Behavioral Money Coaching
Exploring the Money Shadow
What's Your Money Type?
Talking About Money with Your Honey Premier Issue
Money and Your Three Brains
The Money Coaching Institute
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The Money Coaching Institute visit us at www.moneycoachinginstitute.com Committed to helping people live more purposeful and prosperous lives
The Coaches Corner: Interview with Corrin Burke
Money and the Three Brains: A Modern Day Parable by Bill Donaldson
Breathing in Financial Balance by Lea Schodel
Inspiration Corner by Robert Coleman
What's Your Money Type? by Deborah Price
Emotional Business by Robert Coleman
Exploring the Money Shadow by Deborah Price
Talking About Money with Your Honey by Deborah Price
Cultivating Gratitude by Therese Nicklas
Separating Your NetWorth from Your SelfWorth by Therese Nicklas
Partial Directory of Certified Money Coaches (CMC)ÂŽ
In This Issue 5
What's Your Money Type?
Money and the Three Brains
Understanding our money archetypes is a beginning step toward exploring our often, complex relationship with money.
A rendition of a classic fairy tale helps to explain our three human brains and how they impact our everyday decisions.
Breathing in Financial Balance
Unresolved emotional issues are often the underlying cause of business failures. Exploring these issues proactively is a great way to head business challenges off at the pass.
Breathing practices not only reduce stress and anxiety, but enhance focus and balance your emotions regarding to money. Learn to incorporate mindful breathing into your every day life.
Exploring the Money Shadow
Are our collective money issues the source of much of our societal dysfunction? Read this article to learn more...
Talking about Money with Your Honey
Steps for navigating the through the minefield of money and relationships effectively.
Separating Your Self-Worth from Your Net Worth
Who you are has nothing to do with what you have or own. So, why are we attached to our stuff?
The Coaches Corner: Interview by Corrin Burke Money Coach and Certified Financial Planner Corrin Burke, shares an intimate conversation with one of her clients upon the completion of their work together.
Partial Directory of Certified Money Coaches A partial directory of Certified Money Coaches with links to their business web pages.
Behavioral Money Coaching Magazine PUBLISHER
The Money Coaching Institute, LLC EDITOR IN CHIEF
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Robert Coleman Deborah Price Claire Coleman Corrin Burke Robert Coleman Bill Donaldson Therese Nicklas Deborah Price Lea Schodel Steven Shagrin
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What's Your Money Type? by Deborah Price
(excerpt from the book, Money Magic: Unleashing Your Potential for True Wealth and Prosperity
I think it is safe to say that most people harbor unresolved money issues. These unresolved feelings and experiences create patterns of behavior that are often self-limiting and self-defeating. Looking at how these experiences affect your financial decisions can prove to be one of the best steps you can take toward improving your relationship with money. There are eight basic archetypes or patterns that describe how people react to and handle money. By understanding your type, you will discover the reasons behind the conflicts or issues you have with money and take your first step toward reaching your personal financial goals. Clearly, there is a direct connection between having a healthier, more conscious relationship with money and creating prosperity. Over the last 20 years, I’ve observed eight basic ways in which people relate to money. The eight money types are repeated patterns of behavior that reside in the unconscious. Money coaching provides the framework to explore your personal money behavior in the context of your unique background, beliefs, and experience. Doing this work will prepare you to realize your long-term goals. The Eight Money Types Most people fall into one or more of the eight money types. Much like Jungian archetypes or the Enneagram, which define different personality types, this system offers a simple way to identify and evaluate your relationship with money. With this understanding, you will learn how to make conscious choices, and, as a result, the money dynamic in your daily life will improve. Although we may be successful in most areas of our lives, when faced with money decisions, changes, or crises many people revert to an ineffective, emotional approach to making decisions about money. By understanding your unconscious feelings and beliefs about money, you will be more conscious of your habitual money behaviors and better prepared to change them when they occur. The following are brief descriptions of the eight money types.
