Blue Is Not My Color- Dire Need Issue #5

BLUE IS NOT MY COLOR

Dire Need Zine Contacts

Instagram:@direneedzine @direneedproductions

Website: direneedonline.tumblr.com

email: direneed.online@gmail.com

A Hope, A Dream

by Keltie Moon

No conscious thoughts

Nothing forced to be remembered

Only instincts

Habitual companionship

Reassuring and safe

Only subconscious thoughts

Deep feelings

Brought forward by joyous interaction

No judgments

Open love and acceptance

No need for anything beyond my people

We understand each other Learn from one another Live peacefully

Everything is feeling Flow

Doing and creating together

And presenting what we learn when we’re apart Moments shared

Better than anything alone No more suffering All we need is each other

BY CASSIE WILSON

THESE TWO PIECES FIT TOGETHER TO CREATE A STORY OF ADDICTION, LITERAL WITH THE CIGARETTES AND FIGURATIVE WITH THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO PEOPLE.

“ADDICTION”

REUNION

by Erin St Breen

tell me about the freezing dew on an itchy morning when you scraped your friend’s dad’s new car and kept driving home explain how touching those grass stains on your childhood classmate’s college t-shirt ignited your destructive charge

split your face straight down the middle so i can see you’re still there watching infomercials on their dirty couch with your mouth shut

remember how you tried to hide behind your adventures and still there were insistent arms pulling you away from Sants’ tracks.

dig your toes into silty clay loam show the snow how to melt

Wyatt (He/They) is one of the founders of the Milwaukee Trans and Queer Depot. They are a transmasc person originally from MN, they moved to Milwaukee 7 years ago and now refuse to call any place else home. They have studied biomedical engineering, nursing, and several other health related fields before leaving academia in search of a better way to help the community. They developed several LGBTQ+ literacy courses for emergency responders as well as nurses, doctors, and educational professionals that they’ve presented in 13 different states. Wyatt also regularly guest lectures at colleges in the Tristate area. When not talking about trans health you can find Wyatt in the woods with their dog where they like to regularly get lost for days at a time. (camp)

The Milwaukee Trans and Queer Depot is a community run project centered around educating and assisting folks with their gender affirmation needs.

Wyatt Meyer

Wyatt Meyer

What is the Milwaukee Trans & Queer Depot?

At its simplest, the Milwaukee Trans & Queer Depot is a community run and lead project whose goal is to fill the gap in community needs, currently we’re focused on meeting needs in regards to gender affirming hormones and community space. So we’ve started by offering a shot clinic once a week where folks can come in and get their injection supplies for free, things like needles, syringes, bandaids, alcohol swabs, ect. We also have volunteers to give folks their shots if they need assistance, currently all of these volunteers are nurses but we would love to see queer folks learn/train to give queer folks their shots. The only thing we don’t provide are the actual hormones to inject. Currently you need to bring in a valid prescription for one of our volunteers to actually inject you BUT we can teach you (or someone) else how to inject yourself even if you don’t have a prescription and you don’t need a prescription to come and get supplies.

MTQD hosts sober hangouts, can you expand on why MTQD felt it was important to host sober events? Milwaukee is a very bar/alcohol centered city, did that play a part in deciding to create sober hangouts, and would you like to see more sober centered events in the future?

Honestly, MTQD made having a sober space important to me. Before we opened MTQD we conducted a community needs assessment to find out exactly what needs the queer community in Milwaukee had. I could say all day that I think it would be great to have a space for someone to help me with a shot but I needed the community to say “yes I want that too” and so we asked a LOT of questions around hormones and folks needs with them and then we asked an open ended question about what other needs queer people in Milwaukee had and there was an overwhelming response of “sober community spaces.” While I am not personally sober, our community said we need safe sober spaces and that means that I am committed to MTQD starting and staying a safe sober community space.

I would LOVE to see more sober centered events in the future, because Milwaukee is so bar/alcohol centered it’s difficult to go out and do anything that does not have some pressure of drinking associated with it. It can make it extremely difficult for people in recovery or people who just don’t like to drink to enjoy all our city has to offer. So I’m all for having this safe sober space and I would absolutely love to see and participate in more sober events in the future.

MTQD has partnered with Zao MKE church to host injection clinics, have you heard any feedback from community members about partnering with religious organizations? What would you say to those apprehensive to visit a church for help? Do you plan to host clinics at other locations?

I have not heard any feedback yet from people apprehensive about coming to a clinic at a church, but I am anticipating them. Especially because that was my concern as well. Personally, and our community as a whole have experienced horrific trauma at the hands of the church. To those apprehensive about visiting I would say that ZAO MKE is a church run by two trans people and is dedicated to be a safe haven and a community space for the queer community. They were also a huge help during the BLM Revolution in Milwaukee and regularly handed out food and med kits. I would also say that ZAO fit every single ask that the community needs assessment said was important. There is free off street parking, there’s accessible street parking, it is off of several major bus lines, a bike rack outside, and the building is wheelchair accessible to the main floor, which is where we host the shot clinics. ZAO is also giving us an amazing deal to use the space in a way that the MTQD team can afford for a sustainable amount of time.

