A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung 張美君博士 追思會
13th March, 2015 Loke Yew Hall, The University of Hong Kong 2015 年 3 月 13 日 香港大學陸佑堂
Programme 程序 1.
Opening remarks
2.
Speeches by Dr. Cheung’s family Prof. Thomas Au Sabrina Au
3.
Video screening
4.
Recitals Walter Benjamin: “On the Concept of History” 西西：〈像我這樣的一個女子〉 P.K. Leung: “An Old Colonial Building” / 梁秉鈞： 〈老殖民地建築〉 董啟章：〈少年神農〉 Charles Baudelaire: “To a Passerby” 張美君：〈教室的窗子〉
5.
Sharing session
6.
Closing remarks
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
生平簡述 區國強 美君的一生與這個城市的命脈有很多關連，你可以說這是個巧合，也可以看 成一種無名的契約。 美君在 1958 年出生於香港一個貧困家庭。那時候，香港並非大廈林立的現 代城市，美君的家就在一條叫虎尾村的木屋區裡（今天的橫頭磡或富美） 。 家中有父母親、一個兄長、兩個姐姐。父親曾作地盤工人，後來從事飲食 業，主要顧客為低下階層，母親在家裡打理一切。美君和她兩姐姐的感情很 好，叫她們二家和三家。一年後，那木屋區就清拆以作發展，居民大都移居 到觀塘雞寮的公屋（後來重建成為今日的翠屏邨） ，從此美君成了道地的觀 塘人。這觀塘的家，後來加入了姪女葆瑜和姪兒葆榮，她們和鬼馬的姨甥明 仔，是美君最疼愛的。美君在觀塘居住直至結婚，才帶著豐富而矛盾的記憶 離開那裡。後來她的作品中，常以窮家庭的角度，從那窗框往外察看這城 市。 那個年頭，香港的輕工業很蓬勃，美君一家的生活，也與工業分不開。美君 並不擅長手藝，所以不太喜歡那種生活，卻喜愛讀書寫字。小學期間，常到 家附近的小童群益會圖書館，並像孔乙己一樣，「借」了本書回家。她在樂 善堂小學唸書，學業很不錯，據說只有幾個男孩子的成績比她好，而她的英 文科就特別好。比她大幾歲的二家，已經上了中學，到港島去上學，接受較 西化的教育。香港被西化的氣氛改造成現代城市，美君這草根女孩，也在她 二家姐的薰陶下，得到啟蒙，學到觀塘給不了她的東西。因此她不甘於困在 觀塘，中學也效法二家姐到港島念書。 七十年代，香港經濟急速增長，漸呈現代城市面貌。美君上了英華女學校， 是很有名的中學。學校位於半山區，周圍都是富有人家。美君天天要步行、 張美君博士追思會
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乘渡輪然後乘車，個多小時才到學校。這些舟車勞頓，以她堅毅的性格，還 應付得來，但對她身體就是個挑戰。還好，每天有她的一位同學英瑜相伴。 這少年知己與美君在中學畢業後各奔前程，分開了很長時間，卻在美君病重 時，能與她走了臨終的一段。這份友誼，超越了信念、性格、學問和背景。 隨著二家當上了教師，美君的家也像香港一樣，擺脫了貧困，溫飽沒有問題 了。二家除了帶給這個家金錢，也是各方面的支柱。美君的家是傳統的潮州 人家，家裡說潮州話，親戚朋友鄰居都是草根階層。鄉音和鄉俗，混合著一 些封建傳統，是美君討厭的落後表徵。二家負擔了這個家，也從外面帶回文 明，是這家與社會的橋樑。美君能於幼年知書識禮，全靠二家。她與二家三 家的感情都很深，在往後的日子，美君更不斷得到二家的照料，二家實在身 兼美君的父、母、姐的職份。二家三家對這小妹，從來無微不至，直至陪她 走過了人生最後的路。 美君約在小學五年級時，開始對生死感困惑。香港在英國人治理下欣欣向 榮，整個世界都以美國英國為中心，年輕人探求人生問題，自然就傾向西方 宗教。美君的中學是基督教學校，校內更有令美君一生敬佩的李清詞牧師， 因此她也信奉了基督教。美君從來做事認真，當然不是單單星期天上教堂。 她為的是尋找生命的意義，亦在生活上積極實行所信的。她正值青年成長 期，性格和人生觀的塑造，受基督教很大影響。大學畢業後，她雖然離開了 宗教，但身上仍保存信仰的影子。在這段把西方精神內化的時期，美君生命 中出現了幾個對她不離不棄、至死不渝的好友，包括她的丈夫。這批好友一 同尋覓如何實踐信仰，最後各走殊途，也各散東西，但情誼始終如一。在美 君病重時，經常照顧她的康怡，就是其中之一。 八十年代初，是香港和美君迷惘的日子，她們都被前途問題困擾。香港談論 要不要回歸中國，美君也不見得很清楚自己的方向。她大學時期的學業也不 錯，但在學問上找不到落腳點，不知怎樣發展下去。本著自己的性格，也許 受了二家的影響，她也當起教師來。那可不得了，她無論到哪裡教學，總是 撒下感情的種子，並快高長大，結出特別的桃李。她是天生有感染力的老 師，無論在中學或大學，在香港或美國，在語文或文學，她的教學都有非常 4
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
獨特的效果。她在課堂上令學生如癡如醉，在教室外令學生愛慕追隨。1984 年，中英聯合聲明簽定了，美君也與那交往了六年的大男孩簽了誓盟。一年 後，他們就離開香港，不是為了移民留後路，而是去探索從未嘗試過的領 域。 美國南加州四季如秋的天氣，帶給美君新鮮空氣，還有新的經歷和挑戰。前 往美國主要是丈夫的發展，美君還未清楚自己的路。夫婦倆靠獎助學金留 學，生活也算清苦，兩人在異鄉唯有互相支持，但美君的犧牲頗大。在大學 的環境，重拾學問是最自然的方向。於是，美君抱著懷疑自己的態度，泡圖 書館和旁聽，並開展她的碩士課程。這個過程波折不少，曾因生活所需而停 頓，美君並要回港一段時期。但她嘗到追求學問的信心和樂趣，是她大學時 期從未想過的。美國斷斷續續的幾年，也讓她結交了背景和取向截然不同的 人，觀察了不同的異鄉生涯，加上她的母親和婆婆的人生，讓美君編織了一 幅流徙（diaspora）的圖像，流露於她日後的作品中。在美國與她交往最深 刻的一個朋友，被她暱稱為桃麗絲。這段友誼維持了二十多年，在美君病重 時，桃麗絲曾悉心照顧她。 當香港人因 1989 年的槍聲往外跑時，美君完成了她的文學碩士，獨自回港 尋找發展。她最初在浸會大學的語文中心教英文，後來轉到人文學科。教學 總是她的最大滿足，同事和學生都喜愛親近她。後來丈夫也回港了，生活和 前景都穩定了，她再探求學問，戰戰兢兢的修讀博士課程。起初她的方向是 文學，但機緣和興趣卻引領她走進了文化研究，師從陳清僑教授。她的博士 論文探討香港面對 1997 的文化現象，分析文學和電影在香港歷史洪流中的 演變。當香港從養母回到生母那一年，美君誕下她引而為傲的女兒。這個女 兒不論內外，越來越像美君，而且竟然也喜歡文學。 博士學位和優秀教學並沒有令美君一帆風順，她離開了浸會大學，但塞翁失 馬，這卻成為她學問和事業的轉捩點。她在香港大學比較文學系作合約教 員，浸淫在文化研究的環境中，並得到名家 Ackbar Abbas 和李歐梵等教授的 指點，漸漸發展出她獨特的學術觀點。她的著作日豐，並都在學界有一定迴 張美君博士追思會
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響。2003 年香港 SARS 之疫，美君失去她的母親。香港多變，各大學也重訂 方針力求卓越，2005 年港大文學院進行架構重組，比較文學系的前輩，都各 有發展。美君作為系主任，面臨相當困難的抉擇。她迎難而上，運用短期資 金和自資項目，幾乎獨力把這學系維持下去，甚至令學系名聲日揚，連年增 長，成為文學院重要一系。為了培養學生的文化觸覺，她多次舉辦學術與文 化或電影的交流活動，並創立了駐校導演計劃，後來擴展為香港大學駐校藝 術家計劃。在繁重的行政事務和學術研究的同時，她仍然是學系中深受學生 愛戴的老師，她的科目總為學生爭相修讀，增加了名額還不足夠。她的教學 也引進多元靈活的新方法，讓學生在實踐中得到啟發，她於 2011 年取得香 港大學的優秀教學獎。她的多位博士生獲大學頒發優秀論文獎，她亦指導了 數不清的碩士論文。在比較文學系的年日，她顯示了驚人的魄力，做出了無 兩的成就。 到 2014 年初，香港暗湧處處，美君身體出現了病徵。她承擔著身體和心靈 上的苦楚，完成了她那學期的教學。最後一課，她與她的碩士班學生依依不 捨逗留到晚上十時許，她才拖著疲憊衰弱的身體回家，心裡希望能再一次踏 入課堂。之後幾個月的治療，只是給她一次又一次的希望破滅。雖然她時有 氣餒的表現，但內心始終沒有放棄。9 月份，香港病重，美君更病重。10 月 5 日，她在面書發表了「天若有情，保護我城」的圖畫，那是她最後的公開 表述，她最後與這城市共患難的時刻。此後，只有最親近的人伴著她，渡過 日復一日的不適和困擾，而她的學生則只能焦慮的天天等候那偶爾發來的消 息。2015 年立春，中國傳統看為新的一年的開展，美君卻在幾天後的 2 月 9 日悄然離世。這城市只能哀悼，慨嘆上天無情！
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
A Biography Thomas Au Esther’s life was intertwined with the lifeblood of her city. A coincidence; or perhaps even an ineffable bond. Esther was born to a destitute family in 1958. In the late 1950s, Hong Kong was not as metropolitan as it is now. Esther’s family was housed in a squatter area where she lived with her parents, an elder brother, and two elder sisters. Her father was once a construction worker, but later engaged in the catering industry, targeting at the grassroots. Her mother took care of the family and the chores. Esther had a very close relationship with her elder sisters, May Fong and Mei Ching. When the squatter area was later demolished for redevelopment, most inhabitants including Esther’s family were resettled into public housing in Kwun Tong. Since then, Esther became a local “KwunTonger”. Esther’s nieces Bonnie and Wing subsequently joined the family living in Kwun Tong. Together with her mischievous nephew Ming, the three of them were most loved by Esther. Esther remained in Kwun Tong until she got married and left the place with abundant and yet conflicting memories. In many of her works, Esther often adopted the perspective of an impoverished family to gaze into her city from and beyond the window frame. In the 1960s, Hong Kong continued with the development and expansion of manufacturing that began in the previous decade. Light industry became prosperous. The life of Esther’s family was inseparable from the industry. Esther was not particularly good at handicrafts, and so she was not impressed by such lifestyle. Instead, Esther was always keen on reading and writing. In her primary years, she often went to the library of the Boys’ and Girls’ Clubs Association of Hong Kong near home. Like Lu Xun’s Kong Yiji, she had once “borrowed” a book 張美君博士追思會
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home. Esther studied in Lok Sin Tong Primary School with good academic results. It was said that only a few boys academically excelled her. In particular, Esther was outstanding in English literacy. At that time, May Fong, who was a few years older than Esther, went to study in a secondary school on the Hong Kong Island, receiving more westernised education. Coming from the grassroots, Esther was inspired by her elder sister. She wanted to follow May Fong’s footsteps to study on the Hong Kong Island. Esther did not want to confine herself in Kwun Tong; she aspired to learn beyond the place. In the 1970s, Hong Kong underwent many changes that shaped its future. Economically, it reinvented itself from a manufacturing base into a financial centre, progressing rapidly into a modern city. Esther went to Ying Wa Girls’ School, an eminent school in the mid-levels with an affluent neighbourhood. It took her more than an hour to reach school everyday, commuting through different modes of transport including walking, the ferry and the bus. Esther coped with the arduous journey with perseverance. The physical fatigue, however, was a challenge. Fortunately, she had a classmate, Caroline, as her good companion. Once a pair of great friends, Esther and Caroline each went on to pursue her own cause after secondary school graduation. However, they reunited when Esther fell sick. Caroline accompanied Esther in walking through the last phase of her life journey. Their friendship has transcended differences in personality and faith as well as family and education background. As May Fong became a teacher, Esther’s family managed to subsist out of poverty. Apart from financial support, May Fong also represented pillars of strength in many aspects. Esther’s family was a traditional Chiu Chow family. Speaking the Chiu Chow dialect, relatives, neighbours and friends of the family were all grassroots. The local accents and customs, exacerbated by some feudal traditions, were symbols of backwardness to Esther’s dislike. May Fong brought home information about western civilisation, bridging the cultural gap between home and society. 8
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
May Fong was the reason why Esther could be so well brought up. In many ways, she represented a combination of the “father”, “mother”, and “sister” figures for Esther. Esther had a close bond with her elder sisters, May Fong and Mei Ching. They both took great care of Esther through the last phase of her life. At around primary five, Esther became intrigued with the question of life and death. As Hong Kong began to prosper under British colonial rule, like most young people, Esther naturally favoured Western beliefs and religions when posing questions about life. In addition, Esther studied in a Christian secondary school, where she met Rev. Lee Ching Chee, for whom she had lifetime admiration. As a Christian, not only did she attend church every Sunday, Esther also strived to search for the meaning of life through Christianity, and proactively implemented her religious beliefs into daily life. Indeed, Christianity had a great impact in shaping her personality and values during her adolescence. Although Esther had departed from her religion after university graduation, she still very much embodied the values of her faith. Some faithful friends, including her husband, came into her life at this juncture as she strived to internalise her Western beliefs. Together, they searched for ways to put their faith into actions in life. Although they parted into different paths eventually, their friendship was unfailing. One of them was Heidi, who took great care of Esther when her health was ailing. The early 1980s marked a period of confusion for Hong Kong, as well as for Esther. Both were perplexed by their future prospects. As Hong Kong was disconcerted by the question of handover, Esther was also unclear of her own direction. Her academic results during university education were good. However, she was unsure how to further her academic pursuit. Influenced by her elder sister May Fong, and in line with her own personality traits, Esther became a teacher – what a godsend! Esther was a natural inspiration for her students. Whether in secondary school or university, in Hong Kong or the States, in literacy or literature, her teaching was extraordinarily infectious. She impressed her students with her abundant 張美君博士追思會
