Designed to Flourish aims to inspire, encourage and uplift the women of Hampton Roads.
March / April 2011 FREE! Take one and pass it on! www.theflourishmagazine.com facebook.com/designedtoflourish
What Is a Friend? A friend is a person of great understanding Who shares all our hopes and our schemes, A companion who listens with infinite patience To all of our plans and dreams. A true friend can make all our cares melt away With the touch of a hand or a smile, And with calm reassurance make everything brighter, And life always seem more worthwhile. A friend shares so many bright moments of laughter At even the tiniest thing What memorable hours of lighthearted gladness And pleasure this sharing can bring! A friend is a cherished and precious possession Who knows all our hopes and fears, And someone to treasure deep down in our hearts With a closeness that grows through the years.
Katherine Davis Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart (Proverbs 27: 9).
Editor's
Note
W Her Fitness Goals are Spiritual as Well as Physical April Olson had already turned a background in exercise science into a successful career as a fitness coach when she decided to take those talents to the mission field—at home and abroad. Regent University’s divinity program—with its outstanding reputation and renowned faculty—helped give her calling shape. As one of the nation’s leading Christian universities, Regent prepares thousands of principled leaders to excel in their chosen field. “Regent equipped me to bridge the gap between spiritual, emotional and physical health,” April says. Ready to bring your talents into your calling? We’ll help you discover how.
Call 800.373.5504 www.regent.edu
G
Associate’s Bachelor’s Master’s Doctoral On Campus & Online Business Communication & the Arts Divinity Education Government Law Leadership Psychology
Virginia Beach, Virginia
April Olson Regent Graduate M.A. 2009
Christian Leadership to Change the World Regent University is accredited by the Commission on Colleges of the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools to award associates, baccalaureate, masters, and doctorate degrees. Contact the Commission on Colleges at 1866 Southern Lane, Decatur, Georgia 30033-4097 or call 404.679.4500 for questions about the accreditation of Regent University. Regent University admits students without discrimination on the basis of race, color, disability, gender, religion or national or ethnic origin. Regent University is certified by the State Council of Higher Education for Virginia to operate campuses within the Commonwealth of Virginia. MKT110158
hen I first started considering the idea of celebrating friendship in Flourish, I had no idea that life would, practically overnight, move my very own soul sister to the big (hair) land of Texas. I’d be lying to say that I didn’t shed a few tears. In retrospect, perhaps they were selfish tears—what was capital “I” going to do now? Maybe there were some fear tears too. Fear because I can painfully remember just a few years ago, being new to stay-at-home-mommydom, how isolated (read: friendless) I felt for a significantly dark season. Talk about lonely and, hence, overwhelmed! During that time, it typically took me until 3 p.m. to get dressed (if you can even call sweat pants and the perpetual mommy-tail “dressed”). It was partly the being exhausted by 8 p.m. 6 p.m., and, well . . . all things baby. However, the deeper truth was that I was used to finding friends through life— like school or work. Now, spending so much time at home, I was just plain alone. It took some time to dawn on me that for seemingly the first time in my life, I had to make a real (huge) effort to go out and find friends. It was probably a good year or so before I really felt a heart connection with my now dearest (albeit now distance-challenged) friend. While the reasons and seasons may be different (from working too much to a move), I’m not so sure that I’m alone in having had some seemingly friendless, lonely times. That’s hard because we need to water our souls with good girlfriends. If you have a dear, kindred-heart sister—celebrate her! I’m talking CAKE! If not—it’s time to find her. Listen, there really is nothing like a good girlfriend. She is like a jewel, precious and rare. Like a gem, it may require digging in some dirt to find her! (Past our own “dirt” of insecurity, fear or isolation perhaps?) So, where to start? Well, simply put, “He who has friends must himself be friendly“ (Proverbs 18:24). (Whaaaat?!?!? That’s it?!?). Sometimes we have to get out there, past ourselves, and make an effort. It can be as simple as asking someone to grab a cup of coffee. Yes! Friendship and coffee (or tea) fit together like peanut butter and jelly. It’s liquid therapy, warming our very hearts and souls. For me, it seemed to take some gargantuan effort at first because of my exhaustion. But, I mustered every ounce of strength I could find and started by joining a local Mother’s of Preschoolers Group (any group of like-minded women would do). Oh, it was like the Hallelujah Chorus was playing! Such JOY those ladies brought to my life! The chit-chat alone raised my spirits with each gabby crescendo. It literally gave me fuel for a whole week. After realizing it was my depleted “friend tank” causing me to sputter along, I put more effort into making time to connect with people. I allowed others to come in a little closer, then closer still. So what if they saw that I didn’t have it all together as a new mom? Yes, it can be hard to let others in sometimes, but ironically, that is the beauty of friendship. We see this more in one of the best examples of friendship, that of Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel 18:3-4. Jonathan, the royal prince, gives his robe to David, the common shepherd, offering a relationship among equals— figuratively removing his royalty and status. Jonathan then took off his armor, meaning he also let go of his defenses. Some of us can be so guarded at times that we make the Great Wall of China look like a toothpick by comparison. Please hear me here. Jonathan knew that the art of approaching others at the same level is essential for an authentic relationship. This is not to say that we don’t need any boundaries in friendships. It is also true that no relationship is without risk. However, big walls keep not only the bad out, but the GREAT as well. As I stepped out a few years ago, eventually, a new group of friends came forward. Eventually, one extra-special friend did too. I’m glad, because friends help friends flourish! We need them in order to be all that our Lord has called for us to be. If you also desire to find some close friends to sparkle your journey, then let's do it! Joining a new group or inviting a new acquaintance to tea might be just the spark required. So (as we raise our metaphorical coffee mugs for a toast), here is to celebrating flourishing friendships—both the old and the new—and doing whatever it takes to connect with others, this month and always! In Him,
“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever ” (Psalm 52:8).
Designed to Flourish Magazine is for Hampton Roads Christian singles, wives, moms, friends, daughters . . . women. It is for those aspiring to be all they were created to be—their most beautiful and fulfilled selves. It is for women who desire to sparkle with the light of Christ in their relationships, roles, finances, life goals, and all areas of life. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). This includes being a Proverbs 31 woman! 224 Springbrook Lane Chesapeake, VA 23320 757-348-5664 www.theflourishmagazine.com Publisher/Executive Editor Kelly Head Senior Editor Cresta Shawver Copy Editor Charlene Cason Design Director Nicole Knight Flourish Ad Designer Victoria Moore Photographers Dana Artis, Arynne Keezer, Keri Potter and Lori West Photo Coordinator Elizabeth Bergman Contributing Writers Penny Crowell, Melissa McDermott, Jennifer Miller, Vierna Naomi, Jonathan Pettitt, Cresta Shawver, Amy Volk, Joy Wansley, Lori West, Marybeth Whalen and Dana Williams Special Thanks Harvest Assembly and New Life Providence churches. Also, to all of the wonderful contributors for their loving hearts to bring this forth for the women of Hampton Roads. Thank you!
Designed to Flourish Magazine is published six times a year by Flourishing Media LLC. No portion may be reproduced without the written consent of the publishers. The opinions of the contributing writers do not necessarily reflect those of the publishers. Flourishing Media LLC, assumes no liability for products, services or statements made by advertisers. The publishers reserve the right to refuse advertisements that do not meet the publications standards. Have your Designed to Flourish Magazine delivered for $18 annually to cover the cost of shipping & processing. Email Kelly@theflourishmagazine.com for details. All rights reserved.
In
This
Issue
Are you an
aspiring
3 E ditor's Note 5 C hristianity in High Heels: Venti Friends Make Heartbreak Easier to Swallow 10
6 J oys of Style: HELP!! What's a Girl to Wear on Casual Friday? 7 V ibrant Glow: Holistic Health and Beauty Tips
secure your dreams! 20
Writers/Publishing Musicians/Producers Painters/Photographers Clothing/Jewelry Designers Film/TV Performers Creative Business Owners
11 H eart to Heart: One Mom's Eureka Moment & The Flourish Cutie Pie 12 S implified Living: Come on Over, the House is Clean!
Photo by Lori West
13 S mart Cents: My Friend Owes Me Money
Jason Head
Entertainment Attorney 757.248.3648 Jason@HeadLegal.com
14 Happenings: The Play: The Man Called Jesus & The Flourish Makeover Contest 15 Marketplace Corner: Financial Success Strategies & Finding Friends in a Foreign Land (Texas!) 16 M usings from the Man Cave: Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?
