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seeing that there are a lot of students coming in and being open about their issues and they want to help. I didn’t have the option of medicine or therapy; my doctors told me that I needed to be put on medication and go to therapy. I think it really depends on the person and the severity of the situation. For some people it’s just too big of a chemical imbalance and they really need the help of medication, but I think therapy is important too because you’re not completely reliant on meds and you’re able to set goals and talk through what’s happening. Having a mental illness is like always having this annoying passenger who’s always with me. It’s always annoying me and causing problems and it’s honestly crazy to think about how there are people who don’t have that passenger and they’ll never really understand what it’s like. There are people who can just walk up to the teacher and talk to them about the assignment where I’m just sitting there freaking out for ten minutes and analyzing everything and I’m frozen. I have to take more caution in everything I do because this passenger, this thing, it makes me do things that I don’t want to do and it makes me realize all of the things that I wish I could do but can’t. The most commonly shown mental illnesses are depression and anxiety and I feel like a lot of people are pretty apathetic when it comes to those. But when people start to talk about bipolar disorder or OCD or schizophrenia, people don’t know what to do because they don’t understand it. Because I have bipolar disorder, I can go from calm to angry really quickly and the balance just isn’t there for me and it’s hard for my mom to understand. My bipolar disorder is more on the depressive side. I don’t get a lot of highs, but when I do, I feel invincible. I feel really confident and talkative and flirty and I feel great.
But then on the other side, I don’t ever want to talk to people and my speech is affected. I’ll usually only be positive for maybe a couple of days and then be down for a couple of weeks. I don’t know how it is for everyone, but that’s how it is for me. I also have really low patience and it’s really easy for me to snap and become angry. I wish there were better ways to show that normal people have problems and it’s okay not to be okay.
It makes me realize all the things that I wish I could do but can’t.
I get panic attacks because of my anxiety and they’re the worst. I’m not even there and I can’t breathe and everything seems so overwhelming and I can’t handle anything. If anyone sees me while I’m having a panic attack, it makes it worse because I know how I look and I know I look crazy. Afterwards, it takes a lot of time to recover because those feelings stay with me. I think mental illnesses can be managed but I don’t know if they can be cured. I honestly think that for someone with a mental illness, that mental illness is a part of who they are. I think it’s something that you have to learn to live 43
with and learn how to manage it so you can live a full and normal life. If someone you know has a mental illness and you notice things around them start to pile up and get overwhelming, be there for them and try to help. If it’s a family member, maybe help them clean their room or wash their sheets for them–really anything that will help them keep moving and not drown in what’s around them. It’s also important not to pressure anyone to talk about something they’re not ready or comfortable to talk about. I know with me, I’m not good at talking about my feelings and I barely understand them myself. I know if I get behind, I’ll just stare at my work and I can’t get myself to do it because I feel overwhelmed and behind, so it’s really nice when people offer to sit with me and help me. I want to tell people that it does get better. After so many different medications and finally getting my parents to understand... it just takes time. It’s hard sometimes to keep going. Sometimes it does incapacitate me. Sometimes I’m not able to go to school or pick myself up by my bootstraps and keep going. People are pressing from one side and my depression becomes a wall and they’re just pushing me into it and it doesn’t work. This isn’t something just made up in my head and it’s a real problem and I wish people understood that. But when I was in the hospital, I started realizing all the people who were being affected by my mental illnesses. I thought about all of my teachers and the nurses and my friends. I knew that if I gave up, it would really hurt people. Even if you don’t think that you’re important–you are. You are important. Life will keep moving forward and you’ll find happiness. It’s hard to see it right now in the moment, but eventually it will all be okay. •