Magazine: Valentine's Day Edition

PSA About PDA — 2

Love is never there...

Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic? — 3 The 10 Things They Hate About You — 4 Ick! — 5 Breakup Lines — 6

photo by Sydney Steiner and Alanna Stein

Overview

PSA About PDA

Public display of affection (PDA) is a potentially fatal illness that induces couples to engage in romantic physical contact throughout supermarket aisles, town streets, and infamously… school hallways. PDA attacks the brain, interfering with the body’s ability to function properly. Typically, those infected dismiss obvious social cues, relinquish basic responsibilities, and arrive late to class. This chronic disease is most commonly caused by insecurity, obsession, and the need for attention. PDA is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact and saliva (+ other bodily fluids).

PDA located strictly in the brain is curable with a rigorous treatment plan; however, the sickness runs a high risk of spreading to the heart. Once PDA consumes the heart, relationship death is expected within a week of the diagnosis. All prospective patients should consult with a therapist upon contracting symptoms.

Warning! The 500 Cafeteria and 400 hall breezeway are PDA hotspots. Avoid these areas at ALL COSTS!

Symptoms

The signs and symptoms of PDA vary from mild to severe, depending on factors such as the environment, the relationship phase, and the level of reciprocated feelings. Symptoms can last a week to 3+ years. Signs and symptoms include:

Causes

Numerous variables cause PDA, leaving many susceptible to contracting the horrible disease. The most notable agents are insecurity, obsession, and the need for attention. The sick individual may feel the need to “claim their territory” through constant hugs and kisses. Statistically, obsessive partners cannot survive three seconds without physical contact. If both partners need excessive physical contact, PDA is not just a possibility… it is a guarantee.

1. The Stares and Glares (TSG) TSG is the most common symptom of PDA. Those infected can expect immense staring and glaring from peers, especially in the school hallways.

3 in 5 highschool

2. Intense craving to binge sappy Netflix originals Typically, Netflix orginal movies are known for spreading awareness about PDA, so it’s only natural for those infected to have a strangely strong yearning to watch “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.”

Prevention

3. Extreme tardiness to class At Eastern, students are granted 7 minutes of transition time. However, PDA consumes at least 4 of those precious minutes, leaving ill students less than 3 minutes to trek across our mile-long campus.

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couples suffer from PDA.

There is only one truly successful prevention/treatment approach: never fall in love.

Perhaps, it is extreme, but avoiding love altogether is the only promise of happiness.

Without love, PDA cannot incubate, your heart will not flutter, and your stomach will not tie in knots. Clearly, dodging any type of romance is the key to living a fulfilling and successful life. made with hate, Alanna Stein

If you or a loved one are experiencing any symptoms or have been directly exposed to PDA, please contact a therapist.

Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Visit our website for more information!

What are signs that you’re in a toxic relationship?

It’s difficult to detect the constant negativity your significant other presents when you are blinded by love. When your self-esteem is being shot down, it’s challenging to find the strength to stand up against the toxicity. Controlling behavior that dominates an individual’s independent actions is a notable red flag to a trusting, healthy relationship. If your partner’s words affect your ability to care for or love yourself, we hate to break the news, but they’re toxic! You need to stop excusing this disgusting behavior because, trust us, toxicity is not a phase… it’ll only get worse. The taste of poison paradise is real!

What is the psychological reason for toxic love?

Toxic love is like a drug: once you feel the high, you cannot get enough. In this case, the “high” is any sliver of romantic affection. This toxic drug causes you to unknowingly think I’m addicted to you. Typically, people stay in toxic relationships because of codependency issues, trauma bonds, or insecurity. In a toxic relationship, you begin to crave your partner like you crave sugary desserts, however, both are seemingly bad for you. In your mind, this common “bad” is outweighed by the less common “good.” We get it, dependency on someone is natural; you intensely seek their attention or yearn for validation. Yet, if your so-called soulmate is toxic, then that “affection” might be dangerous even though you’re loving it.

Are there ways to avoid a toxic relationship?

