dans’ Papers
danshamptons.com
April 6, 2012 Page 25
Celebrity S.O.S. Hamptons 5-Diamond Celebrity Response At Your Service By Mr. Sneiv Have you seen the television show “Shark Tank?” It features a panel of five wealthy investors called “Sharks” who consider offers from entrepreneurs seeking investors for their business or product. If the Sharks like the idea, they will make an offer on the spot to be an investor in the product. Well, I have had a thousand of these ideas in my lifetime. I think most people do but don’t take the initiative to advance the idea. Long before sunglasses for dogs, known as Doggles, were invented, I am pretty sure I had a similar idea. And way before that Housewife of New York launched that Skinnygirl Liquor line, I had the idea of a similar concept except
it was called “No honey you don’t look fat in that dress cocktail.” My inaction has probably cost me millions. So now I have decided to do something about it. I am going to get off my ass and actually become an entrepreneur. I might need some rich Shark-types from Dan’s Papers to front me a little seed money so here’s my business plan: Introducing HAMPTONS FIVE-DIAMOND CELEBRITY RESPONSE COMPANY! We all know that the Hamptons are a playground for the rich and famous. Consequently, they want to be treated as such. Under the plan, for an annual payment of $100,000, if a celebrity has an accident or an emergency, while in the designated area, they will be entitled to
our rapid response services. What are those services you ask? It’s a full-blown White Glove Celebrity Emergency Response Team for when those occasions arise that might need to be handled delicately. Let me elaborate; let’s say Lindsay Lohan was visiting and wrecked her car into a particular town windmill. A Rolls Royce will immediately be dispatched to the site along with a private physician and a public relations advisor. The physician would immediately escort her into the Rolls before the paparazzi can arrive and take embarrassing pictures. If she needed some medical assistance, there (continued on next page)
SAVE THE PLANET BUT IS IT PAPER OR PLASTIC? By Dan Rattiner Last year, the Village of Southampton passed a law making it against the law to use throwaway plastic bags in stores. The merchants grumbled about it, but went along with it. It does mean less plastic. But we all know what happens to paper bags when it starts to rain while you’re heading out to the car. A much larger entity than Southampton Village is Southampton Town, which essentially surrounds Southampton Village. (Village population 3,000. Town population 56,000.) The town consists of all the unincorporated areas of the community, which include Bridgehampton, Water Mill, Noyac, Hampton Bays and Quiogue. Anyway, the Town Board was feeling a bit guilty that they didn’t put in a plastic bag ban
too. Last year, a councilman proposed it, but the proposal just sat there, never getting voted upon. It got tabled again last week. I think the Town continues to feel bad about this, given the fact that plastic is forever. And so some members of the Town Board got together and formed a group to do something about it on their own. If you are a summer person wondering what it is that we locals did all winter, you’re about to find out. “Priority Number One is reducing plastic bag use and increasing their recycling rates,” Councilwoman Christine Preston Scalera said in the press release announcing the new effort. “Our goal is to increase the number of recycled bags by 15% in one year.” On Earth Day weekend, April 21-22, things heat up as some members of this new
group Scalera and others created called the Southampton Town Plastic Bag Education Task Force will station themselves inside of King Kullen in Bridgehampton from 9:30 to 11:30 a.m. to have shoppers sign pledges saying they will reuse, reduce or recycle their use of plastic bags and then read some leaflets with the headline “A Greener Southampton: the Solution is in the Bag,” printed on, of course, recycled paper. Then they will go to the Stop & Shop in Hampton Bays and do the same thing. All of this is not only with the permission of the owners of these supermarkets, but also with their cooperation. The supermarkets are making pledges of their own. They will give a (continued on next page)