I'llNeverUnderstand

I’ll never be the one to lead you to the promised land.

I’ll never be able to play you the hopeful keys on a baby grand.

I wish I could wear my emotions like an armband but the world reprimanded me when I reached out my hand.

You. I see the tear stains branded on your cheeks, I see the scars spread across your wrists.

Are you the beautiful flower choking on the thorns?

I have the power to shield you from the metal bullets, but why can’t I do more?

Why is my tongue paralyzed? Why can’t I empathize?

I’ll never understand

I think of the words I want to say but then they die by the light of day. Like pebbles in a stream, they struggle to hastily roll across my tell-tale tongue. The last breaths of air retreat from my leather lungs as I imagine all the ways you are dealing with the pain.

That pain that eats you alive in the dead of night. The pain that’s so apparent.

I don’t need stage lights to see the face that others call “alright ” The pain that lingers with you no matter how many chains you choke around it.

I see it in your eyes when you assure me of those well-thought-out lies. Your lies compel me to let my impotent imagination run wild with “what ifs”

What if her mom isn’t ok

What if you stop believing this is just like the metaphors we use to read in the bookstore?

Why can’t you tell me more?!

What if she’s already rested her palm in death’s hand?

I can’t imagine what happens when the wolf finally corners the lamb. What if you can’t brush this burden off your shoulders?

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but what if you can’t stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is her? Her in the hospital bed.

You in the leather chair beside her.

I see you I see you right now

You have nobody to stroke your hair for you, nobody to tell you to breathe. Why can’t you just leave?

I remember the mother you once had who lovingly patched up your silver sores. But now all I see is the mother mercilessly scrambling for the lock as death approaches the door.

I may feel like I’m experiencing your heartache first-hand, but the truth is, I’m in the nosebleeds.

And I will never understand