they don’t like salad. If you can’t handle feeding your pooch dead stuff then step back from the food chain and get yourself a rabbit. They’re delicious. (I think in future I will ask The Echo to publish a disclaimer: WARNING: THIS ARTICLE MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF SATIRE, IT CAN UPSET THE NUTS.) It’s a joke, Joyce.
ONLINE
Fuel for Jimmy’s Fire The Fuelers back up Jimmy Willing’s latest exhibition this Friday with a very special performance at Caddies in Lismore. Hailing from Canberra, Queanbeyan and Newcastle, The Fuelers deliver a unique style of music they call Dieselbilly. Their show sits in a netherworld between cabaret and country, a spaghetti western where Frank Zappa might’ve rubbed shoulders with Clint Eastwood. With Willing’s take on old time, mythic cowboy themes, the combination is a perfect fit. Music from 6pm to 9pm.
Rock n Roll Pirate Masque! Rock 'n’ roll pirates, lusty dames and a barrel of rum (or at least a shitload of alcopops) ‌ Get ready for a huge night of plundering, pillaging and pissing it up as a flotilla of marauding rapskallions lands upon the shores of Byron Bay. Rockin’ good time bands The Good Ship, Rocketsmiths and Jimmy Willing & The Real Gone Hick-Ups lead the charge with their high energy caterwaulings. In tow are the bloodthirsty Rag Tag Band, luscious perverted clown Miss Bertie Page, plus burlesque treats Lena Marlene, BB Lebuff and La Viola Vixen. There’ll even be a session of the world famous Dr Sketchy’s Anti-Art School life drawing class, where you’ll have the
program guide
WINTER 1 MAY – 31 OCTOBER 2010
Friday 11 June 7.30pm Jane Rutter - Queen of the Flute $40/ $32 conc Sunday 13 June 2pm Konstantin Shamray Presented by Byron TICKETS Music Society $30/ $25 members / $10 AVAILABNOW LE committe and children Tuesday 15 June 8pm I Don’t Wanna Play House Written, directed and performed by Tammy Anderson. Presented by Byron Theatre and Ripe Productions $30/ $25 conc Saturday 19 June 8pm Carmella Baynie & The Bhakti Raga Ensemble Presented by Ku Promotions $22.50 Sunday 20 June 3.30pm A Byron Theatre Tribute In honour of Hector Santiago & Shawn Williams Featuring the Blackbirds and many more! $10 Tuesday 22 June 8pm Amala Kirtan Concert Presented by Kirtan Australia $15
This week @ cLIVE MUSIC d The Brewery
THURSDAY 6am Planet Luv Glitter 9am Arts Canvass Karena Wynn-Moylan 11am Bohemian Beat Riddhi 12pm Juke Joint Tony Parker 2pm Audio Chocolate Rich 4pm Future Classics Matt Meir 6pm Crossroads Paul Martin 8pm Cruisin for a Bluesin The Honeydripper 10pm Direction in Groove Oliver Hughes
FRIDAY MONDAY 6am That Friday Feeling Nicky 6am The Morning Mix Kabes 9am The Spin Cycle Karin Kolbe 9am The Inspiration Lounge Andy Travis 11am Not The Comedy Show 11am Belly BellySisters Paul & Danno 12pm Cultural Awareness 12pm Whirled Music Phil Hurst DJ Terra Nullis & Sister Yapa 1pm Fab Wah Tom T-Jet 2pm Q’s Jazz ‘n Blues Quentin Watts 2pm Grooveyard Teesha 4pm Cruizy Beatz DJ Cruizy 4pm Strictly Vinyl (Happy Days) 6pm Grailey Whole Celtic Show Inchie Margaret Wyatt 6pm Chop-Suey Rachi 8pm At The Soul Inn Jasmine 8pm Submerged/Rotation/Down & 10pm Freedom Run Out Si Clone, Pob & Slinky Jimmy & Callum 10pm CafĂŠ Royale Al Royale 12am The Sounds of Africa TUESDAY DJ Massaganda 6am Cock a Doodle Doo Lou 9am Love, Life & Laughter Pavitar SATURDAY 11am Byron Business Phil Daly 6am Buffet Breakfast Chilla 12pm Da Island Vibe Shakona 8am Musical Kaleidoscope Jill 1pm Mezzanine Mazzy and Bec 10am Cowboy’s Sweetheart Carrie D 2pm The Music Garden 12pm Red Hot & Cool Anthony & Ken Michael Brereton 2pm Toasted Lady Marmalade 4pm Theme Park Lyn McCarthy 4pm The Hot Spot Victoria & Kirsty 6pm Post Modern Backlash 6pm Youthanism Damon & Sam Hudson 8pm Diggin in the Archives 8pm Radio Mundial Steve Snelgrove Undertaker & Joan of Arc 10pm Booty Call Lainie Chait 10pm Shel’s Place Shel WEDNESDAY 6am Catch and Grab DJ Holly Holster SUNDAY 7am Colours of Byron Des 9am 2481 Undone Nicqui Yazdi 10am Baby Boomers Brunch Alan the 11am Go Earthcare Ros Elliott Yesterday man 12pm That’s Amore Yv & Sergio 12pm Omnibus 1pm Suara Indonesia RG Pedicini & Les Schmidt Dharma, Kirana, Judy & Francesca 2pm Radio Latina Yolanda & Bita 2pm The Junkyards Stuey 4pm The Bay Lounge Aqua 4pm African Massive Manie 6pm Music on the Edge Brian 6pm Bongo Gum Brett Diemar 8pm Broken Heart Road 8pm Free Range Rhythms Elixir Peggy & Fulton 10pm The Freq Consortium 10pm The Beatseekerz Jonny Coates Alex d B & Dr Payne
wwwbayfm.org Phone 6680 7999 www.echo.net.au
<echowebsection=Entertainment>
Brewery Tours for groups by appointment
LIVE Ent erta inme nt Tuesday 8th June 6:30pm FREE Open Mic Night with Matty Devitt Wednesday 9th June 6:30pm FREE
Anthony George
Thursday 10th June 6:30pm FREE
Soul Shakers
Friday 11th June 7pm FREE
Mason Rack
Saturday 12th June 7pm $10
Christian Pyle CD Launch
with supports Sara Tindley & M Jack Bee Sunday 13th June 5pm $20
Off the Beat n Track 3
Monday 14th June 6pm FREE
Live Music in the Beer Garden, plus Monday Night Footy Tuesday 15th June 6:30pm FREE Open Mic Night with Matty Devitt Tuesday 15th June 6.00pm Entry $15 at the door Show from 6.30pm to 9.00pm - Over-18s only Dr Sketchys
COMING SOON! Friday 25th June 7pm $10
Ghost Mountain CD Launch â&#x20AC;&#x153;Art without Audienceâ&#x20AC;? -with Support James Cruickshank
DINNER SPECIALS Monday
9
$
Steak Night
Tuesday
10
$
Ribs Night
Wednesday
9
$
Pizza Night
Thursday
Kids Under 12 Eat Free* *conditions apply
TO FRIDAY 10AM - $8 YOGA MONDAY
CUBAN SALSA CLASSES WEDNESDAY 5PM - $15 Present this voucher for a
FREE Meal Buy one main course at the Buddha Bar & Restaurant and get one main course of same or lesser value FREE! Not valid with any other special such as our $7.50 lunch ECHO080610
Limit of 1 voucher per order. Valid after 6pm Daily. Valid until 8th July 2010
Courtesy Bus For pickup please call Mobile:
0429 603 102
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3KRQH www.byronbaybrewery.com.au
The Byron Shire Echo June 8, 2010 27