Self love and respect are the most important aspects to help you avoid a toxic relationship. Once you gain respect for yourself, you realize what you deserve. Once you love yourself, the love that you craved from your partner is something you can now find within. Recognizing maltreatment and surrounding yourself with positivity will aid in experiencing genuine love. You should build trust and focus on your connection with an individual before completely committing. Toxicity is hard to depict, so a guy like you should wear a warning.

How do you get out of a toxic relationship?

Most of the time these relationships seem challenging or near impossible to escape. Being open to talking about it with a trusted adult, friend, or therapist will help improve social support, resulting in a sense of belonging and importance. Learning self worth and gaining a new understanding of independence with the help of peers can encourage you to escape and never turn back. You are not stuck, nor are you alone.

And we leave you with these words...

With a taste of a poison paradise, I’m addicted to you, don’t you know that you’re toxic?

made with hate, Madison Soffian and Julia Capozzoli

Love is ISSUE never there...

NO. 1

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The 10 Things They HATE About You!

By Zoey Blackman

3. Just because you made eye contact, doesn’t mean they’re in love with you...

1. They don’t know you exist!

A lot of the time, people catch feelings for someone from afar who either doesn’t know they exist or doesn’t care. If this is the case, then trust me, you should not waste your time. It isn’t worth attempting to manipulate the situation; you are better off falling in love with someone who actually acknowledges your existence!

made with hate, Zoey Blackman

2. You

are st al they d king their I ns o n’t fol Social low yo tagram wh media en u back bl the ext ... reme. ows up minu I

t make scule c conten s ru t inflatin of your idea it easy to acc shes to listic s ess mo g your oulma don’t f feeling te, furt re ollo sa her most l w you back nd obsessio n. If th ikely n o n I n stagram ey ot inte have m res , e or are morized eve ted. Just bec they are ry s tag au to noti ged in, does ingle post th se you n’t me ce you an the ey share . Give lowing y are i t a and th r en foll est. And no going , un o w make t i hem fo ng again wil foll not llow yo u!

6. STOP STALKING THEIR SNAP SCORE AND SNAP MAPS!!

This is stalkerish, literally. Their snap score is going to go up throughout the day as they receive and send snaps.

If you find yourself memorizing and keeping track of the exact number, take a chill pill. If you are keeping track of their location on snap maps, that’s even weirder. Let them live!

4. It’s creep y that you k now their schedule an d the exact route they ta ke to class...

Mem

orizing someo ne’s schedule weird… that sounds ’s likely becau se it is. If you know exactly every time yo u are going to pass them in the hallway, you are prob ably obsessed . If you are ch path you tak anging the e in the hallw ay, so you m sure you pas ake s them, you are definitely obsessed. W orry about ge tting yoursel class; this is f to an education al facility, no ta matchmaker ’s office!

5. Making a private story with just them on it is weird.

Making a new private story with just your crush on it so you can post things for just them to see is unfortunately a commonly shared experience. At the moment, it might seem like a logical thing to do, but seeing it written out on paper emphasizes the fact that it’s off-putting. What does this accomplish? Why can’t you just talk to someone? You need to be stopped.

8. You’ve gone too far if you’ve started stalking their parents.

Some of you might raise an eyebrow at this one, but this is a bigger issue than you think. Yes, Facebook is accessible for all, but this doesn’t mean you should look up their mother’s account. And that doesn’t mean you should dig up baby pictures of your crush.

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Although it’s hard to believe, eye contact happens all the time, and most of the time, it is accidental. Just because someone locks eyes with you for a split second doesn’t mean they’re obsessed with you. They probably caught you grossly staring and looked back at you.

9. Don’t change anything about yourself.

Cue “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars because you are literally perfect… just the way you are. You do not need to change anything about your appearance or personality to get someone to notice you. If they don’t notice you, they don’t deserve you!

7. Don

’t se

nd fak Sendin e strea g strea ks. ks to s to get o Snapch them to resp meone just on a concep t is a very “m d to your t. How iddle-s ev ch this da y. The er, it is still u ool” y wi l l s sed to when th na Or the ey want to sn p you back y won’t ap you which s b means nap you bac ack. k at all to BAC K UP! patien Just be t!

10. Dont d well on so meone wh doesn’t lo o v e y o u If you find back. yourself

doing any o things, you f these might need to reevaluat are a beauti e. You ful human being who need a sign d o esn’t ificant other in order to mine your detertrue value.

