Cathy Cato honors the departed through poetry

By Abigail Blonigen

Losing a loved one is difficult, and finding the right words to honor the departed can be just as hard.

Cathy Cato is a writer specializing in remembrance poetry. A remembrance poem can come in many forms, but its purpose is “to pay homage, promote healing and provide solace,” according to her website.

Cato began writing poetry in about eighth grade. She remembers taking a class trip to Wolf Ridge Environmental Learning Center where the students were assigned to sit out in the snow and write haiku.

As Cato grew up, her career took more of the science route. She completed her schooling to become a registered nurse in Duluth and then moved to the Twin Cities, working there for about 30 years.

While in the Cities, Cato went back to school for a master’s in public health focusing on occupational health.

“After that I did a lot of corporate jobs, some health and safety medical review work. So, I actually did quite a bit of writing in my career,” she said.

It wasn’t until about 2003 that Cato got more serious about her poetry, inspired by a weeklong workshop led by Joyce Sutphen, Minnesota’s poet laureate at the time.

Cato moved back to Duluth about 10 years ago, working with injured workers in northern Minnesota and Wisconsin. In 2020, she retired and launched Honor and Comfort.

Her unique experiences as a caretaker, advocate and writer led Cato to the unique art of remembrance poetry. While she was in nursing school, Cato helped provide hospice-type care for her best friend’s mother who was dying.

“I think that gave me compassion and a comfort with death and grieving and that whole process,” she said.

Cato’s own mother passed away at age 70, with her father following just four years later. A difficult time in Cato’s life, she discovered that writing helped her process their death and her grief.

Then she started writing these difficult poems for others, including a friend whose daughter passed away at just 4 years old.

“It seemed to be something that came pretty naturally to me as I got more serious about it … I started getting feedback about how healing it was for my friends, and I started doing it with acquaintances and it kind of grew from there,” she said.

In Cato’s work with Honor and Comfort, she aims to honor the departed and comfort the loved one. The type of poem depends on what the person is looking for, whether it be a tribute to a loved one or a short reading for a service.

“It might be a tribute poem, it might be a comfort poem. It might be a letter that the person who’s grieving wishes they would have told their loved ones. It’s really based on whatever the need is,” said Cato.

The poems can be written at any time after losing a loved one, whether it was recent, 20 years ago, or even if the person is still alive but is “lost” due to a disease like dementia. She also writes poems to honor deceased pets.

Cato offers a free no-obligation consultation to those interested in using her services to get a sense for what the person is looking for. After writing a poem agreement together, Cato gathers information about the departed — photos, stories, memories. She will sometimes give her clients writing prompts as a way to gather information.

“I had one woman I was working with, and I said write down some things that you really appreciated about your father because she wanted a very personal poem about their relationship.” Cato said. “She sent it back to me and I’m like, ‘You just wrote the poem.’”

Cato then sits with the material she has collected and eventually works into a free write. The free write often reveals patterns and ideas that work their way into the first draft, which is reviewed by the client. Cato then goes back and forth with the client until they have a piece that they are happy with.

“Cathy has the innate gift of authentically capturing the tender moments and spirit of a loved one through her words,” reads one of Cato’s testimonials by Rachel O. “Having this memorialized to revisit and remember is a true treasure.”

Cato also works with a local artist Clare Cooley to provide artwork along with the poem if the client so chooses.

Though working so intimately with people in times of immense grief is very emotional, Cato finds it just as rewarding as it is difficult, and her clients feel the same.

“In the end, every person I’ve written for has indicated that it’s been such a healing experience for them,” said Cato. “Not necessarily an easy experience, but definitely a healing experience.”

Cato has been published in the St. Croix Writers Stories and Poems, the Linden Hills Southwest Journal Newspaper and Seasons-Poems from the Southwest Journal Poetry Project.

If one is interested in working with Cato or learning more about her work, they can visit honorandcomfort.com. D

Abigail Blonigen is a Minnesota freelance writer.

Through her Honor and Comfort remembrance poetry business, Cathy Cato provides personalized poetry, such as a memorial tribute or a short reading for a service.