Byron Shire Echo – Issue 24.41 – 23/03/2010 by Echo Publications

soAP boX Mandy Nolan

Ride the Wild Tiger Who cares if Tiger Woods has sex outside his marriage? Bring it on. Obviously he’s getting something out of the game that eludes most of us. If 18 holes in one day aren’t enough for the man, than obviously he’s some sort of God. Some blokes just weren’t designed to be faithful. The Tiger was obviously one of them. The golfing fraternity should be delighted that Mr Woods has brought them a sex scandal. The fact that anyone playing golf still actually has sex is impressive. After a few rounds I’m surprised anyone still has enough of a pulse left to maintain and sustain a viable erection let alone try another 18 holes. Now as I drive past the Mullumbimby Golf Course it’s a whole different scenario. I’m looking at those blokes fiddling with their nine irons, adjusting their walk socks and cream shorts and thinking ‘you animals’. Go back home to your wives, you filthy beasts. I have a confession. I had an affair with Tiger Woods. It was beautiful. A meeting of the heart. We met at Teven when he was banging out a few practice holes. He’s so high profile, he travels all over

the world to find untouched greens (and women) so he can stay on top of his game (and his women). The attraction was instant. He told me he preferred his women slightly overweight with a bit of a pre-diabetic bulge. He was impressed with my swing and offered me some stroke correction. I knew, when he touched my buggy, that it was on. As I bent to place his ball on my tee I felt his hot breath on my golf bag. It was love in the bunker. One brown man, one white woman rolling around in the sand on the first hole. (I’ve always been a bit nervous about love on the second.) It was a beautiful thing. Nothing improper. He kept his socks on. He might be unfaithful but he’s a stickler for the on-course dress code. He even filled in the divots we made. Since that day he’s been texting non-stop. ‘Left my wife. Need you now.’ I told him that it was unrealistic. I’m happy in Mullumbimby. I’m just not ready to be a golfing wife. I’ve got a lovely bloke and a bunch of kids, and I’m not about to wander into the Woods alone. I’ve found my path. I suggested he go to Sex Anonymous, try and get back with his wife. And if that didn’t work, try bonking a bunch of waitresses and strippers to get me out of his system. ‘I’m on the 17th’ he texted recently ‘still thinking of you.’ I couldn’t agree to see him again, and frankly the begging was pathetic. So as a compromise I sent him a bunch of nude photos taken on my iPhone. Unfortunately I accidentally sent them to Brendan Fevola. He mistook them for Lara Bingle and so the Bingle Bungle began. Lara and I are very physically similar so I can understand the mixup, I’m very sorry if I have caused the poor girl embarrassment.

Live Music Totally Tina Following on from the phenomenal success of her two recent albums, Temporary People and Worksongs, Tina Harrod is fronting a nation wide ‘Underneath your Spell Tour’. Like many great artists Tina continues to push boundaries as a trailblazer, already a pre-eminent soul and R&B singer, Tina has been exploring more jazz influence territory with stunning results. Tina Harrod performs for one night only at the Mullumbimby Bowling Club on Saturday. Tix at the club.

Oh Brother! The Grigoryan and Tawadros families unite when brothers Slava & Leonard and Joseph & James present Band of Brothers, a musical symbiosis of world flavours. Classical music meets Egyptian, creating what can be truly deemed authentic Australian World Music. Band of Brothers play the Byron Community Centre on Wednesday March 24 at 8pm. Tix are just $25 and can be booked on 6685 6807.

Full Throttle with Full Scale In January Aussie political/rock band, Full Scale, re-formed for the first time in four years for a special benefit gig, donating profits to the Refugee Action Collective. Their return show sold out The Evelyn Hotel in Melbourne before doors. During their short five year career (2001-2006), Full Scale had some amazing achievements including signing to US label Columbia

Records (Sony-BMG), living in North Hollywood and touring America with Hed-PE in 2005. Their decision to split in 2006 came as a shock and seemed premature to many fans. But Aussie fans now have the opportunity to see one of the most exciting live bands this country has ever produced when they play Great Northern Hotel on Thursday.

R ANDREA SOLE LL A H I AT UK ON SATURDAY

Belle & Rogue Belle Hendrik and the Rogue Gene have been recording their forthcoming CD and to celebrate its near completion they play the Rails this Saturday with the added bonus of the talents of Sydney’s one and only piano man, Mr John Hill. You may have caught Miss Hendrik performing with the Honeybees or one of the many local bands she appears with as guest vocalist. Now with the Rogue Gene she comes into her own with a mix of soul, blues and country tinged music with song writing course Aretha. Later the dance partner Hugh Milan on guitars floor will arc up for this one and vocals and Len Reilly on woman sensation who’s been drums. called ‘a true force of nature.’

Soler Eclipse Australian singer songwriter Andrea Soler has returned from the UK to launch her debut album Earth On An Axis. A live performance by Andrea can be captivating as it’s hard to remain unaffected by her flair, joy and inclusive-ness. She exudes, in part, an upbeat European feel, yet all the while maintaining her own take on the indie folk/pop idiom. Saturday 8pm at Uki Church.

Lisa Hunt at the Court House Easter Saturday Byron’s local queen of soul, Lisa Hunt comes to the Court House Hotel in Mullumbimby on Saturday April 3. The evening will feature material Lisa doesn’t usually do, moodier soul stuff like Gladys Knight, Etta James and of

The Cotton Club Carnivale Dress Brazilian, Dance Brazilian, Be Brazilian! Experience the rhythms of the Samba Blisstas plus DJs Captain Kaine, Mr Nice and Haze at Byron Bay Brewery Buddha Bar on Saturday. Take a dance class, learn the steps then get into the groove of The Cotton Club Carnivale! Cafe Del Mar are playing in the beer garden from 6pm. $20 on sale now – tickets are limited.

Year of the Ox Spawned from the NSW North Coast – OX featuring members of Byron hard rock icon Fort – boasts one big slab of hard edged and mammoth riff’o’rama. Born during Fort’s hiatus, this four piece can only

be described as sonic heaviness and power all rolled up in the one. With George Christie, Deon Driver, Brent Crysell and now Gray Allsbury on vocals, OX is set to deliver. Having just come off the road from touring with Tumbleweed, OX is set to play the Great Northern Hotel this Friday. Local band Stone Mountain will support. Free.

Getting Phat This Saturday Bless tha Beatz and Brunswick Heads CDAT proudly present, Sydney’s Phatchance and Coptic Soldier at the Mullumbimby Civic Hall. Fresh from the national ‘Inkstains’ tour. Local talent at the show will include Lore Crew, Pyxidata, Yomida, Brunt Force, Dacious, Misled, Flowkab Deuce, Kinetik NRG and Tha F.I.T plus open mic/ freestyle session. Entry is $5, and the show kicks off at 7.30pm and wraps up before 11pm. Drug and alcohol free.

FRIDAY NIGHTS @ THE YAC

Drop in fun for high school kids

be adiva l l divine goddesses of song

movies, music, art, gaming, food and more… 6-10pm

FASHION COURSE COMING UP! Call Mel for details or email links@bys.org.au

BOXATION WITH PETER

Mondays from 5 to 6pm BYS @ BLUESFEST We will be looking after the breathalysers and selling rafﬂe tickets to win

the Goddess Divine tour

“2 VIP 5 day passes for 2011 Bluesfest” very generously donated by Bluesfest. Come in and say hello!

..a sextet of sassy sopranos changing the face of opera