The Innocent The Innocent takes the ostrich approach to money matters. Innocents often live in denial, burying their heads in the sand so they won’t have to see what is going on around them. The Innocent is easily overwhelmed by financial information and relies heavily on the advice and opinions of others. Innocents are perhaps the most trusting of all the money types because they do not see people or situations for what they are. They are like children in the sense that they have not yet learned to judge or discern other people’s motives or behavior. While this trait can be very endearing, it is also precarious for an adult trying to cope in the real world. We all start out our journey in life as Innocents; however, as we grow and develop, most of us shed the veil of innocence and replace it with our experience in the real world. The Victim Victim money types are prone to living in the past and blaming their financial woes on external factors. Victims often have a litany of excuses for why they are not more successful, and the excuses are all based on their historical mythology. That is not to say that bad things haven’t actually happened to Victims. More often than not, Victims have been abused, betrayed, or have suffered some great loss. The problem is that they have never processed their pain, and so it has turned on them. Victims are always looking for someone to rescue them, because they believe they have suffered enough. They carry a sense of entitlement: “I paid my dues, look at my battle scars. Where ‘s my reward? Of all the money types I have worked with, Victims are the most resistant to unlocking the door to their potential. It’s as if at some point Victims decide that their history was much more interesting and exciting than any future they might have. As a result, they form a lifetime attachment to living out the drama of their pasts. After all, when you are the star, producer, and director of your own lifelong soap opera, it can become pretty hard to let go of those roles. It feels risky: there might not be a role like it ever again. Continued on page 6 5
The Warrior The Warrior sets out to conquer the money world and is generally seen as successful in the business and financial worlds. Warriors are adept investors focused, decisive, and in control. Although Warriors will listen to advisors, they make their own decisions and rely on their own instincts and resources to guide them. The world is filled with Warrior types, from those who enjoy the sport of business and the skillful art of negotiating to those whose single-minded intent to win. Most people would rather not do verbal battle with a Warrior. They tend to be razor sharp, quick, and to know all your weak points. They are very discerning, cautious, and in general, the most successful of the types. The Martyr Martyrs are so busy taking care of others’ needs that they often neglect their own. Financially speaking, Martyrs generally do more for others than they do for themselves. They often rescue others (such as a child, spouse, friend, or relative) from some life circumstance or crisis. However, Martyrs’ gifts have strings attached and they are repeatedly let down when others fail to meet their expectations. The mark of the Martyr is an unconscious attachment to their own suffering. The Martyr moves between two distinctly different energies: one that seeks to be in control and is controlling of others and the other that feels wounded like a very needy child. Martyrs tend to be perfectionists and have high expectations of themselves and of others, which makes them quite capable of realizing their dreams. They are also the 6
archetype of wisdom and compassion which leads them to want to rescue and care for others, often at their own expense. The Fool The Fool plays by a different set of rules altogether. A gambler by nature, the Fool is always looking for a windfall of money by taking financial shortcuts. Even though the familiar adage “a fool and his money are soon parted” often comes true, Fools often win because they are willing to throw the dice; they are willing to take chances. Like the Innocent, the Fool often has impaired judgment and has difficulty seeing the truth about things. An adventurer at heart, the Fool gets caught up in the enthusiasm of the moment, caring little for the details. The Fool sets out to conquer the world but is easily distracted and lacks the discipline needed to stay the course. The Fool is much more interested in making money as a sport or form of recreation than as a serious endeavor. Fools would happily give the shirt off their backs only to realize later that it was their last one. The Creator/Artist Creator/Artists are the spiritual seekers, thought leaders, artists, and inventors amongst us. They often find living in the material world difficult and frequently have a conflicted love/hate relationship with money. They love money for the freedom it buys them, but have little or no desire to participate in the material world. The Creator/Artist often overly identifies with the interior world and may even despise those who live in the material world. Their negative beliefs about materialism only block them from the very freedom they so
desire. Creator/Artists most fear being inauthentic or not being true to themselves. Since it is almost impossible to attract what we are repelled by, the Creator/Artist is constantly struggling for financial survival. This is not because they lack talent or ambition. Rather, they are stuck in a belief system that sabotages their ability to manifest money. Too many people on the creative/ artistic path feel that money is bad or lacking in spirituality. This is only true to the extent that one believes it is true. And to the extent that Creator/Artists maintain this belief system, they are limiting themselves and creating a block to the flow of money. The Tyrant Tyrants use money to control people, events, and circumstances. The Tyrant hoards money, using it to manipulate and control others. Although Tyrants may have everything they need or desire, they never feel complete, comfortable, or at peace. The Tyrant’s greatest fear is loss of control. Tyrants are often overdeveloped Warriors who have become highly invested in their need for control and dominance. While Warriors are often heroic in their true concern for others’ welfare, Tyrants are purely self-interested. This money type wants power and control for their own sake and will forsake other people if necessary to gain more of it. Throughout history, the Tyrant has emerged as the ruler who dominates and destroys with no sign of remorse. Today, Tyrants can be found among the political leaders, business people, and family figureheads who use whatever means necessary to win. The Tyrant is a master manipulator of both people and money. Tyrants, however, are not as rich as they appear. Sure, they have everything money can
buy (which often does include beautiful people) and never have to worry about paying the phone bill, but they lack many things that money cannot buy. They are often, in spite of their apparent success, very fearful and rarely feel any sense of fulfillment. The Tyrant suffers from a condition I call “chronic-not-enoughness.” The Magician The Magician is the ideal money type. Using a new and ever-changing set of dynamics both in the material and spirit worlds, Magicians know how to transform and manifest their own financial reality. At our best, when we are willing to claim our own power, we are all Magicians. The archetype that is active in your life now is a starting point for personal transformation. By understanding your own money mythology and the personal history behind your current money type, you will become conscious of patterns and behaviors that are preventing you from being a money Magician. As this new consciousness grows., you will begin to experience money matters in a new way – the way of the money Magician. The Magician is fully awake and aware of herself and the world around her. The Magician is armed with knowledge of the past, has made peace with his personal history, and understands that his power exists in his ability to see and live the truth of who he is. Magicians embrace the inner life as the place of spiritual wealth and the outer life as the expression of enlightenment in the material world.
Are you ready to discover which money types are driving your financial life? Click here to take the Money Type Quiz and receive a free 30-minute consultation with one of our Certified Money Coaches. It's a risk-free way to begin exploring your relationship with money!
By Robert Coleman
Robert is a Certified Business Archetype Coach and Money Coach (CMC)ÂŽ in
Many entrepreneurs have underlying emotional and personal issues that have never been resolved."
Have you ever met somebody who had plans for their careers that you knew would never come about? Perhaps the person wanted to start a business or was already running one. Yet, you could somehow feel that something was off, that the person would find a way to prevent themselves from achieving success. As a business consultant, this sad state of affairs has shown up for me in evaluating entrepreneurs for decades. Some people exude success,
while others seem to have a dark cloud hovering over them. In fact, after years of observing business successes and failures, I would say that 50 percent of business failures resulted from something being "off" with the founder or president of the firm. It amazes me that with a percentage of business failures this large that you can't find books or training materials that directly address this subject.
