COLAP Wellbeing Corner

COLAP WELLBEING CORNER | BY SARAH MYERS, ESQ., LMFT, LAC

Deciding What’s Important

Life isn’t what it was, and we all know it’s not what it’s going to be yet. We are all living through widespread cultural and systemic changes, both on macro and micro scales. All change impacts our nervous system’s ability to feel safe, which is why so many people are reporting feeling anxious, depressed, overwhelmed and exhausted. A New Year coming on the heels of years of loss, fear and stress is hard to plan for. There is a saying about children: give them roots to grow and wings to fly. All human beings, regardless of our age, need to feel grounded and supported enough to follow our dreams, our happiness and what Joseph Campbell referred to as “your bliss.” This doesn’t mean every day is blissful, but we should be able to find moments of enjoyment in what we do to balance moments of frustration.

Part of well-being and developing strong behavioral health is being able to recognize, honor and mourn who and what we have lost while also finding the strength to feel appreciation and express gratitude. Acknowledging pain and loss while appreciating what we have is a tricky balance, particularly while living through a lingering pandemic. The important thing is to make time for both, and to understand that feeling positive emotions does not mean we are dishonoring or forgetting those we have lost. We can find things to laugh about even when we are grieving. And we can experience bittersweet sorrow even in moments of joy. Our experiences and emotions are complex and layered, and we can make the most of this New Year in simple ways that recognize and honor this principle.

Have you lost some of the passion you used to have for practicing law? Have you replaced relaxation time with social media and endless texts? Have you become estranged from family and friends? Have you been spending less time on hobbies and activities you used to enjoy? Have you become addicted to the cycle of stress? Have you become more reactive and less responsive to situations and people around you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, or if you have another list of grievances and stressors in your personal or professional life, you are not alone. Many members of the legal community report feeling off-center, off-kilter and not themselves in general. When we feel this way, it’s helpful to take a simple inventory. What brings you happiness? What brings you contentment, peace and joy? Are you doing any of those things? A New Year’s resolution this year might not be to start a new habit, but rather to take things one day at a time, and explore free and simple ways to shift perspective a bit. Here are some ideas to get you started: o Make a list, and/or tell someone close to you, what you are grateful for. Research confirms that verbalizing or writing what we are appreciative of improves both our mental and physical health. It can be a long list, or you can simply name a few things each morning or night. o Voice appreciation and actively look for kindness. It’s easy to get “stuck” in our own minds, and to focus on upsetting or negative things. Dedicating some time each day to focus on others helps us keep our own life situations in better perspective. o Be more present. Lawyers spent a great deal of time “in their heads.” Are you mostly thinking about work or your to-do list when you are supposed to be listening to family or friends talk about their days? One lawyer confessed recently, “My kids know I only hear about 50% of what they say to me.” If you can relate to this, be more mindful of staying present; when you find yourself disassociating or mentally leaving a conversation, adopt the mantra, “Be Here Now.” Do the same when you are driving, out enjoying nature, or even grocery shopping. Start being in the moment rather than perseverating about the past or worrying about the future. o Anticipate interruption and resched-

uling, and generally lower your expec-

tations. When we have rigid expectations of how things “should” be, we are almost always let down. Don’t sabotage this New Year by setting unrealistic goals for yourself or anyone else. Be flexible with plans; from travel glitches to supply chain issues, it’s likely that we’ll need to “go with the flow” even more this year than past years. o Don’t underestimate the time it will take to complete tasks. Rather than running around like a “chicken with its head cut off” because you double-booked your time, create a timeline for everything you need to accomplish. Add at least 30 to 60 minutes to each item. o Remind yourself to SLOW DOWN. When you find your mind or body racing around, or you feel yourself becoming agitated, angry or overwhelmed, remember to breathe. Stress creates chemicals in the body that cloud rational thought and decision-making. Many of us experience the current staffing and labor shortages daily, whether as a consumer or an employee. Be patient with yourself and others; we can only accomplish so much in a day! o Keep up your self-care! When we are busy and stressed out, we often start neglecting the very tools that help us get through stressful times unscathed: getting enough sleep, eating regularly, drinking enough water, and exercising. Some days will be better than others in our self-care, and it’s important not to feel guilty if we’re not able to keep up a routine or diet. It’s also crucial to take time away from work, even if you can’t get away for a traditional vacation, to avoid burnout. Plan some days off or a long weekend when you are creating your calendar this year.

If you or a colleague could use support, contact your free and confidential Colorado Lawyer Assistance Program (COLAP) at (303) 986-3345 or email us at info@ coloradolap.org for a consultation.

SARAH MYERS, executive director of the Colorado Lawyer Assistance Program, is the coordinating editor of this wellness series. Contact COLAP for free and confidential assistance at 303-9863345 and info@coloradolap.org.