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18 Palette: Terebinth: A Sweet Retreat 19 Devotional: Room for Cream 20 Party Plan: Pinkies Out (Little) Ladies, It's Tea Time! 21 Recipe: Lime and Blood Orange Scones 22 Flourish Essay Contest Winners 23 T he Flourish: Time for Tea
About the Cover Artist Joella Skilleter is predominately a self-taught artist. For many years she focused her attention on watercolors, as it suited her nomadic lifestyle. After settling in New Zealand for a number of years, she began to explore the acrylic medium. In recent years, she has developed an interest in painting during times of worship and prayer. Joella currently resides in the United States. You can explore her range of paintings at www.joellaskilleter.com
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blessedbabe
Jason Head can help you
9 M intle Health: Friendship in Marriage Buffers New Baby Stress & Fitness: Things You Can Do Right at Your Desk 10 T he Smile That Saved Her Life Joy Julian's Life and Death Battle
Christian artist or entreprenueur?
Christianity in High Heels: Venti Friends Make Heartbreak Easier to Swallow
Help spread the ministry of Designed to Flourish! Please pick up extra copies and pass them along to the women in your life. Our goal is to steward the copies by getting them directly into the hands of the Christian women of Hampton Roads. Also, are we available at your church, Christian conference, Bible study or other event? We would love to be! Please contact us. Also, please show support for our sponsors by considering their services and letting them know you found them in Designed to Flourish. Our goal is to provide resources that you can trust. We are looking for people with a heart for the Christian women of our community. If you have gifts of writing, painting, photography or administration that you desire to share with Designed to Flourish, we would love to hear from you. We are also assembling leaders for our ambassador program and officers for our Flourishing Ladies of Hampton Roads leadership committee. Email kelly@theflourishmagazine.com for information. Please review the writing submission guidelines prior to sending submissions at www.theflourishmagazine.com.
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Only two good things happened when I experienced one of my great heartbreaks. First, I eventually realized that it was actually better for me not to have ended up with him. Secondly, I saw how my girlfriends really are there for me when I need them. With them present during one of my so-called “darkest hours,” I was able to keep my composure and get out of that place with my head held high. Even while driving home right afterwards, with such an angry and heavy heart, I was able to easily pick up the phone to call them (on conference call!) and go straight into my rants—without explaining all the detailed history. They said they could not believe it! How could he do that to me? At least for that two hours on the phone, I wasn’t really alone. They were all there, as though they too had experienced it firsthand. They all felt as betrayed as I did! With my “romantic tragedy” at that time, I thought I just couldn’t take it. So, the next week, I had to call an urgent meeting. We usually get our huge Venti cups to last six hours so we can deal with all kinds of crazy conversations on a variety of topics, from shoes to ministry. However, this was one of the few occasions that the conversation would be six hours on a more low-spirited note. Despite all the well-meaning analysis of what went wrong and who did what, our coffees emptied on sad yet hopeful sighs. There were no Bible verses tossed here and there. Not one verse to condemn that guy’s guilt and not one verse to justify my actions. Somehow at this time it seemed unnecessary, because we all knew that the comfort and strength of God is a given. We were keenly aware that God is on top of everything, who even then foresaw that I would one day chalk this up as a memorable event. But what I needed then was not the unabridged sermon about how this was God’s will in my life. No, all I needed that day was a cup of coffee and the ears of my friends to make my heart fully and gratefully relieved. Some happy endings involve champagne and two-karat engagement rings. For me, in that chapter of my life, my happy ending was six hours of chatting fueled by Venti coffee cups. I believe it’s just as unforgettable . . . and more easily repeated! “blessed babe” works as a marketing communications professional in the Philippines. She’s also actively involved in organizing events for her local church’s young adults and market workplace ministries. Aside from all this, she’s a professional maid of honor, aunt, shopper and blogger. Her single Christian girls adventures are chronicled at www.christianityinhighheels.com . www.theflourishmagazine.com
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General Guidelines for Casual Fridays:
Joys of Style
Professional—i.e. wear a sports jacket/blazer, twin set, collared shirt (polo shirt)
Casual What?
Cleaned, Ironed and Neat No holes or tears
Joy Wansley
No extra skin showing
Ahh . . . it’s happening: I am on the streets of Paris, strolling into my dream designer’s exclusive fashion studio. Drunk with giddiness, I melt into a plush velvet, quilted wing back chair that reminds me of a miniature throne. I am numb with excitement as the woman dressed in black, hair pulled back and makeup just so, svelte to the point of perfection, tells me that the Chanel private showing for the Spring Collection is about to begin. Oh, my smile is stretching from ear to ear! As I close my eyes and take a deep breath, ready to be blown away by opulence at its finest , I hear my name, “Joy . . . Joy . . . JOY!!!” “Are you going to sit there all day or are you going to choose a pair of jeans?” Au Contraire! This can’t be happening to me! My dream quickly turned nightmare. There I was in a 5 x 5 ft. dressing room, my mind whisked far from home because of the frustration and exhaustion of finding the perfect outfit(s) for the newly instituted “Casual Friday” dress code. Who made up this day anyway? A witty fashionista wanting to instigate mass confusion into society? Or someone desiring to see me stressed out on a week-to-week basis just for kicks? Seriously, what are casual Fridays? Who sets the rules? Are the rules the same in every industry? Is what I deem to be “casual” appropriate? What defines appropriateness?
Nothing sheer (tops or bottoms) No sneakers or flip flops No short skirts, leggings or shorts Jeans are allowed if it is o.k. with the company’s image (not tattered or torn, not baggy, nor worn with undergarments showing)
To not to be like me, sitting in a 5 x 5 ft. dressing room with tears in my eyes and jeans only half-way on (which does not a pretty picture make), here are some tips to alleviate some of the pain.
Tip 1. Take a trusted friend who will give you honest feedback that won’t induct you into the “office joke hall of fame.”
Tip 2. Now if you feel that you can conquer this chore on your own merit (or you cherish your friendships and do not want to start WWIII by lunch time,) then venture out on your own with a PLAN. Yes, I said PLAN! The plan should incorporate what core pieces you already own and what items you may need to add to stretch your closets’ best. Have fun with what you already own.
Tip 3. Mixin’ and Matchin’ ought to be your best friends! Tip 4. Ask a stylist/wardrobe specialist/sales associate at
First of all ladies, let’s set a precedent that style is a matter of substance and it expresses the inner you! No one is trying to squash your inner diva; however, what you would like to strut into the office wearing might raise a few eyebrows and land you in the boss’s office. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE! With that said, there are rules that do work in most industries.
the store you visit for some ideas and suggestions of what they have available that would meet your needs/wants. A fresh eye from someone who knows their merchandise can save you time. It can also give you an a-ha moment about a style you may never have tried without some coaxing. Happy hunting ladies! And if, for any reason you see me in a fitting room somewhere with a glazed look on my face, please don’t interrupt. You never know, I could be sippin’ coffee at my favorite Parisian café!
Remember, that each company can instill particulars in its individual dress code. It is your responsibility to find out exactly what they are in your company’s dress code guidelines.
Au revoir and enjoy your JOYS OF STYLE! Use the following chart as a tool to give you peace of mind and to keep you focused so you don’t spend a fortune or extra time that could be used toward “girl-time.”
CLOSET ENVY
(Hot key items in your closet)
1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Needed Accents (Items to enhance your wardrobe)
1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Stores to Visit 1. 2. 3.
*Please cut out, fill-in, fold, and place in your wallet/purse/planner for reference. 6
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(To avoid burn-out, choose max of 3 per trip.)
(Check off your finds as you go…no repeats)
1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Vibrant Glow News and Tips for Holistic Health and Vibrant Beauty Deanne Mihelich
Eating Vitamin C Rich May be the Secret to Smoothing Away Wrinkles Eating fruits and veggies loaded with vitamin C does more than boost your immunity, it may also offer the added bonus of making you look younger. A study published in American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that eating more foods containing higher levels of vitamin C is linked to a reduced risk of having wrinkled skin and age-related skin dryness. Good sources of vitamin C include: cantaloupe, grapefruit, guava, lemons, oranges, papaya, pineapple and strawberries as well as broccoli, dark green leafy vegetables, sweet potatoes, tomatoes and red peppers. So instead of just relying on hope in a bottle to keep those laugh lines at bay, you may want to serve it up with a daily dose of orange juice for breakfast, tomatoes at lunch and leafy greens for dinner.
Antioxidant-rich Popcorn? Yep! Who knew that popcorn was more than tasty snack food? A new study has placed it among the likes of blueberries, tea, red wine and chocolate. That's because popcorn along with whole grain cereals aren't just full of fiber, but now it turns out that they are also filled with antioxidants called polyphenols. Early researchers originally gave fiber in whole grains the credit for reducing the risk of cancer and coronary heart disease, but now polyphenols are emerging as the more important factor, claims the study's lead researcher, Joe Vinson, a chemist at the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania. "We found that, in fact, whole grain products have comparable antioxidants per gram to fruits and vegetables," said Vinson, who was quoted in ScienceDaily.com. Antioxidants are important for removing free radicals from the body, which can damage the body's cells and tissues. According to Vinson, wheat has the most antioxidants of all grains followed by corn, oats and rice. While snack lovers may be rejoicing at this news, a daily habit of butter- and salt-loaded popcorn and sugar-laden cereal may not be a better choice than a cup full of fresh blueberries. But it sure is nice to know that a nice bowl of popcorn on Saturday night along with a good movie may do the body more good than previously thought. Deanne Brady Mihelich is passionate about helping others live a healthy lifestyle, eat nourishing foods and naturally prevent diseases. For more news and tips using natural solutions for better health and beauty, visit her blog Vibrantglow.com.