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knowledge. More importantly, her passion and enthusiasm in the subjects she taught, and life in general, had won her lifetime admiration and affection from her students. In 1984, as the Sino-British Joint Declaration on the Question of Hong Kong was signed between the PRC and UK governments, Esther also exchanged vows with her Big Boy, whom she had dated for 6 years. A year later, the couple left Hong Kong to the States, not to emigrate but to explore some new possibilities. The weather in South California was like autumn all year round. It gave Esther not only a breath of fresh air, but also new experiences and challenges. The plan to the States was to further her husband’s career pursuit, as Esther was uncertain of her own. The couple supported each other in the foreign country, and led a very humble life funded by scholarships and bursaries. Esther had, in particular, made countless sacrifices. In a university environment, it became natural for her to build up on knowledge. She went to study in the library and visited varieties of classes with a sense of insecurity. At the same time, Esther embarked on her postgraduate degree. There were twists and turns in those years. She was made to return to Hong Kong for a period of time due to some life circumstances. However, Esther had experienced an inconceivable urge for knowledge with greater self-confidence, and derived pleasures from the pursuit. During her interrupted stay in the States, Esther made friends of different backgrounds and orientation, from whom she observed the complexity and contradictions of different diasporic experiences. Coupled with the experiences of her mother and mother-in-law, Esther had successfully knitted and woven an image of diaspora in many of her important works. Indeed, Esther had a very close acquaintance from the States called Tracy. Their friendship grew and became more precious for over 20 years. Tracy also cared for Esther when she was sick. The gunshots in 1989, coupled with the uncertainty of the handover in 1997, led to a wave of emigration in Hong Kong. People in Hong Kong began to migrate to other countries in large numbers. At the same time, Esther completed her postgraduate 10
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
degree in Arts, and returned to Hong Kong from the States. She started to teach English literacy in the Language Centre of the Hong Kong Baptist University. Later on, she moved to teach humanities. Teaching gave her the greatest sense of achievements. She was well respected by her colleagues and students. When her husband subsequently returned to Hong Kong, Esther saw prospects for stability. She then returned to the academia and began her doctoral degree with care and vigilance. She started off with a focus on literature, but chances and her interests led her to the terrain of cultural studies. She studied under Professor Stephen C.K. Chan. Her doctoral thesis explored the Hong Kong cultural phenomenon arising from the 1997 handover, with an analysis of the transformation of Hong Kong literature and cinema in the midst of historical tides. In 1997, when Hong Kong officially returned to her motherland, Esther gave birth to her daughter Sabrina, whom she took great pride. Sabrina not only resembles Esther in her appearance, but also inherits Esther’s love and passion for arts and literature. Esther’s doctoral degree and teaching excellence did not guarantee her a smooth pathway. She left the Hong Kong Baptist University. Unexpectedly, she reached a turning point for her academic and professional pursuit. Esther secured a teaching contract at the Department of Comparative Literature at the University of Hong Kong. Under the nurture of the niche of cultural studies and guidance from esteemed scholars like Professor Ackbar Abbas and Professor Leo Ou-fan Lee, Esther progressively developed her unique academic standpoints. Her increasing oeuvres had invariably attracted conceivable attention in the academia. In 2003, Esther lost her mother during the SARS outbreak in Hong Kong. Amidst numerous political, economic and social changes, the universities in Hong Kong began to re-align themselves in pursuit of new direction and excellence. The year of 2005 witnessed the restructuring of the Department of Comparative Literature at the University of Hong Kong and the departure of its forerunners for their own individual pursuits. As Chairperson of the department, Esther was left with a 張美君博士追思會
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difficult situation. However, she waved through such difficult times, and sustained the department almost entirely on her own by virtue of short-term funds and selffinanced projects. She even managed to raise and enhance the profile and reputation of the department successively to become a prominent constituent of the Faculty of Arts. Esther also had on numerous occasions held forums and exchanges on academic, cultural and cinematic issues in order to foster her students’ cultural insights. She pioneered the filmmaker-in-residence scheme which was later adopted by the University of Hong Kong as the University Artists Scheme hosted by the Faculty of Arts. Notwithstanding her substantial administrative duties and academic researches, Esther remained one of the most beloved and popular teachers of the department. Her courses were always oversubscribed, even with increased quotas. She introduced multi-faceted, flexible and novel methods into her teaching, and inspired her students through experiential learning. In 2011, Esther was the recipient of the Outstanding Teaching Award at the University of Hong Kong. Many of her doctorate students received awards and recognition for their dissertations, and she also supervised countless dissertations at postgraduate levels. Esther exhibited extraordinary perseverance and made unrivalled achievements during her days in the Department of Comparative Literature. In early 2014, Hong Kong experienced torrents of evolving confrontations. At the same time, Esther exhibited ailing symptoms of her health. She endured her physical suffering and mental distress, and completed teaching of that semester. During her last class, Esther and her MALCS students found it difficult to part. It was not until after 10pm that she left the classroom, exhausted. She wished that she could walk into the classroom once again. However, the medical treatments in the ensuing few months achieved little but to devastate her willpower. Feeling despaired at times, Esther had never given up hope. By September 2014, Hong Kong was in severe ailment. Esther’s disease went even worse. On 5 October 2014, Esther posted on Facebook a drawing titled “If God would sympathise, do protect 12
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
our city”. That was her last public comment. It was also the very last time she was able to connect and share the pain and sufferings of her city. Thereafter, only those closest to her could accompany her, through the days of recurrent physical illness and emotional distress. Her students could but only spend everyday worrying and awaiting sporadic news of her. On 9 February 2015, a few days after lichun (the Beginning of Spring), which marked the beginning of a year in Chinese traditions, Esther sadly passed away. Her city was left to mourn, and lament the ruthlessness of life. (Translated by Anny Leung and Jenkin Suen)
張美君博士追思會
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念你如昔，美君！ 你的小鬍子、科學家、奧林匹斯…… 區國強 那天早上，我在你耳邊細語，你當天下午就離去。你甚麼都沒有帶走，卻一 切都消失了，只留下記憶。記憶一幕一幕的映在眼前，像蒙太奇般的片段， 該從何說起呢！
序曲，柔和的中板。你怎樣叫我一見鍾情呢？你像彩蝶般在我身邊飄來飄 去，我怎能不分心呢？對我這粗野的男孩，你別有姿彩，外表漂亮不在話 下，聲音動聽之餘，說話更令人神往。你不要惱怒我間中挑剔你的歌藝，正 因人人都陶醉於你的歌聲，我這樣才能引你注意嘛！也許，我那不屈不撓追 求美善的態度，才是你所欣賞的。
第一樂章，輕快而跳躍。那天我和你從觀塘走到慈雲山，又再從紅磡到中 環，經過不知多久的閒話家常，我鼓起勇氣拉著你的手，告訴你我的愛意。 你以眼中的亮彩，回應了我。自此，我們每逢周末，總難分難捨的在公園、 海旁或街上，兜兜轉轉的度過。後來，每個晚上一通電話實在不夠，我就穿 梭於這個城市，去另一所大學見你，我的大學課業就是善用那舟車的 4 小時 來完成。你的高音和我的低音，你感情澎湃而我理智冷傲，間中也難配合， 但我們合唱起來，也羨煞旁人。
第二樂章，遲緩的慢板。我們結婚邀請卡上，寫了詩經「琴瑟在御，莫不靜 好」 。然而，到合奏起來，才知道要付出很大心力。我們不能同一天飛去美 國，最後也是你隻身先回來，期間也分別了好幾次，應了那預言：我們聚少 離多！每一次離別，你都想裝作接受得了，但你的身體卻洩漏這機密。記得 那個我們去燒烤的海邊嗎，多少次我在那裡，遠眺著水平線以外，尋找太平 14
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
洋另一邊的你。離愁和傷悲，總好像特別深刻。即使我們一起，還被這分離 的魅影纏繞著。離鄉別井，環境逼人，琴絃耗損得幾乎斷了，奏出的音樂有 點沙啞。我們熬過了這挑戰，嘗到苦中的甘甜。
第三樂章，親切的行板。平日你我都把精力放在學問和工作上，大概是互相 影響吧，大家都重視學生，你就更受學生愛戴。雖然我們都在學系的行政扮 演重要角色，忙碌卻不能掩蓋我們的親密。我們在早晨餐桌上，從電影文化 到科學新知，都可以交流和激辯。我們珍惜假期共渡的時光，分享了古舊的 埃及、傳統的中國、文明的日本、典雅的東歐、明媚的蘇格蘭；暢遊倫敦的 博物館、德國的浪漫路、美國的名學府。我們的之間也多了一個和聲，由那 小倩凝所奏，她帶給我們意想不到的變奏和更圓潤的音韻。
終曲，沉鬱的慢板。從來沒想過要奏這一段，也沒想過有多難。我們已經不 知道為了甚麼歌唱，只知道不能不唱下去。這陰翳之歌何等難奏，它的音符 都是用淚珠譜寫的；它的旋律一點也不悠揚。我們咬著牙關來奏，也不知過 了多少音節，這曲卻嘎然而止！
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Counting the steps as daughters do – Sabrina Au One: The pretty dresses she wore to romantic dates and expensive dinners now follow me to parties She always told me I’m beautiful, that we look like sisters – As mothers do But who would have thought she would grow too afraid to look in the mirror.
Two: The pink and red hairbands that clung to her thinning, skeletal wrists now cling to the plump curves of mine She would do little braids for little me every morning – As mothers do But who would have thought those braids would come back to haunt her.
Three: The small button nose that once kept her body fighting for more air now fights the allergies of my body She always told me to take care of my body – As mothers do But who would have thought she’d forget to tell herself that.
Four: The simple illustrations she drew with shaking hands and pouring heart now inspire my steady hands to recreate 16
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
She drew funny little cartoons to keep little me entertained – As mothers do But who would have thought drawing would resurface to distract pain.
Five: The volumes of pages binding her endless stories and legacies together now wait on the shelf for me to read She taught me to use my imagination for my happiness – As mothers do But who would have thought reality would strike her so hard.
Six: The sticky notes of loving words she wrote to encourage a downtrodden me now hang silently above my desk She would always use notes to convey clumsy words – As mothers do But who would have thought we would no longer exchange words at all.
Seven: The words of wisdom she once shared over many dinners now hang over my every action She gave me advice that unrivalled any teacher’s – As mothers do But who would have thought that one day she would stop teaching.
I’ve counted the seven steps between you and me. But there seems to be an eighth step I didn’t see. A final step I cannot overcome between you, and me. 張美君博士追思會
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Recitals 詩文頌讀 Walter Benjamin: “On the Concept of History” History is the subject of a structure whose site is not homogeneous, empty time, but time filled by the presence of the now. [Jetztzeit]. Thus, to Robespierre ancient Rome was a past charged with the time of the now which he blasted out of the continuum of history. The French Revolution viewed itself as Rome incarnate. It evoked ancient Rome the way fashion evokes costumes of the past. Fashion has a flair for the topical, no matter where it stirs in the thickets of long ago; it is a tiger’s leap into the past. This jump, however, takes place in an arena where the ruling class give the commands. The same leap in the open air of history is the dialectical one, which is how Marx understood the revolution.