You should your energ n’t waste y on see you, lite someone who will ne ver rally and m etaphoricall someone d y. If oesn’t love you for ever and anythin ything g that you a re, they are not worth it.

8 THINGS TO IMAGINE YOUR EX DOING THAT WILL GIVE YOU THE ICK!

PLAY

PAUSE

SINGING SONG LYRICS LOUDLY, BUT THEY’RE THE WRONG WORDS +1

PUSHING A PULL DOOR +3

CHASING A PING PONG BALL +5 USING THE LAUGHING EMOJI UNIRONICALLY

+7

HOME TALKING TO YOU IN A BABY VOICE

+2

BEING RUDE TO RESTAURANT STAFF

+4

WALKING BACK AFTER THEIR TURN IN BOWLING

+6

USING 3-1 SHAMPOO, CONDITIONER, AND BODY WASH +8

made with hate, Sydney Steiner

Love is never there...

5

Break-Up Lines

made with hate, Timur Markowitz, Zoey Blackman and Tadhg Beale

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Pick-Up Lines

made with love, Timur Markowitz, Zoey Blackman and Tadhg Beale

Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

By Rachel Squire and Zoey Blackman

Valentine’s Day is a special and romantic day for couples to be together and celebrate the love they have for one another.

That is, unless you and your partner are long-distance.

This year, Valentine’s Day falls on a Tuesday, meaning that most long-distance couples won’t be able to spend the beautiful holiday together.

Valentine’s Day is just as hard— if not harder— than any other day to spend without your person. Long-distance relationships are known for being impossible to maintain; however, this is not true as long as you and your partner build a strong foundation and take the right steps.

When you love someone, you want to spend every second with them, but this isn’t possible in a long-distance relationship. It is important to understand that you both have separate lives. You can’t stop living your own life for your partner. Since the two of you are operating on different schedules, you have to be okay with not being able to talk to one another for large chunks of the day. You can’t (and you shouldn’t) base your schedule around theirs. Your partner might be busy, and they might not be able to respond to you right away. We get it… that’s very hard! But, it is crucial to respect this and not grow upset when you and your significant other don’t fully absorb each other’s lives. You need to do your own thing, just like they need to do theirs. This doesn’t mean to never communicate with each other; it simply means to live your own individual lives to make the time you do spend together even more special!

While you and your partner are doing your own things, maintaining trust and honesty in your relationship is crucial. Making long-distance work requires an understanding of your unique situation. Maybe your partner moved across the country or started college. Perhaps, you lived everyone’s fantasy and met your soulmate while traveling abroad. Regardless of the circumstance, you have to be able to trust that your partner still wants to e with you and is remaining loyal to you. That being said, trust can’t be sustained without honesty. Tell your significant other what’s going on in your life and keep them in the loop. Sometimes, long-distance relationships can create anxiety or overthinking, so you must remind yourself that you are in a stable, healthy relationship, and you are doing all the right things.

You and your partner can’t ignore the fact that long-distance is hard. You both have to acknowledge that it sucks but share an understanding that it is worth it.

It’s hard not being able to see each other every day. It can be lonely and upsetting and scary. But, your feelings are valid; it’s okay to feel everything you currently feel. Acknowledging the challenges long-distance presents and the feelings it insights in you is an important step in being able to overcome it.

When you can’t be around each other as much, it’s imperative to communicate what you are going through. Don’t be afraid to let your partner know when you miss them. If you’re having a hard time with not being able to see them, chances are, they are having a hard time too! made with love, Rachel Squire

Love is in the air!

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4

How To Play: Draw a spiral with your eyes closed and stop when you feel ready. Count the rings on the spiral and record the number. Start at the first category, counting each “option” or “result.” Then, work clockwise to the other categories, until you reach the recorded number. Meaning, if there were 8 rings on your spiral, you would be stopped on the 4th option of the second category. Cross this option off. Begin counting again until your number is reached (the same way you just did!), starting after the crossed off options. Continue to use your number to cross off different results, skipping over already crossed out options. Circle the final options in each category... these are your final results/ predicted future!