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Mintle
Health
FITNESS Robin Richards
Are you sitting at your computer all day while tension builds in your shoulders and neck? Here are a few simple things you can do right at your desk.
Friendship In Marriage Buffers New Baby Stress Dr. Linda Mintle Mike and Jan were excited about having their first baby and becoming new parents. Several of their friends were entering this new stage of family life, and the impending parenthood created much anticipation. Yet, all the changes and stress were taking a toll on their marital relationship. The couple argued about small things, busied themselves with too many tasks and lost sight of time together. This was supposed to be a happy time in their lives, so why didn’t they feel happy? Having a baby is not the easiest transition for couples, even when the experience is positive. This is because marriages are vulnerable during transition times. Marital satisfaction usually takes a dive, because couples face more conflict and tend to have less positive communication. Stress rises and if you aren’t careful, that stress can challenge the marriage. What can help couples prevent this normal developmental change from becoming so stressful? Researchers Alyson Shapiro and John Gottman wanted to find out, so they studied a group of couples who had children during the first six years of marriage. Looking at the couples who became parents, they studied those whose relationships remained stable and actually increased on measures of marital satisfaction versus those who did not. They identified a key factor that helped buffer the stress of having a new baby. It may surprise you, but speaks to the importance of friendship in marriage. Marital friendship was the important factor that buffered the stress for couples making the transition to becoming new parents. That friendship included two key elements: 1) Spouses had a level of awareness about their partner, his/her life and the couple's relationship. 2) Husbands admired and were fond of their wives. So if you want to protect your marital relationship from stress, build your friendship. Don’t get so busy and consumed with the details of having a new baby 8
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that you ignore your partner. Keep the friendship strong and make time for each other. Focus on things you admire and respect about your spouse. Get to know your spouses’ interests, stay positive, talk, have fun together and enjoy each other’s company. The strength of the marital friendship will serve you well when stress and change become a part of your family life. Like most friendships, the more time you spend getting to intimately know the person, the deeper the friendship can go. And in marriage, a deep friendship has a positive effect on countering stress. A strong friendship also allows a couple to work together through the stress of change and transition—a skill needed to keep marriage strong and provide a healthy home for growing families. Conflict and change can bring couples closer together when they work on making their relationship exciting and fun. In fact, couples who have fun together have higher levels of marital satisfaction than those who feel bored (Tsapelas, Aron and Orbuch, 2009). So whether you add a regular date night, take up a cooking class together or try your hand at pottery, don’t be afraid to break out of the rut of routine and have some fun! Tsapelas, I., Aron, A. Psychological Science, April 14, 2009.
Dr. Linda Mintle is a licensed therapist and bestselling author with 16 book titles to her name. Her newest book, I Love My Mother But…is now in bookstores and available online (Harvest House 2011). For more information, www.drlindamintle.com.
Stretch. Sit up tall, feet flat and firmly planted on floor, reach over your head. Placing your left hand above your right ear, gently pull your left ear to your left shoulder and hold for 45-60 seconds. Gently tilt your head, bringing your chin to your chest. Hold and repeat on the opposite side with the opposite hand. You can also do this standing. Get Up. At least once an hour, get up from your desk and walk around to get your blood circulating and give your eyes and mind a break.
Bend. Doing some gentle toe touches by bending forward at the waist (no bouncing). This will help your circulation and relieve lower back tension and tight hamstrings. Hold each stretch for at least 45 seconds then gently return to a standing position and reach as high as you can toward the ceiling. Arm circles are also great for getting the blood and oxygen moving in the upper region.
Lower caffine intake. Go easy on the caffeine; coffee, tea and sodas can lead to headaches and dehydration. Switch to green/herbal teas or water.
Breathe. Another tip for getting some oxygen to the brain and increase concentration is to draw your abs in. Imagine your belly button being drawn into your spine. Breathe deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Make sure to “push” all the air out. As you do, you will feel your lower abdomen/diaphragm tighten. This is good, you’re strengthening your core! Repeat five to ten times.
Snack. Snack on fresh fruit or nuts. Almonds are great! They are loaded with omega 3 making them great for the heart. Walk. Finally, always take the stairs rather than the elevator. Park as far away from the building as possible to increase steps and burn a few extra calories. Remember to think happy thoughts throughout the day because “as we think in our hearts so we become” (paraphrased from Proverbs 23:7). Robin is a certified personal trainer and owner of Body Works Fitness, Inc. where she uses her passion for health, fitness and nutrition by “Bringing the Gym to You!” Find her at www.bodyworksfitnessinc.com.
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The Smile That Saved Her Life Lori West
“The miracle of friendship usually begins with a simple smile,” is one of Joy Julian’s favorite quotes. Julian, 38, native Chesapeake resident, likes to reminisce about her enduring friendship with a girl she met in middle school after the exchange of a couple simple smiles. “She sat right next to me. We would look at each other periodically and smile. After class, I said ‘My name is Joy’ and she said she was Jennifer, and that was it. We were inseparable!” After only a year of fun, laughter, liking the same boys and even accidentally locking themselves out of the house in the snow, Joy was heartbroken when her closest friend, Jennifer Pepper, had to move. Fortunately, this didn’t deter the girls from continuing their friendship long distance through many letters, phone calls and several visits. The girls grew up, but their friendship did not grow apart. Their friendship was only strengthened when in June 2004, Jennifer’s 6-year-old son T.J. went into a coma due to a brain tumor found only two months earlier. It was during this difficult time that Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer. Joy immediately went out to visit and was there when her friend had a mastectomy. One month later T.J. passed away. In person and long-distance, Joy watched her best friend grieve the loss of her son, as well as fight to extend her own life. But Joy didn’t just observe. “I learned that it’s important to maintain a positive attitude, continue to thank God and trust Him,” says Joy. “I did visit her one last time in December 2007 when her health started taking a turn [for the worse]. I asked her if she ever got angry about her situation, because she never showed it to anyone. Her updates were always too hopeful. She told me, ‘Yes, this sucks! But, I don’t want Cynthia [her 14-year-old daughter] to see me angry. I don’t want her to be angry with God. I want her to know that there is something far greater beyond this life.’ It was so powerful.” It was 2008 when Jennifer lost her
four-year battle with breast cancer at age took place all the way back in seventh grade? 33. Joy flew out to speak at Jennifer’s funeral “I wanted to tell her ‘Thank you’ so bad. So, not only to mourn the loss of a friend, but I called her mom. I could barely speak from to encourage others about friendship. crying. I told her ‘I just want to tell Jennifer Four weeks after Jennifer’s funeral, even thank you. She saved my life.’ Her mom started though Joy wasn’t in the recommended age crying and said she now realized Jennifer’s for getting a baseline mammogram and she death was not in vain—it had a purpose. I just had no family history of cancer, hope now my experience she decided to be proactive and gives purpose to others.” get one. As a fairly new mom, and As part of her “bucket looking forward to many more list” of things to do with years with her family, Joy was the life she’s been given, not prepared for the results that Joy became a stand-up came back . . . cancer . . . stage 1. comedienne and has Her mind and emotions brought smiles to faces started swirling. Could this really all over Hampton Roads. Above: Cancer Survivor Joy Julian All Smiles. be happening? I’m going to die. “I went through cancer Top Photo: Best Friends Joy and Jennifer, Age 14. Who is going to take care of treatment and lost all my baby? Joy contemplated of my hair. Yes, even that hair. So if you have any unsightly body the seriousness that a cancer diagnosis can hair you would like to rid yourself from — I entail. She had just watched her friend go highly recommend the chemo,” she quips. through this. Was she really going to have to After eight rounds of chemotherapy, 33 walk the same path? She was thankful that radiation treatments, a lumpectomy and a it was stage 1, and knew Jennifer had a more “replacement” of all the hair on her body, difficult battle with a diagnosis of stage 4. Joy can finally say she is cancer-free! And her One day while driving, Joy started thinking about her friendship with Jennifer. “I just experience has not been without purpose. started going through everything—the funeral, Joy’s gratitude is evident in her passion to the mammogram, the biopsy, the diagnosis, the reach out to others struggling with cancer. She started two cancer support groups—one mediport, the chemo. OH MY GOSH! I would at New Life Providence Church, Virginia have never thought twice about any of this Beach, that brings meals and support to those had it not been for Jennifer!” Tears fell—not of going through treatment. The other group is with another Jennifer that saved her life—Dr. Jennifer Reed—for women under 50 called Pink, Powerful and Perky. Joy is also affiliated with Beyond Boobs! and is Ms. March in their 2011 A Calendar to Live By. sadness, but of gratitude, of the realization of Through it all, and still today, 2 Timothy how God’s hand had been on her life to ordain 4:7 is a verse Joy lives by—“I have fought such a friendship that may just end up saving the good fight, I have finished the race, I her life. What if she had never met Jennifer? have kept the faith.” She continues her What if she had not continued to keep in journey of friendships, smiles, laughter touch? What if she had not followed the thought to get a baseline mammogram? Would and joy as her license plate shouts her gratitude beside a pink ribbon—THNXJN. her battle have begun years later with a stage 4 diagnosis as her friend’s had, had it not been Learn more about cancer risk factors, prevention, for Jennifer’s simple smile of friendship that screenings and more. at www.cancer.org.