西西：〈像我這樣的一個女子〉 這是一種非常孤獨而寂寞的工作，但是在這樣的一個地方，並沒有人世間的 是是非非，一切的妒忌、仇恨和名利的爭執都已不存在；當他們落入陰暗之 中，他們將一個個變得心平氣和而溫柔。[…] 或者，我該對我的那些沉睡了 的朋友說：我們其實不都是一樣的嗎？幾十年不過匆匆一瞥，無論是為了甚 麼因由，原是誰也不必為誰而魂飛魄散的。夏帶進咖啡室來的一束巨大的花 朵，是非常非常地美麗，他是快樂的，而我心憂傷。他是不知道的，在我們 這個行業之中，花朵，就是訣別的意思。
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Leung Ping-kwan: “An Old Colonial Building” I. Through sunlight and shadow dust swirls, through the scaffolding raised-up around the colonial edifice, over the wooden planks men live on to tear it brick by brick, the imperial image of it persisting right down, sometimes, to the bitter soil in the foundation, sometimes finding, too, the noble height of a rotunda, the wide, hollow corridors leading sometimes to blocked places, which, sometimes, knocked open, are stairs down to ordinary streets. II. Down familiar alcoves sometimes brimming with blooms sometimes barren I go to Xerox glancing at the images caught in the circular pond, now showing the round window in the cupola as duckweed drifting, day and night caught in the surface, no longer textbook clean, but murky, the naïve goldfish searching mindlessly around in it, shaking the pliant lotus stems and the roots feeling for earth, swirling orange and white, gills opening and leeching, in and out of the high window bars. III. Might all the pieces of ruins put together present yet another architecture? Ridiculous the great heads on money, laughable the straight faces running things. We pass in this corridor in the changing surface of the pond by chance our reflections rippling a little. We’d rather not bend; 張美君博士追思會
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neither of us is in love with flags or fireworks. So what’s left are these fragmentary, unrepresentative words, not uttered amidst the buildings of chrome and glass, but beside a circular pond riddled with patterns of moving signs.
梁秉鈞：〈老殖民地建築〉 這麼多的灰塵揚起在陽光和 陰影之間到處搭起棚架圍上 木板圍攏古老的殖民地建築 彷彿要把一磚一木拆去也許 到頭來基本的形態仍然保留 也許翻出泥土中深藏的酸苦 神氣的圓頂和寬敞的走廊仍 對著堵塞的牆壁也許劈開拆毀 梯級也許通向更多尋常的屋宇 我走過廊道有時開放得燦爛 有時收藏起來的盆花走下去 影印論文看一眼荷花池歪曲 的倒影尖塔的圓窗漂成浮萍 經過早晚淘洗不再是無知的 清白可能已經混濁天真的金魚 四處碰撞探索垂死根枝仍然 僵纏橙紅色的鱗片時暗時亮 微張的鰓葉在窗格那兒呼吸
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
把廢墟的意象重新組合可否 併成新的建築頭像是荒謬的 權力總那麼可笑相遇在走廊 偶然看一眼荷花池在變化中 思考不避波動也不隨風輕折 我知你不信旗幟或滿天煙花 我給你文字破碎不自稱寫實 不是高樓圍繞的中心只是一池 粼粼的水聚散著游動的符號
董啟章：〈少年神農〉 可是，自從那一年黃帝的史官倉頡創造了文字，纍便開始衰老了。 纍沒法再跟我一起四處遊歷，我們只好回到她的家鄉定居。 她從前的親友早已經亡故，那裡已經過了好幾個世代，再沒有人認識我們。 茶園已經改為種桑樹養蟲，黃帝的妻子羅祖常常四處巡視各地的蠶絲生產。 纍成為一個織女，在昏暗的房子內部搖動織梭，把生命的歲月一絲一線的消 磨。 而我則當上一個大夫，給人開藥治病。 纍的視力開始衰退，皮膚慢慢乾癟，頭髮變得粗糙，在她六十六歲那一年， 我和她作了最後一次遠遊，揹著她走了幾個我們從前去過得地方。 我們發現，我們心內產生出一種新的東西，那叫做回憶。 在回憶中我們嘗試重新創造我們的世界，但原先的那個世界已經不會再回 來。
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Charles Baudelaire: “To a Passer-by” Around me thundered the deafening noise of the street, In mourning apparel, portraying majestic distress, With queenly fingers, just lifting the hem of her dress, A stately woman passed by with hurrying feet. Agile and noble, with limbs of perfect poise, Ah, how I drank, thrilled through like a Being insane, In her look, a dark sky, from whence springs forth the hurricane, There lay but the sweetness that charms, and the joy that destroys. A flash — then the night.... O loveliness fugitive! Whose glance has so suddenly caused me again to live, Shall I not see you again till this life is o’er! Elsewhere, far away ... too late, perhaps never more, For I know not whither you fly, nor you, where I go, O soul that I would have loved, and that you know!
Charles Baudelaire: “À une passante” La rue assourdissante autour de moi hurlait. Longue, mince, en grand deuil, douleur majestueuse, Une femme passa, d'une main fastueuse Soulevant, balançant le feston et l'ourlet; Agile et noble, avec sa jambe de statue. Moi, je buvais, crispé comme un extravagant, Dans son oeil, ciel livide où germe l'ouragan, La douceur qui fascine et le plaisir qui tue. 22
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Un éclair... puis la nuit! — Fugitive beauté Dont le regard m'a fait soudainement renaître, Ne te verrai-je plus que dans l'éternité? Ailleurs, bien loin d'ici! trop tard! jamais peut-être! Car j'ignore où tu fuis, tu ne sais où je vais, Ô toi que j'eusse aimée, ô toi qui le savais!
張美君：〈教室的窗子〉 大學教室，不是舞台，也不應有偶像崇拜，不過常常有一雙雙眼睛，凝視著 你，令你的腎上腺素急升，令你有短暫的虛榮和過度的亢奮，滿以為自己有 忠實的粉絲。可是當他們滔滔不絕開腔說話時，也許延伸你的看法，補足你 的遺漏，挑戰你的觀點，霎時間，你覺得自己比偶像還帥，他們比粉絲還可 愛。因為他們是懂得獨立思考的個體，原來教室只是他們思想旅程的出發 點；霎時間，你已原諒那些遲到卻仍不忘參與的同學。還有那些坐在大講堂 遠處最後一排的，你因看不清楚他們的眼神，好像許多是半開半合的、半夢 半醒的，你深信他們常與周公同在。怎料他們不少人做的習作頗了不起，縱 使你當場隨意點名邀請他們發言，他們好像在外太空千里傳音，向在遠方的 你問好，原來他們徹頭徹尾的身遠心未離。也許，你應感謝這些既遠且近的 同學，叫你不再那麼寂寞。 大學教室，不是舞台，沒有剎那光輝，卻是細水長流的艱辛事業，必須以持 久的熱誠治療沮喪的心。它更像一座不斷在興建中的樓房，但樓房有否窗 子，視乎你和同學如何一起營造。但窗子一旦打開，你們一起先見的是廣闊 的世界，流動的風景，和映照在窗內外的自己，原來教學要改變和衝擊的第 一個人就是你自己。
張美君博士追思會
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In Memory of Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung 悼念張美君博士
Prof. Ackbar Abbas In Memoriam: Esther Cheung We had boarded the plane to Istanbul half an hour ago. We had both been invited to the same conference, and were booked on the same flight. Esther was excited about the paper she was going to give, and her animation was rubbing off on me. After another hour’s wait, there was an announcement: the flight had to be cancelled due to engine problems. We were disappointed of course, but Esther very quickly regained her cheerfulness. And this is how I remember her, as someone who refused to be daunted or discouraged by obstacles in her way, who took life on with confidence and a sense of humor. That is why she was such a great enabler, whether as Director of the Center for the Study of Globalization and Cultures, or as Chair of the Department of Comparative Literature, or as the chief organizer of many collaborative projects and events. The last event she helped organize was the recent workshop on “Hong Kong As Method”. She invited me to participate in January 2014. A few months later, we had news that she was ill. No one could tell me what was wrong, until I heard from Esther herself in late June, after she had had her major operation. Her email ended with “looking forward to my recovery and seeing you soon”. That was the last I heard from her. I was convinced she would recover, and I am still shocked that she has gone – at the moment when she was making her mark as an important scholar.
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Chan Chor-see 陳楚思 親愛的 Dr. Cheung： 其實那次從西班牙給您寄 Las Meninas postcard 最後一句，是想到了也斯的詩 句「我也知道明信片是不期待回答的」 ，怎料您竟然在明報專欄回答了「We are just a postcard away!」現在我只望這話真確，再自製「postcard」給您。 是您從來不嫌我們任何的念頭瑣碎，欣喜的在我那些真誠表露稚氣的日記式 文章留言鼓勵，也在課堂分享您最私密珍貴的回憶片段，才教我敢去寄一張 要砌拼圖才看得到的遊戲 postcard 給您，從不怕讓您打開這些細碎的情感。 於是那天上完您 Surrealism 有關 uncanny city 一課（有幸能旁聽） ，又不怕給 您寄了這幅 panorama，您說的一句不知有否疾病中的感受？現在再給您新 版本，高樓觸不到雲朵，但原來紅影樹也有點雲朵的形態，然後我想，「即 使白雲您也不能住在裡面」。那麼，送您最愛（又突然顯得 ironic 的）比喻─ ─飛天棺材紅 van，而其實我更愛電車，所以我也給它添了 wings of desire， 目的地由您填寫吧。您教我欣賞文學電影，閱讀城市，今後我當 flâneur 時，看樹看景，乘車或蹓躂，當白雲又化為雨降落來親我，我都會找到您那 雀躍熱切的欣賞的眼光。上月我帶了您教 Benjamin 的 lecture notes，陰差陽 錯到了 IFC 跟兩個朋友分享他的歷史觀，那時來不及跟您分享。今後我們再 在城市各處閱讀思考創作時，您記住從您的美麗住處看下來，這樣的 panoramic vision 會是最快樂，我已看到您滿足的笑容，和聽到您說 intriguing。 Love, 學生 Chor See 敬上
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Evans Chan 陳耀成 When I first heard of Esther’s passing, I went to my book shelf to look at her last book in Chinese, The Uncanny on the Frame. And here is her inscription – “To Evans, for our shared love of literature and film.” It is my privilege to have been Esther’s friend, to have been part of her enchanted circle in sharing our unabashed love of literature and film. She had a strong sense of advocacy – for the underknown and for the alternative. That’s why she became a key supporter of the independent film scene in Hong Kong. And I feel lucky enough to have benefited from that advocacy. I just realize how much I owe her for making my most recent film, Rose of the Name: Writing Hong Kong. The first time I met Dung Kai-cheung was through her invitation to an anniversary dinner for the Comp. Lit. Department’s alumni. Interestingly enough, Esther arranged my seat to be right across from Dung Kaicheung’s. It was primarily because of that encounter, I began reading Dung’s books, which led to a film as much about him as about Hong Kong’s search for a voice, be it literary, such as his novels, or political, such as the umbrella movement. I knew that Esther had been ill and most likely preferred to be left alone. But at some point while editing Rose of the Name, I needed some photos of P.K. Leung. When I couldn’t get a response from P.K.’s associates, I emailed Esther to see if she had any. Apparently, she wasn’t too ill to respond. She sent me the photos from a symposium she organized for P.K. before his passing. So I gladly used them in my film, including one of Esther and P.K. As I used the Irish folk song “The Last Rose of Summer” for that segment, I included a title card, saying “In memoriam” of P.K. Little that I knew this “In memoriam” would soon extend to Esther as well. Here are the last two lines of the Irish song, set to Thomas Moore’s poem:
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
When true hearts lie withered and fond ones are flown Oh who would inhabit this bleak world alone? Now that Esther is gone, the world is definitely somewhat bleaker. But her generosity in sharing her love of film, literature, and finally life – with her friends, colleagues and students reminds us that there is also something precious, beautiful and inspiring in this world, no matter how bleak it might be. Esther, we’ll miss you.
