ENTERTAINMENT MANDY NOLAN’SS
SOAPBOX S E E M O R E O F M A N DY O N E C H O N E T DA I LY W W W. E C H O. N E T. A U /S OA P - B OX
VIRTUAL DEMENTIA
other people to do that shit, and I just kept forgetting to deal with my cloud. I mean, how do you deal with something that doesn’t even exist? I’m a tactile person. This whole iCloud thing is like some sort of black magic that I don’t understand. Isn’t that a Rolling Stones song? Hey You? Get off my iCloud?
My printer had gone offline so I decided to employ the first line of computer-fixing wizardry and use the power switch. The You know what kind of person turns out my computer was turn it off, turn it on. It’s actually unaware of its superior status, you are when your computer my only trouble-shooting and in one slip of the finger the breaks. At 4.45pm last Friday skill. It generally works. I guess stupid thing shat itself. my two-year-old Apple Mac in human terms the minidecided to hold my life hostage There were no warning signs. break from the power source by refusing to start. Like a Maybe it had been acting constitutes a ‘holiday’ and the cyber tantrum. Or when I do it strangely, I hadn’t really noticed. computer returns refreshed and to my husband or kids, I call it Looking back I guess I should ready for action. ‘planned ignoring’. have seen the signs. Like the Not my Apple crap. pop-up windows that I kept So much for all that bullshit Unfortunately I’m an idiot and about the superpowers of Mac closing down that told me my I turned my computer off at iCloud had floated off. I’m not computers. ‘They never get the wall instead. That’s when viruses.’‘They never break.’ Well, a technical person. I like to pay it decided to have a stroke.
When I tried a restart I just got a loading bar that never loads. It had the shits. I wanted to cry. Machines however have no inbuilt empathy and one cannot use guilt to get them started again. Then I wanted to smash it. Threats and coercion are also ineffective on the iMac. All my work for The Echo that week was gone. I had to do it all over. I really wanted to throw a tantrum. I didn’t. I have more self-control than I thought. I decided to get angry at my husband instead. When things are beyond your control, it really helps to be able to yell at someone, especially if they are in no way responsible for your situation. At least I had the external drive. All my work would be backed up there. Except when I unplugged the computer I realised that although the blue
queue.’ That’s nearly a week since admission and it still hasn’t been looked at. My entire work life languishing in Computer then must be driven the back of a shop in Lismore. to Lismore. It was like going The rage was building. Turns to ER. We were admitted, out I’m not such a nice person I gave the symptoms the after all. Computer technicians Applecare number (medicare are also unresponsive to guilt for computers) and drove home and threats; however, they do feeling like a part of me had respond well to cash. died. Well, in a way it had. So I still don’t know. Fingers Everything I have ever written, crossed. Maybe I shouldn’t have every invoice I have sent, all my gone for a software upgrade tax records, my banking, every when Mercury was retrograde. contact I have, all my work is in I am writing this on my laptop. that computer. It’s like having virtual dementia. I don’t know It’s my interim device. Nothing a single password. I may never is stored on it at all. My iMac is my alpha. He has everything. online shop again. I can’t pay anything. I am now shut out of And yes, I have gendered my computer. As it’s stopped Mandy Nolan. And worse still, there are vagina jokes in there working I have decided it’s that may be unrecoverable. a bloke. Women cope a lot better with being turned off. It Today I ring the Mac-Hospital happens to us every day and for the prognosis. ‘Your we still manage to reboot. computer is number 13 in the power light had been flashing on the drive it hadn’t been plugged into my computer. I blame the kids.
Live Music GET YOUR PARCELS HERE Parcels return home for their first run of live shows since relocating to Berlin, signing with mega-hip Paris label Kitsuné and creating waves of buzz across Europe with their harmony rich, funk-pop sound. They release new single Gamesofluck in time for their touchdown on home turf for a tour in December.
It’s been a massive two years for the young Byron Bay band. They’ve released three tracks – Myenemy, Anotherclock and Herefore (with remix EP) – racked up more than a million plays across platforms, and performed more than 40 shows with a sound that Les InRocks magazine describes as what you’d get if ‘a humanised Daft Punk decided to jam with Steely Dan and Frank Ocean’. The five-piece formed during the final stretch of high school and spent the remainder of the year between bedroom studios and dimly lit garages recording their first self-produced EP.
Shortly after, all five members left the sunny shores of their coastal hometown for Europe’s hub of musical inspiration, Berlin. With a oneway ticket, keyboards and minimal funds, the tedious task of relocation was undertaken. The bold action of moving to the other half of the world paid off as the quintet’s synthloaded funk caught the eye of ever-curious label Kitsuné. Soon enough they met Gildas Loaec, founder of Kitsuné, and were welcomed with open arms to the foxy family. Now officially signed to the Parisian label, firmly footed in Berlin, Parcels are escaping the European winter for an Australian summer tour. Smart boys. Though there is a dangerously vintage feel, Gamesofluck is strapped against a fresh sound with close, dry vocal tones, precise guitar lines and modern nuances. The result finds itself pleasurably lodged between a classic feelgood dance track and a modern mellow pop song. Get wrapped up this Thursday at The Northern.
PARCELS RETURN HOME FROM BERLIN, PLAYING HOTEL GREAT NORTHERN THIS THURSDAY
DOWNLOAD TO UPLIFT
Be sure to pop Thursday 15 December in your diary now so you won’t miss The Tinsel Tones – Miss Amber, Kathryn Jones and Misty Henderson – and what ever you do, don’t miss Naughty Santa. The songbook for the sixth annual Christmas Uke-Tacular is ready for download.
This irreverent celebration will help you survive the Christmas schmaltz even if you do secretly love a carol. We hope we see you there for a great family night – spread the word to friends, family and neighbours. Thursday December 15, Mullum ExServices Club.
CONTINUED p57
“LENNON’S SPIRIT SHINES THROUGH.” NEW YORK POST “SAVOUR EVERY MINUTE.” NEW YORK TIMES
WITH THE MUSIC AND LYRICS OF JOHN LENNON | LENNON & MCCARTNEY
JOHN WATERS with STEWART D’ARRIETTA
FRI 27 & SAT 28 JANUARY
BYRON THEATRE
WWW.BYRONCENTRE.COM.AU | 02 6685 6807
54 December 7, 2016 The Byron Shire Echo
Byron Shire Echo archives: www.echo.net.au/byron-echo