Continued on Page 10
There are certainly training materials to identify a person's personality type, and human resources experts do their best to screen out job candidates that they think will fail. However, the underlying root causes of business failures, due to the makeup and actions of the founder, are tacitly ignored. It's actually not hard to understand what is going on behind the scenes for the entrepreneurs who fail. Aside from basic intelligence and talent, many entrepreneurs have underlying emotional and personal issues that have never been resolved. These people may secretly sabotage themselves without noticing or acknowledging that they are preventing themselves from succeeding. Why might somebody do this to themselves? Perhaps the person secretly feels like they don't deserve to succeed. The individual could also be harboring unresolved grief, anger, or resentments that interfere with their ability to achieve business success. There are many other possible reasons why somebody might limit or sabotage their own company, but they all lead back to unresolved emotions and issues within the founder. Cameo: An entrepreneur I worked with once was
very talented, but he had a continuous "chip on his shoulder". He was constantly getting into arguments and even lawsuits with partners, vendors, former employees, and he had a tendency to be belligerent and threatening. I asked him once in private what was going on and he said "My old man started and failed at multiple businesses and I am not going to allow that to EVER HAPPEN TO ME!!" Clearly, he was stuck in a past issue about his father which he was trying to solve by being aggressive in his business practices. Of course, this approach actually hampered and impeded his business, as his energy was continuously being sapped by legal and personal battles. I looked him up online some twenty five years later, and I found newspaper articles about his various lawsuits and legal battles. I doubt he ever achieved the success he so desperately wanted. These kinds of issues often are not acknowledged and resolved because there is a falsehood adopted by the entire business community that assumes business environments are emotionally neutral. Certainly, there are conflict resolution practices and procedures for handling problem employees, but these approaches limit their scope to returning the
business to a supposedly neutral environment. In such a business environment, the personality quirks and limitations of the founder often become the "elephant in the room" that everybody overlooks. The founder with unresolved personal issues slowly or rapidly drives the business into failure, or the business limps along for years, surviving somehow in a limited, dysfunctional manner. As most businesses attempt to bypass or overlook founder's personal issues, it can be challenging for a coach or advisor to engage a client around these areas. Without excellent rapport with the client, there is usually no opportunity to get the client into a conversation about their personal emotions and issues. Thus, a business professional needs the ability to establish excellent communication and emotional receptivity with a client to be able to accomplish deeper work that goes beyond simple
business consulting. Also, the coach/advisor needs enough training to know how to handle a client if personal issues arise. Clearly, deep traumas and mental health issue should be referred out to other professionals. Still, there are many ways that a trained business professional can help a client recognize how their business success is being limited by personal issues that have previously gone unacknowledged and unhandled.
Continued on Page 11
My old man
started and failed at multiple businesses and I am not going to allow that to EVER HAPPEN TO ME!!"
Emotional Business, continued from page 10
Business Emotional Responses Coaching Tools The Money Coaching Institute offers a number of tools and resources that can help transition a client from the impersonal, neutral perspective of a traditional business environment to a relationship with a coach where the client is willing to share personal and emotional experiences. A coach should strive to establish this kind of relationship with the client as early as possible. Otherwise, the client may be less willing to make the transition into sharing emotional and personal information. The first tool that should be part of every coach's regimen is the Money Type quiz. This quiz is freely available on the Money Coaching Institute's website or coaches can license the quiz to place on their own websites. The quiz is an excellent way for coaches to establish personal rapport with the client early in the relationship. A coach can offer the quiz as a personal assessment tool and simply ask the client to fill it out prior to
beginning a program with the client. As the coach goes over the quiz with the client, it is almost inevitable that the client will begin sharing personal anecdotes and perspectives with the coach. From there, the coach can use the quiz as an opening to explore personal topics with the client as they relate to the client's business success. The Money Coaching Institute's Core Process is another powerful resource that will transform the client's relationship with the coach. This training is available in the Money Coaching Institute's Certified Money Coach training program. The Money Biography alone usually gets clients to open up at a deeper level with the coach, and the four sessions of the Core Process can create a transformative experience for the client that will open the door wide to an ongoing personal relationship with the coach. The Money Coaching Institute also offers the Certified Business Archetype Coach training for coaches that is specifically designed to bridge the gap between the traditional business world and the client's
personal and emotional issues as they relate to the client's business success. The Certified Business Archetype Coach program provides numerous tools and resources that engage clients at a personal level while also helping to transform the client's business into greater prosperity and success. Coaches can help clients at both personal and professional levels to move beyond limitations that might never be addressed by any other coach, consultant, or system. In this way, a trained coach might become the best "business friend" that a client ever has.
It's actually not hard to understand what is going on behind the scenes for entrepreneurs who fail. "
Exploring the Money Shadow By Deborah Price
Deborah is the Founder and CEO of The Money Coaching Institute. She is also the author of Money Magic and The Heart of Money: A Couple's Guide to Creating True Financial Intimacy.