M. A . S. H. mansion

apartment

shack

house

# of Kids

Best Friends

Location

Occupation

1. 0 2. 16,013 3. 9 4. 24

1. Dr. Tull 2. Charli D’Amelio 3. Danny Devito 4. Adele

1. San Diego, CA 2. Mars 3. Voorhees, NJ 4. Tokyo, Japan

1. Brain Surgeon 2. Eastern Teacher 3. Tik Tok Influencer 4. Video Game Tester

Pet

1. Bearded Dragon 2. Dolphin made with love, Izzie Halim and 3. Gerbil Alanna Stein 4. Rainbow Parrot

Draw your spiral here:

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I

Valentine’s Day is all about love. When you think about this commercialized holiday, romantic dates or secret crushes come to mind, but it’s important to recognize other types of love, such as self love.

Self-love is the fountainhead to all types of love. If you want to love others, you need to learn to love yourself, first. So, if you don’t have a date on Valentine’s Day, this may be the perfect time to learn how to love yourself as much as you’d want to love someone else.

Think about it, do you really love yourself? 85% of the world’s population suffers with low self-esteem. From lack of self-worth, to low self esteem and self hate, we are our biggest hater. We get it, it’s hard to overcome low self-esteem, but surely learning how to love yourself will be the trick to help overcome it!

Self-discovery is a critical aspect to self-love. In learning about your own passions and hobbies, you are learning how to love yourself. Self-discovery is all about discovering what your body and mind enjoy.

Others may not accept your potential quirks, but if you accept your own differences and flaunt them proudly, it will be much easier to find others who do accept you.

On your self-acceptance journey, you must learn to control your inner voice— the one voice you can control. Your inner voice, also referred to as your internal monologue, is how you speak to yourself in your mind without actually speaking aloud.

You can’t control what others think, but you can control the way you think. In addition to internal

made with love, Kaitlin Swift, Victoria Foster, and Janah Hassan

optimism, talking to and about yourself positively is a great way to promote a happier, healthier mindset.

On the topic of mental awareness, mental health is a HUGE aspect of self love. Your state of mind can deeply affect your personal view on yourself and life in general. Believing in yourself and loving your own body and mind are essential topics regarding mental health.

And finally, to keep your self-love in check, e veryone needs to practice self-care. If you can’t take care of yourself, how could you care for another person?

Loving yourself and knowing what you’re worth is so important for your mental health. You wouldn’t want to surround yourself with toxicity on such a beautiful day, Valentine’s Day! life in general. Believing in yourself and loving your own body and mind are essential topics regarding mental health.

And finally, to keep your self-love in check, everyone needs to practice self-care. Besides self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-talk, taking care of your body is the most important step to learning how to love yourself. If you can’t take care of yourself, how could you care for another person?

Loving yourself, understanding who you are, and knowing what you’re worth is so important for your mental health. You wouldn’t want to surround yourself with toxicity on such a beautiful day, Valentine’s Day!

ME

Love is in the air!

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Valentine’s day is supposed to be a time of love— a day that you can set aside to spend quality time with your partner. If you’re anything like me, that’s just not happening this year.

One of the best things about romcoms is that you can watch them in or out of a relationship; you can be in a happy relationship and watch He’s Just Not That Into You religiously, right?

Either way, you’re gonna want to sit back and watch the romcom chaos unfold to truly get into the Valentine’s spirit!

1.

The Proposal (Ryan Reynolds, Sandra Bullock)

The proposal is a movie I can truly play on repeat and never get sick of.

In fact, I did that just the other day. With the sheer amount of talent in the cast— notably Betty White and Mary Steenburgen— it was sure to be a movie that captivated its audience. I am an absolute sucker for romcom gender role reversals where Margaret is the hard-headed boss that commands her feeble assistant (who happens to be the ridiculously attractive Ryan Reynolds) to fake marry her so she won’t get deported back to Canada. With the raunchy bar scene from the lovely Oscar Nuñez and Sandra Bullock’s remarkable, ceremonial performance of “Get Low” by Lil John and The East Side Boyz, this movie is to die for. And I would never dream of forgetting this beautiful quote from the movie, “Now, you could imagine my disappointment when it suddenly dawned on me that the woman I love is about to be kicked out of the country.