Jonathan Chan 陳祖恩 Remember You Always: Your Warmth and Passion I will always treasure and love the days when I drop by your office for a chat. Even when you were busy, you would stop everything and spare the time to chat with me. You were always so welcoming and a good listener. You cared for my health and helped me along the way. When I was distressed, my body unsound, and in my time of need, you were comforting and made me feel I was at home with the department. I am most touched by your thoughtfulness and passion in your work. Thank you so much for everything. I shall always remember you. You will dearly be missed. With love and respect, Jonathan Chan
張美君博士追思會
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Dr. Natalia Chan 陳少紅博士（洛楓） 傷逝 Esther，昨天出席妳的喪禮，看見靈堂上依然年輕滿帶笑容的照片，便相信 妳一直不曾離去；今天早上，身在上海的 YF 在我們那個不曾刪去的組群傳 來訊息，說想起妳、也想起我們！是的，曾經的「我們仨」剩下兩個，永遠 空下的位置永遠填滿記憶……坐在殯儀館黑壓壓的座位上，循序漸進的儀式 彷彿離我很遠，躺在靈柩裡的妳假如能夠說話，一定跟我談 Bakhtin 的陌生 化理論；我不是科學家、也沒有宗教信仰，所以很能感應妳瀰漫於空氣中的 存在，因著感冒，我可以恣無忌憚發放悲慟；聽著 W 細說妳為學院、學 術、學生和香港文化研究貢獻的心力和成就，便覺得有一種人生叫做「不 枉」 ，妳沒有白白地、徒然地走上天給予短暫的日子，一個人做三個人或三 輩子的事情，虧欠妳的是生命的不公平與不公義！妳在《寫在窗框的詭話》 寫道：「重新上路……在生死的悲苦裡尋找回歸生活的勇氣」，往後的歲月， 我或許仍然以孩童反擊世界的任性對待歪斜的天與地，但因著妳留下的痕 跡，會學習珍惜時間、學習不傷害自己；然後妳又寫道「世間所有的久別重 逢都是失而復得」 ，是的，有一天，我們會久別重逢，那時候，一切便會失 而復得！
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Peter Ho-Sun Chan 陳可辛 Esther’s passion for film brought me to The University of Hong Kong. We had bonded through many brief conversations on my numerous visits to the university. She was so passionate about her teaching and her writing. At my age and with my vigorous schedule, I always thought things could be left for a later stage in life. And that included getting to know Esther better. I was busy and she was busy too. But when the university invited me to do a talk on my latest film Dearest, I naturally asked if Esther could be the moderator. And I was told for the first time that she was sick and wouldn’t be available. That was January. Then on the morning of February 10th, I was saddened to get a message from Thomas, whom I’ve never met before, about Esther’s passing. I guess things cannot be left for a later stage in life. I will miss her dearly. I know I’ve missed the friendship that we should’ve had.
Prof. Stephen Ching-kiu Chan 陳清僑教授 懷念美君 一位認識廿載的好友離開了，文化和學術界也失去了不容再失的默默耕耘者。 1990 年代中期，Esther 在浸大執教，並在中大開始她的博士論文研究，她選 擇以香港這家為題（而取材自文學和電影） ，說不定是本地大學所孕育的首 批文化研究博士之一。 Esther 是我學術生涯中所指導的第一個博士生，我們由此而相識，當年我們 是一小群在中大英文系內嚮往並堅持探索本地文化及身份認同的師生，圍繞 在「香港文化研究計劃」的工作，開讀書群組、籌備出版和學術研討會的日 子，歷歷在目。 張美君博士追思會
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日常生活的批判，文化的普及形態，建制霸權的構成，身份的流動和重整； 大家並不吝嗇抒發己見，Esther 都把這些新鮮事帶到她的論文中，觀點逐漸 成熟。 西西的小說和陳果的電影，是當時她花不少心思鑽研的本地作品，Esther 那 種孜孜不倦、平實、謙虛、至誠的態度，能不讓人懷念？每次的交流和分 享，與其說是師生之間的匯報，不如說是一回又一回自然生成的文化評論和 對話，這確是文化研究在香港落地生根時的初始情景。 當時，學院的建制，說多壓抑有多壓抑，彷彿，你要多扭曲和醜陋的，它都 會全數給你， 我們的交談難免涉及其中點滴。 在中大取得博士學位後不久，Esther 便加入港大，展開她教研事業的新頁， 我也剛離開，轉職嶺南學院，埋首另一體制的經營，自此我們時有交流合 作。專上教育的環境變化甚多，工作忙壓力大自不待言，我們幾個中大時期 的師友，自 90 年代之後每年保持至少一、兩次聚會，一直維持至今。過農 曆年前我們剛有一聚，天南地北的餐桌上獨欠了 Esther。然而，大家出入無 間於教育和文化界的光怪陸離事，於無奈處覓笑顏，竟一如既往，我感受到 大家的無縫接觸和互動，和那歷久猶新的各人的堅持和態度。 萬萬沒想到的是，二十年後，這建制全面異化，其程度和影響更甚於當年， 更趨功利，更形虛妄，變得更非人性化了。 香港正處於回歸後最風雨飄搖的日子，以人為本的變革該是大家合力耕耘的 尋常作業，用心用力的學者如美君，多一位便多一種能量，多一絲希望。 長路漫漫，我深信，Esther 仍在我們當中，以她一貫平淡而開朗的歡容，與 香港文化同行。
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Chan Wai-yue 陳蕙瑜 拾一片記憶的葉子 您在香港，我在英國。在電郵中，您讓我設計 Main Building 的明信片。您苦 惱詩歌的靈感還未到來，卻先想像到 Main Building 化而為火車或百足蟲，之 上還有如窗框般的課室望向世界。您這一說，我便想到哈爾移動城堡。我這 一說，您說您也是。就在那一刻，我感覺我們的思緒在廣闊而神秘的宇宙裡 漫步時擦了一下肩。 我們在中文大學。您把一個沉甸甸的公文袋放到我的眼前，裡面盛載著您 《寫在窗框的詭話》的手稿。您眉飛色舞，我卻很緊張。就在那天，我知道 你住處所在的區域，您的另一半工作的所在地還有專業。我像個小小粉絲， 偷偷地記下這些資料，興奮得忘了更重要的事情。 忘記了何時何地，我們討論，書的封面用甚麼顏色好呢？您說您不想用藍 的，我卻首先想起藍色。靈光一閃，我說不如做一個紅白藍系列，日後再出 書奏成三部曲。您好像很驚喜，又繼續興高采烈地討論。最後卻因為我的不 足，放棄了紅白藍的想法，為此我內疚了好久。 我們在沙田的 Pacific Coffee。我買了一本簿，送了 給您。您請我喝咖啡，一起斟酌起咖啡上的拉花美 不美。我們閒話家常，談到最近中藥有毒的問題。 就在那時，我知道了你是長期要吃中藥的體質。我 低下頭，一時不知該說些甚麼，心中悲傷了一下， 抬頭卻看見您笑著跟我說再見。
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Florence Cheung 張嘉禧 Dear Dr. Cheung, 記得你叫我們「read slowly, get closer to the text」，是的，讀文學不能急，因 我們在感受生命和苦難。你領我們讀《生命中不能承受之輕》，透過電影 《藍白紅三部曲》談 trauma，人文主義的精神就此植根在我心中，我明白了 面對存在的虛妄和苦難時，總能藉人文關懷找到出路。你對世界和不幸的人 充滿悲憫，你說在報紙寫專欄乃因學者不能只躲在大學寫學術文章，更有責 任以中文寫作，接觸不懂英文的人。我從此謹記讀文學不是孤芳自賞，而是 要以文字和藝術關懷世上各種的不幸。 後來我約你拍畢業照，你說你在放病假。對話中你沒半點憂傷，還如舊親切 地喚我的名字，叫我新年後回來找你。重讀那一段對話，仍如斯真實，你仍 在，我仍要赴約。到底有沒有天堂？你說你不信基督教，但我不知你怎樣看 天堂和往生，當時我該捉著你問，若你說相信有天堂，此刻我的心便安定多 了，因你一定在那裡。 你的下款總是用「As Always」 。我學了你，往後寫信也用「As Always」 ，這兩 個字真浪漫，甚麼也沒說，卻包含了屬於讀信人和寄信人才明瞭的千言萬 語，蘊藏著最深刻的緣份和愛意。 那時我為甚麼沒有告訴你這些？因我天真地相信會再見，所以只閒話家常地 談最近看的書和電影。幸好人和人之間的緣份不因死亡終結，我期待著那份 延續。感謝你教我用萬花筒看世界。 As always, Florence
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Dr. Chow Yiu-fai 周耀輝博士 「這些時候，有多寫東西嗎？」我問。然後她發來一張照片，標題《層疊層 的無常》 ，再寫：「也許麻醉藥過了，今早竟然文思泉湧，因這奇景而寫了一 首關於無常的詩。那掛在牆上是多年前在埃及買回來的年曆畫。在晨光中見 到他的背影，嚇了一跳，定神後想起這些。」然後她發來一首詩……。2011 年，我從阿姆斯特丹回到香港工作，方才真的認識張美君，一見如故，想不 到一起的時間那麼短，雖然短，卻留下不少，包括一些留在我手機 whatsapp 裡的對話，大概不會刪掉了，偶然找來看看，想著她的臉，她的生命，她還 會寫的詩啊散文啊論文啊，想著半認真談過要合寫的書，想著一群人曾經興 致勃勃搞過的《趁浪漫還有我們》……。美君，不管你在哪裡，還有我們。
Chu Kiu-wai 朱翹瑋 Dr. Cheung，我們常笑言妳是一個「詭話連篇」的教授，在妳眼中，這個城 市好像無時無刻都鬼影幢幢丶詭異非常。作為一個悟性低的現實主義者，請 原諒我過去沒有領略太多。今天妳離開這片詭異之地，我才漸漸感受到生活 中充滿詭異感，是世事的無常，以及記憶和感情的累積丶沉澱，令事物產生 變化。 2013 年，我遠赴美國偏遠小鎮做研究的那年，妳寫了一篇以雙城映對丶詭異 的錯置感為主題的文章，與我越洋對話。（妳總是能夠借題發揮！）人在遠 方，我讀畢文章，彷彿也在愛達荷的窗外，瞥見維港的怡人景色。原來妳的 文字、我的故事，詭異地把香港、美國、莫斯科的距離拉近了。文字和感情 能消除一切界限，我們一定會以此繼續和妳 keep in touch。 Esther，我們可愛的老師，很榮幸能成為妳的學生。
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Prof. Stephen Yiu-wai Chu 朱耀偉教授 第一次碰見張美君，是九十年代初在中大研究院，那時我們都是英文系的研 究生，唸的是比較文學。那個下午我要發表研究進度報告，已在浸會任教的 她友善的跟我打招呼，近四份一世紀的一段友誼就此開始。那時我沒有想過 畢業後會到浸會任教，更在兼任的人文學課程跟她重遇。 那時人文學課程只有四個核心成員，她在英文系而我在中文系，各自身處學 系邊緣，因此份外投契，如今回首，那真是快樂時代。可惜快過的不會永 久，數年後她離開了浸會，我知道當時她並不情願，但塞翁失馬，後來卻證 實是香港比較文學之福。她轉到港大比較文學系之後，我們一直保持緊密聯 繫，還曾合編過兩本專書。期間我耳聞目睹她在香港唯一的比較文學系勞心 勞力，曾經有一段時間幾乎可說是獨力支撐。後來學系再上軌道，才見她再 展歡顏。想不到後來我們又再有緣共事。我轉到港大，很大程度是她從中穿 針引線，讓我有機會從事香港研究，對此我一直心存感激。她深明香港研究 課程規模小，主動邀我合作，籌辦香港文化研討會，一同主持「寫在詭話與 繾綣之間」講座，又與友人一起開展「趁浪漫還有我們」活動，為她深愛的 城市再添色彩。可惜這段快樂時光更加短暫。 對比較文學，對香港和城市充滿熱愛的她又要遠走，這真是人生對於人生觀 開的玩笑。心煩意亂，詞難達意，謹以段段往事，永誌一段珍貴的友誼。
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Prof. Daniel Chua 蔡寬量教授 It’s hard to believe now, but there was a time when the future of the Comparative Literature Department was in doubt. It was bereft of resources with its main players scattered overseas. It was like a sinking, rudderless boat. And in it was Esther. I’m sure she could have escaped, as many did, winched to safely by another department or university, but something in her, a certain devotion to HKU and the mission of her department made her stay on board, redesign the rudder and hoist the sails against all odds. She took on, almost single-handedly, the seemingly impossible task of setting the department back on course. With a tenacity of vision, a resilience that belies her humble spirit, and a creative spark that is always at the heart of work, she kept faith with her discipline, enlarging its reach, particularising its local passions, drawing in students like a magnet to energise their imagination and inspire others. In the space of few years, she not only did the impossible but surpassed what was imaginable. The Comparative Literature Department, not as an institutional unit, but as a flourishing community of teachers, students and alumni stands as a testimony to her work as an academic, creative writer and a selflessly giving human being. It would be an understatement to say that this is her “contribution” to Hong Kong or the University. It’s more than that – much more – because there is a sense that Esther has fanned a spark that will continue to ignite many more people who may never know of her with the human values of her discipline and local commitments of her creative work. One hopes that this will be a living flame that will remember her life.
