Chuckles From Down Under

By: Jane Sullivan, Bell Vet Services

A young lady is sunbathing on the hotel roof. Seeing she is alone, she discreetly peels off her swimsuit.

In minutes, the manager rushes up. “Madam, please cover yourself!”

“But there’s no one else here,” she complains. “And I am lying face down.”

“I know,” says the man.

“You’re on the dining room skylight!”

There was only one customer in the local pub so the barman phoned his wife and told her he’d be home early. Just then another man came in.

“Where are you from?” asked the first customer.

“Five miles west of town,” answered the newcomer.

“I live five miles west of town too. Let’s drink to that.”

As they drained their glasses, the first man learned that his drinking companion’s age was 43.

“I’m 43 too. We’d better drink to that as well.”

It turned out that both were born in the same hospital and another round was ordered.

Calling his wife, the barman said, “Forget it, dear – the Farquharson twins are at it again.”

A burglar was in the midst of robbing a house when a strange, disembodied voice echoed through the dark: “Jesus is watching you!” Startled, the burglar clicked on his flashlight and swept the beam around the room. He saw nothing out of the ordinary, so he turned off the flashlight. But as he was scooping up a handful of jewelry, he heard again, clear as a bell, “Jesus is watching you!”

The burglar began to feel scared, so he turned on his flashlight again and passed it over every corner of the room. Finally, in the far corner, his beam landed on a parrot in a cage. “Was that you talking?” he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot said. “I’m just trying to warn you.”

Feeling more relaxed, the burglar said, “Warn me, huh? And what’s your name pretty birdy?”

The bird said, “Moses.”

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”