Adversity –Are You Fighting It, or Are You Fighting Through It?

By Dr. Nels Lindberg, Production Animal Consultation

We all face adversity at varying points in our life. Some face more adversity and obstacles than others, and we often ask, “Why me?” We can sometimes be buried when adversities shift the course of our lives forever. The adversities I have experienced or witnessed that have the most profound effects are events like the loss of a loved one, a divorce, dissolving a partnership, failing in leadership, or a bad mistake that changes one’s own life or the lives of those around them forever.

Obstacles often show up in our lives when we least expect them, and how we handle these challenges often predicts our immediate and even long-term futures. How we respond to adversity determines the journey we choose to go on and the roads we travel.

Many of you know about my son’s accident. My son Nash was accidentally shot by his little buddy with a 22 rifle at about 3:30 p.m. on August 7th. At that moment, a very vivid nightmare began to unfold, as we truly did not know if our son would live or die. As I write this, it is September 27th, and I am sitting in Madonna Rehabilitation Hospital. I just finished up with some stretches with Nash, and I am typing away as he waits for his Sunday therapy sessions with me since he has no “real PT or OT” today.

Over the short, almost two months of this journey so far, my wife and I have learned a lot, been through a lot, cried until there were no tears left, and asked “Why?” a good number of times. We have seen our son experience a nearly insurmountable pain that left us in almost despair at times, but we have fought hard to make some very intentional decisions and actions to get to where we are today.

The following are some key aspects to fighting though adversity and winning in adversity. As you read this, please think back through your challenges and what you can learn from them. Because we must expect obstacles and adversities in life, do not be surprised when they show up! When those obstacles show up, we must get up, dress up, and show up to destroy them!

Choose your mental mindset

At about 4:00 or 4:30 p.m. that Friday afternoon, the pilot and nurses were getting ready to load Nash and me up to head to Wichita. Nash’s life was in their hands, but I knew I had to be there and be a “force” for Nash. My thoughts were racing, but I knew I had to get my mind right to help fight for and with Nash. When I hopped on that helicopter, packed in tight as could be with Nash, that is where my mental mindset began to go. There was no choice but to fight!

That was just the beginning of the mental mindset work; it carries on today and will continue to do so. When you are in Nash’s shoes, wanting your legs to be normal and wishing you could change “the event” most days, mental mindset and how you face each day are extremely important. We must get our mental mindset right. We must have a relentless attitude, a winning spirit, the heart of a warrior, the courage of a lion, and the perseverance of God.

Attitude is everything, and you can change your life with the right mindset. To do that, we must exercise our mental mindset muscle by daily pushing our mind, believing in ourselves, never giving up, and never giving in to external human or other physical forces. We need to make sure our hearts and minds consume books, stories, articles, podcasts, emails, or other resources to build our heart and mind so we can withstand the next obstacle of life.

Believe. Believing builds authenticity. Authenticity builds relationships. Relationships build trust. Trust builds a team of support for you!

Death and life are in the power of the heart and mind.

Allow yourself to mourn

For Nash and our family, it has been important to allow ourselves to mourn. We have embraced this through knowing it is what we needed to do and with the help of our pastor. Our family has two rules: allow ourselves to mourn and to cry, but we do it and then move forward. We mourn as long as we need to, cry as hard as we need to, and scream as loud as we need to in those moments, but we do not dwell in those thoughts or places.

One of our biggest mistakes in facing adversity is not allowing ourselves to mourn because we think we can’t. We think we have to be tough, and we bury the feelings. This often leads us to succumb to our vices, such as drinking, drugs, or some other not-so-healthy addiction. These things are understandable; we often do not want to face the issue, so we bury our head in the sand. But being the tough guy and refusing to mourn is not the answer. We typically know this, but we often do not practice it. My mourning often occurs in my pickup, away from others. We often want to be strong in front of our families or our people, and that is okay. Just find your space to mourn and get it out! Otherwise you may succumb to your vices.