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Prof. David Clarke 祈大衛教授 Esther’s warmth and generosity of spirit shone through in whatever she did. It was that which made her such a dedicated and effective teacher. It also led her to take on a significant burden of managerial duties from an early point in her career. She performed so well the difficult role of leading a discipline during a period when resources were relatively stretched, and when administrative restructuring took away disciplinary autonomy. One example of how her generosity touched me personally was when, quite unexpectedly, she wrote a poem in response to an art and music creative dialogue that Chan Hing-yan and I had been involved with. Offered just following the opening event of that project, and in a typically self-deprecating way, Esther’s poetic gift allowed an extension of the artistic collaboration to a further medium. Hing-yan and I were able to persuade Esther to read the poem at an event we were holding as part of the project, thereby making her participation more public. It remains a part of the online record of the event. Like Esther’s many-facetted contribution to the scholarly literature it will be a part of her achievement that will live on and touch new lives that it encounters, but those of us who have had the privilege to know Esther personally as a friend, colleague or student will have been touched in a more profound way than those who only come to know her through the printed page.
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Dung Kai-cheung 董啟章 知道張美君離開我們的消息，感覺十分愕然，也非常悲痛。雖然知道她患上 重病，但沒想到原來已經去到這個程度。我和美君不熟，還以為待她身體恢 復過來，又會在甚麼場合碰面。最後一次見美君，是去年三月香港文學生活 館開幕禮上。美君一直是成立香港文學館的堅實支持者，在幾年來的爭取過 程中，她以香港大學比較文學系教授的身份，給予了實質上的和精神上的支 持。 到了香港文學生活館成立，美君到賀自然不在話下，因為這也是她有分出力 的成果。當天我拿了三本已經絕版的舊作 The Catalog（也即是《夢華錄》於 1999 年初版的時候的書名）出來義賣，開價五百元一本，聊以資助開幕活動 的費用。美君聽到宣布後，第一時間要買一本，但錢包裡卻剛巧沒有現金， 於是又為如何付款而苦惱一番。事情如何了結，我不太清楚了，這亦只是小 事一件，但卻非常深刻地印在我的記憶裡，成為我對美君的最後印象。那不 是因為美君搶著要買我的書，而是因為她當時的一副有別於平日獨當一面的 文學教授的威嚴的、熱情而單純的文學少女的神情，還有為了帶不夠錢而弄 得緊張兮兮的一臉傻氣。 其實，美君之前一年才出版了她的第一本散文集《寫在窗框的詭話》，在學 術論文之外初探文學創作的世界。在她的身上，結合了資深學者的老練和明 察，以及文學新人的青澀和好奇。用美君喜歡的詞來說，這可真是最「詭 異」的結合，讓我們永遠也不會忘記。
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Prof. John N. Erni 陳錦榮教授 Tribute to Esther Cheung In Hong Kong’s intellectual circle, not only did we just lose a dedicated teacher of cultural studies, we lost a kindred spirit. It is difficult to accept the loss of Esther Cheung, in the midst of a social climate in which we most need kindred spirits. Esther had the gift of being a keen conversationalist, which made her a friend many of us wanted to hang around here. I met Esther shortly after I returned to Hong Kong to work in 2000. We were fellow speakers in a quickly-assembled programme on global cultural studies for graduate students. Generously and patiently, Esther showed me how to navigate the academic landscape in Hong Kong, where the intellectual energies had been especially around cultural political issues, and how best to communicate with Hong Kong students. Before I arrived at Hong Kong Baptist University where I now occupy a position in the Humanities & Creative Writing Department, Esther and I were fellow external consultants for the Humanities programme. While her judgments were sharp, her spirit was one of maximizing colleagiality, because both she and I cared about humanities education and its future in Hong Kong. Working with Esther, and soaking in her broad-minded spirit, are something I will never forget. I will miss the balanced, careful yet creative mind of a comrade. But mostly I will miss the kindred laughter of a friend.
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Dr. Jason Ho 何家珩博士 Dearest Dr. Cheung, How’re you? I’m not fine – not at all. Since you left, I’ve not been feeling well. Not unwell, but not well. My life is filled with a certain mysterious numbness, a void, one that I don’t even know how to articulate. Some cried; some broke down and collapsed; but I remained calm. So calm that at times I don’t feel like you’ve left us. I wrote on my Instagram on the day you left that I’d only assume that you’re back to your hometown, Chiuchow, where there’s neither Internet connection nor wifi, and thus I’ll no longer receive any excessively long emails and text messages from you. Oh well, excessiveness, what a word. That summarizes you. Your passion in teaching. Your love and care for students. Your dedication to the department. Your facial expressions – we all miss them. We miss your very, very loud voice, one that didn’t even need the microphone in the classroom but you always insisted. Did you know we secretly covered our ears even after we very secretly turned the volume down? Did you realize how tiresome it sometimes was when we organized the cultural events and activities you initiated? Did you even know how much I loved to make fun of you when you often called and claimed to talk for a few minutes for business, but we always ended up chatting about literally everything for hours? You know. You now all know. They say you are now almighty, omnipotent. I hope this doesn’t sound too outrageous: part of me, part of my life, is taken away. Your passing has left me a permanent scar where the wound is still bleeding. Friends, colleagues, my partners – they all know we are beyond any banal supervisor-supervisee, mentor-mentee, or any friend-like relationship. No word, 張美君博士追思會
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not a single phrase, can describe our bonding. I miss you like I’ve lost a loved one, so I deem it appropriate to end my love letter to you using this song. You introduced it to us in a lecture on Cantopop when you taught me Hong Kong Popular Culture back then when I was an undergraduate 14 years ago, which was also the time when our journey of love and hatred, ups and downs, laughter and tears began. Correct me if I’m wrong: you don’t play mahjong, do you? But, please, promise me: find P.K. Leung, Walter Benjamin, and Anita Mui to form a mahjong game of your own version in that different horizon. I’m pretty sure it’d be great fun – fun is always there wherever you are, you know ~ =) 同是過路
同做過夢
人在少年 俗塵渺渺
夢中不覺 天意茫茫
斷腸字點點
本應是一對 醒後要歸去 將你共我分開
風雨聲連連
似是故人來
cheers, jason.
Ann Hui 許鞍華 Dear Esther, I was so shocked to see your young face on Ming Pao and read the news you have passed away. When I recall, all my impressions of you have been positive and heartwarming. Wish I had known you better and spent more time with you. As it is now, I shall always remember you with appreciation, respect, and affection! Ann
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Prof. Douglas Kerr For me Esther will always be associated with the Department of Comparative Literature which she led for many years. She and the department seemed to reflect each other – hard-working, positive-minded, intellectually hungry, and always open to the social and community mission of academic life. I was never in her classroom, but it was easy to see, from the enthusiasm and loyalty of so many of her students, that she must have been an inspiring teacher. Comparative literature is a cosmopolitan discipline. But Esther was always first and foremost a Hong Kong person. Hong Kong was not only the basis of her identity in all its aspects, but also, I think, the constant object of her intellectual vision. These words seem appropriate: We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time.
Jamie Ku 顧婷芝 我們的木棉樹 妳常說，我是妳在港大的第一個學生。The City as Cultural Text 的 tutorials 內，只有我回答妳的問題。妳教了我 Steven Spielberg 在《Saving Private Ryan》內用了 comic relief。眼神交流。微笑。木棉樹下，就這樣，戀愛了。 在困惑寫甚麼給妳；總是詞窮，要怎樣把我對妳的愛跟感謝說得準。在睡夢 中，妳來探訪，說這般就行了。 妳對我總是這般的包容、這般的支持、這般的愛護。沒有妳，我連 MPhil 也 讀不完，更枉論 CV 上最亮麗的學術研究，都是妳給的機會。創作上的路， 都是妳出錢出力出時間的成果。私人生活裡，妳更是我的另一位母親，傾聽 我的投訴，跟我被 Spivak 一起罵。哈，在港大，最愛當妳的書僮。 這愛，從這個永遠，一直，走到下一個永遠。 張美君博士追思會
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Stuart Lau 劉偉成 美君老師： 記得替您編纂散文集《寫在窗框上的詭話》期間，一晚跟您通電，談起工作 和寫作的前景；驀然，一朵大大的木棉花重重打在我的頭上，就像您當時和 一直以來給我的棒喝。回家便寫了下面一篇詩送給您。 木棉花打著我的頭 ──致美君老師 下車便給大大的紅花打著頭 如斯沉著的棒喝，彷彿 包容著果實圓滿的結局 在回家的路上，我該怎樣 珍惜你肚中磋跎出來的密圈？ 真的累了，辭枝也選殞落的快意 拒絕飄零，難道沒有半片的留白 任眷戀來描畫身影？ 拾起這朵冑甲，簡約而粗獷 顛覆的花貌，是許多張思念的面孔 感謝你，以蘋果爽性的下凡 在面具鋪成的灰途上 添牽絆的腳步，為我抖落一地的累 一枚枚像換季的句逗 傷口也閃著啟明的星輝
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
今晚，我如常在衰老中走回 捻亮的家，卻因抵禦安穩而年輕 如果習慣的皺褶裡沒有陰影 怎可能黏連明媚的風光？ 生活要永遠含苞，夢才可開出不老的天 明早你的來處，可能已結出果實 一綹一綹，像天上的雲，享受單純 從我的左心房徜徉到右心房 讓闖蕩的腳步，充滿感恩，全仗那 似果一般的花，像花一樣的果 我告訴您這首詩會收入正籌備出版的詩集裡，您還應允替我的詩集作序。後 來，您因為抱病，沒有寫成，但囑我要把詩集出好。校對期間，我將詩大幅 修改成上面的版本，想在奉呈詩集時向您耍酷，怎料，您卻在詩集印好前兩 天走了。就讓我在這裡給您奉上最新的版本。怎樣？較原本的改進了許多 吧？ 詩的結尾感謝那「像花一樣的果，像果一樣的花」 ，就像您的人生，在最燦 爛的年月裡，也沒有揮霍青春，虛擲光陰，而是像果實一樣努力充實自己， 致使您在收成果實之時，卻能表現得像雲綹一樣輕盈，舉重若輕。 我會銘記您以這樣的人生給我的棒喝。您還欠我一個序，希望來生再遇，您 有機會再為我的人生作序。 學生 偉成
敬致
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Dr. Fiona Law 羅玉華博士 那一年，1999，人們常說是世界末日之年，年少的我有幸拜讀您的課。自 此，香港，文化，城市，文學，電影，身份，詩意，都在您熱情親和的聲調 中化成生活中無處不在的魅影。 「詭異」在您的教導下，恐怖不再，卻成了 窺探我城最敏銳的自省書寫。 戀舊的您，也許都未必記得，有一天，您給班上八十多人內有如隱形的我打 了一個電話：「喂？你是 XXX 嗎？我是 Dr.Cheung 呀！」原來你看過我那篇有 關杜琪峰電影中的（反）英雄形象的 final paper 後覺得有可疑，便來電試探 一下。和靄的您問我用了多久寫文，戰戰兢兢的我說大概幾天吧。這問答如 何結束，忘記了，也不重要，因自那天起，我們的緣份便開始。沒有那一段 簡短的對話，還有您以後的種種鼓勵，自己從來不曾想過竟然會念硏究院， 還有今天以及將來的一切一切。雖然您總是反對，但您確實代表了我生命中 的某種 motherhood。 後來，我也成了教師，才發現一篇近四十頁而內容跟課堂沒有很大關係的硏 究論文是有多古怪。這篇在善心的您的手中拿了 A 的論文，還在。留著它， 本想在很多很多年之後給您來一個 flash quiz。如今，末日還沒有如期來臨， 而您卻提早告別，我是會常常在夢中跟您煲電話粥問個究竟的。 您曾說過，我倆總是有一種 emotional proximity，就讓我們用這既遠且近的 狀態永遠聯繫著吧。
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Hun Law 羅小風 ──那天我從你的詩歌聽到樹的歌聲。 我第一本詩集在 2013 年出版時，你來了我的詩集發佈會，還跟我父母說你 替我感到驕傲。你說你只是剛好在附近經過，想起我，便來了。其實我知道 的。我知道你在忙碌中故意抽時間，目的為了鼓勵我這個不懂詩的學生。其 實，最懂得詩的人是你。詩意人間，你總是跟我說。在詩意的人生中，你總 是很忙碌。但我知道，無論多忙，你都會抽空寫作。有時你會在堂上讀你寫 的詩。當然，作為學生的我們，並不理解你的用意。人大了，反而倍加珍惜 老師的心意。記得在 2010 年第一次跟你通電郵，當時想轉到比較文學系； 你甚麼都沒有問，便立即答應支持我。那時我就知道，比較文學系是一個充 滿人情味的學系。你常跟我說你希望不斷看到我的作品，希望每次都能出席 我的新詩發佈會。你說那天你從我的詩歌聽到樹的歌聲。後來，你邀請我參 與各項有關於詩的活動，因而讓我發掘了拍片的興趣。一次我拍攝的短片入 圍在某電影節放映，你笑說你從此要改叫我做小風導演。我知道這是你對一 個少不更事的學生最親切的鼓勵。我心裡一直想好好答謝你給予我創作的自 由和機會。 美君老師，那天晚上知道你離逝的消息，回家的時候我在公園走了一趟；那 夜，我聽到的不只是樹的歌聲，還有你讀詩的聲音──我相信我們在詩的國 度，定能再次相遇。
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Prof. Leo Ou-fan Lee 李歐梵教授 I am deeply saddened by the sudden news of Esther Cheung’s passing. I remember her as a warm, sincere, and enthusiastic friend and colleague, who at HKU carried forth the vision and practice of the Center for the Study of Globalization and Cultures – one of the earliest such centres that my friend Benjamin Lee founded at HKU some 15 years ago where I was also guest professor under its sponsorship (2001). Now that she has left us at such a young age, I cannot help feeling that she has worked too hard, and I blame the “system” – the academic “machine” that grinds all of us in the name of “excellence”, an impersonal force which imposes a heavy burden especially on our younger faculties who are already overworked and overextended themselves. Esther Cheung is unlike any other younger colleague I have known, because she willingly dedicated her time and energy and her good heart to the cause of humanities – to the wellbeing of all of us at considerable cost to her personal life. I am sure her colleagues and students at HKU share my sentiment of loss and sadness. After all the toil and sweat, may she rest in peace.
