Equality begins at home and benefits all

Unless you have been off grid, under a rock or on a total social media detox you cannot be missing the debates and discourse around #metoo, women’s rights and gender equality. In fact, in the last few years there has been a steady flow of discontent which now seems like a veritable tsunami of outrage. Women are fed up. And I am one of them.

I feel like as I edge closer to 50 I am becoming, as actress Ashley Judd at the outbreak of the Harvey Weinstein Hollywood scandal proudly declared herself to be, an ‘angry woman’!

Seriously, after 60 years of the feminism movement, why is there still a gender pay gap? Why is abortion still illegal? How can it be that women still face glass ceilings?

And don’t get me started on the so called ‘feminine’ professions that are now more than ever vulnerable to being reduced to part-time and contract employment, if not completely abandoned into the wilds of the gig economy.

There are rising rates of female incarceration which explode off the chart for our indigenous sisters. Our girls still suffer harassment and sexual objectification. Some things seem to be going backwards – we’ve been lulled into an illusion we were living in progress – but some shadow gremlins never left and are now emerging to scare us again.

For example, not only do women still bear the bulk of the burden of childrearing and domestic duties, she also has assumed an undue ‘emotional-load’ in domestic partnerships. This manifests with the burden of holding the big family ‘picture’, micromanaging the schedules and diaries, and directing and delegating tasks TO husbands to do. All this starts to become an overwhelming beast of burden on top of their own work/life balance. At the first rise up of our voices, and pushback on the norms, a small yet powerful group of men bristle and cry reverse discrimination. They not only actively deny the existence of ‘privilege’ and systemic inequality but, in fact, double down efforts to “keep us in our place”. Only recently on International Women’s Day did our Prime Minister say he was all for equality “as long as it is not at the expense of others [ie men]”.

Watch out gals, Gilead is possible. It is time for a new rising up. A rising up for not only our girls but for our boys too. A world of inequality does not serve them either and I see this at the coal face in my practice when couples come for marriage therapy. This war is being fought in the trenches of the domestic division of labour and parenting, making both men and women unhappy and putting families at risk.

Humanity wins when we encourage all to rise up to our highest potential. As a mother of sons, I’ve always accepted my role (and my husband’s role too by the way) was to guide them into being good men. Men who loved and respected women. Men who contributed and didn’t differentiate or discriminate. But a recent conversation with my not so little ones now, Master 19 and Master 16, left me shocked at their belief that feminism is viewed with ridicule and as out of date, we don’t need it anymore, ‘there is no inequality’. I was shocked. They truly can’t see it. It is invisible to them.

And so there is more work to be done. This evolution begins at home. It’s time for the conversation to be shifted to understand women’s rights and gender equality as benefitting all. Redressing the balance for women is not a women’s rights’ issue any more but an issue for humanity. How might this look for us in the home? What could this ‘revolution’ at the grass roots level of real families look like? It’s about shifting men’s and women’s mindsets towards the acceptance that the home and domestics is a shared family environment. Child rearing is a whole of family responsibility.

It might mean a more conscious effort to bring boys into the kitchen and showing them how to do the laundry. It might mean taking daughters into the shed and exposing them to car repairs and mowing the lawn.

Mums and dads let’s advance the EQ and empathetic muscles of young men by not stifling emotional expression for boys and stamping out their feelings and natural tenderness, not curbing their creativity, but rather building for boys and girls a new emotional literacy. How great will the day be when girls aren’t judged on their cuteness, prettiness and bodies or directed solely into caretaking and service roles and professions? Let’s affirm girls for their actions, character and ability. Let’s encourage and widen their dreams.

Moving forwards, to ensure ongoing advances, our society will require for women and men to develop a zero tolerance for anything less than equal. It will need a new ‘language’ which might need to become less ‘gendered’. It will need a new willingness to open hearts towards ideals of compassion, collaboration and the co-creative potentials of both and girls.

Let it be for our generation of kids to enjoy a society where there is universal equality and acceptance and when we all work together building up our strengths...we all win.

Sarah Tolmie is a Life & Love celebrant, coach, pastoral carer and consultant assisting people to celebrate, navigate, grow and heal through all their life & love transitions. Her practice focuses on love & relationships; families & children; life success & fulfilment; illness, death & grief. As an holistic Celebrant Sarah creates profound and meaningful ceremonies for all life & love events. Sarah is also a Laughter Yoga Practitioner. You can visit her website www.sarahtolmie.com.au and receive her Daily Love updates on her Facebook page at Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love

If you're looking for an activity which is fun, helps you bond with your baby or young child and provides an enormous range of cognitive benefits for your child’s developing brain, early learning music classes are for you.

Central Coast Conservatorium of Music runs a wide range of classes for children aged 0–7 years in Gosford and Woy Woy.

Childrens Music Program Teacher Jo McMahon said the reasons why learning music from a young age were so beneficial for a young child were very well articulated by Dr Anita Collins from Bigger Better Brains at a recent public lecture at Laycock Street Community Theatre.

‘’Music is one of the first memories formed, and Dr Collins explained that recent research which used an MRI to look at the brains of babies who were one day old found the babies were hearing their mother’s voice as music (rather than speech),’ Ms McMahon said.

‘As life progresses, most of us associate life’s big milestones with some form of

music, whether it be a nursery rhyme, a favourite song or band. This is because music taps into the deepest and most ancient parts of the brain.’

Fresh from the public lecture given by Dr Collins, the Central Coast Conservatorium of Music is extending its Children Music Program, with a new Saturday morning class in Woy Woy at 10:45am to 11:45am.

Here’s some of the reasons why learning music from a young age is good for your baby or young child: ƒ De velops social skills (including bonding with the parent or carer who attends the class from 0–3 years) and teamwork through sharing ƒ De velops coordination skills ƒ De velops concentration ƒ I ncreases child’s sensory development. ƒ De velops self-regulation ƒ F acilitates emotional expression. Research has found that children aged three and four who were able to keep a steady musical beat were more ‘readingready’ by the age of five than those who were unable to keep a beat.

Parent Zoe Cooke said her twin boys, Henry and Xander, adore their baby music class.

‘It’s been lovely to watch them gain rhythm and confidence each week…the classes are always fun and entertaining with plenty of variety to keep everyone interested,’ she said.

Enrolments for Term 2 are now open. To find out more please visit www.centralcoastconservatorium.com.au/children-music-program or follow us on social media: Facebook @CentralCoastConservatoriumofMusic @childrensmusicprogram Instagram @cccmusicgosford

For more information and to register visit: www.centralcoastconservatorium.com.au Phone 02 4324 7477

Kate Perkins, B.App.Sci (Occupational Therapy) helps women who have undergone surgery and related treatment for breast cancer gain recovery of strength, movement, and energy. » Monitoring pre & post breast cancer treatment » Assessment and management of Lymphoedema » Strength After Breast Cancer prescribed exercise program » Scar tissue management – surgical, adhesive scar tissue, cording » Low Level Laser Therapy » Lymph and Scar Taping techniques » Manual Lymph Drainage massage » Compression garment prescription » Patient Education » EPC and Health Fund Claimable Call Kate on 0425 554 994 to book an appointment.

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