The Village NEWS 23 Jan - 30 Jan 2019

23 January 2019

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www.thevillagenews.co.za

OPINION MATTERS We need to celebrate the heroes that keep us safe The communities of the Cape Whale Coast owe a huge debt of gratitude to everyone who was involved in fighting the devastating fires that raged across our area.

Although fire prevention is top of mind with most residents, it is very seldom that we as the public literally get so close to the fire. We quickly forget the immense danger that turbulent wind and dry veld create when a blaze starts. Most often we see a fire raging somewhere in the distance, but we are not always at the coal face, fighting the

A Far Kraai

spreading flames.

Therefore, our firefighters and volunteers who toiled day and night for more than three weeks to keep our area safe must receive a standing ovation and our deepest gratitude. Being on the front line is dangerous, unnerving, physically demanding and often thankless work.

Those of us who over the past few weeks were directly confronted by the fires and who assisted in trying to keep the flames from spreading into our

suburbs, only had a little taste of what these brave men and woman face on a daily basis.

They work long shifts, sometimes deep into the mountains, be it day or night. They put their lives at risk to save our fauna and flora, our properties and infrastructure.

It is with pride and joy that we see our communities rallying together to thank the firefighting teams, not only for the work they have done recently, but also for all the preparation and training

that are done all year. By creating fire breaks, doing controlled burns and by preparing meticulously, they ensure our safety during the fire season.

On behalf of the whole community we salute our firefighters, those on the fire lines, those in the air and those on the ground coordinating all the efforts.

You are true heroes and you can walk with your heads held high, because you deserve it.

This is the good NEWS - Ed

Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings By Murray Stewart (old photo)

Every now and then we come across a list of hilarious things kids say or write in absolute innocence. Some have done the rounds, but new gems pop up unexpectedly and are worth sharing.

Picture the scene. The classroom of 25 kids is unusually quiet. They’re writing a test to ascertain just what five- and six-year-olds know about animals and nature, and all you can hear are 25 pencils scratching on paper.

In front sits the teacher, keeping a beady eye out for cribbing. She’s a nun in full regalia – black hoodie with white face-trim, black kaftan, long black stockings and sensible rubber-soled treads, also black. With the pinched look of a habitual lemon-sucker, she unashamedly exudes a grim, uncompromising attitude towards any form of frivolity or mirth.

“There are more important things in heaven and earth than having fun!

Spare the rod, and spoil the child,” she’d quote sternly when asked. (Hell,

even if she wasn’t, she’d manage to slip it in anyway.) That is why the classroom is dead quiet. Apart, that is, from suppressed chuckles by Sister Paraffina herself, who’s battling to remain tweezer-lipped in front of the kids.

She’s marking papers from yesterday’s test on The Bible. The wording and spelling are exactly as the kids wrote them, and she’s presented with a couple of facts she wasn’t aware of.

“The Jews were a proud people, and throughout history had trouble with unsympathetic genitals,” wrote one kid. Another, who apparently was privy to the goings-on in the Lot household, claimed: “Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire at night.” Was Lot aware of this?

“Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients,” reported a young girl, while the boy sitting next to her reckoned that “the Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, and afterwards Moses went up Mount Cyanide to get the ten condiments”.

Choking back a chortle, our pious

defender of the faith was surprised to learn from one kid that “David, one of Solomon’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines, and he fought a race of people in biblical times called the Finkelsteins”.

According to another, “Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Cheerio.”

“Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree,” stated one bright spark of six, “while Noah built an ark for his wife, Joan of Ark, and the animals came on in pears.”

From the New Testament, it was claimed that, “When Mary heard she was pregnant she sang the Magna Carta, and Jesus was born because she had an immaculate contraption”.

I wonder if they’re still available…

Other well-meaning kids had different ideas about the Apostles. One boldly stated that “the people who followed Jesus were the 12 decibels”, while another reckoned: “The epistles were the wives of the apostles.” A third wrote: “One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.”

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GET IN TOUCH De Waal Steyn Publishing Editor dewaal@thevillagenews.co.za Hedda Mittner Content Editor hedda@thevillagenews.co.za Raphael da Silva Online Editor raphael@thevillagenews.co.za Kathy Mulock-Bentley Marketing Manager kathy@thevillagenews.co.za Elaine Davie Journalist & Sub-editor elaine@thevillagenews.co.za Taylum Meyer Photojournalist & Line Editor taylum@thevillagenews.co.za Charé van der Walt Marketing Representative chare@thevillagenews.co.za Tania Hamman Office Admin admin@thevillagenews.co.za

Sister Paraffina could however identify with what some kids claimed in all innocence: “Christians have only one wife,” wrote one. “This is called monotony.” She couldn’t contain a chuckle though, when confronted with: “St Paul cavorted to Christianity.

He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.”

But enough about the kids already.

Here’s what some honest teachers wrote in their report cards about some of their pupils. Parents were obviously unimpressed. “Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot,” wrote one, while another claimed, “This child has been working with glue too much.”

“If he was any more stupid, we’d need to water him twice a week,” one teacher reported, and another suggested: “Your son has a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”

I’m sure many teachers would love to be able to tell parents the truth about their precious little angels, but they probably wouldn’t have a job next term.

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Nickey Jackson Graphic Designer nickey@thevillagenews.co.za Jessica Pote Graphic Designer jessica@thevillagenews.co.za Leijla Steyn Social Media leijla@thevillagenews.co.za Mitch Scholtz Social Media mitch@thevillagenews.co.za

GET YOUR COPY Printed: 028 312 2234 Digital: issuu.com/dwaal The Village NEWS is published weekly and the next edition will be available on 30 January 2019. The NEWS can be found at over 300 distribution points on the Cape Whale Coast from Pringle Bay to Gansbaai.

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