Clayton Lo 盧勁馳 聽到消息那天我正在海外養病，接連幾天，不時在一所近郊的寧謐平房裡忽 地乍醒，夜間的鳥鳴總見得粗礦而淒礪，房子大門那邊的木樓梯不時轟轟作 響，門砰一聲關上，過不了幾分鐘，在那個復返肅穆的市郊夜深裡，門聲又 俏俏響起，幾下腳步聲又雜沓而至，我彷彿一下子遇上經年未見的清醒時 光，有些事情彷彿並不存在，卻比昨日發生過的更為歷歷在目。那時候大約 在 2005-06 年間的某一個學期，我一連選了幾個比較文學系的課，我對那一 大堆的理論名詞有了一種前所未見的切身體會，在那時盲人點字器的微妙觸 感裡，在那些不可復再的校園景觀中，我深深的意識到，無論我將怎樣的生 活下去，我的人生就是因為那樣的一種意識而截然不同了。這番話我一直沒 有機會跟你說，但既已臨近，不說，亦永存。 46
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Prof. Kam Louie 雷金慶教授 “Look, Kam, we need to rebuild the department. The students are enthusiastic about our offerings and I am committed to the discipline and the people in it”, Esther repeatedly put this request and declaration to me in the first couple of years after I arrived at HKU as Dean of Arts in 2005. In truth, the Department of Comparative Literature was a well-known and strong unit but had somehow disintegrated to just one full-time professoriate staff member – Esther Cheung herself – who was non-tenured and relatively junior. Despite difficulties that seemed insurmountable, Esther worked assiduously to ensure that more staff were recruited and nurtured and students’ interests were catered for and supported. Today, the results of her effort are everywhere evident. Comp. Lit. is now one of the most successful departments in the Faculty. It has a large student population that unanimously regard their time in the department as enjoyable and inspirational. And it has grown from being almost non-existent to 8 full-time professoriate staff, all of whom are first-rate researchers and teachers. To me, Esther captures the meaning of “the power of one”. In the academic world where hierarchies still exist and disciplinary boundaries still jealously maintained by many, Esther’s achievements in reviving and strengthening the Comp. Lit. Department are a wonder to behold. This is especially so since her approach was always softly-softly. I had the fortune to witness that soft power. In our numerous discussions, she was never aggressive or unreasonable; patiently putting her case forward, and with equal patience, listen to mine. And we always found a way forward. Alas, Esther has gone. Too soon, too soon. The outpourings of grief and loss by her colleagues and students are a testament to her enduring standing. All, however, vow to carry her work forward. For that, she would be happy. 張美君博士追思會
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Dr. Aaron Han Joon Magnan-Park 朴漢峻博士 Strangers Don’t Remain Strangers As the most recent hire to the Department of Comparative Literature, I had the least amount of time to get to know Esther. However, I found her to be a kindred spirit even before I met her. While preparing for my phone interview, I perused her scholarship and was struck by a concept that enchanted me for it spoke volumes on how she viewed the world and how she transforms it into a more beautiful incarnation. She called Hong Kong a “community of strangers.” This moved me since my diasporic life has positioned me as a stranger to each locale that I called home. Throughout my journeys, that feeling of home and inclusiveness eluded me until I immigrated to Hong Kong and began my duties at HKU. Here, there is a spirit of creative collaboration, mutual respect, and energetic drive that makes my department the kind of dynamic home that I have long been searching for. So while we may all begin as strangers, we quickly stop being strangers. Esther invited me to share in this magical side of HK and I am forever grateful for her brilliant insight.
Phyllis Mak 麥家珮 時間讓我們相遇， 建立互信，彼此關懷， 珍惜內心溝通的一份情！ 但願你在天上享受著愛的果實！ 永遠懷念你！ Phyllis 48
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Prof. Gina Marchetti 馬蘭清教授 In memoriam Thoughts on the passing of Dr. Esther Cheung I have known Esther since I first came to work here at the University of Hong Kong in 2003. Time passes too quickly, and it seems as if I just met her, since the impression of the vivacious woman in the main office of our venerable Main Building remains so vivid in my mind. That afternoon, she grabbed me to announce that she included an article I had written in an anthology devoted to Hong Kong cinema she had compiled with Stephen Chu. Her ebullient enthusiasm for Hong Kong as a place and the motion picture as a medium impressed me and immediately formed a common bridge of understanding between us. Esther dedicated herself to film, literature, the city of Hong Kong, her students, her colleagues, and her family, and no one could have asked for a better colleague and intellectual companion. A gifted scholar, writer, and educator, Esther ably led Comparative Literature as its chair for many years, and we shared wonderful moments as well as disappointments, setbacks, and, sadly, losses. Sometimes, the zeniths and nadirs overlapped, and I cannot help but think of Esther’s passing coming all too quickly after the loss of her friend and mentor P.K. Leung (Yesi), one of the founding members of the Comparative Literature Department. Before his death in 2013, Esther orchestrated a book launch for the publication of a volume she edited, City at the End of Time: Poems of Leung Ping-kwan. I warmly remember the joy on his face as former colleagues, students, and friends recited his poetry, shared their thoughts, and celebrated his creativity through music, dance, images, and the spoken word. I felt so much pride in the department and my chair Esther Cheung during that event, since Esther took it upon herself to pay tribute to a dear colleague through her own talents as an editor and educator. This is only one brief 張美君博士追思會
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occasion that testifies to her generosity of spirit, sensitivity to the written word, and creative leadership. Her book and this event, in my mind, memorialize two great University of Hong Kong poets, whose spirit we sorely miss. Esther was a gifted raconteur, and I had the enormous pleasure to hear Esther speak on many occasions over the years. I am still moved when I remember her beautiful, warm, and encouraging remarks to our students in the undergraduate as well as post-graduate classroom and at functions for alumni from our Master of Arts in Literary and Cultural Studies or at seminars organized by the Centre for the Study of Globalization and Cultures. However, she seemed to shine most brightly when addressing the annual meetings of the Society for Comparative Literature. Her intellect absorbed by stunning visions of Hong Kong culture and cosmopolitan society, she shared, on these occasions, her “lucid dreams� of the spirits haunting the halls of the university, encouraging our students to study hard, think outside borders, and dream beyond the confines of their own imaginations. I think of her spirit now still with us, watching over the students she adored, the intellectual community she nurtured, and the city she that animated her soul. Esther, please rest in peace. You touched us all here at HKU, and we will keep your dreams in our hearts.
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Prof. Meaghan Morris 墨美姬教授 Always remembering Esther Cheung In the week during which I learned that our dear Esther Cheung had passed away, I showed Fruit Chan’s The Midnight After to some Australian friends and I found myself wondering for the second time what Esther would have said about this film. The first time I wondered was in December 2014 at the wonderful HKU conference on “Hong Kong as Method” that Esther had invited me to but could not attend as her illness progressed. I missed her there so much. The Midnight After came up a few times in our discussions and clearly had a mixed reception from local scholars. I loved that film, and because I owe so much of my capacity to respond to Fruit Chan’s cinema to Esther’s writings and talks about Hong Kong culture as well as about the cinema, I longed for her opinion whatever it may have been. Feeling this again in Australia more than two months later, I knew that this longing will not go away because Esther Cheung is deeply part of my own relationship to Hong Kong. I don’t remember when I first met her because she always seemed to be there. In the early years of creating the Department of Cultural Studies at Lingnan University from 1999, she gave us unfailing support and encouragement in what were sometimes difficult times for our small institution. She could always be counted on to come to Tuen Mun to participate in our conferences, despite her own heavy load, and her enthusiasm and practical help was always there for our students. Esther saw cultural education across Hong Kong holistically, never competitively. In her everyday practice as well as her scholarly ventures (such as co-editing Between Home and World: A Reader in Hong Kong Cinema, to this day one of my favourite books) she worked tirelessly to nurture local scholarship and criticism in interaction with the best of international thought about the arts and urban imaginaries.
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During 2002-2005, for example, she did much of the key organizing work for the Hong Kong Institute for Cultural Criticism (HICC), an informal postgraduate programme quixotically thrown together by leading scholars from across most of our universities at a time when formal courses were sadly lacking. In its season HICC made things happen, for staff and students alike, but Esther’s labours ensured that HICC happened. Later at HKU she ran a wonderful series of talks featuring local filmmakers in interaction with students. Attending those by Ann Hui and Stanley Kwan, I remember marvelling at the extraordinary privilege Esther had given us with this opportunity to learn on home ground from some of our city’s world-acclaimed artists in the cinema. I remember, too, her passion for the poetry of my late colleague, P.K. Leung, and again her capacity to share this passion with me in ways that endure and return as a longing to hear more. Esther Cheung was too soon taken from us, but in her short life she achieved so much that the city she loved will never forget.
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Jessie Ng 吳芷欣 在課堂以外，我透過一次又一次的學術活動進一步認識美君老師。她總是予 人十分熱情又十分匆忙的形象。我直到畢業以後，才漸漸明白她在教學之中 還動用了那麼多精神去邀請學生參與和幫忙舉辦活動，是出自一腔真摯的熱 誠。驀然回首，在我三年的讀書路途上，她一直在這在那偷偷扶助過我，並 給予我很多機會，當活動籌委、主持等等。她是我們的老師，合作時更是擔 當指導的長輩；但她又多麼親切，和我們一起說笑和訴苦時，像個朋友。我 依稀記得，她的確曾在來去匆匆之間，霎時溫婉地搭過我們幾個學生的膊 頭，表示鼓勵和讚美。那份溫暖，是實實在在的培育和傳承，也是她今天留 下給我們的支持。 收到美君老師突然離逝的噩耗，跟她學習的經歷陸續湧現，至今早我終於要 起床，看見窗外陽光普照，雖懷著沉重的心情，卻想到此刻如果美君老師 在，必定會說，唉別要花時間再在這兒唉聲嘆氣，趕快出去曬曬太陽更好。 嗯，工作之餘還得趕快出外感受陽光。今天我除了對美君老師心存百般感 激，還明白她早已把精神和能量傳給了我們。願老師不再憂慮，不再痛楚。 安息。
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Luna Ngai 魏家欣 “When do I fare you well? How can I let you go?” Dearest Esther, 剛開始生病時，你說只有寫信可以讓你保持理智。我說： 「為它寫一篇小 說、寫段散文、寫首詩。寫作就是救贖，連痛苦也被利用成創作的來源，這 就是創作人的卑鄙。」 現在輪到我了。在失去你之後，我甚麼也想不出來。可一旦開始下筆，你就 活回來了。創作人的卑鄙。 時年 2003。那時讀大學二年級的我，一頭栽進你教的 The City as Cultural Text。以想像力反思我城的一磚一瓦，成為比較文學系的課堂經典。在你病 前我們還說好：「天知道還有沒有機會再教，下次再開這班，一定要把它錄 音，轉化成書。」結果就是沒機會再教，課堂只留在我們這些有幸聽課者的 回憶之中，微溫猶存。 這課堂的城市命題後來發展成實驗文集《沙巴翁的城市漫遊》，你開始了中 文書寫。再在明報世紀版以詩化文字寫城市觀察，結集成《寫在窗框的詭 話》 。 然後到了 2014。在紛擾的街頭思念病榻上的你，如果你在的話，會以怎樣的 感性語言描述眼前的一切？ 可是沒有。沒有再一次 The City as Cultural Text、沒有下一本《寫在窗框的詭 話》 、沒有另一個 Esther Cheung。
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
即使如此，我仍想聽你再給我們講課。就講分離與死亡吧，parted, apart and departure，我好想聽。 接到消息前的一小時，我給你寫了「Esther as a teacher - reasons why you’re amazing」 ： 「你教了我甚麼是詩 不是寫出一首首成型的詩篇 而是看世界的角度 感受萬物的溫度 你的講課令人如痴如醉的深度 我不會忘記你 正如你教過我： 別忘記我們有多愛這世界」 現在才知， 「Esther」這字是 Star 的意思。你說過幸有月為伴，現在我也幸有 星相陪。以後抬頭看見夜空，你總是既遠且近，永遠就在不遠處。 As always, 魏家欣（Luna Ngai）
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Prof. Timothy O’Leary Dr. Esther Cheung was a much-loved and widely respected colleague and teacher in the School of Humanities. Alongside her stunned colleagues, many of her former students have been expressing their shock and sadness at her passing. One former student, who majored in Comparative Literature a number of years ago and is now a postgraduate student in Europe, told me that she had cried for a long time when she heard of Esther’s death. She said that when she was an undergraduate student she would sneak into Esther’s classes and sit in anticipation on the edge of her seat, waiting to listen to Esther’s “lively anecdotes and beautifully constructed analyses”. And, more importantly, Esther encouraged and inspired this student, as she had done so many others, to pursue her intellectual and creative interest in the critical humanities. When Esther was awarded the HKU Outstanding Teaching Award 2011, she said she believed that, “One is not born a good teacher, but becomes one.” I feel certain that Esther was born with the qualities that made her such a successful teacher, but there is no doubt that she also honed those skills over many years in our School. And she did so along with the many students and colleagues who now mourn her passing. This makes her loss all the more poignant for us. The School of Humanities deeply regrets Esther’s so-untimely death.