Money is as mysterious as it is elusive. No matter what our attempts have been to control it, no civilization or country in the history of the world has ever truly succeeded. Money has an energy and a life of its own. It has a duality about it that is not unlike our own nature as human beings. It is both creative and destructive, loving, and cruel. It has the capacity to bring forth the best and the worst in human nature. If history has anything to teach us at all, it may very well be that the key to our evolution as a species lies in our ability to evolve our consciousness around money. For our money issues have long been the “shadow” that has haunted and eluded us throughout time. Perhaps this is our collective karma that finally, with so much at stake, we will be willing to give voice to and heal. This is the call our ancestors are beckoning us to hear so that we may move beyond the “money shadow”. For it has been our “money shadow” that has repeatedly destroyed even the greatest of civilizations throughout time. Just as there have been times of great economic prosperity, in which civilizations grew to new heights,
there have also been periods when money and its use completely disappeared for hundreds of years only to be reinvented again at another point in history. Both the Greeks and the Romans watched their civilizations rise with the wealth of newly discovered money and its creative force, only to fall beneath the weight of its destructive tendencies. This ruin, however, was not created by money itself, but by humankind’s propensity toward greed and overconsumption. The Roman Empire created the first global marketplace in the history of the world and with it, the first consumer-oriented society. And consume they did, until their reckless spending and overconsumption caused them to deplete their resources. At which point, the Roman’s began to finance large armies to conquer the riches of others. Between their ever-rising military costs, insatiable power, and extravagant lifestyles (does this sound vaguely familiar?), the Romans finally hit bottom at end of the 4th century with the fall of the Roman Empire. Unable to take responsibility or face their shadow, the period of the Dark Ages began and with it, so too, the fate of money.
A convenient scapegoat, money, and its use all but disappeared for hundreds of years. Given our current financial condition, it is essential that we begin to explore our personal and collective relationship with money more deeply. Money can be a very powerful teacher of what we have yet to learn about who we are as human beings. It is a powerful mirror for us all to reflect on. During this time of great challenge in the world, I believe we are being asked to look into this mirror and discover who we are and who we want to be in relationship to money. Conceivably, money may well be God’s grandest experiment with the children of His creation. For we have given money such power that it permeates every cell of our existence. It has ceased to be a mere medium of exchange. It has become the source on which most of humanity rests its survival. Has money become our source, that which we rest our faith and trust in for our survival? Or, has money simply replaced God on the food chain? Together, we must explore this more deeply in hopes of finding an answer that will expand our consciousness and transform our lives. If we are to understand and change our relationship with money, we must understand our deeply complex history, individually, and collectively. We all possess unconscious beliefs, patterns and behaviors around money that are largely unknown to us. We are also highly dissociated with money and tend to hold it as separate from the rest of our consciousness work, which is not serving us. It is time to embark upon a deeper learning and integrate money into our spiritual work.
We can no longer afford to be dissociated with money. We created it, we made it powerful, and its movement in the world is a direct reflection of our consciousness. As we become increasingly more conscious of this aspect within ourselves, we can begin to co-create a more meaningful and sustainable experience with money and the world around us. The other reward we will receive for doing our personal money work, I believe, is access to the pure potentiality that money represents that will allow us to become more evolved and fulfilled in all areas of our lives. This potential is greater than we ever imagined possible. But first, we must understand where we have been in order to know where we are going. We cannot “follow the yellow brick road” if we do not know where it starts or possess a road-map. I have been helping people on this journey of self-discovery for nearly 25 years now and not a day goes by that I am not profoundly humbled by the transformation I witness in others. Money is a deep pocket of suffering in this world. But there is hope and real help available. We can change this. The journey begins with a single step…a choice to move beyond the pain and suffering into a world of selfknowledge, awareness, and untapped potential. It is time to move beyond the money taboo and to step into a greater conversation filled with greater meaning and hope. So, let’s start with this one simple question: What money patterns, behaviors, or beliefs are keeping you from living this one great life, as fully as possible?
Talking About Money with Your Honey
by Deborah Price
earning to communicate effectively around money is critical to the success of all intimate relationships. Unfortunately, conversations around money are often highly emotionally charged and because of this, they are frequently avoided altogether. In this article, we will explore how to successfully navigate through money conversations and offer you some tools for mutual listening, proper framing, timing, and ground rules to abide by in order to ensure win-win financial and emotional outcomes. As a Money Coach, one of my favorite ways
to engage with couples is to ask them to establish a new baseline for communicating that is not about money, but about what they each came to give and to receive in their relationship. I have found when we speak this aloud, it creates a new and deeper way of acknowledging each other’s more intrinsic needs. When you can openly address this, you can get to the “core” of who your partner is and can address their needs more directly. Each relationship is its own container of giving and receiving. When you can both feel safe enough to fully show up and you express all that
you came to give, the container overflows and you experience greater abundance. When we ask for what we want and are reasonable and clear and not withholding of ourselves, the energy flows easily between two people. The key is reciprocity which represents the true exchange of giving and receiving of our innermost selves. But first, the doorway to giving and receiving needs to be fully opened and understood. What are you giving to your relationship? What do you wish to receive? If you are constricted or withholding in the way you give, you are probably experiencing a corresponding shortage of receivables. This requires a whole new understanding of “account receivables.” If things are not flowing in your life, it is possible that your giving or receiving is out of balance. Are you a selfproclaimed “giver” and somehow forgot to open the door to receiving? Are you someone that is hard to “give to” because you are uncomfortable receiving? Or are you someone who feels so comfortable receiving that you have neglected to consider how you can reciprocate through giving? These two elements represent equally important aspects of our basic human needs that it is essential that we take a closer look at how balanced or imbalanced we are capable of holding both sides of the equation. This does not need to be measured as 50/50 or even kept track of, because when it is working you can feel it as an energetic deficit or surplus. Without some amount of giving and receiving, the cycle of reciprocity will feel incomplete and that is when resentments are likely to be experienced in your relationship. In order to be truly intimate, it is important to know what your partner really has to give and receive because as long as you are aware and considerate of these needs, your relationship will flourish.
