ERTA INM ENT ENT
BY JOHN CAMPBELL
THE SPY WHO DUMPED ME ‘Do you think this will ever end?’ my companion whispered, as we neared the two-hour mark of this hyperactive but laughless piece of lowbrow idiocy. It’s as old as the hills, but the truism that ‘brevity is the soul of wit’ is obviously one that has never appealed to writer/director Susanna Fogel. Or maybe the movie just seemed really long because of the face-pulling hamminess of Kate McKinnon. Tiresome in the extreme, her MO as a comedienne has a similar effect on me as the noise of a nail being drawn across a blackboard. She co-stars here with the less objectionable Mila Kunis in a spy spoof that is short on wit but high in its body count – it really is extraordinary the level of gun violence that we blithely accept on screen these days, even in a flick that is meant to be light hearted. As Morgan and Audrey, the girls find themselves embroiled in the helter-skelter challenge of keeping a memory stick loaded with earth-shattering secrets from falling into the hands of the evil empire du jour. There are oodles of red herrings and double crosses as they are chased from Vienna to Paris to Prague… and maybe Budapest, too. I lost track of their itinerary at about the same time that I gave up on the plot’s convolutions. It’s a frenetic Cook’s Tour of Europe and our heroines manage to
STARS BY LILITH
outsmart and stay one step ahead of their pursuers, while all the time never being entirely sure of whom they can trust. Chisel-jawed, blond Sebastian (Sam Heughan), because he is a dead-ringer for Roger Moore, with the Pommy accent to boot, is too handsome to be anything but a good guy and you get the impression that he and Audrey are destined to end up in the sack together – not that there is any time for romance. The spy genre is tricky to lampoon because it is camp to begin with, but this misses the mark spectacularly. Come back soon, Johnny English.
ON CHESIL BEACH There is so much left unsaid, so much that is not explained in this movie. As one of the most highly acclaimed novelists writing in English, Ian McEwan has always ventured deep into the landscape of the mind. But in adapting his own story for the cinema, he has written a screenplay that does not quite achieve the glassy clarity that he manages in his books. It is 1962 and the newlyweds Florence and Edward (Saoirse Ronan, Billy Howle) are in the bridal suite of a hotel overlooking a pebbly, wintry beach. Their awkwardness is accentuated by a pair of smarmy waiters who laugh audibly after leaving the room (it briefly cheapens the mood because it is overdone), and when it comes to the act of consummation, Florence is unable to overcome her shyness? her terror? her repugnance? What led to this conjugal failure is then eked out – but not fully – through flashbacks in which, unfortunately, we learn more about Edward than Florence. His mother suffered irreparable brain damage when struck by the door of a train carriage (it is an essentially McEwan scene) resulting in working-class Edward and his Diane Arbus-like twin sisters living in a household of
emotional anarchy. Florence’s family are wannabe toffs and there are a couple of fleeting suggestions that her sexual dysfunction may have come about as a result of mistreatment at the hands of her father. The young couple meet as students at Oxford – he is something of a beatnik and she the leader of a string quartet. This is where (to me) the film’s inconsistency emerges. Edward and Florence are all over each other, with Florence at one point walking miles to throw herself into his arms and kiss passionately in front of a team of cricketers. Her frigidity on the wedding night just didn’t gel with all that preceded it. Nevertheless, this is a beautiful period piece with compelling performances and an unexpected moment of sweet pathos when Edward’s mum paints her version of an Uccello masterpiece.
A SEXTET OF RETROGRADE PLANETS IN HIBERNATION SUGGESTS ENDINGS AND TRANSFORMATIONS: THINK CATERPILLAR MELTDOWN TO GROUND ZERO AS THE NECESSARY PREP BEFORE BUTTERFLY LIFTOFF…
ARIES: As Leo planets light the Aries flame, Mars in the sign of industry ignites your problem-solving get up and go. A majorly creative week, when life’s trials and tribulations, lessons and pleasures are more warmly enjoyed when shared with others. Only proviso? There’s no need to give away everything upfront. Keep a little in reserve. TAURUS: With Mars backtracking into Capricorn, this cycle of big change and new choices gives your sturdy earth sign an ambitious, energetic push for business initiatives, while Venus in the sign of collaboration promises pleasurable professional networking. Is it time to organise a teambuilding get-together or work lunch? GEMINI: Even Geminis might find it hard to get a word into the current l-me-myself-personally conversations dominating the airwaves. Just let them have their day and their say, and go your own sweet way. Agree to disagree, because those you do have rapport with will be stimulating, and this week’s networking particularly profitable. CANCER: In spite of turnarounds in your social circle, unmet expectations and mechanical malfunctions, this week has many pleasurable moments and congenial connections as long as you keep disagreements cordial. Stars are auspicious for home entertaining, creative pursuits and addressing something that’s been sidelined and is now clamouring for attention. LEO: With a sun/Mercury conjunction and recent new moon in Leo, you won’t be hiding your confident, charismatic light. An inspiring week for your majesties, in which being aware of other people’s needs and sensitivities could avert animosity over who’s boss of what. Note to self: don’t be tempted to inflate minor discords. VIRGO: Since even the mildest observation may be taken as vicious criticism, direct this week towards positive outcomes by focusing on what could go right, not what went wrong. Everyone loves praise, and a well-placed compliment or two will go a long way to smoothing difficult situations, as will considerate gifts or offers of help.
36 August 15, 2018 The Byron Shire Echo
LIBRA: Despite the possibility of work or health surprises, Venus in Libra continues your prime popularity cycle, when others are definitely going to want what you’ve got. If midweek Libra moon stimulates an irresistible urge to splurge on personal presentation, well, you can resist everything temptation and when you look good you feel good. SCORPIO: Retro Mars can be assertive, competitive and pressuring, so this week may call on all of your signature self control. Avoid secret stewing during late-week Scorpio moon; that only aggravates you and the situation. This week offers a rare opportunity to address thorny issues in a spirit of compassion and understanding. SAGITTARIUS: A significant move or lifestyle change is in the offing, and you’ll save yourself trouble this week by not making assumptions or taking anything for granted because opinion, yours or anyone else’s, isn’t fact. Check what you hear, read and think. Socialising’s likely to be cozy, warm and convivial – when it isn’t heated and contentious. CAPRICORN: This week focuses on what you share with others: resources, finances, assets and information. Mars retrograding into Capricorn puts pep in your step and a wiggle in your walk, along with the slightly annoying possibility you may have to revisit something already signed off on – though resolution shouldn’t take more than a fortnight. AQUARIUS: Six planets retrograde tests everyone’s patience. With dramatic reactions and overblown emotions at play on this week’s stage, the more you maintain a practical, reliable, objective mindset the more pleasant and effective your week will be. Look for others on your wavelength and avoid situations known to press your buttons. PISCES: Retrogrades bring up old friend and relationship issues for reconciliation and resolution. They’re the astro-cycle of second chances, so if you get a no-response this week, it might work to rethink your approach and try again – because if anyone knows how to apply the fine art of gentle persuasion, it’s a Pisces.
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