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Dr. Iris Pan 潘律博士 與您如此倉促的告別，至今還是讓我錯愕不已。這些年來，香港這個城市漸 漸進入我的血液和靈魂，而作為引路人的您卻離開了。在這個讓我們都為之 興奮迷戀的語言和影像的世界裡，我會帶著對您的記憶，繼續探索、渴求下 去。記得您對我說過，成為學者的這條路不易，而身體健康最要緊。怎料這 竟然成為我們分離的咒語。無論如何，感謝您。您贈予我的燭臺中搖曳著的 那點光不會熄滅，它照亮著那句德國諺語，柔和卻又堅定地讓我 dream on。
Joseph Poon 潘漢光 I knew Esther during the first few weeks of her HKU career. Even at that time I had the sense that I was not making a new acquaintance, but renewing a friendship that had somehow always existed. She belongs to a rare species of university teachers in whom teaching, scholarship, and creative practice meet and thrive, a fine tradition that goes back to the early days of the Comparative Literature Department. Her taste and judgement, her genuine love of literature, and her joy of being in the presence of like-minded authors are what I remember most. We sat on a number of committees and we often found the time to exchange a handful of notes on the interests that we shared, among them it was the passion for undergraduate teaching that I have the fondest memories. On many occasions I was able to appreciate at first-hand the enormous respect and affection that her students had for her, and realise how inspirational a teacher she really was. Her commitment to academic excellence involved a large measure in having a meaningful role as a teacher and colleague. What energy and radiance! And a life so tragically cut short, all too short! By all whose privilege it was to be associated with her she will be sorely missed.
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Desmond Sham 岑學敏 驚聞噩耗之時，我正準備開始下午的工作。震驚、哀痛。 上一次見到張老師，是一年多之前的秋冬，她到英國開會時，趁星期日的空 檔，排滿了和系上舊生碰面的日程。那個下午，我和老師去 Somerset House 喝咖啡；在歐洲的新古典建築裡，觸及得最多的還是香港。聊了差不多兩個 小時，那是我畢業以後和老師聊得最久的一次；至今我仍記得那天她談及香 港時，那喜悅的神情、那著緊的語調，還有那憂心忡忡的時候。豈料那個下 午竟是我最後一次見到老師、最後一次和老師談話？最後一次見老師時，她 送我那年夏天出版的散文集，她題了一句話： 「For our shared love for Hong Kong!」是的，自大學以來，老師影響我其深以至根植於心的，就是這份對 香港的愛。 張美君老師，願您安息，您的精神定會長存。
Shum Longtin 岑朗天 草搖花影移 河畔人淒切 霧迷處，流盡凝香噎 逢緣印月空碧訣 情留綺羅傷離別 鳳悲鳴，長恨餘緲緲 朗天
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Siu Heng 蕭 恒 兩年前，我與死神擦身而過。你曾經以為，會永遠地失去了我。當我再次出 現在你面前，就有了《寫在窗框的詭話》裡〈失而復得〉一章，紀念我倆在 這段經歷裡的情誼。 我們兩師徒的情誼，堪記的又何止一段。你請我加入《沙巴翁的城市漫遊》 一書的寫作，從此你成了我的「首領」 ，我成了你的「八爪魚」 。你讓我在許 多事上，跟你並肩作戰。這兩個稱呼背後，是對彼此的了解和信任，自此成 為絕響。 這種信任，由你給我機會為《香港文學@文化研究》翻譯開始。然後，我記 得，我們在又一城苦苦思量《長恨歌》的籌款首映，最後你在那個危急存亡 之秋，以無比魄力，找到資源成就了導演駐校計劃，和延續了整個學系。我 記得，你任由我周旋在官僚體制之間，從來沒有質疑我如何處理那個給資優 中學生的電影課程。我記得比較文學系廿週年和告別本部大樓，你著緊要我 把校友們都召回來，今日學系在文化界的聲名，其實都是你打回來的江山。 謝謝你，這一切，你讓我一直站在你身旁，做你的「八爪魚」。 然後，我們回到了翻譯的起點。一年多前，你請我把你的一些英語著作翻成 中文。我一直以為，我們來日方長，諸事紛雜之中，翻譯工作只開了個頭。 未能讓你在有生之年看到譯作問世，成了我一生的遺憾。課業以外，你第一 件要我做的事，是翻譯；最後一件要我做的事，也是翻譯。兩年前我能夠逃 離死神魔掌，為的，或許就是要完成你給我的任務。 你在〈失而復得〉裡說： 「世間所有的久別重逢，都是失而復得。」如今， 是我在這個世界永遠地失去了你。我的那一章〈失而復得〉 ，我會留待，在 另一個國度，與你久別重逢時，再次書寫。
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Jean Sze 史筱倩 親愛的 Esther： 人生，是一首詩。 我們用詩歌來拯救蒼白的靈魂，我用書寫來渡我離開傷痛的彼岸。 以下的，送給你，我親愛的。 〈羽化〉 是你嗎？ 我竟覺得天上的星星都是你 明亮 閃爍 璀璨 是你，都是你 一顆懸在星空 懸著所有星塵 懸著所有時空 我們漫步星河 唱著時代的浪漫 我們穿梭時間 看著歲月的昇沉 然後 你拾起翅膀 折斷的痕跡慢慢消逝 架在背上，重整高低 裝上黑夜給你的黑眼睛 尋找藍色的城市
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
飛翔空中的天使 你的名字叫星 你的名字叫美善人兒 回家路上，萬家燈火，夜空深邃處，看到一顆星。我停下來，主觀地認為星 就是你；你用最溫柔的眼神俯視我城，保佑她不入誘惑，拯救她脫離兇惡。 你在那裡，我知道會很好，我知道的。 我們曾經在《沙巴翁的城市漫遊》裡共同延伸了顧城的詩句，成為〈城市的 黑眼睛〉 ：黑夜給了我黑色的眼睛／我卻用它來尋找藍色的城市／在漸漸隱 去的城市中／在無邊無際的霓虹星空下／我看見無數黑色的眼睛向我回 望…… 如今，你帶著翅膀羽化登仙，眨著黑色的眼睛鳥瞰凡間，我必會是回望你的 其中一雙眼睛。 從今以後，想你了，我知道去哪找你；只要抬頭，無論白晝黑夜，曾經折翼 的天使會坐在雲端，笑看人間悲喜劇。 愛你念你的 Jean Jean 2015 年 2 月 10 日（失去你的第一天）
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Dr. Mirana Szeto 司徒薇博士 「春天就是這樣的時節，讓人無法迴避死亡」──張美君 美君如是寫，預早引領我們造訪死亡的領域。 她是令港大比較文學系起死回生的恩人。畢業回港前，我們素未謀面，只聽 了她一席肺腑之言，就知道要陪她完成重建比較文學系的責任。從此我們相 依。 美君與她筆下的香港憂戚與共。她曾寫下對父母的思念，那是個「勞工階 層」的獅子山下建成九龍塘豪宅的故事。童年「貧困」的記憶沒有給象牙塔 裡的修養蒙蔽，優雅的美君骨子裡是個「義氣仔女」 。想不到，在豪情壯志 的雨傘香港歸於平淡的同時，我們也失去了翻著武俠小說與班雅明的、穿鑲 著蕾絲連衣裙的美君女俠。做學問之於她是學問問題的功夫，學者是深耕學 習的行者，教學是開宗明義建立屬於本土的教法與次第的恆持。她那個最佳 教學獎是實至名歸的。 在撐起雨傘的日子裡，我想著香港也想著她。連儂牆上無數人的肺腑之言， 同樣被權鬥與掠奪的狂風捲進蓋頂的烏雲。幸好烏雲遇上立春的季節，春風 化雨，洗滌無數蒙污的心靈。美君也曾帶領我們一點一滴，灌溉香港文化的 福田。哪知養育文學電影的春園，也是埋葬青春的墓塚。生死無法迴避，萬 物卻生生不息，不生不滅，不增不減。我們能做的，只是不負未來的正因。 這是我們的共業，我們無法迴避，只能共同承擔，無論生死。
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Prof. Jeremy Tambling The death of Esther Cheung is sad, and shocking. I was a colleague of hers for about seven years, until I left Hong Kong in 2006 – and though I stayed in touch with her via email, and came back to HKU occasionally, all my memories of her are from before 2006. She was a wonderful colleague, intelligent, warm-hearted, friendly, and properly ambitious, in a way that never spoiled her personality, and she had personality enough for ten people! I shall always remember her dash, her flowing black hair, and her flowing black hand-writing, and her energy, and her seeking out new initiatives. She retained a sense of what Comp. Lit. required – teaching and researching in literature, and in cultural studies, and in film and visual studies, and with a special address to Hong Kong, and to what kind of culture Hong Kong is, and could be. I remember her saying, more than once how personal to her Fruit Chan’s film Made in Hong Kong was; the context of that film marked her out as a Hong Kong intellectual, who never lost a sense of how hard she had had to work to reach the position she did. In the years before 2006 (Comparative Literature was an independent department inside the Faculty of Arts, and was suffering hugely from budget-cuts that went to the bone), she fought like a tiger for the subject, becoming Head of Department in order to do so. The pressure took its toll, I know. She worked magnificently; it was a privilege to be her colleague. She could then be very fierce with the senior management in getting what the department needed to survive; it was wonderful to watch! She will be greatly missed, by her family, who I met; by her colleagues and her students. Esther: the name means “star”; you were, you are and remain, a star.
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Gavin Tse 謝穎軒 所有的記憶都是凌亂和破碎的。要勉強把它組成一段有脈絡的文字，只得依 賴最傳統的模式──以確實的日期追溯那發生過的一切。一大堆數字對一般 人來說或稍嫌冰冷，但您我皆為王導的粉絲，早已深明數字和記憶之間緊密 的連繫。 2008 年 9 月 2 日 在香港大學的第一堂就是您的 1008 Ways of Reading（在 明華 T2） 。還記得堂上教的理論（如 Roland Barthes 的 Death of the Author） 多麼讓我驚嘆不已──原來文化係可以咁研究、電影係可以咁讀嘅。當然， 忘不了的，還有您那招牌式的「you know」 。 2011 年 4 月 20 日
人生最後一堂 Undergrad 課是您的 2018 Critiques of
Modernity，可算是人生中很工整的首尾呼應。 2011 年 9 月 6 日 進了研究院當成為您的 MPhil 學生，以一個全新的角度看 熟悉的 1008。猶記得當年在 1008 堂上播影片的時候，在您的一聲令下，一 群 tutor 立刻撲出四散為您準備一切；如今自己成了「撲出者」的一份子。 2012 年 12 月 5 日
拿了學士的畢業袍回校拍照，但那天恰巧您正忙於拍攝
Teaching Excellence Award 的影片，等了一天最後還是未能一起拍畢業照。那 時我想，其實可以等到我碩士畢業個時先影。沒想到此懶惰的念頭卻成了我 一生的憾事。 2014 年 12 月 3 日
終於拿了碩士的畢業袍，但此時您已遠離校園養病……
走筆至此，發現還有更多瑣碎微不足道無法歸納在這個人的 grand narrative 內但從此刻回看更為珍貴的回憶：您那用了至少七年的獅球嘜暖水壺您遺失 在黃生的士內的紅白色 Hello Kitty 電話袋您每次到巴依都必定「照鏡」的涼 伴豆腐您那響遍 centen 9 樓的洪亮聲線和急促的腳步聲您偶爾很後現代的打 扮您的 reply to all 您的 as always…… 念您如昔。 As always, Gavin 64
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Dr. Sebastian Veg Esther’s sudden illness last spring and untimely passing came as a terrible shock to me, who had always known only her joyful enthusiasm and exuberant activities. My memories of Hong Kong and HKU are tightly bound up with her and it is hard to believe that the viva we both attended last March was to be our last meeting. I first met Esther over a lunch with Ann Hui in 2008 and before long she had recruited me to teach a class in the MA, which I have continued up to now. A little later, my first assignment in the CEFC ended and she enthusiastically encouraged me to apply for a position in the department, where she proved to be an always attentive mentor. Unlike many scholars in Hong Kong, Esther was always willing to engage with issues of public interest and with society at large. Over the years, we organized many memorable events and discussions with writers and directors – the one with Jia Zhangke at the 2009 HKIFF particularly sticks in my mind, as Esther’s paper was included in the special feature of China Perspectives on independent Chinese film. In the Fall of 2013, Esther joined a conference on “Literature and Public Space” organized by my colleague Philippe Roussin at the Maison française d’Oxford. One year before the Umbrella Movement, the audience was particularly taken with her presentation of Hong Kong poetry as a form of public intervention. I also vividly remember a long chat during the bus ride back from Oxford to London, when Esther confessed an “uncanny” (a word she particularly enjoyed) colonial familiarity with the UK although she had never lived there, as well as an early infatuation with narratology! Her memory as a friend and colleague remains with me as an indelible part of my years in Hong Kong.