So Margaret, marry me, because I’d like to date you.” Ugh, literal waterworks.

2.

revenge on Tess during her infamous engagement party speech… I was getting second-hand embarrassment in the best way.

Favorite Quote: “$140 you know what you did.”

3.

Definitely, Maybe (Ryan Reynolds, Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks, Rachel Weisz)

This movie is another one I can watch multiple times. Maybe it’s just the Ryan Reynolds effect but I don’t care... it’s working. At different times throughout the movie, I genuinely thought Will could end up with either of the three women, but I think that’s what made it so fun. Having 3 different love interests really makes this movie refreshing to watch because you get to guess along with Maya (his witty daughter Maya, played by child acting sensation Abigail Breslin), giving it an air of mystery that I wish more romcoms were able to give us. If you decide to watch this movie (and you should), you are guaranteed to have a good laugh.

Favorite Quote: “Dad, I can’t believe you smoked... and drank... and was such a [$lu+]...

But I still love you.”

4.

The Other Woman (Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann)

Okay, so I know that I professed that I love cheesy parts of romcoms, but this movie is the epitome of using the typical female revenge plot without having to compromise it being absolutely hilarious. I felt like I was among their little karma-loving girl group giggling when Kate spiked, the infamous adulterer of a husband, Mark’s smoothies with estrogen pills to swell his nipples. When Carly spikes his water with a laxative, I felt like I was in on her little secret. In all their crazy antics, they happen to stumble upon Mark’s shady financial history which gives them the leverage to create a strategic plan and take him down. I do have to mention, though, the MVP of this movie was undeniably Leslie Mann. In the best possible way, she is exceptional at playing a pathetic character. Also, Nicki Minaj is casually just there as Cameron Diaz’s coworker so there’s that to look forward to!

5.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey)

I always loved this movie when I was younger.

After it had a resurgence of popularity around November/December because of the TikTok trend to the song “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon, I knew I had to watch it again to see if it still held up to my 11 year old standards. Since it’s on this list, I’m sure you’re smart enough to conclude that it, in fact, was the lovable chaos that I remember and cherish ever-so dearly.

With Kate Hudson in her romcom prime and this movie coming 2 years after Matthew Mcconaughey’s performance in the widely loved romcom, The Wedding Planner, this movie was destined for popularity. To me, this movie has a great balance with the comical aspects as the pillars of the real connection that they had built over the last 10 days. And amidst all this chaos, I can’t help but smirk every time I pass a fern in HomeGoods. I also have to mention this movie wouldn’t be half as good without Ben’s dramatic facial expressions in reaction to Andie’s nutty scare tactics. That being said, I know you guys will love meeting Benny Boo and Princess Sophia!

Favorite Quote: Andie: Oh, no. Our love fern. It’s dead.

Ben: No, it’s just sleeping.

Andie: You let it die. Are you going to let us die?

27 Dresses (Katherine Heigl, James Marsden)

There are so many facets to this movie that I love. Judy Greer as the vulgar best friend, for one, had me giggling. Plus, as romcom veterans, Marsden and Heigl truly understood what they needed to do to make this movie a classic. Both the car crash scene— if that’s what you would call it— and the succeeding bar dance are part of what makes this movie as cheesy as it is… and I absolutely love it. Not only that, this movie is truly for the older sisters of the world. As an older sister and middle child myself, I know what it’s like to feel like you got the short end of the stick when it comes to getting to be parented or having to be the one doing the parenting. Jane had to take over the role of ‘mom’ when she was just 8 years old. What felt even more astonishing, ironically, is when Tess cut up her and Jane’s dead mom’s wedding dress in order to make her own gown. I would have had to have been forcibly removed from the hardware store in handcuffs after that interaction. Luckily, Jane gets some well-deserved

Honorable mentions - The Holiday, Princess Diaries 2, What Happens in Vegas, He’s Just Not That Into You, Something Borrowed, 10 things I Hate About You, Someone Great, How to be Single, and My Best Friends Wedding

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made with love, Laura Silenzio

Love is in the air!

RomCom Ranking — 2 I Love Me — 3 M.A.S.H. — 4 Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder — 5 Pickup Lines — 6

photo by Sydney Steiner and Alanna Stein