It is when you do not even know and therefore, can't possibly address their real needs, that our relationships stand to suffer and possibly wither away needlessly. Sometimes, we withhold our giving because we are in pain, are fearful, or feel taken advantage of. When this happens, it is always best to speak up and share your feelings before they grow into anger or resentment. So, I encourage you to ask yourself and your partner these questions: Giving and Receiving Exercise. Answer the following questions: 1. What do you feel you came to give to this marriage or relationship? 2. What do you need to receive from this marriage or relationship? I recommend that you both spend some time reflecting on what it is that you truly need and desire to both give and receive in your relationship. The clearer you become, the easier it will be to ask for what you want and need directly. We are often so fearful of rejection that we never learn how to express our true needs effectively and instead, wait and hope our partner will somehow figure it out. Unfortunately, this does not usually work out the way we would hope as our partners are not “mind readers” and often do the opposite of what we’d hoped for. But that is not their fault. We have to be willing to speak up and be heard, which is a risk but is always more effective when it comes to getting the results we want. Whether it is about money or other issues, practice learning to communicate with your partner as issues arise. Here is a Healthy Communication Framework to use to help you get started:
Start by saying: My experience is that whenever we talk about money ………… (fill in what generally happens). How that makes me feel is……… (fill in how it makes you feel). What I really need is……… (state what you need instead). My request is…… (make a clear, specific request). Give ample time and spaciousness for each of you to express what is needed and follow the framework until a resolution is reached and accepted by you both. If the conversation becomes challenging or heated, agree to take a break and return to the conversation when you have both calmed down. Remember, learning to communicate about money is not a skill most of us were taught. Therefore, you will need to practice often to become really good at having healthy money conversations. But it is so worth the effort, so do not give up! If you can learn to talk about money, it will improve the overall feeling of intimacy and safety in your relationship.
Without some amount of giving and receiving, the cycle of reciprocity will feel incomplete and that is when resentments are likely to be experienced in your relationship."
Separating Your Self-Worth from Your Net Worth By Therese Nicklas
Therese is a Certified Money Coach (CMC)® and Certified Financial Planner (CFP.) She is the owner of Wealth Coach for Women.
I was reading an article from Deborah Price, my mentor at the Money Coaching Institute, in which she was discussing the tendency we have to confuse our self worth with our net worth. I became very interested in this topic as I am currently working with a couple that has issues relative to over-identifying with money and “things” in their life. I have been trying to help them see that who they are has nothing to do with what they have or own. Thinking this diminishes our very being. We are all inherently worthy and valuable regardless of how much money or material possessions we own. So, I began thinking about how we could begin to separate our self worth from our net worth. Here are some important steps that I think will help any of our readers who suffer from this tendency. Steps to take: 1. Start here – take the money type quiz to see which types are driving your behaviors 2. Make a list of the adjectives that you circled associated with each of your archetypes.
3. Find ways in which you can support each other in where you are now. 4. Have conversations that are open, honest, and do not involve blaming or shaming language. If you start to argue, take a time out. 5. If you still are having a hard time communicating please seek help. You deserve to have help and it will only serve you to get on the right track in your relationship. Find the help that you believe will serve you the best either a couple’s counselor or a money coach that works with your money relationship. Are you currently experiencing any disharmony in your relationship as a result of money or value clashes? Is money an issue that is difficult to talk about with your spouse or partner? Give me some feedback at MoneyCoachTerri@gmail.com. I will write more on this subject and provide some strategies to help you change this.
THE CAPTION INTRODUCTION should give the reader a quick description of the photograph. .................................................................................................................................................................................................... 17
The Coaches Corner I met my client Donna, a successful aerospace engineer, in a divorce group that I ran a few years ago. She came to the group looking for support and answers to her money situation when she was beginning her divorce. Initially, I suggested she do the core money coaching process as a starting point to begin the healing journey she was about to embark upon. As we say in the money coaching field, “It’s all about the money, but not about money at all.” In other words, there is a deeper story and meaning to discover that financial planning will never help us to fully understand, let alone resolve. Below is my interview with Donna. CORRIN: What was it like going through the Core Money Coaching process? DONNA: I first started the core money coaching process in the midst of trying to summarize all my financial information for the divorce. It was overwhelming, scary, and just seemed like an impossible task. It was a huge learning experience for me because I knew I had gotten to a point of handing everything off to my husband. I was an overlyresponsible person in general, having way too much on my plate, and figured he could handle that part of our lives. I had my “head in the sand.”
"Little by little, I'm
Interview by Corrin Burke
getting back into Warrior/Magician mode."