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Dr. Daniel F. Vukovich 胡德博士 Esther was one of the people who hired me back in 2006 — for which I’ll always be grateful as well as connected to her. We often saw things differently, but were also connected (harmonized) I think through a similar grassroots, “family background” experience of growing up working class, or in other words without enough security but with plenty of bottom-up viewpoints. She was a dedicated teacher who loved her students and was very loyal to them, as they were and are to her. And equally ardent in her love for the city of Hong Kong, its “culture,” its language, its people. That didn’t make her a nativist (she was never quite that), but it did make her a bone-deep Hong Konger of a very particular and important, even “post” colonial generation who was always firmly rooted here and nowhere else. I learned a lot from working with her, indirectly yet deeply. She chaired our department for a very long and eventful time, and helped it emerge as one of the best cultural studies centers in the region, teaching-wise and otherwise. In fact at one point in 2005-6 this department had only one person left, Esther herself. She somehow helped keep it together, fiercely guarding it as a site of Hong Kong studies, and for Hong Kong people. She left us too soon, and I’m sad we did not speak before that. My heart goes out to her husband and daughter and loved ones. I always felt that Esther was uneasy with being a full-time academic, and loved far more to connect with and write about her city (in Mingpao and elsewhere), and to live in it in a meaningful way. There’s a lesson in there too, be you foreign or native.
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Kathleen Waller Esther was my PhD supervisor, but over our four-year relationship she becomes a mentor and a friend, as she was to many of her students. Esther was a woman I greatly admired and who inspired me every time I spoke with her. Even in short meetings, the intensity of dialogue and passion for ideas reached for months beyond that time together, as if time at that instant had multiplied itself. And at the same time, she was so approachable and comfortable, so genuine and kind. She often showed her humanity, her emotions, in lectures, which made her students even more inspired by her approach to Comparative Literature. Her personality also came through in her leather jacket and cool fringe or during moments of utter delight at a poem or a student comment or a photograph of Hong Kong. After meetings, lectures, or events with Esther, you felt that you could do anything. She taught us there are no boundaries to creativity and to our roles as teachers or students. Not only would dialogues with Esther produce writing in many forms but they would also transpire into exciting and unusual products. Former and current students or friends of hers would often be given space during her lecture to share projects about the city or poetry or film. I went home one evening to realize I had just performed a dance version of P.K. Leung’s “Cloud Travel” in front of our department. It was not a surrealist dream but an idea that Esther had, one involving several students. It was also not what I had signed up for, so to speak, but that was the joy of working with Esther. No moment with her was predictable and every moment was a pure reflection of the art of living.
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Helena Wu 胡婉慧 那年夏天， 在大學一門理科學系的面試中，年少無知的我竟然坦白地跟教 授說對理科不感興趣。意料之外，這位教授卻跟我談起我最喜愛的小說和電 影來，在臨行時更如先知般說我可能會在港大的比較文學系找到我的方向。 （這也要等到三年後，我們偶然談起這段小插曲，才驚覺原來他就是你時常 掛在口邊的「mathematician friend」──彷彿一切早已埋下伏線。） 三個月後，我在大學上了的第一堂比較文學的課，也就是你講的課了。你洪 量的聲音，生動跳脫的表情，對電影、文學和香港文化的熱誠令一個上課只 愛坐最後排的學生（若干年後方才知道原來你是不喜歡的）從此捨不得離開 校園，並重新看見及愛上我城。 在多年後的今天，腦海裡依然不時清晰地浮現著你跟我們在課室內外的點 滴：從你最喜愛的巴依到 senior common room（你總是叫我吃多點飯） ，從 MB205 到明華（你特別愛走那條文學院的小徑），從你說的法文德文潮州話 到你愛穿的花裙子及上課時你所帶的手袋（還有放在袋中袋裡的 USB），當 然還有你最喜愛跟學生分享的「anecdote」 （通常是你在交通工具上或日常生 活中的奇遇）。令我懷念的還有，在班房裡關燈開燈轉台播 clips 的情境（然 後麥克風總會有點不妥） ；在你的辦公室大家一邊各自吃自家飯盒，一邊開 會的日子（然後談離了原先的主題） ；以及討論得興高采烈時大家拍案叫絕 的情形（然後卻忘了內容）。 你從前在上課時常說或許張愛玲、Walter Benjamin 在班房中與我們同在，我 只知道我現在每讀一篇文章，每寫一篇文也會想到你的種種。想跟你說的話 可止如此，但這一刻可說的卻只能如此：謝謝你，也謝謝 Prof. Au。 一切盡在不言（不見）中。 「不如相忘於江湖」。 As always, 胡婉慧 68
A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Yan Wailo 甄卉露 親愛的 Dr. Cheung，我會永遠記得和您在老舊的文學院辦公室一起研讀 Milan Kundera 和 Charles Taylor 的日子，還有您那股不可抵擋的教學熱情。有次您 上課談到高興處（可惜忘記了內容） ，把腰上裝飾的帶子除下來，在電光火 石間將它變成西部牛仔的韁繩在空中打轉。想起您的時候，會浮出這個愉快 又有點超現實的映像。感謝您啟蒙我走進比較文學的領域，陪伴我做學術上 的冒險，雖然最後沒有走上學術路，但我還在慢慢創造那個要找的故事。答 應過要告訴你的，會想辦法傳到你的世界去。
Dr. Esther Yau 丘靜美博士 失落的再次重複 2008 初，我剛到香港大學履新，美君教授喜滋滋的送了我一本書，書名很 特別，是她和港大比較文學系同學合作的城市文化研究。她聽說我母親得了 柏金遜症，書裡面特意夾了一條便條，謝謝我邀請和招待她在加州我曾任教 的學院逗留演講，並希望我喜歡書裡她特別為紀念她已故母親寫的一篇短 文。 美君教授一直努力耕耘，以敏銳的目光和清醒的心智對所愛的香港文化寫下 情書和理性十足的評語。在悼念美君的下午，我再次翻開這本藍調的，寫給 游牧的陌生人、叫《沙巴翁的城市漫遊》的書第 68 至 70 頁，在題為〈戀 舊與鬼魅〉的文字中回想她對自己原則和真情的堅持。文章最後出現（未完 待續）幾個字，卻沒有寫下續篇，也許就是指向語言之外的他想麼？就這 樣，憶起美君曾記下心靈裡的缺失，邀請我進入她心靈創傷治療的文字世 界。
張美君博士追思會
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幾年來，母親和我接受了不少幫助和恩惠，一步步學著堅持下來，並意外地 經歷了母女關係的重建。這一刻，在午後淡淡的陽光中，我再次聆聽這段文 字，靜靜地面對失落的再次重複，那是說不出 punch line 的、在我城文化和 眾人心靈內的雙重的甚至多重的失落： 人家火速瘦身，我的火速創傷治療竟然如此奏效。你對已離去的她說： 「那多好，媽，您的在天之靈一直庇祐我。沒有您的日子，我變得更堅 強。」 直到那一夜，午夜夢迴，看見她靜靜的坐在一角，緘默無語。你聽到語 言以外的弦外之音。躺在床上的你無意識地淚如雨下，夢中的你竟然向 朋友大發議論，正在述說一個精緻的笑話。她坐在一旁無言無語，目睹 你如何在興高采烈地談天說地的一刻忘了笑話中的 punch line。在這一 刻，你明白在火速創傷治療中，你也許有點點自欺。文化理論武功高強 的友人分析說：「從弗洛伊德理論的角度看，你的夢十分複雜。笑話是 一種壓抑，夢中的你忘了 punch line，是一種雙重壓抑，一種雙重的失 落。」似懂非懂，這夢給你唯一的啟示是：她的離去與你心靈深處的種 種缺失息息相關。 （未完待續） 張美君〈戀舊與鬼魅〉
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung
Dr. Winnie Yee 余麗文博士 在缺失中懷念您 一月底還在忙於籌備也斯的紀念活動，懷緬一位眾人的老師；想不到相隔了 沒有兩個星期，竟是在籌備悼念您的活動。世事是如此的難料。 在過去的兩個星期，沒有時間好好思索，或好好組織共您認識的十多年的零 碎片段。然後經過您的辦公室，好像還會聽到您的笑聲、見到您的背影。突 然，影像黑漆一片。一切灰飛煙滅。 對您的回憶似乎都是由缺失開始，我們好像沒有好好吃過一頓只談風花雪月 的飯，每次都是以閒談開始，卻以工作作結。而您總會以既擔心又不安的目 光，叮囑我要多花時間陪伴家人、不要忽略小朋友的成長。可惜我總是愛理 不理，然後又只惦記如何在學院中掙扎求存、如何與制度交手。我們好像也 沒有好好談過理想，因為在您的心中，教學永遠是佔第一位。我常說您是撒 種的人，造就了這麼多的人，在不同的崗位上，記著因您的講學而變得不一 樣的城市、回味您與文學電影之間的戀人絮語，並繼續審視意識形態的種種 矛盾。我們還有一篇未完成的論文和很多還待處理的合作計劃，那個曾等待 著我們開創的天空現在只浮現了我孤單的身影。 然而這也將成為我繼續向前的推動力。一如您對完美的執著，我會緊記如何 平衡工作與家庭的壓力、如何在困難中不畏懼，並繼續在邊緣與限制中找出 路。希望您在他方找到快樂與平安，而我們會茁壯成長，走不容易的路。 老師，一路好走。
Wayne Yeung 楊焯灃 如果可以我會以悅於詩的人來記住你。我跟你提起 W. H. Auden 的〈If I Could Tell You〉──如我可訴，開首一句是「時間無話可說」。你那麼歡喜還唸了 當中幾段，我的電話裡就存了一截你的聲音。後來我便不敢再拿來聽，彷彿 詩說的是時間之殘酷。世事不如我意，我便無語話別離。 張美君博士追思會
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Selected Bibliography of Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung 張美君博士主要著作 Cheung, Esther M.K., Gina Marchetti and Esther C.M. Yau. (Eds). A Companion to Hong Kong Cinema. Malden: Wiley-Blackwell, 2015 (forthcoming). 張美君：《寫在窗框的詭話》。香港：匯智出版有限公司，2013。 Cheung, Esther M.K. (Ed). City at the End of Time: Poems by Leung Ping-kwan. Hong Kong: Hong Kong University Press. 2012. Cheung, Esther M.K., Gina Marchetti and Tan See-kam. (Eds). Hong Kong Screenscapes: From the New Wave to the Digital Frontier. Hong Kong: Hong Kong University Press. 2011. 張美君（編）： 《尋找香港電影的獨立景觀》 。香港：三聯書店，2010。 Cheung, Esther M.K. Fruit Chan's Made in Hong Kong. Hong Kong: Hong Kong University Press. 2009. 張美君（編）： 《關錦鵬的光影記憶》 。香港：三聯書店，2007。 張美君（編）： 《沙巴翁的城市漫遊》 。香港：紅出版，2005。 Cheung, Esther M.K. and Chu Yiu-wai (Eds). Between Home and World: A Reader in Hong Kong Cinema. Hong Kong: Oxford University Press. 2004. 張美君、朱耀偉（編） ：《香港文學@文化研究》。香港：牛津大學出版社， 2002。
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A Memorial for Dr. Esther M.K. Cheung