ENTERTAINMENT cinema BY JOHN CAMPBELL
Reviews It’s not every day that a man gets to report on what posterity might come to regard as one of the stupidest movies in the history of stupid movies. For a start, it opens with Vin Diesel bearded and in medieval drag – for mine they should have called a halt to proceedings then and there. He is the Alpha-male leading a mob of unwashed hairy peasants into the roots and limbs of a giant black tree that houses the most hideously vile but powerful witches that you will ever see (until the sequel to this crock, perhaps). They must eradicate these women who are responsible for a pestilence that has ravaged the land. Vin
THE LAST WITCH HUNTER
comes to grips with the head witch and in the act of throttling her he is cursed with eternal life. We then skip forward 800 years (can you imagine 800 years of Vin Diesel? Makes your bowels go to water, doesn’t it?), and our hero is known as Kaulder, a New York bounty hunter still on the hunt for witches. By this time the Catholic Church has assigned to him a ‘minder’ and, would you believe it, it’s Michael ‘show me the money’ Caine. Remember how he was Bruce Wayne’s butler? Well this is a similar gig, even though he is replaced for a while by a gormless young appointee who looks like Froddo Baggins – actually, it
is Froddo, which makes even more confusing a screenplay that is all over the place like a mad woman’s breakfast. The mandatory Girl is Chloe (Rose Leslie), and it turns out that she is a ‘dream walker’. Have you ever heard of them? There is one line in the whole shambles that made me laugh
out loud – not that it was meant to be funny. Asked about what the civilised West does now that burning at the stake has been deemed inappropriate, Vin says, with a straight face, ‘we put them in the witches’ jail’ – presumably that’s out Queens way. Unspeakably bad.
WEDNESDAY
11 NOV to
WEDNESDAY
18 NOV
CLOSING NIGHT EVENT
MUST END WED
BRITISH FILM FE STIVAL 2015
Wed 18 Nov. 6.30pm - Reception including Cake Wines and delicious treats. At 7.00pm THE MAN WHO KNEW INFINITY [PG] Tix: Movie Club $30, General Admission $35
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MAN UP
There are ‘what if’ moments in all our lives. The consequences of running with the unforeseen moment are delightfully teased out in Ben Palmer’s superior rom-com. As a ‘big star’ (notwithstanding his ridiculous casting in the last Star Trek), Simon Pegg’s name precedes him here, for you can’t help but find yourself waiting for his belated appearance while getting to know Nancy (Lake Bell), a 34-year-old wannabe writer and social misfit who has been unable to move on from a broken relationship. Pegg’s character, Jack, emotionally scarred following a bitter divorce, mistakenly takes Nancy to be the blind date whom he has arranged to meet at a railway station. By this time it’s hard not to be a little bit in love with Nancy – she’s beautiful (with a fab fringe), funny and so out of sync with other people that she needs to stare into a mirror giving herself a pep talk to attend a themed party. What happens after Nancy goes
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along with pretending to be the ‘Jessica’ that Jack takes her for is compressed into one cold London night. Nancy is expected at her parents’ fortieth wedding anniversary, but Jack takes her from riverside diner to bowling alley to bar, both of them drinking enough booze to make an army barracks legless – it is my only criticism of a wonderful movie that the couple were able to get through to the end without so much as a slurred word between them. Palmer, who directed the hilarious Inbetweeners (2011), and writer Tess Moss, whose CV includes working on TV’s ‘ My Family, strike a marvellous balance between goofy gags and genuine human frailty as Nancy and Jack, through conceits and confessions, ultimately are rewarded with self-realisation and companionship. None of which would convince without Bell and Pegg, who has the good sense to understand that it is Nancy’s movie, combining so well together. They kill it while dancing to Duran Duran and Jack’s peck on Nancy’s cheek when all seems lost is gold. Don’t miss it.
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BBC FIRST BRITISH FILM FESTIVAL 2015 (NO FREE TIX)
For full times and to buy tickets go to: britishfilmfestival.com.au Wed (11) 6.30pm - THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE (PG) Thu 6.45pm - FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL (M) Fri 6.45pm - SPOOKS THE GREATER GOOD (M) Sat 1.30pm - A TOWN LIKE ALICE (M) Sat 6.45pm - BROOKLYN (M) FEST FAVE! Sun 11.15am - GET SANTA (PG) Sun 1.30pm - THE LOST AVIATOR (M) Sun 6.45pm - SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY (R18+) Mon 6.45pm - HOW TO MAKE LOVE LIKE AN ENGLISHMAN (M) Tue 6.45pm - THE LEGEND OF BARNEY THOMPSON (MA15+) Wed (18) 7.00pm THE MAN WHO KNEW INFINITY (PG) CLOSING NIGHT! SPECTRE (M) (NO FREE TIX) Thu/Fri/Mon/Tue 10.45am, 1.00, 1.40, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15pm Sat 11.15am, 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15pm Sun 10.10am, 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15pm Wed (18) 10.30, 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15pm Enjoy our licensed bar
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PARIS OPERA BALLET: ROBBINS/ MILLEPIED/BALANCHINE (CTC) (NO FREE TIX) Sun 1.00pm Wed (18) 11.00am BURNT (M) Wed (11) 9.00am, 4.30, 9.30pm THE INTERN (M) Wed (11) 9.10am Gift cards are the perfect gift
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