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st. george’s school

// SUMMER 2019

General and has been leaked in its entirety. All e-mails have been obtained by lawful means. ■ Roman numeral one is that the Hon. Chrissy Jampoler-Houlahan won her race for Congress to represent Pennsylvania’s 6th congressional district. The district includes Chester County and the southern part of Berks County. She trounced her opponent winning 58.8 percent of the vote. She currently serves on the Armed Services, Foreign Affairs, and Small Business Committees. She recently co-sponsored sweeping healthcare legislation that promises to “lower healthcare insurance premiums with strengthened and expanded affordability assistance.” Her service in Congress is after having already dedicated three years to the US Air Force right after college. The special prosecutor is super inspired. ■ Sources known to the special prosecutor (an email from Allegra di Carpegna) informed him that Allegra recently moved back to Santa Fe, New Mexico, from London, where she had been living for 20 years. She recently earned her master’s degree in art therapy. She began a new company in Santa Fe entitled Art to You. It provides in-home and business art-therapy sessions. She says that her two beautiful boys are 20 and 14 and that life is good! ■ The special prosecutor’s investigation led him to Linda (Dunn) Garnett, whose daughter Isabelle ’22 (a.k.a. “Belle” to her friends) loves SG and spent her Spring Break in the Southern District of Florida. Linda regaled her daughter with tales of Spring Breaks past with amphibious landings via the intercostal waterway. Linda has also begun to train her golden retriever to be a therapy dog for the Mt. Sinai cancer ward. ■ Lyerly (Spongberg) Tuck witnessed her youngest two (of six) children head off to college. She has moved to the District of Connecticut, where she was kind enough to invite the special prosecutor to go boating last summer. He was in the Southern District of New York for a swim race where the special prosecutor’s sister, Lisa (Hanrahan) White ’84, and her son viewed the finish from a helicopter tour while the special prosecutor’s brother Michael Hanrahan ’88 crewed the support boat. ■ Based on information and belief, fellow class agent Fritz Michel recently gained the good favor of the special prosecutor by treating him to his

favorite West Hollywood sushi bar while Fritz was visiting the Central District of California. Fritz and the special prosecutor also met in the Southern District of New York last summer. Fritz gave the special prosecutor and his agent (his 9-year-old son) some insider information on fun New York activities such as a Virtual Reality video game arcade near the Empire State Building. The special prosecutor and his agent practiced hand-to-hand combat with the boxing game. Hilarious. A source close to the special prosecutor viewed the Instagram account of Fritz and inferred from circumstantial evidence that Fritz recently vacationed in the French Alps with his family. After spending many manhours reaching out to Fritz (reception on les pistes is notoriously spotty), the special prosecutor finally made contact with Fritz, who informed the special prosecutor that he had been working on a more important case involving the theft of his car from his driveway. When the car was recovered, it was loaded with stolen furs. The special prosecutor is intrigued by Fritz’s case. ■ Mike van Beuren, a known international sailor, provided more information on Fritz’s activities. Fritz saw the English Beat and Squeeze in New York City last year whereas Mike mourned the recent passing of the Beat’s incomparable Ranking Roger. On a happier note, a beautiful blonde woman recently approached Mike at a Newport coffee shop and hugged him. Temporarily perplexed, Mike soon realized that the hugger was Alix (Horne) Coolidge who was in Newport for her daughter Sophie’s graduation from SG. Alix told the special prosecutor previously that Sophie ‘18 loved every minute of her time at SG and took full advantage of all it had to offer. Mike also attended a parent’s weekend at Salisbury when there was an announcement that a boy named Peter Schellbach had won a prize (best lacrosse shot? best guitarist?) Mike tracked the boy to the spitting image of his proud father Pete Schellbach Sr. ’86, with whom Mike had a great visit. Mike has been playing a great deal of league hockey where he frequently encounters Steve Connett ’86. Mike looked forward to the alumni hockey game, but alas, it was cancelled. Mike encourages any hockey players in driving distance to attend next year in early February. Hopefully Mike will revisit the

Central District of California soon. ■ Randy Cutler is preparing to weather the Brexit storm in London working for Fidelity. He is off to Brussels and has promised the special prosecutor an update on the latest negotiations. ■ Heidi Ottley-Sinnott is living in Sun Valley and is working as an event planner and fundraiser for nonprofits. Her husband, Ed Sinott, has retired after selling his landscaping and nursery business after 40 years. Heidi splits her time between Hobe Sound and Sun Valley. She is able to stay in touch with Ken Coppoletta, Mimi Lawson-Johnston Howe, Linda Dunn Garnett, and Chris Merton in Hobe Sound and Pete Cook and Dana Schmaltz in Sun Valley. Heidi is also now a proud grandparent. ■ Tony Burnett is currently outside the jurisdiction of the special prosecutor in Singapore where he and his family now live. He says that it “has been so much fun living [there].” Hopefully, he will connect with the special prosecutor’s brother Michael, who has been working on some film projects there recently. Tony jets to Hong Kong from time to time where he hopes to connect with John Eckerberg, who apparently lives there. Is this information true, John? The special prosecutor would like to know. ■ The special prosecutor spoke on an unsecured line to Pete Cook, who will be an empty nester as of next fall. Both of his boys will be off to college within an hour of each other in North Carolina. Pete recently returned from Sun Valley, where he saw Heidi Ottley-Sinnott and Dana Schmaltz. Pete and Dana are on the SG Board of Trustees now, so the special prosecutor will be extra careful with his choice of words describing their activities so as not to antagonize the powerful. ■ Cuyler Morris informed the special prosecutor that he has sold Morris Yachts to the Hinckley Company, so the special prosecutor assumes.


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Profile for St. George's School

Bulletin Summer 2019