ISSUE# 33.31 JANUARY 9 – 15, 2019
E N T E R T A I N M E N T
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courtesan and joins in for a tantric threesome. Within a few hours they walk out of the clubhouse to issue a joint press release, stating that love is the only answer and henceforth all nukes will be destroyed, all beings will become vegan, all coal plants will shut down immediately, and only women can run for high office or start religious cults.
CORRECTED
ONETIME MONK AND POLITICAL ACTIVIST, NOW SPIRITUAL-POLITICAL SATIRIST, ALAN CLEMENTS PRESENTS HIS SHOW SPIRITUALLY INCORRECT RELATIONSHIP INCORRECT THE GREAT RECKONING AT THE BYRON COMMUNITY CENTRE THIS WEEK. There’s been a lot of conversation about correctness and incorrectness. What does it even mean any more? Krishnamurti once said: ‘It’s no measure of success to be profoundly adjusted to a sick society’. Keeping that in mind, let’s consider Harriet Tubman, the American Abolitionist, who escaped slavery by risking her life to go underground to Canada. Talk about living on the edge between correct and incorrect. Not content with her own freedom, she risked her life numerous times to return to the plantation-gulags in America to rescue her black brothers and sisters from slavery. Before she died, asked if she had any regrets, she replied: ‘I wish I could have convinced a thousand more of my people they were slaves but they did not realise it’. Indoctrination and slavery today are much more insidious, chained, as it were, to work, rent, mortgages, meds, masks, masturbation, media, and even meditation, within in a sick sociopathic society. With that said, I think it’s worth asking: ‘are we slaves, whether to corporate capitalism, a new-age cult, a religious dogma, a narcissist’s soul-sucking lies, a meditation practice that does not work, or the dopamine pump in the palm of our hands… or any number of other dysfunctional, passion-deadening, mindnumbing patterns of thought and action that insidiously enslave our lives?’ Correct or incorrect, what will it be?
How would I know if I were ‘spiritually incorrect’? If you felt anywhere close to how I see it in myself, you’d probably decline a free night of Ayahuasca, especially with a white male shaman trained in Peru, and you’d cease chanting Hindu phrases as some kind of mystical access to wherever. And you would definitely cease hoping to be on the A-list of invitees to present at any of the dozens of Spirit and Wanderlust Fests worldwide. Likely you would start to swear, feel allergic when encountering magical thinkers, tarot readers, channellers, psychics, aura analysts, and Sanskrit-spouting yoga teachers with hundred-word vocabularies selling gymrat-workout-asana to enslave you in their Instagram cult of look-at-me ego worship, etc. Oh yes – and you would not be susceptible to having Om, Shiva, Shakti, Buddha, Namaste, or any other eastern religious neologism tattooed on your beautiful body. The sad truth about India today is that they have more respect for a cow than a woman. And if you have a Buddha tattooed on your body in Burma, they will jail you. And by all means, do not make the mistake of tattooing love, truth, transparency or any of their synonyms on your body. As you discover your inner fraud, black ink on skin is hard to remove. We all go through the idealisation phase. Slow down. Be mindful.
If you were to do a spiritual autopsy on Donald Trump what would your report say? If I were God, I’d say, setting aside my son’s advice, better to call a spade a spade: ‘Forgive the arsehole for he knows the worst side of me, which is typical, especially for a severely deluded narcissistically driven rich white homo sapien male who acts out his tiny-penis soulless syndrome by attacking all things good and beautiful.’ But with that said: ‘As his father, he simply acted out his conditioning, his culture, his education, and the DNA of our pathologically violent god molecule from which all life is embedded. In other words, he is not to blame, for he, like all life, is the existential victim of ME – a psychopathic god.’ You may be asking: ‘Where does the buck stop? With me or with Don? Me!’ And be forewarned: ‘Let him who is without sin cast the first stone…’ Three people playing a game of tennis – Dalai Lama, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong Un… what would happen? I see them in the hot tub afterwards, talking nukes, power, and reconciliation. Suddenly, Don gets a stiffy and senses that Kim also has one. Don goes for it and grabs Kim’s lingam under water. Don is right – it’s hard and pulsing. Then His Holiness, with his power of compassion, realises that this could be a globe-changing moment and through the power of his Tibetan Buddhism turns himself into a unisexual spiritual
In other words, I think men do what they do because of multiple levels of uncharted trauma and repressed emotional needs for true intimacy. Think of John Lennon’s Imagine playing in the background. How’s that for spiritual correctness? Just like that, we have world peace. Why do people choose to be so awful when they could play nicely? Is this really the human condition? Are we naturalborn arseholes? Pretty much so. Let us not forget: Stalin. Hitler. The Holocaust. Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Mao. Vietnam. Apartheid. The Berlin Wall. The Chinese invasion of Tibet. The genocides in Timor and Rwanda. Pinochet’s reign of terror in Chile. Pol Pot’s sea of cracked skulls. The death squads of Guatemala. The ‘ethnic cleansing’ of Bosnia and Kosova. The crushing of democracy in Tiananmen Square. The list of horrors go back to the beginning of time. It comes back to ethical courage – the courage to choose non-arsehole-like actions. A while ago I wrote on the need to find our E spots – meaning Empathy… and our ability to enact. Can we ever make that jump to consciousness? It feels like nothing will change until everything changes, if you know what I mean. Mandy, let’s face it: our culture is a runaway locomotive. Over seven billion of us now live on the planet. There are almost a quarter of a million births every day. That equates to about 10,000 new humans born every hour, or 1,750,000 a week. That’s an LA a month, and eight New York Cities a year. And that’s taking into account the 200,000 deaths each and every day.
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