Corrin is a Certified Money Coach (CMC) and Certified Financial Planner. She is the owner of Successful Wealth Strategies for Women. I have always been independent:
living on my own and working hard pretty much my whole life. For me it was an eye-opening experience to discover that I had much greater earning potential. I knew I was going to be okay after the divorce because I'd done it before, but I gave my power with money away. My plan now is to get that back, to know where I am, what I have, and what I need to do for me and my kids. Learning about my archetypes was huge! I see them more readily now when I'm in them. Little by little, I'm getting my Warrior-Magician (as you call it,) back! CORRIN: So, what was the most significant impact you experienced during the process? DONNA: Before, when I went into “head in the sand” mode, I would just avoid everything related to money. I was really done with it because I was so swamped with everything else. After going through that I realized, “This is my life, this is my responsibility”, and now, I make sure I go through my finances in detail. I got everything figured out. It all sort of synchronized together; your coaching, the divorce therapy that pulled in the money aspects, and becoming empowered together. And because I started paying more attention to the details, I found a $30,000 mistake the lawyers made in my divorce paperwork! So, yeah, big changes are happening.
CORRIN: You bring up a really good point. First, you have to have the intention to transform your relationship with money. Would you agree? DONNA: Yes, I think that's why I kept delaying, whatever my reasons were. So, it actually turned out to be specifically the right time for me to do it and to say, “Okay, I've got this!” CORRIN: That's beautiful. What is something that surprised you the most about yourself during this process? DONNA: That I had always worked so much. I don't think I was ever without a job to this day. You saw this pattern. For me, it was revelation that I was capable and always figured out a way to get by. I am a Warrior! There was this hopefulness of regaining my strength. For example, most financial people are all about the numbers; you are about why. I left feeling like, “Oh, there are reasons why I am the way I am!
I understood that I could change and so that hopefulness grew. I always left feeling happier and more confident. CORRIN: What's your biggest takeaway from the process? DONNA: The biggest takeaway would be that no matter how much I gave away my power before, I will not allow that to happen again. Also, that I will do my best to stay in my Warrior/Magician archetypes. I can more easily see when I'm off track now and that's a big help for me. CORRIN: What would you say to someone as they prepare for each session? DONNA: To be as thorough as possible through that time-line. Even something you think is pointless. All that stuff could be important. Set your shame or your anxiety aside, do it for yourself, and let the coach help you make sense of it all. The biggest thing is just to be as open as possible. CORRIN: Are you glad that you did the Core Money Coaching Process?
DONNA: Yes, I'm so glad I did it because it really made me aware of patterns and things that I didn't ever put together before. I am no longer as stressed or obsessed with bills and money like I was before. And my head is not in the sand anymore! TORRIN: How does it feel to be on the other side of the Money Coaching Process? DONNA: Good! Happy! I don't feel lost. Now I know exactly where I am and what I have. I don't know where I'd be without this process. CORRIN: Thank you very much for doing this interview with me, Donna. I know for me your openness and willingness to go deep was something beautiful to witness. I know it was not always easy, but when you fully committed to truly looking at the money dynamics at play in our financial life and the emotions running your decision-making, it was life changing. Through this process we have become true friends and I am honored to be on the journey with you.
I understood that I could change and then my sense of hopefulness grew. I always left our sessions feeling happier and more confident."
Money and the Three Little Brains: A Modern-Day Parable By Bill Donaldson
Bill is a Certified Money Coach (CMC)® and Certified Financial Planner (CFP.) He is the owner of Donaldson Financial Wellness Network, LLC.
Once upon a time there were three little brains. One day, they decided to each build a home to provide protection from the big bad money wolf who always seemed to be out to get them. The first little brain built a primitive shelter out of instinctive reactions like fight, flight, and freeze. The second little brain built a slightly larger shelter using emotions, where he stored his memories and experiences. The highly motivated third little brain built a strong, sturdy home out of logic, thinking, reflection, and reasoning. Not long after the three little brains had spent time enjoying their new homes, the big, bad money wolf came sneaking along, having heard they were hiding from him. He would not allow them to keep him away! First, he approached the primitive, reactive brain in their little home. “This will be a piece of cake,” he declared. And with his booming, scary voice, the big bad money wolf shouted, “Little brain, little brain, let me in!” Shocked, frightened, and unable to move, the first little brain timidly replied, “Not by the cells of my brainy, brain stem.” Angered by this response, the money wolf replied, “Then I will huff, and I will puff, and I will blow your house down!” The little brain just froze inside his primitive shelter, shaking from head to toe. The money wolf took a deep breath and blew out a devastating, hurricane-like wind. The primitive house blew apart instantly, and the frozen, fearful little brain suddenly screamed and ran away as fast as he could go. The money wolf chased him, but the first little brain arrived safely in the second little brains house of emotion, memories, and experiences. This house was a bigger than the primitive brain’s home and presented a greater challenge to the money wolf. But once again he demanded, “Little brains, little brains, let me in!” The second little brain was feeling quite upset and was worried about his house. “Did I make it strong enough? What if I made a mistake? What will we do if he gets inside?” 20
The first little brain was once again frozen in panic and was unable to help. Courageously, the second little brain answered loudly, "not by the neurons of my limby, limbic brain!” The furious money wolf once again shouted back, “Then I will huff, and I will puff, and I will blow your house down!” The two little brains prayed the house of emotion would stand, but soon they heard a thunderous wind bellowing all around them. The house began to shake and shimmy – then suddenly everything came crashing down around the two little brains. Suddenly, the third little brain appeared, curious about what had happened and learned of their horrifying experience. “Not to worry,” the thinking brain said. “I have built this house from the strongest materials, I have thought of every possible disaster and I am certain that we will be safe.”
