THE FLIGHT Andrew Kim

I kept thinking about what my dad had told me several weeks before the trip. “If you can’t speak Korean, you’re going to be a stranger,” he had said, with a hint of what I thought was judgment in his voice. He had let out a quiet scoff. “How are you going to talk to your grandparents?”

You’re going to be a stranger.

That comment weighed down on me more than it should have. I thought about it throughout the days leading up to my flight. It replayed in my mind as I went through airport security. And again when the plane started to leave for takeoff.

“Are you excited?” my older sister asked me softly from the side. It brought me out of my stuporous state of tension, and it occurred to me that the sound of the plane’s engine was not coming from inside my head.

For a second, I didn’t know how to answer. Oh, right, I thought. I’m supposed to be more hyped up than nervous for this trip.

“Yeah, can’t wait to get there,” I replied, feeling like I was slightly lying. We talked a little more about the places we wanted to go to and the food we wanted to eat, and I remembered why I was initially excited to visit Korea for the first time. Discussing our most prioritized shopping malls helped me block out the anxious thoughts that have been accumulating inside me for a long time.

A few hours later into the flight, I noticed that my mom wasn’t trying to sleep. She looked deep in thought and not at all tired.

“Are you excited, Mom?” I echoed my sister. “It’s been a while since you’ve seen Haejin-samchon, right?”

She smiled at me. “I think the last time was when you were a toddler,” she reminisced. “Did you know that he was a singer? He released an album many years ago”

“Really?” I was shocked to hear such a thing I wondered if I was related to someone who was famous, and I never knew this whole time

“Yeah He’ll be singing during his wedding, so you’ll get to hear how amazing his voice is” There was a sense of pride in her voice as she said that

The thought of meeting my uncle made me feel nervous again, and it must’ve shown somehow in my body language, because my mom took my hand and gave me a sweet smile. “Stop worrying,” she consoled me. “Your relatives are your family. They would love to show you around.”

Just like the one from my dad, my mom’s comment fought for dominance inside my mind It’s true I was a part of the family, even if we weren’t going to communicate well Settling for a more peaceful state of mind, I let my mom’s reassurance run through me as I went to sleep for the rest of the flight

It worked until the flight was over, and my sister, my mom, and I were pushed into the Incheon International Airport I was fascinated by the beauty and size of the place It was clean and decorated with intricate designs, and the overall light blue-ish theme somehow screamed “business” at you While I remained fixated on the new atmosphere as we walked through the terminal, we were eventually stopped by an airport attendant.

“Passport, please,” he said in Korean.

I blinked at him. I knew the word for passport, but it still took me a second to understand him.

It was a second too long “Your passport?” he said again, this time in English The look on his face resembled one of confusion and what looked like a bit of judgment

“Ah, yes” I rummaged through my bag, feeling stupid Now he knows

After that interaction, the thoughts returned again

You’re going to be a stranger i can only comment on my experience but i wanted the piece to be a discussion on the notion that even though i was raised in a traditional asian household, the “american” part of “asian american” (or perhaps it could be the other way around?) can really serve to bring a conflicting dual identity growing up. it’s meant to represent part of my journey of reconciling these two identities, and this trip, because it was my first time, was a significant realization for me that i have a long journey ahead of me in terms of accepting the way i grew up and how my environment shaped me