ENTERTAINMENT MAN DY NOL AN’S
SOAPBOX
W W W. E C H O. N E T. A U / S OA P - B OX
DOMINATION
annoyed because you know they’re not interested in looking at the undies – they are looking at the hot buff bodies of these men. Dirty old women objectifying men. Men with bodies that you will never have because those men don’t have kids, and washing to fold, and dinner to get and a job with no real career advancement prospects.
Those men probably have wild orgasmic sex. Not the quiet tired coupling you have as she writhes on you until she comes, and then rolls over and goes to sleep. You text through for your next botox and full back, sack and crack wax appointment. You’re toying up whether to join the new trend and get those stick on eyelashes all the other blokes have. Can you afford the When people asked me what it meant and why I was a feminist downtime? The fortnightly nail infill and spray tan already take I told them that I believed women needed to be equal to men. up the half day you should have been working. I told them that we lived in a patriarchal society where who we You stop in at the doctors. You don’t want any more kids and were was defined by what we were not: namely, we were not your contraception needs a top up. You think how good it men. I told them that I was a feminist because I believed women would be if she took responsibility. But no-one has invented should be paid the same wage for the same job as men. That anything for women. So once every few months you get an women needed to be represented 50/50 across the board in injection to stop your fertility. It works but it makes you fat and occupations and public office from truck drivers to politicians, angry and sometimes a bit sadder than you would be without it. from doctors to council workers. But you don’t want any more kids. The last one wasn’t planned Women needed to have their unpaid work in the home valued. and came along just when you were about to go back to uni They needed to be free of objectification, from sexual assault, to finish your degree. Back to the uni you left after the incident from rape and from murder. This was why I was a feminist: with the lecturer who used to run her hands across your because I believed in equality. shoulders in tutorial. The lecturer who pulled you into her office Now at 50 I realise how wrong I was. I am no longer interested in and one time pushed your head into her crotch so you could go equality. Fuck that. I want world domination. It’s only fair. If we down on her. You were too embarrassed to make a complaint got a crack at ruling the world for the next decade then it might because you worried no-one would believe you so you dropped do something to ‘equal’ the scales when it comes to enjoying out, got a job moved in with Caroline and eventually married the privilege of being dominant culture. We might even repair and had kids. some of the patriarchal potholes of climate change, child sexual You’re waiting for the doctor, flicking through the magazines. abuse, sex slavery, environmental degradation… They have pictures of happy middle-aged men holding Let’s face it: men have been enjoying the fruits of patriarchy for cakes they’ve just made. Men talking in confidence about hundreds if not thousands of years. The simple feminist request their testicular cancer journey. Another boasts an ad about a for gender equality really sells us short of what we need to masculine hygiene wash designed especially for the pH needs happen to create a level playing field. So this is how it is going of super-sensitive scrotums. Tabloids tell stories of men who to play out. are too fat or too thin. Men who’ve lost 10 kilos in just two Patriarchy is going to finish. Come 1 July we’ll be rolling out weeks. Famous gorgeous men frolicking in the surf with their the Matriarchy. You will start by taking your mother’s moniker new lovers. as your surname. When heterosexuals marry HE will take his You wonder what if feels like to be a man like that. You wonder wife’s name. When you have kids HE’LL stay home and look after them. And when he’s ready he’ll go back 2–3 days a week. if their wife gets drunk and calls them ‘useless’ or ‘fat’. You wonder if their wife has pushed them against the wall and I mean, he doesn’t want to be judged at Dad’s Group as a bad held them by the throat. You wonder if they have lain in bed dad. Plus dads will be running the canteen at the local school weeping, not knowing where to go, how to change. If you can and he’ll need to be on the roster. At school pickup time there take the kids and leave and go some place safe or if she really will be a gaggle of men waiting in activewear complaining that will change like she says she will. they hoped to get after-school activities done in time so they could bring the washing in so it didn’t damp off. When he’s ‘Mr Nolan?’ It’s a woman doctor. You never feel comfortable driving the kids to ballet he won’t even notice the billboards with a woman. It’s not them as individuals, it’s the history of how women have treated you. that show a man in skimpy underwear.