Have faith

It was midnight that Friday night of the accident. Nash was laying there in bed in so much pain, and he could not get enough morphine in his body. He was allowed morphine every three hours and it lasted about two hours. During that last hour between doses, he would lay there, arms in the air, squeezing his hands in pain, moaning, and there was not one thing I could do. Or so I thought, until he looked at me and said, “Daddy, let’s pray.” So the prayers began! Every time I laid down, my mind wandered to some version of “Why did this happen to one of the best young men on the planet!?” For several nights, the only sleep I got came through laying there and beginning to go to God in prayer. The only way I got any sleep was by falling to sleep in prayer.

Times of adversity often go hand in hand with times of uncertainty. Not knowing what the future holds creates space in our mind for wondering and questioning. Those things often lead to doubt, fear, anxiety, and depression. As believers, we often are also angry with God for letting this happen to us. It is in those very moments that we have to let go of that anger and go to God. I have never lived more strongly by the saying “Let go and let God” than during the last two months of our lives. When I got the call from my wife Karen, “Nels, Nash is alive but has been shot!” at 3:30 p.m. that Friday, I let go of Nash and placed him at God’s feet for God’s plan for Nash. I did not know if that was life or death, but I let go and let God. And He gave us Nash!

The Bible verse Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Anxiety, stress, and fear can often fill our souls, but faith and talking to our God roots out anxiety, stress, and fear. Anxiety is the process of experiencing failure before it ever happens and is often created in an idle mind. An idle mind is the devil’s playground! We must take an obvious and vocal stand against the devil. Adversity and obstacles cause us to worry. As Max Lucado teaches, “Worry has more questions than answers, more work than energy, and thinks often about giving up.… You can dedicate a decade of anxious thoughts to the brevity of life, and not extend it by one minute. Worry accomplishes nothing.”

You cannot dwell on the negative, the story, the past, the event, or whatever started the adversity! You must seek first the kingdom of God so that you can experience His daily presence in your time of need to root out your anxiety, stress, and fear. He is begging us to lean into Him! He is yearning for us to talk to Him!

Prove them wrong

We arrived at Madonna Rehabilitation Hospital determined, with Nash’s goal of walking again. The first day was full of assessments. The following day, his case manager came in to review the goals they had set for him to achieve before he was discharged, and none of them included walking. The look of devastation was clear on Nash’s face. After the case manager left, I began to remind him, “We do not let anyone predict our future! And we are here to prove them wrong!” And so that journey began! And within two weeks, guess what? His team added walking to their list of goals for him! That was not because of them; that was because of Nash’s mental mindset to prove them wrong and his determination to walk. No one would stop him, including a bunch of doctors!

Many people set goals for us, and many people think they can dictate our future or our being, but they can’t. It is all you. Two of the greatest football coaches of all time had people tell them they were not good enough and asked them to move on. Bill Belichick, then head coach for the Cleveland Browns, and Nick Saban, his defensive coordinator, did not allow the Cleveland Browns to “write their story”. They proved them wrong!

Did you know that the Major League Baseball team that won the most games in a season was the 2001 Seattle Mariners? And it was after they traded three of baseball’s greatest players ever: Alex Rodriguez, Ken Griffey Jr., and Randy Johnson! That team proved the naysayers wrong!

As we face our obstacles and our adversities, we must be determined to keep moving forward and achieving our goals. We may think the world is against us; that is okay, but we do not dwell on that one single second. We focus on our goals and our determination to move forward and win every single day relentlessly with true grit and perseverance. People with grit are finishers in life!

The bravest weapon in history is your heart. Use it to prove the naysayers wrong. Do not accept limitations from anyone. Your inner voice better be saying, “Prove them wrong!”

Reach out

Do people know your story? We are often too scared to be transparent, but transparency will open doors you have never even approached before. People want to know your story. Telling your story builds your authenticity, which builds relationships, which in turn opens doors. Talk to the people that reach out to you. Do not ignore them and tell them you are busy. Talk to them. They are reaching out a hand to help you.