God’s hand had been on her life to ordain such a friendship that may just end up saving her life.
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Heart to Heart: One Mom's Eureka Moment Felicia Murrell same way that you protect the heart-toheart relationship with Me, you will not have to live in fear of them falling away from the things you have taught them.” The sky opened. The music played. I had an a-ha moment. Eureka! I sped when there was no one to enforce the law. If I got caught, I simply accepted the penalty for my wrongdoing. I recognized that I hadn’t experienced a consequence severe enough to keep me from speeding. So what consequence would be Felicia (front) and Doug Murrell (back) keep their family connected with some family fun at the beach. (From Left) Brittany 20; Tre' 16; Chaya 14; Jeremiah 13. great enough to keep our daughter from exploiting her freedoms and disregarding all that we had invested into her for her for her first 18 years of As parents to four amazing teens aged her life? I realized that rather than trying to force 13-20, we had heard many horror stories of our children to obey, ultimately it really had to be children leaving home for college and going their choice. I realized totally wild. This was not what we wanted for that if we could remain our children. So, after years of sheltering our heart-connected, then oldest daughter from the temptations of the the values that are world, I began to pray for wisdom in how to important to us would prepare her, in two short years, for the freedoms remain important to her. she would soon experience at college. Therefore, we decided One day soon after that, I was zooming down that we wanted that I-264 towards Norfolk at the jolly ole speed of 70. the atmosphere in our I saw a state trooper and immediately put on my home to be modeled brakes to slow down to a respectable 55 mph. after 1 John 4:18. The Lord quickly began to use this experience “There is no fear in as a teachable moment. “Felicia, why do you love; but perfect love cast out fear: because fear speed” came from within my spirit. “Because I involves torment (punishment). He that fears is like to get where I am going,” I said. “No, you not made perfect in love.” By choosing to train have no value for the rule and so you choose our children in self-control and protecting our to break it. When the enforcer is not there, you heart-to-heart connection, we would no longer don't follow the law.” After that sunk in for a demand obedience or conformity. Is this hard? minute, “What makes you obey My rules?” Yes! Yet, we have decided that it is more fun “Because I love you, and I wouldn't want to to raise kids who are personally responsible for do anything that would hurt You, Lord.” “Well, their choices, empowered to think for themselves if you will deepen and protect the heart-to-heart and capable of managing their freedoms. connection between you and your children in the
Armed with this revelation, a big test came when our daughter successfully obtained her Virginia driver’s license. While most of our friends were issuing curfews with their licensee, we chose not to set a curfew right away. We decided to give her the opportunity to manage her freedom and see how she handled it. We celebrated her accomplishment, made her aware of the Virginia law for teen drivers—how many could be in the car, what time they required her to be off the road, and so forth. Only twice in her final year of high school did she come home later than we would have liked. Both times, she called to let us know that she would be thirty minutes late. In both instances, she was not personally driving. It was fun to watch her handle her part of our relationship with respect and honor, not only while driving, but continually through many choices she made over the next
. . . deepen and protect the heartto-heart connection between you and your children in the same way that you protect the heartto-heart relationship with Me . . . few years as she prepared to go off to college. She is now a sophomore at Yale University and continues to do an amazing job of managing her freedoms. We’re proud of her accomplishments, but we’re also so thankful that we have all been able to maintain our heart-to-heart connection despite the miles. Felicia is co-founder of Wise Counsel Ministries. You can find her at feliciamurrell.blogspot.com.
Flourish Cutie Pie
Grace Elizabeth McCullough
1 month old
Do you have a Cutie Pie? Send us an adorable picture of the child in your life. A “Cutie Pie” winner will be highlighted in each issue. Send your submission to editor@theflourishmagazine.com by April 1st. Limit one photo submission per family, per issue.
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My friend owes me money!
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Come On Over. The House is Clean!
Jennifer Miller
Amy Volk
Keri Potter photos
“Come over quick! The house is clean. Hurry up or you'll miss it!” That was the post from a friend on Facebook today. It’s so funny, because it’s so true. How many times have you prayed that a friend won’t stop by because the house is in utter chaos? You made New Year’s resolutions that this year would be the year you would organize, declutter and never be ashamed when the doorbell rings! With so much to do every day, let’s look at some simple ways to gain control over the piles and messes so you can enjoy a friend stopping over anytime of the day. Number one rule: Everyone who lives in the house contributes to maintaining it! Shocking, I know. I cannot tell you how many homes I see where the unspoken rule is, “Mom will do it.” Even the littlest of your little ones can have a job in the house. So, here we go.
Jot down a list of all the chores to get done, and then delegate.
Now listen, they might not get done exactly the way you would want it done, but the bottom line is—the job gets done!
Get a medium-to-large basket. Place it somewhere in the house that is central or where most of the action in your house happens. Ours is just off the kitchen. Each night set a timer for five minutes. Everyone in the house sets out to find their belongings that are out of place. Shoes, jackets, books, toys, cups . . . you get the idea. They dump them in the basket. Whatever is left out after five minutes becomes the property of Mom until further notice.
Smart
Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. Ask yourself why there may be piles of
I will die saying this one thing—put things
back after you use them! Teach your family that when they take something out to use it, it goes back when they are finished. Like the tooth paste, the cereal box, the magic markers, and the calculator. Putting things away can change your life, I promise!
I know these tips sound so elementary. They are, but implementing them isn’t always as easy. Start with two or three and watch the stress lift. Before you know it, you will be asking girlfriends to pop over for tea!
Keri Potter
Monster-sized
mess on ? s d n a h r u yo
Keri Potter
paperwork in your home. Is there no place to put papers? Do you need to revamp your file system? Are you keeping too much paperwork? Are you not addressing the mail on a daily basis? Find out the WHY to the piles and the solution will be immediately clear.
Cents
Simplified Living LLC founder Amy Volk has a passion for creating beautiful, clutter-free homes and corporate environments. She helps people learn to live more simply. Visit her at www.simplifiedliving.org.
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I realized that the better option, when your friend is in need, is to give the money as a gift. You may not be able to meet her entire need, but you can help in some way. For example, say your friend needs $1,000. You can’t afford to give her $1,000, but you can give her $100. Better to give the $100 free and clear than stretch yourself to lend the $1,000, potentially putting financial stress on yourself and the friendship. Also, if you lend your friend money and then you do see her buy that new pair of boots before she pays you back, it makes sense that you might become resentful. You might think, If she has the money for new boots, then certainly she has the money to pay me back! Right? We’ve all heard stories of broken relationships due to money. Bitterness has an ugly way of creeping in quickly and none of us wants to lose a friend over money. If you do choose to lend money to a friend, you should consider handling it like any business transaction, especially for large amounts of money. Outline the terms of the contract (i.e., when payments are due , whether interest will be charged, how default will be handled, etc.). The reason for doing this is to set expectations on both sides of the transaction, to protect the relationship. If you are uncomfortable having this type of conversation with your friend, then you should reconsider lending the money to her. Instead, consider giving your friend what you can to bless her. I know, without a doubt, that any amount you give will be appreciated. Jennifer is a gifted encourager with a passion for seeing people set free in their personal finances. She desires to use her personal life lessons and experiences to help others on the journey to financial stability. If you have a finance question, send it to editor@theflourishmagazine.com.
