your story
Bill, Elimviama &O
Emma’s first ride home
Taking your newborn baby home from hospital is a moment to remember: your first trip as a family. What was it like for you?
I never expected it to be such a moving experience. But for me, the car trip
home from the hospital was an unforgettable emotional rollercoaster. And although it was more than three years ago, I can remember it as if it was yesterday. As we walked to the car, the nurses waved and it seemed as though we were still under their expert guidance. Everything was right in the world. We had a beautiful little girl. I was taking her home. And my husband was by my side. But the instant I closed the car door, it struck me like lightning: “Wow, I’m taking this tiny human home with me. I’m responsible now. Responsible for feeding her, changing her nappy, bathing her, dressing her… But I’ve had no
training! No one has even asked if I am capable. Yet I’m totally responsible!”
The clunk of the car door shutting seemed to have disconnected me with the hospital, and I was overwhelmed with a totally unexpected feeling of being alone. Fortunately, my husband Bill was, as always, perfectly at ease with everything. And as we pulled out of the car park, Bill turned and smiled at me, he put his hand on my knee and said: “It’s just you, me and Emma now.” “Exactly!” my brain screamed. “It is just us. And you’ve had no training either! What are we doing?” “Get a grip!” I tell myself. “This is so unlike you. Everything is going to be OK. And how hard can it be anyway? You don’t need training. Everything will come naturally.” I go over all the self-reassuring arguments that I have
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thought-up over the past months. I remind myself that I’m probably better prepared than most other first-time mothers. I’ve read all the books. I’ve seen the DVDs. It’s not so hard. Slowly, confidence returns.
I pick-up Bill’s phone. There are already plenty of photos of Emma on there. I flip through. Mostly, she’s sleeping and sometimes crying. But always beautiful. A warm glow of satisfaction
and pride builds up inside. Flipping through the phone photos there’s a close-up of Emma’s hand clutching Bill’s finger. Such a tiny, little hand. “What if it gets trapped in something? What if I didn’t secure her properly in the baby seat and one of the buckles is loose and she inserts a finger in it and it gets jammed and… What-the-heck am I thinking? I’ve never been hysterical in my life,” I tell myself. “Get a grip.” I ask Bill to stop the car so I can sit next to Emma in the back. Her face is that of a pure angel. I can’t stop staring at her. Just looking at her makes me feel happy. I’m no longer thinking about anything – just looking. She was asleep the whole time during that trip back home. I, on the other hand, had experienced my first ever (and until now only) mild anxiety attack. But after talking to other first-time mothers, it’s not uncommon to feel a range of emotions when you take your first born home in the car. So be prepared, and if it happens to you, just get in the rear seat and stare.