Reclaiming your joy in parenting

BY NIKKI SMITH

We are cranky, they get cranky. We stare at our screens because it can be the path with less conflict and struggle. We’re busy, they’re TOO busy! We punish rather then choose to teach. We forget to stop. Listen and connect. Sometimes it really is all too much.

It’s too trying, too tiring and too much of a challenge. You’ve woken up to, yet another sleepless night and all of your children are still in your bed!

You wake up only to notice that your daughter’s nappy is off and there’s a puddle of wee in the kitchen that you accidently slip in as you prepare your morning coffee!!

You’ve just gotten dressed, you’re sipping on your morning coffee after a long night of wake ups, your new baby is snuggling up to your chest…‘brrraaaap!!’ You look down and there’s poo everywhere!! How the hell did that happen!!

Parenting can be hard. It can be stressful. The question is, is it worth deliberating and dwelling upon things that you simply cannot change? Things that have already happened.

Isn’t that a recipe for making you feel much worse? “Research has shown that children create unhappiness. There are some parenting blogs and facebook feeds that perpetuate that.

Dr Justin Coulson PhD has researched over 1000 Australian parents. His research showed that parents experienced lowered wellbeing as their children got older or with the more children that they had.”

Taken from the book by Dr Justin Coulson PhD, Author of ’10 things every parent needs to know.’ In this book Dr Coulson goes onto explain that within his research he found that children have been more likely to think that they are the cause of their parent’s frustration, anger and sadness.

Could it be that that’s because we tend to show our negative feelings far more than we do our joy, our happiness? It wasn’t too long ago that I wrote a post on my Instagram and Facebook handles about a group of mums that I’d overheard in the playground, they were discussing their ‘painful pests,’ with a cuppa, right in front of their toddlers.

The post reads below; “I’m going to be completely honest here. And it may upset some people… But I really struggle to understand why we as parent’s feel it’s ok to call our children names in front of them? Would you speak to your friend like that? Your partner? If they spoke to you like that, or if you overheard them speaking about you like that, how would you feel?

So I ask you, how do you think your child feels when they over hear you speak about them like that? Let’s be very clear here, your children are not a burden. They weren’t brought upon

When we connect and listen, we show our children that their feelings are important.

this earth to upset you purposefully (even though on those really emotionally exhausting days it sometimes feels like it!) Your child doesn’t cry and express their big emotions in public just to make you feel like an incompetent parent.

They don’t cry or refuse to eat their dinner because they know that you’re watching your favourite tv show. Like us, they have very real needs and very big emotions.

If their needs such as, food, a nap, exercise, play and being outside to ground their energy, if these needs haven’t been met then they do express it in a BIG way. All of those big feelings are due to their brain still developing, it’s all about the medulla aspect of the brain. The medullsa helps control the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system, when you feel stressed or in danger, the vasomotor centre makes the blood vessels get smaller. This is part of the body’s “fight or flight” response.

I have a 3 year old, I absolutely get it! I have experienced parenting toddlers three times over now, and it’s not easy!

What I can say though, is that I come back to empathy. When I can meet their needs, this eases both of us into a calmer state of being. It is never too late to start parenting mindfully and with empathy. Empathy is at the heart of what it means to be a human being. It is the foundation for learning how to love others as they are, to take a step back and try to ‘see’ things as they do.

To care about another’s feelings, is the beginning framework for healthier relationships. “There is no doubt that parenting challenges us, it can take us to a dark place that we didn’t even know existed when we are triggered by our children’s behaviour. But does this mean that in being a parent we can no longer reclaim our ‘joy?’ Let’s look at the word ‘meaning,’ Defined by Wikipedia as: ‘the existence of an individual human being or animal.’

Take the existence of your child as an example, meaning means to look at what you have achieved with your parenting journey, the giving, the selflessness, the sacrifice and love, all of this experience brings with it joy and a sense of purpose in your parenting journey.

There are numerous experiences that we can have with our child/ren to feel more joy and more happiness in our everyday together:

Connection When we connect and listen, we show our children that their feelings are important.

When we create time for meaningful connection examples such as, reading with them, playing, cooking dinner together, making and playing with playdough and even something as simple as a walk-in nature disconnected from our phones and our screens.

If this reconnection can take place every day, it makes them feel loved, and

Formulating The Future One Thought at a Time... 1 Bridge Avenue Chain Valley Bay NSW 2259 4358 3155 Workshops Early Learning Centre Mentoring Workshops Early Learning Centre Mentoring 1 Bridge Avenue Chain Valley Bay 4358 3155 connected to you, without this sort of uninterrupted connection how do we earnestly get to really know each other? Simple things such as knowing each other’s favourite colours get lost amongst the ‘busy,’ I get it, I do, but we must do better in order to be better.

