The Adventures of an Underemployed Urban Elf ing football for over 30 years and generally spend every Sunday watching the games at my fave watering hole, Lucky Jack’s (129 Orchard St., btw. Delancey & Rivington Sts.). I highly advise going there to play pool, drink perfectly poured Guinness and support the most awesome neighborhood bar on earth. It is one of the few “douche-free” zones left on the Lower East side and every afternoon there is like an episode of “Cheers” — but way weirder.
Rev. Jen, on drunk arcade driving and leaving one’s comfort zone BY REV. JEN (rev-jen.com)
FOUR WAYS TO EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS
T
his month’s column is all about leaving one’s comfort zone, trying new things — and, of course, utilizing funemployment until the inevitable, tragic day when one becomes reemployed. Herein, as usual, I will share tips on how to have fun in the “city that never sleeps” even when said city is so heavily medicated that most residents do nothing but sleep and/or bore you to death. There’s still cool stuff to do every night (or day) of the week in Fun City, even if you are broke and suffering from existential despair.
Since this month’s installment of “Underemployed Elf” is about expanding one’s horizons with no budget, ambition or self-esteem, I momentarily forced myself off of the barstool on a Sunday in the name of experiential journalism. For this column, I even left the borough of Manhattan. I realize I am not a war correspondent, but it wasn’t easy. Yet from my hard labor ye shall now reap the benefits and learn about cheap, unusual stuff to do here. Maybe you even have a date you’re trying to impress but can only stretch the $200 dollars a week you “make” on unemployment so far. No worries. There are at least four ways that you can still rock, people.
A BEAUTIFUL RUT
Let’s start with Sunday. It’s generally considered a “day of rest.” Though I have never been to church and find the Bible totally confusing, I think this is because God was so exhausted after creating the world that he or she had to sit on his or her ass for at least one day. Adding to the confusion, someone years later created football — wherein everyone who isn’t actually playing gets to sit on their collective asses imbibing frothy beverages while continually checking their “Fantasy Football” stats. For those of you not in the know, Fantasy Football is like Dungeons and Dragons for 40-year-olds, minus the wizards and elves. Because I enjoy watching men in tight pants play with balls, I have been follow-
TheVillager.com
TWO BITS ARCADE
What to do that’s even less intellectually stimulating than watching football? Getting inebriated and playing arcade games! Luckily, there is now a retro arcade on the Lower East Side that caters to this activity. Two Bits Arcade (153 Essex St., at Stanton St.) features a plethora of totally bitchin’ games that help you kill time before you die! When you are 41, unemployed, unemployable and feeling lost, this is the answer to your prayers. Despite the fact that my only video game At Two Bits arcade, Rev. Jen demonstrates the only way to drive drunk.
REV. JEN, continued on p. 18
November 28, 2013
17