2021
NORTH CAROLINA L I T E R A R Y RE V I E W
COURTESY OF THE ARTIST
80
Disappearing and Forgetting (mixed media on panel, 40x40) by Robert Boyd
their facts straight. You know all these shows need to do some research. Just from what I personally know they are all – ” “Son, son, look at me. What are you talking about?” Something came over me and I launched myself off the couch. “Fuck the marina, fuck this town, fuck everyone! Fuck you! Just leave me alone goddamn it!” I screamed at her, standing over her. My mother set her book in the easy chair near the wood stove and stood up to face me. I screamed louder than I ever had, so hard my throat felt torn. “I hate you. You don’t know anything. I hate this place! Why did you ever bring me here?” At that she broke. Her face crumpled and she cried. “To be safe,” she blurted and sat down. Looking down at her head, I realized what I had just said, how I was talking, and to whom. My Mom’s hair was more silver than blonde in the firelight. My mouth was dry. I hugged her and she was trembling. Inside it felt like a hot water bottle had broken inside me.
“Well, you know,” I stammered, “Andy.” That’s all I could say. I sat back on the couch and looked at the TV. Mom came and sat next to me and touched my shoulder. “I never realized you saw him.” She said softly. I couldn’t sit there. I jerked away and headed for the kitchen. “Boss made me clean up.” “What?” Mom’s face flushed red up to her scalp. She stood up with her hands on her hips and her chin out. I couldn’t take back what I had said. I had never ever told anyone, even Mary. How do you talk about a thing like that? “WHAT?” She repeated louder than I had ever heard her shout. She began to stomp back and forth in the kitchen. “He made me clean the fucking trailer!” I couldn’t look at her. Holding the refrigerator open, I looked inside, but I wasn’t seeing anything. My heart beat like crazy. Mom walked over and put her hand on my arm. Gently she closed the refrigerator door. I stood looking at the closed door. “Tell me.” She spoke so quietly it was like she spoke inside my head. When we stopped talking the stars were out and we had talked about Andy, and Dad, and all kinds of things. Life is complicated. The next day, my Mom gave the boss hell in front of everyone in the cafe, but that night in the kitchen, we ate spaghetti and I cleaned my plate. In March of senior year, Mary was accepted to a big ivy league grad school. Mary talked about our future, but I knew. Mom asked if I felt like my heart was broken when I told her about Mary. “Well, sort of,” I had answered. “But you know, life goes on.” Mom laughed and then told me she was making a change too. She asked for my help. The November wind buffeted the car as I drove through the long valley. I had not come this way since school; the sights were alien somehow, dramatic. The moon and the stars backlit the dark hills in front of me as I drove to our town in my old Chevy. The struts squeaked at the turns. The radio was out of range, and I didn’t want to listen to any human voice. Human voices and intellect and all the grand words and thoughts of college just tired me out. College was over and so was Mom’s time in the small town, and mine. This trip was just to close up the