From outside the house, they heard the money wolf once again, this time even more angry than before! “Little brains, little brains, you better let me in now! he yelled.” The thinking brain, confident of his strong home, replied, “not by the neurons of my giant frontal lobe, you big bad money wolf!” The first little brain suddenly shifted into fight mode, screaming with rage at the money wolf through the door to leave them alone. The second little brain was crying hysterically, blaming the entire situation on his poorly constructed house. The third little brain calmly surveyed the scene and waited as he thought things through as he was prone to do.
Moral of the story: Don't let your primitive or emotional brain be in charge of your financial decisions. As a money coach, my goal is to help people understand their own “operating system” relative to money and to teach them to consciously choose their thinking brain rather than subconsciously default to their primitive or emotional brain. This results in creating a less stressful, more abundant, and joyful life. With a little time and effort, you too, can build learn to master money and keep the money wolf at bay!
Once again, the money wolf took a deep breath and blew with all of his might. But the house did not move. Again, he took the blew with with all his strength, but nothing happened. He tried one last desperate attempt but failed to create even the slightest shutter in this fortress and he slumped off in defeat. “The money wolf is gone!” exclaimed the third thinking brain. “I told you we had nothing to fear.” From that day on, the three little brains decided that they would all live in one home where they could work together to create a better life, each with a specific duties. The first little "primitive" brain kept the basic systems of the house running, and in the event of an emergency he learned to react quickly and help get the others out of harm's way quickly. The second "emotional" brain was put in charge of tracking their memories, emotions and experiences. The third "thinking" brain became the Mastermind of the group and made sure everything else ran smoothly. Whenever challenges arise, he calmly thinks things through and helps them choose their best course of action. And, they all agreed to let the "thinking" brain handle the big, bad money wolf from that day forward.
Breathing In Financial Balance by Lea Schodel
Lea s a Certified Money Coach (CMC)ÂŽ, financial planner, and yogini. She is the owner of Mindful Wealth.
Did you know that your breath is a super power when it comes to your relationship with money? Focusing on your breath and practicing slow, deep, and mindful breathing is not only a simple way to reduce stress and anxiety but it also helps to enhance focus and balance your emotions when it comes to how you use and manage your money. In other words, it helps you to make more intentional money decisions and practice better money habits. What most people donâ€™t realize is just how much of what you do with your money is habitual and reactive, driven by your emotions, cravings, or desires. By introducing the practice of mindful breathing, you invite in the opportunity to slow down the habitual and reactive tendencies, creating space to reflect and choose mindful, more appropriate responses.
"Practice mindful breathing to take control of your relationship with money." 22
It can greatly helps you to shift from the state of reaction to one of responsiveness. From Reaction To Response The breath is a tool you can use to move from reactive and emotional responses and access the healing, calming part of the nervous system (the parasympathetic nervous system). By introducing mindful breathing techniques into your shopping, spending, and money management habits, you will be able to make more grounded, calm, clear, and focused decisions and take aligned action. By responding to a situation or decision in the present moment with full awareness, attention, and intention, you can begin to align your actions and make smarter and healthier decisions. Unleashing Your Superpower The most basic way to do mindful breathing is simply to focus your attention on your breath. The beauty of this superpower and mindful breathing practice is that you can do it anywhere and for any length of time you
desire. It can be as simple as pausing to take a few intentional breaths before purchasing an item or spending money, taking your time to make a financial decision, or allowing yourself the gift of 5-10 minutes each day to connect to your relationship with money and help you to make more mindful and balanced decisions. Practicing Mindfulness Try this simple mindfulness exercise to help you connect to your money: Find a relaxed, comfortable position. You could be seated on a chair or on the floor on a cushion. Keep your back upright, but not too rigid or tight. Allow some softness in your being. Allow your hands to rest wherever they are most comfortable. Let the tongue rest gently on the roof of your mouth or wherever it’s comfortable. Bring your awareness to your body. Relax your body. Try to notice the shape of your body, its weight. Let yourself relax and become curious about your body —the sensations it experiences, the touch, the connection with the floor or the chair. Notice any areas of tightness or tension you may be holding onto and see if you can direct your breath to these areas to help you relax.
have done, or things to do. If this happens, it’s very natural. Just notice that your mind has wandered. You can say “thinking” or “wandering” in your head softly. And then gently redirect your attention right back to the breathing, focusing on your inhalations and exhalations. Continue breathing like this for a few moments. Notice your breath, in silence. From time to time, you may get distracted or lost in thought, and if so, just return to the flow of your breath. After a few minutes, once again notice your body, your whole body, seated here. Let yourself relax even more deeply and then offer yourself some appreciation for doing this practice. By giving yourself some space and cultivating a calmer more grounded state, you will be more capable of making more rational (less emotional) and more logical money decisions.