What is the sign of a good decision? ®
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I loaned money to a good friend two months ago so that she could pay some unexpected bills. She has not paid me back yet, which I was fine with – until I saw her sporting brand new designer boots! Now I’m wondering if my good deed was such a good idea? Lending money to friends is a touchy subject. Ask a dozen random strangers, and you’ll get just as many random opinions. Some say never lend money while others talk about setting terms for the loan. While this may be hard for some to swallow, the overall feeling (from a Biblical mindset) seems to be that, if money is going to exchange hands between friends, then it should be as a gift, no strings attached. It provides for an interesting discussion. From a Biblical perspective, I believe we have a responsibility to help those in need around us (see 1 John 3:1; see also Deuteronomy 15:10-11; Romans 12:13; 2 Corinthians 9:7). We’re commanded in Scripture to give generously and to share with others (1 Timothy 6:18; Hebrews 13:16). Through the study of God’s Word, along with prayer, I’ve come to agree that it’s best not to lend money to friends. Instead, with the Lord’s guidance, I give what I can, knowing that in the end it’s the Lord who will meet their need. However, this isn’t the approach I’ve always taken. I once lent money to a friend. She paid me back, and neither of us feels like it strained our relationship. We are still very close today. Yet, afterwards,
Penny P. Crowell, MBA, CLTC, Financial Services Professional Commonwealth Financial Partners, LC 222 Central Park Avenue, Suite 1100, Virginia Beach, VA 23462 757-490-9041, ext. 319 • ppcrowell@finsvcs.com
Life insurance + retirement/401(k) PLan services + DisabiLity income insurance + Long term care insurance + annuities
MassMutual Financial Group refers to Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual), its affiliated companies and sales representatives. Insurance products are issued by MassMutual, Springfield, MA 01111 and its subsidiaries, C.M. Life Insurance Company and MML Bay State Life Insurance Company, Enfield, CT 06082. CRN201212-141966
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“The Play: The Man Called Jesus” Cresta Brooke Shawver
Carrying the message of the cross is the primary goal of Hampton Roads resident Marie Umidi's ministry, an evangelistic drama called The Play: The Man Called Jesus. Umidi has produced “The Play,” for 25 years now, both in Hampton Roads and internationally. She keeps the celebration of the resurrection of Christ at the forefront of Easter, using drama to depict the life, death, burial and resurrection of Christ. “There are so many stories of salvation that come from audience members, I can’t count them all,” says Umidi. Some of her favorites include the two cast members who came to Christ through the play, and one gentleman who was saved during a performance, and then joined the cast the next year to share his experience. “Once, my husband was flagged down on the interstate because of his license plate (“TMCJ”). The women in the other car just had to tell him about her mother-in-law, who saw The Play just weeks before her death from cancer, and accepted Christ,” recounts Umidi. “Around 80-85% of the audience will pray the prayer of redemption or rededication at the end of the play.” The Man Called Jesus is playing at New Life Providence Deep Creek this year on: April 14th at 7:30, the 15th at 7:30, the 16th at 3 pm and 7:30, and April 17th at 5 pm. Visit www.tmcj.org for tickets and information. If you would like an opportunity to share the story of Christ through “The Play” just become a Facebook fan of Designed to Flourish at http://www.facebook.com/ Designedtoflourish. We will be giving away tickets to one Flourish reader/Facebook fan on April 11.
Win a Flourish Makeover! At Flourish, we believe that we all can look and feel fabulous! But, at times, some of us may need some help igniting our inner Diva. In honor of feeling great, we are looking for one special woman who deserves to flourish from the inside out. We will be pampering her with a beauty makeover! So are you her? Do you know her? We want to know and we want to hear from you! Let's help someone to step out of the rough patch because it's time to bloom! Deny that voice that says, “No, not you . . . .“ Reach out and grab your fresh new flourish! To enter: Please submit a heartfelt letter explaining why you, or someone you know, deserves a Flourish makeover. The winner will be highlighted in our July issue. She will receive a wonderful new hair, nail and makeup makeover along with some other replenishing prizes. After she’s feeling simply “Flourising,” she’ll participate in an amazing fashion photo shoot and red carpet treatment fit for the queen she is. So, Hampton Roads, whom shall we celebrate . . . your mom, sister, daughter, cousin, friend, or you?
Don’t wait, submit today! Please send submissions to editor@theflourishmagazine.com Entries due by April 21.
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Melissa McDermott PhD. When I was almost 13 years old, my parents made the decision to move from New York to a foreign land—Texas. I was completely devastated; I cried with they made the announcement. Probably a more accurate account of the scenario was that I wailed and travailed. You see, I was very shy and quiet, an only child. All of my family and friends lived in New York. Moving meant that I had to make new friends. I had to learn to speak a different dialect , in a place where the people dressed and wore their hair and makeup differently (well, they actually fixed their hair and wore makeup). In an attempt to fit in, I got a perm and wore purple eye shadow. But once we made the move, I found the people to be very friendly and quickly made friends that I am still friends with today (dare I say almost 22 years later!). And I grew as a result. It can be very challenging and daunting to move to a new area and find a good group of friends. Many people in Hampton Roads move to the area for school or military placement, and it can be tempting to not invest deeply in friendships in what may be a temporary situation. But I have found that some of the best friendships are found in a short period of time. I moved to Virginia Beach for graduate school. At first, I was daunted by the prospect of being in a completely unfamiliar place, even though this time it was my choice. I made the decision to have no regrets and live life to the fullest in the two years that I thought I would be here. Well, the initial two years turned into twelve (with a few years in between in
Washington, D.C. and overseas). I met my husband in Hampton Roads and found a group of sisters who have spoken into my life and have been there to laugh, cry, play and pray wherever our different paths have taken us throughout the world. We have walked through many seasons of life together. I could have missed out on so many beautiful treasures! In his book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis says that friendship arises out of companionship when two or more companions discover that they have a common interest, insight or taste in common. Finding a true “soul sister” is like a refreshing cup of water. Once you find one, it overflows and brings life into many areas of life. Proverbs 17:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” That seems to imply that one’s countenance becomes brighter when they spend time with a true friend. It also seems to imply that one who is not a true friend will bring you down and make you dull. A true friend will help you reach the next level and see your blind spots and potential. A true friend speaks encouragement into your life that will help you move toward your goals. Friends will challenge your thinking and broaden your perspective on life. How can you invest in your friendships this spring that will help you and them blossom and flourish in this world? There is no greater treasure in this life than a true friend. Melissa completed her PhD. In Organizational Leadership in 2008. She currently works on writing, consulting, and life coaching projects while caring for her one-year-old daughter.
Marketplace Corner: Financial Success Strategies Penny Crowell
Women’s DNA Conference DNA is a young women's conference designed to help women find their true identity in God. This year we are focusing on our Divine Purpose, with God as the author of our Redemptive Story. March 25-26 (6:30 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.) for women ages 18-35 New Life Providence Church Deep Creek Campus 423 Shell Rd. in Chesapeake Cost: $10 (includes Saturday lunch) Register at: newlifeprovidence.com.
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Finding New Friends in a Foreign Land (Texas!)
What is the sign of a good decision? It’s preparing for the unexpected to help protect the lifestyle you have worked so hard to achieve. Women play a pivotal role in the economic vitality of our society. You have worked hard for everything you’ve achieved – as an employee, business owner or even “mompreneur” – and throughout it all you’ve remained the backbone of your family unit. Unfortunately, all those demands on your time can distract you from taking appropriate steps to get your family – and yourself – on track financially. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The following five steps are designed to help you in your journey to greater financial security. Step #1: Be honest with yourself. Take a good, hard look at where you and your family members spend money. Adjust your budget and your spending pattern to reflect a vested interest in your financial future – not just the extra stuff that might seem important now, but won’t matter much to you down the road. (Keep some fun money in your budget; however, so you and your family members don’t feel deprived.) Step #2: Manage your money – and your debt – wisely. If you are overspending on your credit cards and finding yourself paying the minimum balance each month, you should consider getting your
use of credit under control. It is critical that you have a good handle on both your budget and your credit score. Be sure to check out valuable consumer-oriented websites, such as http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/microsites/ moneymatters/index.html from the Federal Trade Commission. It’s an excellent resource for those who are looking to manage money – and debt – for greater long-term financial security.
married, single, divorced, have children, care for aging parents or a disabled loved one, bringing up the subject of death or disability can be painful. However, it is important that you think about these life events and how they would affect you or someone you love if they were to occur. Preparing for the unexpected is a good decision; it can help you to protect the lifestyle you have worked so hard to achieve.
Step #3: Plan for the unexpected. Recently, many Americans began to save more when they realized that job security was not something they could rely on – others faced the harsh reality of trying to pay their bills with substantially less income (or none at all), thanks to a layoff or reduced work schedule. Do you have enough money stashed away for a rainy day? It is advised that you should have at least six months of expenses saved in case of an emergency. It won’t take long if you set your mind to it and start saving right away. Start small if you have to, but start now. Tip: Save a set amount from each paycheck, in an account separate from your checking, that is earmarked for emergencies only. Think of it as a regular bill you must pay.
