COMEDY - AUSTRALIA // AKMAL
STRANGER THAN MICKTION
It’s like Jake and the Fat Man, if Jake’s name was Mick. On a plane. Mick and the Fat Man on a Plane.
The Laughter Code
It was in the late 80s that a young man by the name of Akmal Selah found himself studying the performing arts course in what was then known as the TSIT in Launceston. “I didn’t actually finish the course; I only did about eight months and then I dropped out. So it didn’t really help me much,” he laughs. “But everything you do in life affects what you do on stage, everything is taken in somehow, every experience is reflected on stage somehow.” Of his routine, he says he prefers a mix of the topical and classic, “but the stuff that’s topical doesn’t last long. And I’m afraid I’m really lazy, I’m just lazy!” he laughs again. “I came up with a great joke… a great routine about the Cronulla riots, but that lasted only six or seven months at the most and then it would just stop being funny, that’s it.”
I don’t get to go on planes that often, so when I do it still has a bit of a novelty factor for me. Even though I don’t do it too often I still, like everyone else on board, find the safety demonstration to be a bit tedious. They could really jazz it up a bit. A song and some dance moves might help. Especially if you want people to remember it. Dance moves would really cement it in people’s heads. Remember the Macarena? See what I mean? So in the event of an emergency, you will hear this music, the strip lighting will flash with the beat, everyone grab a partner. The safety card thing would need to detail the moves, so that might have to be upgraded, but perhaps short courses during the obligatory flight delay times might circumvent this. I still get concerned every time they do the life jacket demo and they point out the little tubes to top it up. It implies that most of them have holes in them. What’s with the silly accessories on them as well? I often think of myself bobbing up and down in the middle of Bass Strait among the wreckage, madly topping my life jacket up as I slip under the waves and then heroically calming the other survivors, by calling for help with the handy attached whistle. Just in case the flaming wreck of an aeroplane is overlooked by the coastguard.
spilled over into half of mine. It was… uncomfortable. Then the hostess chick came by and asked if we could put the armrest down for take off. I couldn’t even see the armrest. The guy had no hope of manipulating it, so the challenge of putting the armrest down fell to me. Oh joy. After some apologising and a little awkward wriggling, I got the armrest and managed to wrench down past the man’s bulk. It wasn’t pleasant, for either of us. The effect was that of trying to comb a jellyfish. Not good. So I settled in to the far end of my seat and occupied myself with my book. Halfway through the flight, the guy falls asleep and kind of lolls in my direction and takes up even more of my seat. I end up curled up in one corner of my already cramped seat, looking like I was camping in a cave made of fat man. I’ve never looked forward to the food trolley so much in my life. I was sure the smell of Pringles would galvanize him out of slumber. Nup. So as I type this from my padded cell in seat 8D flight DJ767, I’d appreciate it if someone could come and top up my life jacket… True story. sMICK LOWENSTEIN
As a former largish guy, I’ve nothing against fat people, but there’s got to be some sort of system for really large people in airline seats. I unfortunately had to sit next to quite a large bloke on my last plane ride. He took up every last millimetre of his seat and some of him
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. ISSUE 88 . FEBRUARY 18 - MARCH 03 2009
Place your seats in the upright position and prepare for The Short Back and Sideshow! 0 2 March @ The Backspace Theatre, Hobart
“They say comedy is tragedy plus time,” he continues, “but it’s also distance as well. Like you know, when September 11 happened for example, we could probably make fun of it sooner than the Americans could, because there’s a little bit more distance there. So we’re not as affected by it. So that time, comedy, comedy plus time and distance as well. What’s funny can vary according to people’s prejudices and opinions about things or what they hold sacred. You can’t really please everybody, you’ve just basically gotta do what you feel is funny and hope you’re right.” But one man’s funny is another man’s offense, something that Akmal is more than accustomed to in his time in the spotlight. “I can just let my mouth go without thinking sometimes and that’s usually a good thing to do, but occasionally the wrong thing will come out,” he reveals. “I had a gig for the Australian Arabic Doctors Association and the Egyptian ambassador was in the audience, and I didn’t know this. So I was doing my act and talking about Egypt and the President, you know when you go to Egypt you see the President’s picture everywhere and he’s not an attractive man – I don’t know what he’s like as a politician, but he’s no male model. I can’t remember what I said exactly, but people just freaked out, so serious and tapping their glasses, trying to get me to stop. And this was a really high-class function, people had paid like $400 a ticket, and I was only just part of the entertainment, they had all sorts of stuff and all these important people, and they’re telling me off so I just became more and more
angry and started telling them off, you know – ‘Shut up you idiots!’ Because I’ve got that kind of kamikaze attitude, if I’m going down, I’m going to take everyone down with me. And then I told them to get f*cked, walked off stage and half the room just left in protest, and dinner hadn’t even been served yet. And people were coming up to me wanting to punch me out, telling me I was mentally ill, that I need a psychiatrist. And then I found out I was being followed for a while apparently. So you can sometime say the wrong thing and the audience just turns. You can feel them turning, and sometimes you can’t get them back.” It’s the difference between being laughed with and being laughed at, “and I’ve had both,” he says, “and being laughed with is much more pleasant. Although, a laugh’s a laugh I guess. At least they’re talking about you, you know Oscar Wilde’s ‘the worst thing other than being talked about is not being talked about’. Even if they’re saying bad things, you’ve left an impression.” sCHRIS RATTRAY Let Akmal impres you 0 27 February @ Wrest Point, Hobart 0 28 February @ Country Club, Launceston
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