In regards to hosting in other locations, I would love to and it’s definitely our goal. I would love to see the injection clinic expand to be 2-3 nights a week each in a different location. Before that can happen though, we need to build our base of volunteers, find another location that meets community needs, and figure out what time of day both suits community needs and our volunteers availability.

What’s some advice you’d pass along to other trans and queer community members looking to organize other community outreach opportunities in the Milwaukee area?

Keep talking about your idea. Just keep talking. I have been telling people about how I wanted to open a shot clinic in Milwaukee since I moved here 7 years ago, and I mean I met with orgs all over Milwaukee and I heard the same thing over and over again “that sounds like a great idea! For YOU to do and start, let us know when it happens.” And then one day over a year ago now I was guest speaking to a group of nursing students and UWM and Dr. Wesp happened to be in the room and I was talking about this idea of a clinic and she said “Yes, Let’s do that. Let’s build that together” and there have been days over the last year or so where I was ready to give up because I mean look around at our world, that would certainly be easier, and Dr. Wesp always came back and was like “No, we keep going, we keep doing this.” And we did. So, just keep talking about it, because you’re going to talk to the right people who are not going to let you fail and will keep pushing you until it happens.

BUT ALSO! I do recommend reaching out to those community orgs like MTQD or the LGBTQ+ Resource Center, Diverse and Resilient, Forge, ect - because there is a chance that what you’re hoping to organize exists and just isn’t as widely known as it could be.

To those who need assistance with shots and are not comfortable coming to a church at all, please reach out to MTQD and we will come up with a plan to assist.

Nat Rzepinska

PLAYING AROUND WITH STREET PHOTOGRAPHY, I CAPTURED SOME MOMENTS DURING MY TIME IN DENMARK.

SHOWING A LITTLE SLICE OF LIFE THAT HAPPENS ON THE ISLANDS OF THE COUNTRY.

Man on the Balcony, Copenhagen, Denmark (2023)

Man and the Statue, Torrig, Denmark (2023)

“My home was good to me and I was kind to my home a new home was for me and in it I will be good to me”

“Move Out”

A Zine by Caroline Clemens

“I’ll be good to myself and I’ll be kind to my new home”

“I’ll be in a SPACE that is my own and welcome kind company”

Payasa Evokes Haunting Tales of Darkness in “The Haze Begins…”

An Article by Kimberly Kapela

Enter the nightmarish realm of hardcore band Payasa, where frontwoman

Brittany Lane lures listeners into chasmic depths of darkness and decay. The band composed of Lane, Andrew Casher (drums), Jack Kelly (bass), and Xander Karry (guitar) have released their haunting EP The Haze Begins… that conjures the sound of survival and endurance.

Bound in chains and reaching for the light from the ghastly abyss, The Haze Begins… cover art sets the tone for Payasa’s voyage to attain clarity and peace from the “the haziness” that settles deep inside posed as a self-destructive entity that is described as “sinking in the quicksand of anxiety” and its feelings of isolation “triggering the venom.”

Lane tells a story of abominations haunting the earth and summons a monster having seven heads and ten horns in a cutthroat opening title-track, “Haze.” The songstress blends monstrous imagery with explorations of mental health struggles and overcoming self-doubt and destruction. Backed by cathartic guitars and a bewitching sound, “Haze” describes disease spreading inside oneself and the feelings of being trapped in one’s own psyche – both tormenting and never ending. The guitar’s droning, low a mbience further settles into a taunting riff that evokes an unsettling presence lurking. Lethargic, lonely and dejected is the bone-chilling mantra repeated throughout “Haze.” Lane sharpens her teeth and bites deeper into the feelings of being disoriented from the haziness in her own head in the lyrics, “No comfort in my head / Lost in a self-conscious spiral / Why is it that I can’t stand my own thoughts / What is happiness? / How do I find it?”

After the haze dissipates, Lane longs for the warm embrace of comfort and peace within herself as she declares powerful affirmations for her future self, “I want to see her standing so tall, ignoring doubt / Breaking free from its hold / She needs to feel tranquaility’s touch before the venom starts to kick in.”

“Blue Skies” is another intensifying, hardcore explosive that shrieks for the need of balance. Accompanied by unforgiving riffs and distorted, crunchy soundscaping, “Blue Skies” sees Lane overcoming mental destitution and manifesting brighter days ahead.

Beneath the sun, Lane finds balance and an escape from the haziness. “Seasons change and flowers die / New daisies will grow / The sun will start to finally shine / I may be able to feel the warmth,” she sings.