Step #5: Start a family finances action plan. With a to-do list a mile long, most families are struggling to keep all together. But despite busy schedules, it’s important to talk to your family about your finances and concerns. Consider setting aside an hour once a week—or every other week at the very least—to talk through your current expense issues, financial goals and savings plan. A weekly or bi-weekly check point can be a good way to start a healthy dialogue about your family’s financial goals. Of course, choosing a knowledgeable, local financial professional can help you and your family get – and stay – on track financially.
Step #4: Talk about the hard stuff. It is never easy to have difficult conversations. But the unexpected can – and unfortunately, does – happen sometimes. Whether you are
Penny has served as a financial representative with Commonwealth Financial Partners, LC, a MassMutual Agency, since 1999. Penny enjoys working with women and their families, preparing them for retirement, long term care needs, and financial surprises. Email: ppcrowell@finsvcs.com. Courtesy of Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual).© 2010 Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance.
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FASHION FIGHTS BACK Regent University International Justice Mission (IJM) Presents
Mancave
“Do these jeans make me look fat?”
A fashion benefit show to combat human trafficking.
Sponsored by TwinDell Printing Ink, LLC. as well as other local contributors.
Jonathan David Pettitt
Greetings, sisters! I hope you all enjoyed my last column and are not currently planning my slow and painful death. Since I’m still here, my goal for this column is to be as fair and as honest as possible. Which brings me to our topic—Honesty. If I asked most of you what you wanted in a friend, let alone a man, the virtue of honesty would probably top most of your charts. Yet, what you say you want and the reality of said desire is akin to the loving relationship between the Montagues and Capulets—out-and-out war! In my experience, women desire honesty in the major areas of a relationship—marital fidelity, finances and everything in between. Women require that honesty be as unwavering as the stone tablets that Moses brought down from the mountain (as you justifiably should). However, when it comes to “size honesty,” you want us men to treat the “Honesty Rule” more like the pirate code in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies—as more of a loose guideline. (Aarrgghh! ) Case in point: You and your man are going out for a romantic evening. While getting ready, you demurely turn to him and ask that stroke-inducing question: “Baby, does this outfit make me look fat?” Come on! Really? You say you love this man? Let me tell you what a man pictures when that question is posed to him: He imagines you
putting a gun to his temple and saying, “Honey, I really love you, and I want to have a great time at dinner tonight. However, the only way that you’re going live to see that happen, let alone have ‘dessert,’ is if you tell me, right now, that I’m hotter than Giselle Bundchen, whether it’s true or not. And make me believe it, little man.” Honesty? Really? That’s what you want? You sure? Well, allow me to honestly retort. Nay! I say nay to you, ma’am! I choose to refute your claim because I think that, subconsciously, you need your man to tell you that
not fat. I’m fluffy.) I’ve struggled with this my whole life. In that struggle, I’ve had to be brutally honest; there were a lot of things that I didn’t like about myself. In those areas of self-hatred, I found myself seeking approval from others to validate my identity and alleviate the pain I felt. I believe that women are also seeking approval when they ask their men the “fat” question. Personally, when I found that I no longer needed that approval and validation from people. I still have areas that Jesus needs to heal, but I have a much greater love for myself than I used to.
Women require that honesty be as unwavering as the stone tablets that Moses brought down from the mountain. you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Otherwise, his response will swiftly shine a light on something that you’ve buried in the deepest recesses of your soul. Have you considered that in the core of your being, you think that you are fat? Otherwise, you wouldn’t have asked. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Do I say this to condemn or shame you? Absolutely not! Quite the contrary. I mean, have you seen me? If so, you can clearly see that I’m a card carrying member of the “Fluffy Club.” (I’m
7 p.m. Saturday, April 2nd At Regent University Library Atrium 1000 Regent University Dr. Virginia Beach, VA
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A crack in her voice, a tear down a cheek ... these are some things that make video unique.
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And remember, this applies to all areas of life and relationships, not just size issues. Know that you’re all my sisters, and I believe that you’re AMAZING! You’re all beautifully and wonderfully made. My desire is that you would see for yourself how amazing our Father sees you, and in turn, believe it yourself. That is the honest-to-God-sized truth. May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with you all! An INCREDIBLY single dad of an awesome preteen daughter, Jonathan is quite a hilarious specimen. He is a worship leader, burgeoning writer, loyal friend, and, most importantly, a son to his Heavenly Papa.
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Terebinth: A Sweet Retreat Story Dana Williams Photos Arynne Keezer On a brisk winter afternoon, or any afternoon for that matter, there’s nothing better than hunkering down at a trendy coffee shop and enjoying a delicious cup of coffee with a kindred spirit. Throw in a little “somethin’ somethin’” sweet, and now we’re really talking. The rejuvenation that can take place over coffee or tea was exactly the idea behind “Terebinth: A Sweet Retreat,” the fashionable new coffee shop and dessert café in Chesapeake Town Pointe. “We wanted to create a place where people could gather after a movie or outing in a relaxing [yet upscale] atmosphere, a place where friends can connect,” explains Kisha Frazier, co-owner of Terebinth , along with Alaina Henriquez. It all began back in 2003, when a similar meeting of kindred hearts took place; it was the beginning of the two owners’ “sweet dreams” being fulfilled. First, Alaina got married. Preparing to marry her Prince Charming, she realized the wedding details, including the cake, required nothing less than the best. Enter Kisha, a local favorite and chef extraordinaire, with a gift for creating some of the best sweets ever to grace the palate. That meeting proved to be a date with destiny. You see, unbeknownst to Kisha, Alaina had dreams of owning her own bed and breakfast. And Kisha had dreams of owning a bakery shop. God had already given her the name: Terebinth. The ancient oak tree, called terebinth, can be traced back to Biblical times. Throughout the Old Testament, the terebinth tree signified a place where God’s presence dwelt, a place of sustenance, provision and rest. The name fit for Alaina and Kisha because this was exactly what they wanted their shop to provide to their customers. Also, like the Terebinth, which is a slow-growing tree, the tangible manifestation of these ladies’ dream would not come for another seven years. Well-meaning people sometimes wondered if Alaina and Kisha had heard correctly from God. Where was the shop, after all? But for these faith-filled women, the dream was just as real to them during those seven years as is now. Even when costly repairs, unexpected delays (caused by third parties) and expensive financial setbacks seemed to threaten their vision, the women drew on their faith. They believed God had given them a crystal clear path on which they were to walk, and they intended to do just that. Even their friendship had to be tested. “Starting a business with someone who is familiar to you can put a strain on the relationship,” Kisha remarked, “ but it is as ‘iron sharpens iron.”’ Most days, it is the friendship the ladies of Terebinth share that sustains them. “You have to take the time to nurture that relationship,” said Elaina. “In friendship, we have the ability to bolster one another,” said Kisha. The journey to opening the bakery also came with some hard-won wisdom. In 2003 Kisha was fresh from closing another beloved bakery she had started with 18
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her mother. However, what might have been a failure in one person’s eyes proved to be the very thing God used to help launch Terebinth. “For those who are looking to start their own businesses, you have to believe it even when no one else believes it," Kisha and Alaina agree. “If you don’t see it, no one else will see it. You have to believe it yourself and really want it.” The women live by a standard, said Kisha, “What gets written gets done. Habakkuk 2:2 admonishes, ‘Write the vision; make it plain.’ Then, you have to put some action to that faith.” After the long journey, it is exciting to see the pair’s God-dream blossom into reality. Terebinth finally opened its doors on September 23, 2010, offering luscious pastries such as key lime tarts, red velvet cupcakes, and New Orleans style beignets. Beverages include coffees coupled with smooth and frothy steamed milk, Espresso and a variety of teas. Also featured is a full lunch menu, which includes a roasted corn and potato chowder with shrimp, and a unique pumpkin lobster bisque. Gourmet sandwiches, such as the Mediterranean Panini or “Turkey Wild” with smoked turkey and smoked Gouda, are also available. Terebinth’s variety of decadent food choices should entice even the most ardent food connoisseur. So, if you just happen to be looking for a new spot to enjoy coffee, tea or an oh-so-yummy treat, consider Terebinth. You might just meet a new friend or discover your very own dream. “He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prosper” (Psalm 1:3). Dana is currently working on young adult novels, inspiring readers to renew their hope in God. Dana lives in Virginia Beach with her husband and their four children. Find her at www.danache.com.