I’VE BEEN A FEMINIST SINCE I WAS 17.
THE RETURN OF THE CHURCH Another century, another dream, another album from a band that’s in too deep to go anywhere but ever closer to the other side. Man Woman Life Death Infinity is the 26th album by The Church, and their second with the rejuvenated lineup Steve Kilbey, Peter Koppes, Tim Powles and Ian Haug. The epic return of 2014’s critically lauded Further / Deeper blossomed into a road-hardened beast over four tours of the USA, two back home in Australia, and a new career high in front of 20,000 Spanish fans on a lap of Europe. Man Woman Life Death Infinity is where the revitalised quartet’s freshly tuned chemistry reaches a new potency and precision: ten songs, 45 minutes, and a quantum leap into unexplored territory as strange as it is irresistible. ‘Music is like inner space and we’re astronauts,’ says Koppes, who co-founded The Church in Sydney in 1980. ‘It’s a spellbinding thing. It’s hypnotising. That’s why people like it. It takes them into another world and we’re here to open those doors.’ It was the unknown, as is customary with this extraordinary band, that gave first breath to Man Woman Life Death Infinity in April, 2017. Some 30 songs materialised over two five-day jams at Haug’s Airlock Studios in Brisbane, and Powles’ Space Junk II in Sydney. A month of contemplation determined the recording agenda for the month of May at Sydney’s Rancom Studios, where long-term audio accomplice Ted Howard co-produced and ultimately mixed the final album in August. Then, as always, the road beckons for the inner space astronauts with the almost 50-year psychedelic wake that can only boggle and confound any rational attempt at writing the nightly set list. Suffice it to say that when the lights go up and the all-time classics are balanced against the imperative of perpetual progress, Man Woman Life Death Infinity will hold its many heads high. Currently in the UK, the band is working their way around the planet to land in Kingscliff in spring. Kingscliff Beach Hotel | Friday 21 September | 8pm Tickets: www.oztix.com.au
GETTING YOUR UKE ON
All the men have wings. These are Victor’s Secret Models. They sell jocks. When you are at the airport you can watch the instore video of fashion parades of amazing looking men parading in just undies. You’ll see women looking at it and feel
Is this making you feel uncomfortable? Welcome to OUR world. This is how we live. Enjoy the Matriarchy. Let’s see how long it takes you to demand the equality that we’ve so long been denied.
Miss Amber & Stukulele’s
UKE NIGHT FUN r Beginne Tunes
This month Miss Amber and Stukulele will presenting a Uke Night for beginners at Club Mullum. All the songs will be easy-play classics so if you haven’t been to Uke Night because you didn’t think you could keep up… this night is for you. Come and be a part of a friendly community of music lovers. You are guaranteed to leave with a smile on your dial. Songbooks available through www.ukemullum.com. Club Mullum | Thursday 28 June | 6.30pm | Still only $12.50 per adult and $2.50 for kids under 16.
CONTINUED P32 North Coast news daily: www.echonetdaily.net.au
WHAT’S ON THIS WEEK Y WEDNESDA
OPEN MIC NIGHT WITH
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
HARRY NICHOLS
Street Level WITH Kodiak Kid Dos Loona
Brazilian Party WITH Zambabem
FROM 6:30PM
THU 28 JUNE • CLUB MULLUM
BYO UKULELE ENTRY: ADULT $12.50 KIDS (5 – 15 YEARS) $2.50
SONGBOOKS AVAILABLE THROUGH WWW.UKEMULLUM.COM
SUNDAY
Strung Out
1 SKINNERS SHOOT RD, BYRON BAY FOR MORE DETAILS VISIT WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/BYRONBAYBREWERY
The Byron Shire Echo June 20, 2018 31