You must also pick up the phone and be intentional about reaching out to others that have successfully dealt with what you are going through. In our case, my colleague Dr. Shane Terrell reached out to us about his friend Alex McKiernan, who experienced an injury similar to Nash’s. We in turn had the courage to reach out to Alex, someone we did not know but someone we knew we needed to talk to. In Alex, we found one of our biggest resources to help Nash succeed on his journey and an absolutely generous man who has been a warrior for Nash. He knows the journey, knows the path, knows the ups and downs, and knows the challenges, and he can help our son push through his journey.

One of our challenges is simply having hope and believing for the future. Hope is great thing because it is the beginning to healing and to a successful journey. We have to hope, and we have to believe. However, hoping and believing is not a strategy; we must also take action and reach out to others to help us along our journey. When we begin to ask questions and look for others who have successfully dealt with a similar adversity, hope builds and belief grows, leading to confidence to take action!

Courage does not come from deep down inside. It comes from knowing people have your back, will fight for you, and will push to help you win! Reach out to find your tribe, the people who will push you to your innermost greatness!

Celebrate the peaks and survive the valleys

Adversity and obstacles are typically an emotional roller coaster. Some days are great; some days are terrible. Some days show progress forward; other days show two (or two hundred) steps backward. Some days are dark, and some days the light is shining bright. We must learn to live each day and keep moving forward. Often the valleys are bigger and longer than the mountain tops, and we get in trouble living in those valleys. We must learn to survive another day in the valley and keep moving toward the next mountain peak.

We must learn to do two things. First, do not put the keys of your happiness in anyone else’s pocket, whether a doctor, a bad spouse, an ex-spouse, a controlling friend, a fear-based approach boss, or anyone else. The keys belong in YOUR pocket, so you remain in control of your own future and destiny. Second, do not live in yesterday and do not live in tomorrow. Live in today, face today, and celebrate today! It might be a valley day but find space to be grateful for what you do have. Gratitude creates contentment. Contentment creates a happiness not replicated by any other person, purchase, or thing. It is hard to be hateful when we are grateful! Celebrate your blessings and say them out loud as you start your day.

Never ever give up

On that Friday afternoon, August 7th, Karen and I were standing in the ER waiting room, because we sure could not sit as we waited to hear from anyone, is Nash alive? Is he dead? Is he dying? I really do not know how long we waited there, but it felt like an eternity. We just stood. Sometimes we just have to keep standing so we can keep moving forward. Standing allows us to put one foot in front of the other. Standing lets our minds think forward because we are looking forward. Standing makes our mind tell our muscles to withstand the static pressure of standing, which accomplishes more than not standing.

Nash is learning to stand all over again, and it is painful. Standing is hard. Standing tests his balance, his core strength, and his musculoskeletal structure to withstand the static nature creating stamina and strength. The level of pain Nash has endured is far greater than 99% of the 7.5 billion people on this planet. And he is enjoying today, smiling, laughing, thankful for his new AirPods Pro, and grateful he is alive!

What is your story? What adversity are you in right now? What adversity has you in a dark place right now or has in the past? Maybe you have not faced true adversity yet. That’s okay. Here are some “to do’s” to help weather that storm and come out a victor, a better person, achieving your innermost greatness!

Two great quotes come to mind: “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life,”1 and “Comfort is the enemy to progress.” 2 Everything worthwhile is uphill. Stop being scared and start slaying your demons. Quit worrying about your past, your future, your enemies, the white noise, the naysayers, and the pessimists. Remember, the most common answer in a survey of nursing home residents about the meaning of life was, “I wish I wouldn’t have spent so much time worrying.”

Get to the point where you crave some form of adversity to stretch your capacity, to raise your lid, and to push your limits. The best version of yourself will not be revealed without failure, tragedy, bad decisions, and more failure. God is in your corner longing to help reveal the best version of you! We each have a higher calling in life. We have a huge purpose! When you accomplish hard things, it feels great!