DAN'S PAPERS, June 20, 2008 Page 122 www.danshamptons.com
Letters OUTER SPACE Dear Dan, Following the Phoenix lander’s touch down on Mars last Sunday night, riveting images have been broadcast, giving a high-definition view of our nation’s continuing mission of interplanetary exploration. However, all of this excitement has got me to thinking, especially as I recall the previous week’s startling news of the California Supreme Court’s overturning of that state’s ban on same-sex weddings. I understand people’s view of the sanctity of the Man-Woman union of marriage. I now fear the very real possibility of future Man-Martian unions. And what of our other neighboring planet? The promiscuity of Venusian women has been well documented in 1950s Sci-fi movies too numerous to mention. Or was that Venetian women? In any event, it is doubtful the logistics of safe sex practices are even possible on a planet where surface temperatures regularly exceed those of a stir-fry wok. In view of all of the above, I do not think New York State’s current ban on same-sex marriages goes far enough and urge our state leaders to also ban Earthling-Extraterrestrial unions of any kind regardless of the sexes involved, if indeed, they can even be determined. Bob Brenner Westhampton Via e-mail Believe. – DR TAKE THIS NUMBER DOWN Dear Dan, I’m writing in reference to David Rattiner’s “TWENTYSOMETHING” column in the May 30th’s edition in which he describes hitting a “bunny” in his car. He prayed that the bunny would survive. I’d like to suggest additional options. If you hit an animal or come across one that has been injured, please call the Wildlife Center of The Hamptons: 631-728-9453 (631 728-WILD). One of my colleagues or I will pick up the animal and take it to the Center. No questions asked. Even if you think the animal may be deceased, we will come. For example: many turtles, after being run over by a car, have been rehabbed. Their shells can be reconstructed (who knew?)! And female opossum (notorious for playing dead) may be carrying a litter in their pouch that can be rescued and rehabbed.
e-mail Dan at askdan@danspapers.com against the sense of entitlement that comes with being “sexy” and “wealthy” in the Hamptons. These people with their money and exaggerated sense of themselves are not deserving of the adulation that our society showers upon them, nor should they be treated any differently that the rest of us, and that goes for obeying liquor laws. Harry K. Via e-mail Doesn’t “entitled” get you anything? – DR BEACH TIRES Dear Dan, A wider tire is better for the beach, but the new tires coming out have very little sidewall and they are to hard. I have talked to some people and both tires work on the beach. My personal thoughts considering I started driving on the beach when we only had 2 two wheel drives is a wide tire with a soft sidewall. This let the tire stay on top of the sand, and not dig in. You may want to go to a good tire store and ask questions let them know you are looking for a not too aggressive tire to use on the beach. I hope this will help. Thanks. Chuck Hollins President LIBBA Via e-mail
The Wildlife Rescue Center of the Hamptons is an incredibly devoted organization. Rabbits, all types of birds, deer, squirrels, opossum, fox, hedgehogs, the rare otter, turtles, and even swans can be cared for in our facility. Please don’t hesitate to call. Really – we’ll come. And please enter our number in your cell- just in case. Missy Hargraves Via e-mail Done. – DR WEALTHY AND SEXY Dear Dan, Regarding the arrest of the owner of Vered Gallery, it does seem to me that there is some simmering conflict and ill-feeling between East Hampton commoners and the “wealthy, sexy crowd” (to quote Ms. Lehr) which patronizes up-scale Hampton businesses. While I do feel bad for the indignation suffered by Ms. Vered, I can certainly understand the resentment
SUSAN B. ANTHONY Dear Dan, This story happened a long time ago when women stood up together to ask for the right to vote. Way back in time when women couldn’t even vote, brave women rose up together to ask if they could vote. There was a movement called the Woman’s Suffrage Movement. In the 1800s to 1920s, a newspaper named The Revolution, run by Elizabeth C. Stanton and Susan B. Anthony, put this question to the population: Could women have the right to vote? Their motto was, “The true republic – men – their rights and nothing more. Women’s rights and nothing less.” Susan B. Anthony was arrested, tried and fined for voting in the election of 1872. Women of America, rise up! Haven’t we waited long enough? Dianne Balducci New Hyde Park, NY Via e-mail Waited for what? – DR
Police Blotter Drug Charges Two men were arrested at a Hampton Bays nightclub after they were spotted smoking marijuana outside the club by police officers. The men attempted to make a run for it, but were so out of it that they both knocked each other over onto the ground. Officers arrested the men. * * * The Banana A man in Montauk got into an argument with his girlfriend and she threw a banana at his head, knocking him to the ground. When asked why he didn’t report the incident to police, he responded by saying, “It slipped my mind.” * * * Suicide? Reports were hot through the wire when police got word of a suicide attempt in Sag Harbor. Witnesses watched a man walk out into the bay with all of his clothes on and were concerned. When police arrived, they called the man back in, who explained to them that he was not trying to kill himself, but trying to
get some relief from the hot weather. Everybody apologized to each other, and police considered taking a dip in the water as well, but didn’t. * * * Parking Ticket A guy in East Hampton got so upset at a traffic cop about a parking sticker that he began sobbing in the middle of the street, begging the traffic cop to not give him a ticket. Needless to say, the traffic cop didn’t dismiss the ticket. * * * Not A Good Move A drunk driver was pulling out of a parking lot in Sag Harbor and came within inches of smacking his car right into a police officer. The distressed officer stopped the man, recognized immediately that he was drunk and arrested him. Talk about a criminal landing right in your lap. * * * Another Bad Move A man in Hampton Bays drove home from a bar after a night of too much drinking. When he began
driving away, he came within inches of smashing directly into a police cruiser. The police officer sitting in the cruiser, after nearly having a heart attack, turned on his lights and told the man to get out of the car. The officer gave the man a sobriety test, which he of course failed and then arrested the man for driving while intoxicated and being an idiot. * * * Saw A man in Westhampton reported to police that somebody stole a saw from his house, but he did not see who stole the saw and he did not know when it was taken from his house. Police made a report and will keep an eye out. * * * Dead End A man driving a car without a driver’s license in Amagansett drove down a road that had a large yellow sign on it that read, “Dead End.” The driver, not noticing the sign, smashed into a tree and wrecked his car. – Compiled and Written By David Lion Rattiner