Reaching to find a higher power to surround her calls for help, Lane alludes to Catholic imagery in “The Haunting of Birch Street” with religious references to a crown of thorns, psalms and lambs. The tale of darkness continues as Lane warns of a prince that comes as the angel of light to show empty vows and the distorted psalms of false prophets. Lane secures her rebirth from corruption and depravity with the vocal prowess of a banshee that leaves listeners wanting more. “The sulfur that falls from his mouth will promise you a crown / That crown of thorns they placed on their lamb / An artificial martyr for their lost cause,” she sings.

“The Haunting of Birch Street” ends with the same evocative, dark mantra as “Haze” that references seven heads and ten horns, putting the spellbinding The Haze Begins… project to a close.

Payasa’s haunting tales of grotesque monsters and false prophets are disguised as subtle references to exploring the pitfalls of mental health and uncovering brutal feminine rage that is ever present in the three tracks. Through an unforgiving, sharp tongue, The Haze Begins… represents the culmination of Lane’s spiritual and artistic breakthroughs, as well as her evolution from darkness to reclaiming her light.

For upcoming music releases and updates, you can follow Payasa on Instagram. Stream The Haze Begins… out on all digital platforms.

beauty experienced (2)

By Veronique Hall

you’ve answered all my curiosities

the questions that always followed behind whispers that would only lie on the ears of the gods that quietly surround me

maybe i’ll find another sense of purpose in you

but i’m lost in your hand while you point to the clouds, and speak your curses and promises to the sky the sun will burn and die and come back again before i forget the lifetimes of love i have for you

“Beauty Experienced” is a piece that paints the feelings that are invoked when spending time with a partner. It’s detailing the thoughts that come to mind when one is completely enamored with a lover.

“Lurch”

by Abby Wood

Hand built coil pot made from cermaic stoneware

Two analog cemetery photos taken with 110 film - no digital edits

“WHERE THE ASHES

GO”

Liz Walker

INTERVIEW WITH JJ KAISER

Conducted by Jennavieve Growel

How did you become involved in the local music scene?

It was 2010 and I was a freshman in high school. I was already listening to a lot of metal and adjacent stuff but wasn’t aware of local shows or anything like that. There was one day in between classes that a kid (who was a senior at the time) came up to me and was like “Hey, you play guitar right? Wanna fill in for my band?” So I learned their set in like 4 days and played my first local show that weekend at this place called the Logemann center in Mequon. This was the first time I was surrounded by a bunch of people that liked the same music that I did and I was just like “Where the hell has this been my entire life?” I ended up joining that band, and from that point forward I went to as many shows as I possibly could.

What inspired you to take on the role of hosting shows?

This whole thing was an accident. When I was starting my old band erase//evolve, we were trying to book our own first show with a bunch of our friends. At this point there were not a lot of DIY spaces that were accessible to us. The Cocoon Room had just closed, and The Borg Ward was back and forth on the idea of having heavy shows. My bandmates and I made a list of a bunch of VFW halls and community centers in the area and spent a day driving around to talk to the owners to see if there was anyone interested in hosting our show. Every single one told us (nicely) to fuck off. My basement was the last resort, but it was the only option that we had. I hosted my first show there in January 2016 and it (for the most part) went okay. About a month after that, the Borg Ward closed permanently and for a few years we were without a consistent spot to run all ages shows. Things kept getting moved to the basement, and as a result I started meeting and booking a lot of bands. Things just snowballed from there. I realized that I wasn’t half bad at doing this, and I accidentally became a promoter.

Photo by Chris Wilson

Can you tell us the story of how your band, Reality Check, came together?

I wrote most of the songs on the demo in 2017-2018, and went through 2 full lineups of people before getting the right group together. Once we had the right people, things started moving quickly. We started recording the demo and were gearing up to play our first show in March of 2020, and then the world ended. Talk about a buzzkill. We ended up putting that demo out in August 2020 and playing our first show a year later in September 2021. It sucks that we had to wait as long as we did, but I’m glad we had a first show with all of our friends. The lineup was us, Enervate (also their first show), World I Hate, Permanent Damage and Infamy.

Is there a music genre that lies outside your comfort zone but interests you enough to explore?

Yeah, I’ve been trying to branch out a little more with booking. I think I’m seen as a mainly Emo/Indie/Pop Punk promoter, which is the bulk of what I do, but I’d love to book death metal, metalcore and hardcore more consistently. I’d never booked a death metal show before this year, and the few I’ve had have all been awesome. There is a huge scene for it up here. I’m hoping in the next couple years we’ll see more of those bands make it a point to stop skipping WI on their tours.

In your experience, what sets apart Milwaukee’s DIY scene from other DIY scenes across America?