Tune into your breath. Feel the natural flow of breath as it flows in and out of your body and nourishes you. You don’t need to do anything to your breath. Just notice whether you are breathing in long or short. Notice where you feel your breath in your body. It might be in your abdomen. It may be in your chest or throat or perhaps it’s in your nostrils. See if you can feel the sensations of breath, the warmth, the flow, just one breath at a time. When one breath ends, the next breath begins. Now as you do this, you might notice that your mind may start to wander. You may start thinking about other things, things you 23
Inspiration Corner It's Possible
by Robert Coleman Do you still hear echoes Of childhood pains and sorrows? Do you listen to words That were spoken forty years ago? What are your reasons For giving up on yourself? Are you old, sick, fat Do you not have enough cash? Listen- This world will convince you That you are less than nothing The drumbeats keep pounding Until you can't hear them at all Listen- You are woven from a grander cloth That runs far beneath The braying donkeys Who prance and preen on the news Listen-
You are a bonfire You are a lightening storm You are a howling wind That sweeps across the plains You are majestic You are inconceivable You are so much more Than you dare even think Even if you are nobody Plugging away in oblivion With an aching back And too many bills you have to pay Believe that "It's possible" Rekindle the fire in your heart Connect with the massive love That runs through your soul Yes, you will be challenged Treated like you don't matter Swept into a line to wait Until somebody has the time You will have to be courageous When the world tries to convince you That it's all but over now And every color is gray But I tell you it's possible No matter where you find yourself No matter what you must endure It's up to YOU to decide That it's possible
were grateful for. Really step into the feeling of gratitude. Maybe it was your first good job, or maybe someone cut you some slack when you messed up. How did it change your life? Really get into the emotion of the event. Hold that thought. How do you feel now?
Cultivating Gratitude by Therese Nicklas
Does it matter? As we turn the corner from the holiday season into the depth of winter, we are reminded of the need to go within and reflect on all that has passed and prepare to begin anew. There is something truly magical about this time of year that always makes me feel grateful for what has been and excited about what is yet to come. A Grateful Heart Is A Healthy Heart In a recent “Psychology Today” article, author Amy Morin points out that practicing gratitude and acknowledging the good things in your life improves your relationships, physical and mental health, self-esteem and resilience. Studies show that people with a positive, grateful attitude have lower blood pressure, sleep better and are less likely to develop addictions to drugs or alcohol than those who tend to focus on the negative. By far, the benefits of showing gratitude far outweigh the effort it takes to stay positive. It is so easy today to get caught up in negativity. We are bombarded with negativity pretty much 24/7 in the media. So how do we tune it out? Here are a few tips to help you tune out the negative noise and change the dial to the positive channel. "To feel grateful is to
Gratitude Journal One of the easiest ways to develop an attitude of gratitude is to remind yourself daily of the good things in your life. Start by creating a Gratitude Journal. Write down the positive things that happen daily. Mention the people you appreciate having in your life and why. Express thanks for your health, income, job, weather, acts of kindness, etc. As you drift off to sleep, review your list in your head. This is a much healthier alternative to thinking about things you need to do the next day. Or, worse, remembering what went wrong or annoyed you throughout the day! After developing this habit, pay attention to your personal mental shift. What happens when you focus on what makes you happy and grateful? Here’s a hint – more of it shows up! What we focus on expands. By noticing and acknowledging the good things in your life, more good things will show up. “Fake It Til You Make It” Smile! Look in a mirror, and grin like your life depends on it! Feel what happens. Your mood instantly shifts! You cannot be negative and smile at the same time (try it and you will see!). Memories Think about a happy memory when something happened, or someone did something you
Write A Letter Write a letter to a person that made a difference in your life. They can be alive or deceased. If they are alive, send them the letter. If they are deceased, keep it with your Gratitude Journal. I had a teacher in the 8th grade that I absolutely loved for the way she believed in me. I ran into her many years after sitting in her classroom and asked her if she had a moment to talk. I took the opportunity to thank her for the way she impacted my life, and told her how I use her teachings in my daily life. She was moved to tears. She said she taught for over 50 years and this was the first time a student had thanked her. Can you imagine? Working in the same profession for that length of time, and not getting a “thank you?” Think about the people who’ve crossed your path over the years. Does anyone deserve a heartfelt expression of gratitude? Just Say Thank You Say “thank you” every chance you get. It can be for the smallest or largest experience, it doesn’t matter. A couple of years ago, I attended a conference in New Orleans. On the final evening of the conference, we were invited to a “Taste of New Orleans” banquet. There two women in charge of our group and at the end of the evening, I approached them to thank them for their hospitality. One responded by saying “Thank you for another day’s employment." Her radiant smile and joy were so apparent. She so embodied what it is to live life gratefully. So, how do you express gratitude? Start practicing it a bit every day and see how much fuller your life feels.
CERTIFIED MONEY COACHES (CMC)Â®
Tamar Goodson - USA www.gsempower.com
Lea Schodel - Australia & USA www.leaschodel.com
Winnie Driscoll - Taiwan & Australia www.unblockyourwealth.com 26
Eric Goodson - USA
Robina Benion - USA www.robinabennion.com
Garrett Philbin - USA www.beawesomenotbroke.com
Therese Nicklas - USA www.wealthcoachforwomen.net
Chris Lascor - France www.globalpecunia.com
Corrin Burke - USA www.successfulwealthstrategies.com
CERTIFIED MONEY COACHES (CMC)Â®
Mariska Reinerink - Canada www.moneyconversations.ca
Deborah Price - USA www.moneycoachinginstitute.com
Susan Shloss - USA www.moneywisdomcoach.com
Bill Donaldson - USA www.donaldsonfwn.com
Shuntel McRaven - USA www.financiallymindful.com
Robert Coleman - USA
Jenny Karlsson - USA www.financialsforcreatives.com
Keri O'Connor - USA
Nickson Wong - Malaysia www.moneycoachasia.com
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Money is both mysterious and elusive for most people. We want it, need it, love it and hate it. Money has the power to be our salvation and...
Published on Jan 28, 2019
Money is both mysterious and elusive for most people. We want it, need it, love it and hate it. Money has the power to be our salvation and...