Room for Cream Marybeth Whalen "The thief comes only to steal, and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10 NIV). Devotion: "Shall I leave room for cream?" the smiling barista asks me as I place my coffee order. I smile back at her and nod, anticipating receiving my cup full of dark liquid so I can carry it over to the doctoring station and customize it with a generous splash of cream and two sweeteners. As I wait in line to create my comfort in a cup, I ponder the barista's question. I think about the idea of leaving room for cream—not just in my cup, but in my life. I always leave room for cream in my coffee, but I can't honestly say I always leave room for cream in my life. Cream sweetens and lightens and richens. How do I leave room in my life for the things that sweeten and lighten and richen? As I pour and stir, my thoughts drift to the last week. I've done the have-to's: laundry, carpool, dishes, exercise. But it's harder to think of those little extras that fill my cup to the brim ... sweet, creamy, rich extras. Sweet: Time with friends just laughing and enjoying each other. Turning on a favorite song and dancing in the kitchen. Listening to my children when they talk. Taking the extra time to hear their hearts. Putting fun things I look forward to on the calendar. Turning the pages of a novel just
for the joy of experiencing a great story. Pushing pause on my life so I can rest and recharge. Light: Time in God's Word, which the Bible says is a light for our path in life. Journaling what He's telling me and what I'm learning about life. Time to pour my worries and anxieties out to Him, then leave them at His feet. Time to press into Him so I can hear His voice above all the others in this loud, busy world. Stepping out of the rat race and worshiping Him with abandon lightens my load. Rich: Giving of myself through my time and talent. Tithing regularly to my church. Finding people who need a meal, a donation, a word of encouragement and then making the effort to actually give it to them and not just think it's a good idea. Surrendering myself to God's will instead of holding fast to my own.
All of these are things that bring me great joy, that help me reach that place of abundance I believe Jesus wanted us to live in now. Abundance, I am finding, does not come from merely wanting it. It comes from intentionally reaching for it—a result that requires action. It requires leaving room in my life for these things—not packing my life so full of have-to's that the cup is already full. When that happens, I can try to add the cream but it will only spill over, wasted. It starts when I leave room from the beginning or take a moment to pour out what is already too full. With a little thought and a little effort I can learn to hear Jesus ask me, "Did you leave room for cream?" And I can smile back at Him and say, "You better believe I did!" Dear Lord, I want to live the life of abundance You called me to—a life that is sweet and white and rich. Help me remember that I have to leave room in my life for abundance or it will always elude me. Help me to seek You first and let You show me how to leave room for cream. In Jesus' Name, Amen. Marybeth is a North Carolina native who loves living in the south! She has been married for 19 years and has six children. She is a writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries and a novelist. Her upcoming book, She Makes It Look Easy, comes out in June. Find her online at www.marybethwhalen.com.
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Pinkies Out Ladies, It’s Tea Time Danah Artis
That’s why tea parties top the charts for favorite fun. It’s also a great way to develop your mini-princess‘s social skills and table etiquette, while working her imagination to boot. And while a Tea Party birthday theme is a perfect choice, Alice in Wonderland showed us that the “unbirthday” is also absolutely perfect for teatime too. So, grab a friend and your fancy-schmancy party-planning hats because here are some tips to help you throw an inexpensive, yet fabulous, little girl’s tea party.
Monday, April 10, 2011 3:00 p.m. Amy's Tea Room
Invitations—Setting the tone of your party is of primo importance, and your invitation does just that. It is the best way to build excitement and anticipation. There are lots of fun wording and craft ideas for invitations online. Or, go the free route by using Evite (www.evite.com).
Keri Potter
Menu—Think small and tasty over traditional. Instead of petit fours, consider bite-sized goodies such as mini cupcakes, brownies or teddy grahams. For the sandwiches, peanut butter and jelly with cookie cutter shapes. Do you desire some nutritional value? Add some fun fruit kabobs. Pink lemonade or flavored iced tea are great child-friendly beverages.
Directions
1/2 cup cake flour (not self-rising)
Whisk together flours, sugar, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
Cut in butter with a pastry cutter or use a food processor until mixture has the texture of coarse meal. Slowly pour over flour mixture, and stir lightly with a fork at the same time, until dough forms. Do not over mix. There should be some dry flour left in the bowl.
zest of one lime zest of 2 blood oranges
Turn out dough onto a work surface, and gently incorporate the flour that remains in the bowl with the fork or your fingers – do not knead!
4 ounces (1 stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
Pat dough into a 1 1/2-inch-thick round. (you may have a little extra flour on hand to keep the dough from sticking to the work surface)
1/3 cup whole milk yogurt
Cut into 8 wedges. Transfer wedges to prepared baking sheet. Bake until golden, between 19 and 22 minutes. Transfer scones to cooling rack.
white couverture chocolate (Belgian white chocolate works best)
Fill sauce pan 1/3 with water and heat until steam is rising. Do not boil. Place bowl into saucepan (water should NOT touch the bottom of the bowl). Add white chocolate and stir as it melts. Remove bowl before entirely melted. Stir chocolate until smooth. Pour into piping bag or use spoon to drizzle melted chocolate over cooled scones. Serve or put in refrigerator until chocolate has hardened. Then place in freezer bags and freeze for up to one month.
Décor— You can score most of the décor you’ll need at the thrift or dollar store! Teacups and saucers can be as little 25 cents. The cups don’t have to match and can also double as a party favors. Just fill a tea cup with beads, stickers, lip gloss, etc. and cover with tulle and ribbon—voila! Other thrift store décor finds might find include: porcelain teapots, tiered dessert or cake stands, flowered garlands, flowers, doilies, crocheted tablecloth/table runners, dress-up clothes, jewelry, hats, and so forth.
Add zest of lime and orange
Whisk together yogurt, egg, extract and the juice of two blood oranges.
1/2 teaspoon salt
juice of 2 blood oranges
To
White Gloves
From
WORK GLOVES
The Junior League has an incredible history, but it’s a different organization for today’s volunteer.
Activity/Craft— Plan for 1-2 crafts with a few extra, just in case. Do be sure to have something for the little ones to do while waiting for all the guests to arrive. This can be as simple as coloring tea set pictures you have photo copied. Other ideas include, have guest bring their favorite doll or stuffed animal for their own tea party or provide a cute photo favor of each child with their stuffed friend. Story time is another inexpensive, yet fun idea. You can also find lots of craft ideas online that will fit your specific age range.
Have You Toasted Tidewater in Your Kitchen Lately? There is nothing better than cooking with local, seasonal ingredients. That’s why cooks of all types will devour these recipes featuring Virginia’s finest. Now you can energize your menu and tantalize your taste buds with the exciting delights found in this beautiful, full-color book celebrating the rich history and culinary delights of our region. Toast to Tidewater is the award-winning cookbook of the Junior League of Norfolk-Virginia Beach, Inc. and celebrates Virginia’s finest food and beverages! It is also an ideal gift for weddings, birthdays or
Are you ready to put your work gloves on?
holidays! Plus, proceeds benefit a very worthy cause. Or-
Join Us! www.jlnvb.org
Here are some fun ideas Use the doilies or table
runners with the teapots or teacups for centerpieces. Fill them with real or silk flowers. Cut the blooms off the flowers and arrange them down the center of the table to make a table runner. Extra teacups filled with flowers can dress up the bathroom and buffet. Tie tulle sashes and flowers on the backs of the chairs. Have a box of dress up things for guests that might not come all dolled up.
INGREDIENTS 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 large egg
Dana Artis
Please join us to celebrate Emily's Third Birthday
Kristen Best
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
Many little girls (and big ones, too) are divinely designed to love all things floral, pink and fancy.
It's time for tea! Emily is turning three!
RECIPE: Lime and Blood Orange Scones
That is pretty much all there is to it! With children, it is often the idea of being “grown up” that makes the magic. So relax, let your creativity loose, and enjoy all things tea!
The Junior League of Norfolk-Virginia Beach, Inc. is an organization of women, committed to promoting voluntarism, developing the potential of women, and improving communities through the effective action and leadership of trained volunteers. Its purpose is exclusively educational and charitable.
der yours at www. jlnvb.org today.
Also, to celebrate Flourish food aficionados, send your own favorite Toast to Tidewater recipe (a recipe featuring local ingredients) by April 15th to editor@theflourishmagazine.com. The winning recipe will receive a free Toast to Tidewater cookbook furnished by the Junior League of Norfolk-Virginia Beach, Inc. and will be featured in the May Flourish!
