The Eulogy of Donald-David Fehrenbach
13 April l998
Addressing family ties (other eulogies: friendship, faith and ministry, HIV athletics and AIDS activism) My name is Jeanne Fehrenbach. Donald is my brother. Although in the last 20 years he has taken great joy when on occasion someone assumed he was younger, he is my older brother. (We have 3 younger brothers.) I remember 11 years ago in Sydney (although I don’t recall the rationale) that Donald addressed the group gathered for my wedding saying “it is good Karma that I should represent the family”. He referred to the fact that he got me into or led me into a fair amount of trouble as a kid. He well and truly took the mickey out of me at the time. (Of course I took it with grace!) So it is ‘good Karma’ again/now that I should represent the family on this occasion. That he should ask me (those of you who know Donald well know that in more recent times, he was more inclined to request, no, to demand!) is an honour. The problem (as always) is he spoke with such eloquence and flamboyance that I never could keep up with him and won’t now. Donald has given me (aside from an honour) a difficult task in delivering this eulogy on family ties. Difficult because: ◊ In no way can I fairly represent all the sentiment in his family; each come with their own special relationship and perspective ◊ For parents to lose their son is indescribable ◊ Donald played many roles ◊ Donald had an extended family ◊ I am prone to blubbering just now. Donnie
Don
Donald
Donald-David
DeeDee
Dee
and more.
As a son, brother, brother-in-law, nephew, uncle, godparent, godchild, cousin, matron-of-honour, Donald held a very very special place. His family holds special characteristics (some of which made life subject to intense periods): we didn’t have a dishwasher as kids (the fighting that can result from that?) DD’s family extends beyond blood, beyond his given, to his chosen; those carefully selected. his family , given and chosen, is spread around the city, country and world. his family is filled with highly intellectual, philosophical, emotional, creative/artistic, and functional facets. ◊ his family is largely dedicated to service (nursing, education, arts, ministry, stealth bombers (defence)). ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊
These characteristics presented unique experiences and opportunities: ◊ battles of wits ◊ heart to hearts ◊ drama ◊ travel ◊ design ◊ teaching and ministry ◊ love ◊ many perspectives ◊ great insight ◊ a lot of miles. DD was a special man; an extraordinary man. SURE, we all had our ‘is this for real???' moments! But YES, Donald was for real!!! He had a special calling. Donald was a LEADER at an early age. He led me downstairs in the wee hours of the morning at the age of 3 to watch TV on a regular basis. We watched the test pattern!
At the age of six he led 3 youngsters to lay claim to a 50 lb bag of flour and proceed to dust, no, cover, themselves and the cellar in white. The story goes that we were discovered from the top of the steps looking like 8 eyes peeping through mounds of white powder. But those were early days. There were the All Saints Day Parades at St. Matthias Parish grade school. We all dressed up as saints, but no, not Donnie. One year he draped some sheets, secured them at his waist with some rope, twined some grapevines for his head and cut and crossed some birch seedlings. You could just imagine him with 2 little not so happy (brother and sister) saints trying to drag a bloody big crucifix up the street for the parade! So his leadership began simple and emerged as you have seen in this community. Donald was a PROTECTOR too from an early age*. For Halloween he would take us out ‘trick or treating’. We would be dressed as clowns or cowboys (some of us under duress, ‘trust me, this will work’ were cowgirls) and Donald draped himself in disused dark green curtains from head to foot, stuck Vaseline and flour on his face, and a grin or growl would reveal iridescent fangs. He lurked in the darkness (sometimes in the bushes) while the 4 of us little kids walked up to peoples’ doors. He scared the tar out of people! We were safe. The good thing about these few minutes is that I don’t think DD is in a position (well probably not!) for rebuttal! I referred to letters from Donald and tales of family members. What is evident and prominent is: ◊ the unconditional love of his family and for his family; ◊ his outstanding intellect and talent; and ◊ his amazing compassion, faith and commitment. I don’t know why the delay in conferring ‘Holy Orders’; the red tape over 40 years?!? I could be wrong, but it seems to me, God Bless him, that Donald had holy orders at the age of 5! I remember one Christmas, when we awoke and saw what was under the tree.... There was this 3’x2’x2’ white cabinet ‘thing’ sitting neatly there. I said, without much enthusiasm, “a stove!”; Donnie elated shouted, “An altar!” Where others probably played house, we played church. I don’t think that altar was ever used for cooking! Donald’s family has seen him put a lot into life. We have loved, learned, shared his gift and grown. In more recent times he let us know the importance, while we still have the presence of mind to do so, to say ‘thank you’, ‘I love you’ and ‘goodbye’. I would like to close using Donald’s words, an excerpt, the closing of his sermon preached 6 weeks ago here at Trinity on the occasion of the conferring of his diploma and hood for his Master’s in Divinity. He said: “So I will close on a lighter note paraphrasing a line from my favourite of the current crop of Blockbuster hit videos, (My Best Friend’s Wedding), “Will God hear our prayer? Will Cinderella dance again? You think, ‘What the heck? Life goes on. Maybe there won’t be marriage. Maybe there won’t be sex. Maybe for me there won’t be Orders. But, by God, there will be dancing.!” Today we reiterate and confirm: Thank you, Donald. We love you, Donald. Bye. Bye.
*omitted on the day (emotions, slip-up, feedback, blur?)