More than anything else though, your children

want you. They want your time, and your presence. Together, they want to play, read books, colour in, eat and laugh together. They want the reassurance in knowing that when they need you, you will be there. In the simplest of ways, we are showing them that they are important to us, because even on our busiest day we can still find the time to STOP and CONNECT.

Hug Hugging creates a burst of the ‘love’ drug called oxytocin, big hugs also give you a burst of dopamine and serotonin these are all-natural brain chemicals that create bonding and promote a positive sense of being, so hug, hug and do more hugging!

Foster an attitude of Gratitude If we can appreciate the simple things in our lives such as drinking our coffee while it’s still hot or having an opportunity to sleep in uninterrupted, our sense of wellbeing and joy is increased.

Today, think of two simple things that you are grateful for, or better yet, journal it and write it down! When we physically write something down, we tend to hold onto that feeling and sense of peace for the rest of our day.

Let’s grow our children with simplicity, slow and connection because peace really does begin at home, and this truly reflects reclaiming your joy as a parent!

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Nikki Smith is a Registered Nurse and a Qualified Child and Family Nurse. A mama of three beautiful daughters with a strong belief in raising our children consciously and intuitively. Nikki is the founder of Earthway Parenting andhas developed and is facilitating Post Partum Care and Tuning into your Toddler Workshops. Nikki also provides in home, one on one consultations according to the unique needs of your family focusing on gentle parenting for your infant and/or toddler. You can find more information here www.earthwayparenting.com.au

Family fun at The Art House

Be prepared to both gasp in awe and roll on the floor laughing, with two fun-filled, family friendly productions at The Art House this October.

First up, a school holiday treat sure to entertain and inspire the kids thanks to the new ensemble circus production By a Thread. Created by elite Australian acrobats, the action takes places from ground level to 8 metres up in the air, with performers swinging, throwing, catching, and climbing each other! If you’re looking for a slightly cooler, more artsy circus experience, then By a Thread is for you. Using an apparatus never used on stage before, the performers play on long spools of rope run through a pulley system. The actions of one acrobat affect and implicate the movements of others in a precise negotiation of cause and effect. Kids will witness a visual demonstration of trust and connection through the interactions of the seven acrobats. With intense training at ‘circus university’ in a breadth of skills such as foot juggling, aerial straps, handstands and slack rope walking, the performers have pooled their knowledge, and exploded the traditional boundaries of the circus. One thing is certain, you haven’t seen circus like this before!

For budding gymnasts and circus performers, the cast are also offering a rare Advanced Circus Skills workshop. This workshop is aimed at locals who have a physical background in dance, gymnastics or circus and are interested in advancing their skills and improving their technique with high-level instruction. Hurry, limited places available! kidult comedy duo The Listies, in their bonkers extravaganza ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING SO HARD A LITTLE BIT OF WEE COMES OUT. Gratuitous, ridiculous, hilarious, joyous and possibly hazardous, the multi award-winning duo are loved by both kids and their parents. The Listies stormed onto the kids’ comedy scene in 2009 with The Listies More Fun Than a Wii, the only children’s show to ever be nominated for the prestigious Melbourne International Comedy Festival Barry Award for best show. Drawing on clown, pantomime, vaudeville, and pop culture, ROFLSHALBOWCO is jam packed with magically stupid stuff guaranteed to

make anyone laugh so hard that they may indeed need to bring a towel. The show is pitched at ages 5+ so it’s time to introduce the kids to the theatre and let out your own inner child!

“No-one else does comedy for kids this brilliantly, and what’s more the adults have just as much fun!” Sydney Morning Herald.

Dates: Monday 28 October 6PM and Tuesday 29 October 10am

Tickets: $20–$25, Family Pass (2 adults + 2 children or 1 adult + 3 children) $75

Date: Thursday 10 October Workshop 1.30PM (ages 8–16 years); Performance (family friendly) 8PM

Tickets: Workshop including Performance $30; Performance only $22–$35

Book online at www.thearthousewyong.com.au or call the Box Office on 02 4335 1485. So, gather the kids and the grandkids for an outing to remember at The Art House, Wyong.

BY A THREAD - BY ONE FELL SWOOP CIRCUS OCT 10 “AN INTRICATE AND MESMERISING PIECE OF ART” - ARTSHUB

ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING SO HARD A LITTLE BIT OF WEE COMES OUT OCT 28 - 29 “NO-ONE ELSE DOES COMEDY FOR KIDS THIS BRILLIANTLY” - SMH