For more tea craft ideas, or to learn more about planning other special events, find Danah on her blog at: myweddingbag.wordpress.com. Danah is the owner of My Wedding Bag event planning business and resides in Virginia Beach with her husband and their two daughters. www.theflourishmagazine.com
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Winner Karen Shoaf
Butterfly Girls My butterfly girls Oh, little did you know The spirit you’d awaken In this scared, timid soul Nine perfect strangers In the hands of one Queen A monarch who guided Our paths to the unseen With each pass of the pen My heart knew you better Eager to get more From each trial you’ve weathered At first intrigued And then amazed A foreign sense of friendship When more deeply I gazed Into your words And into your thoughts An unexpected connection To your joys, to your loss The throes of love The heartaches dealt My secrets you’ve kept My fears you’ve felt My butterfly girls Oh, little did you know Cocooned for life Was my lot, my soul But the colors of your span And the beauty of your flight Has awakened in me The writer and my life by Jennifer Waldren © 2010
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Just weeks before Christmas, I received that call; my brother was very badly hurt while helping his friend at his Christmas tree lot. As Steve was lighting the fire barrel for warmth, an explosion engulfed him in flames. His life was saved by the bravery and presence of mind of two 14-year-olds who put out the flames with a fire extinguisher. Over 40% of my brother’s body was burned. He remains in burn/trauma ICU to this day. As we go along in life, it is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and responsibilities. We forget to savor or behold the things with which God has so generously blessed us. We are on the mountain, basking in the sunshine, thinking life is good; until suddenly something as simple as a phone call changes our life. December 13, 2010, was that day for me. I can only speak for myself, as everyone has a different way of dealing with grief, but I very much wanted to do something to take away his pain or turn back the hands of time. I was empty, sad, but somewhat emotionless. Where were the tears? Where were the prayers? Where was the faith that I so desperately needed to lean on? So many questions! I know that God’s Word is the only place our questions can be answered; His presence our only sustenance. Yet the guilt of feeling so blank was almost more than I could bear. Thankfully, the bridge between friends and the Lord is so unbelievably awesome. God is love, and when I look in to the faces and the hearts of my dear friends, I see the face of Jesus. They ran to the rescue and remain steady with me every day. I finally understand that the friends that God puts in our lives are there for us to lean on. If we don’t allow them to help us, we are doing them (and us) an injustice. Our
friends want to help us in our darkest hour, and we should accept their love as we accept God’s love. When we hurt, our friends hurt with us, just as our Father in heaven does. My brother’s accident and all those that have been affected by it will be the testimony. But the tender moment I was allowed to share with him before he went in to surgery for the first of his skin grafts let me know for certain that this story is still just beginning. As time goes on, the story that I hope to be able to share will be about a Friend that will never leave you nor forsake you. One that hurts when you hurt, feels what you feel, and listens to your heartache in the middle of the night. This Friend prays for you when you are too broken to find the words or the pain prevents you from knowing how to pray. This Friend knows your heart and loves you in your weakness. I have had some of the most incredible acts of kindness and love bestowed on me and my family since December 13th, too many to mention. But I know in my heart that the struggle I’ve had (and I always considered myself a strong believer) will one day enable me to help others in similar circumstances. I will tell them it is ok to be human, to hurt and be stripped of all you are, for a time. But never take your eyes off Jesus. He will not let you drown. As in some realms of nature, darkness and shadows are the places of greatest growth. What a testimony our family will have as God is healing our precious loved one. Each day is a new miracle and I thank God for family, friends and His never-ending love for us.
Runner-up Heather Martin I hated her when I first met her! Couldn’t get away from her fast enough, I found her loud and obnoxious… she was so opposite of me that I knew it would be a waste of my time to get to know her!. Yet, she persisted in her pursuit of friendship! Why? Six years later she has proven to be the best friend I’ve ever had. Who knew?! It didn’t take long for her persistence and desire to get to know me to wear me down. She was always at church, at every function, and served faithfully alongside me. Her personality and loyalty started to grow on me in a very endearing way. Today you can find us homeschooling our children, shopping, camping, and doing ministry together. Recently, I
took her (and her family) with me (and my family) to Connecticut to visit my family, and they considered her part of the family! Our families spend a lot of time together . . . hanging out for dinner, playing games, swimming, you name it . . . we LOVE it!!! To have a best friend like her means I have a person in my life that can see me in my lowest valleys and highest mountains, and still love me. I can be me. There is no awkward silence, it’s a friendship that has weathered its fair share of storms and come out stronger and better because of it. Everyone needs a best friend, it makes one’s life complete . . . I’m convinced! My BEST Friend is CHERI!
Honorable Mention Tracy Weber My BFF. First off, my BFF was prayed for . . . was BEGGED for. I actually only asked God for a friend. I had no idea I would become the proud owner of a BFF. The last time I had a BFF was, uh . . . middle school. I proudly hold the title of being a BFF and having a BFF. I love the whole phrase actually . . . 'BFF'. I bet you want to know about her? Yes? Well, she is beautiful, inside and out. I am not as pretty as her, that's ok..I have a smaller nose and she tells me often. But that is not what I like the best about her. She is funny, often ridiculously funny. I love how we can laugh together, I will confess, I have pee'd my pants on occasion when with her and shhhh.. don't tell, but actually, she has done that more than me! We can laugh, often and loudly. We giggle like school girls. We whisper and wink, we cover our mouths and try not to be noticed, we roll our eyes, we scrunch our noses, we bite our lips, we pick our..oh, that is where we stop actually. But all this to say, we know exactly what the other is thinking and what all
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those motions mean. She's the one who will tell me if something is stuck in my teeth or a pimple suddenly shows up! She is the one who tells me I'm beautiful on a bad hair day. She's the one who brags about me and makes me feel like a million bucks! My BFF is one that I want to call, when I have good news and need to brag to someone. She is the one I call when I am upset and hurt, I know she will listen and be on my side. I also know when hard issues arise, she will still be there, working them out with me. I can confess and not be judged, I will be loved and maybe rebuked, but never abandoned. I will be pointed in the right direction with loving hands and a caring heart. I thank God every day for my kindred spirit, my go-to girl, my BFF!
o r f t e e a m i ! t Kristen Reeg
One of my favorite pastimes is meeting friends at the coffee shop. Something about the atmosphere just breeds good conversation. Something about a cup of coffee or tea shared with a friend seems to create a bond. We’ll laugh. We’ll be transparent, and occasionally, let a tear or two escape. Even with others coming and going, we seem to know we’re in a safe place. The coffee shop is a place where we can share our hearts, speak our minds, and caffinate our bodies. Sometimes, I believe the Lord would love to share a cup of tea or coffee with us as well. He desires to share the secrets of His heart and the mysteries of the kingdom. The Lord says in Jeremiah, “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know” (33:3). All too often, when we think of communicating with God we picture someone down on her knees weeping or laying prostrate before Him, crying out in a loud voice. While those times are necessary, we can talk with God sitting in a chair, driving to work, or walking around. When we’re willing to quiet our souls and allow His peace to rest upon us, then we will hear Him best. It often takes us a bit of time to silence the numerous thoughts that try to distract us from hearing His voice, but it is possible! The Lord once gave me this illustration: Spending time with God is like allowing a tea bag to soak in just boiled water. We are the tea. He is the water. If we allow ourselves to soak in His presence, then we will offer a great aroma to those we meet. Have you ever caught a whiff of a cup of tea that has been brewing for some time? The scent is strong and frequently it awakens something in you. The moment the scent reaches your nostrils, your mind starts to figure out what it is – even the different types of flavors or spices of the tea. We drink tea either hot or cold. While on occasion, I love the taste of good “Southern” sweet iced tea, nothing beats the comfort of a good “cuppa” hot tea. Now, it’s interesting that iced tea is not good hot, and hot tea is not good cold. If you’ve drank hot tea after it has gotten too cold, you probably want to spit it out. It’s the same with our spiritual lives. The Lord was speaking to the church when He said, “I know your works, that you are neither
cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth” (Revelation 3:15, 16). Strong words. Nevertheless, they’re because He wants us to be passionate about Him. We’re His hands and feet. We’re the flavor of Christ on the earth. Are we giving off an aroma that makes people want to know the God we serve? Have we allowed the Living Waters within us to grow cold or do we allow ourselves to stay on the altar to maintain our boiling temperature? The altar was a place of sacrifice, a place of fire. In Romans 12, Paul urges us to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice. We are meant to live this life on fire for the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. We have the Holy Spirit within us. We have Living Waters within us. We must not allow the cares of this world to cool down our love for our God. In 2 Timothy, Paul exhorts young Timothy to stir up or fan into the flame the gift that is within him (1:6-7). Sometimes we have to make a choice. We have to choose to turn our ears to the heartbeat of Father God rather than pay attention to the storms and distractions around us. We keep the fire burning by submitting our will to His will. We keep the water boiling by asking Jesus to give us creative ways to encourage one another. It’s not as difficult as it might seem, but it does take a little bit of time. If you’ve even taken the tea bag out of the water before it was time, you know the flavor is often too weak. We don’t want to be weak Christians; we want the aroma and the flavor of Christ to be strong in us. We want the world to know that Jesus really is the Way, the Truth and the Life! So, the next time you grab a cup of coffee or tea, whether with a friend or by yourself, remember that God has placed gifts and talents within you. He has given you a unique personality, and He wants the world to taste of His goodness through your life. So as you sip your tea, ask yourself, “If I were a tea bag, what kind would I be? What aroma or flavor would I bring to others?” Kristin is passionate about encouraging others in their walk with Christ and the author of Pressing On, Hope for the Weary. She has an MA in Journalism from Regent University.
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Photo by Keri Potter
Flourish Essay Contest: Best Friends
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