Milwaukee has been a hidden gem for years and people are finally starting to take notice. We have so many good bands right now that are getting different people interested in DIY music. We also have multiple awesome venues run by people who get it, which is incredibly important to the livelihood of a music scene, DIY or not. You’re starting to see more tours that have Milwaukee AND Chicago dates because our scene is strong enough to make that work. We are still growing, and I’m really excited for what’s to come.

What’s your favorite venue to play in Milwaukee and outside of Milwaukee, and why?

In Milwaukee it’s a tie between The Miramar Theater and my basement. I played a lot of really awesome shows at The Miramar growing up that will always hold a special place in my heart, and watching people mosh to my band in my basement always feels good. Haha. Outside of Milwaukee is definitely Dumb Records in Springfield, IL. The folks in Prevention are doing an awesome job booking shows and building a scene down there. Nothing but respect.

What artists or bands are currently on your playlist, either from the local scene or beyond?

To name a few: Slow Joy, Valleyheart, Have A Good Season, Sign Language, Downward, Saturdays At Your Place, Innerlove, Pool Kids, Arm’s Length.

Balancing your band, job, organizing shows, and maintaining a social life must be demanding. How do you manage it all?

It’s a little bit easier to balance now because organizing shows is my full time job. Before that, I was legit drowning. I would work from 7:304:00 at a warehouse, come home, work on my laptop for another 3 hours, maybe go to the gym and then go to bed. My life kept getting busier and it just wasn’t sustainable. In April, X-Ray offered me a full time position and I put in my 2 weeks notice at my job a couple days later. Now I have a lot more time to do work that I actually want to do, and time to actually take care of my mental and physical health. It’s still a balancing act, but I’m way better at it now.

As someone who started a DIY house venue, what advice would you offer to others starting on a similar path?

Make sure you have cool neighbors. Make sure your crowd is respectful, and don’t be afraid to yell at people who aren’t. Make sure the people that come to your shows pay to get in to your shows, and NEVER screw a touring band over. The whole point of booking house/DIY shows is that there is little overhead, so in theory: more money to pay bands. Even if a show does 5 paid (which has happened to me more than once) I will go out of pocket to make sure a band has enough gas money. I’ve been on the other end before, and have been handed $5 after playing a show I drove 6 hours to get to. It sucks ass. You don’t want to be that person to a band. They’ll think that’s what your scene is and they’ll never come back.

Are there any upcoming creative projects or shows you’d like to share?

I’ve been working on some new music for a couple projects that I’m really stoked to finally get out there. Hopefully next year you’ll be able to hear some of it! I’m really excited for the rest of summer and fall’s shows. There’s gonna be a ton of good shit. A lot that I can’t talk about yet, but I’m looking forward to booking Valleyheart, Orthodox, Anklebiter and Camping In Alaska. Those bands rock.

Jennavieve Growel

The bunny picture is based on a story that my drummer boyfriend told me. He made that joke to his friends when they told him that their old middle school was being torn down (they were in their twenties at that time)

Selfish Girl Era

by Jennifer Castrejon a.k.a Jenni C. Diaz

UPCOMING SHOWS

X-Ray Arcade

In some shape or form we all crave we crave Human connection, self-acceptance, love or some of us may crave all three

You called me selfish at first I attributed a negative connotation to that word I was confused between its subjectively negative and subjectively positive definitions But I realized there is nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes it is actually necessary I will no longer apologize for currently living in my selfish girl era

October 12 Camping in Alaska/ Michael Cera Palin/Riley!/Cheem/Call Cuzns

October 15 Sheer Mag/Hotline TNT

October 18 SOLD OUT! Harm’s Way/ Fleshwater/Ingrown/Jivebomb/World I Hate

November 9 Dreamwell/Blind Equation/ Snag/Coma Regalia/Riotnine!

November 18 Tiny Moving Party/ World’s Greatest Dad Cactus Club

October 2 Knifeplay/Humid/Smut

October 4 Frankie and the Witch/Fingers/Wine Lips/Fellow Kinsman

October 20 Godcaster/Sun Silo

October 18 Milly/Rocket/Dearly Somber/Operations

November 9 Dreamwell/Blind Equation/ Snag/Coma Regalia/Riotnine!

Featured Artists

Keltie Moon @thekeltiemoon

Cassie Wilson @casserolewilson

Erin St Breen @th3pinklady

Wyatt Meyer @wyattamidoing

Milwaukee Trans and Queer Depot @mketranshealth

Nat Rzepinska @nat.rzepinska

Caroline Clemens @caroline_not_coraline

Kimberly Kapela @uhm.kimberly

Payasa @payasa847

Veronique Hall @ soulnii__

Abby Wood @stupiddbee

JJ Kaiser @numberonejrio

Jennavieve Growel @adh.vieve

Jenni C. Diaz @writing_in_the.sky

Liz Walker @everybodylikesliz