Newport Bowling Club Newport Bowling Club is situated in Palm Road at the bottom of Newport Hill in the centre of Spurway Park and just a few minutes’ walk to Newport Beach. The Club incorporates the Newport Bowling Club for men and the Newport Beach Women’s Bowling Club. We have an attractive, comfortable club house, with a deck overlooking our three greens where members and visitors can sit and watch the bowls or enjoy a drink of an afternoon or evening. The Club is now in its 76th year and enjoys a membership comprising 200 men and women bowlers and owes its success to the practice of men and women playing bowls matches on the same days (Wednesday and Saturdays). This makes for a wonderful and friendly atmosphere and we all gather together at the end of the bowls day to have a drink and a chat. Newport is very active in playing in District Men’s and Women’s Pennants bowls with the number of men participating being about 40 and a similar number for the women. Our women’s No. 2 pennant team won their Pennant this year and our men were runners-up in their mid-week triples. The Club holds a number of Gala days during the year and regularly holds mixed bowls competitions, great fun for the players and a lot of friendly rivalry ensues. Barefoot Bowls are an important part of our club and many families, local people and business organisations enjoy playing on long summer afternoons. Barefoot Bowls can be played on any Friday afternoon from 4.00 p.m. As the name implies, you can bowl barefoot and the dress is casual. It’s social; it’s fun; you don’t need to have bowled before; you can have a drink while you do it; we will show you how to do it and we supply the bowls! Have fun and play Barefoot Bowls for your next Corporate Function! It is a game for all ages and is suitable for businesses, clubs or even private groups. You can discuss your catering needs with us as well, a barbeque at the end of the day can help round out the event.
There has to be some light-heartedness in view of the current global terrorism situation, and who better to shine it than... John Cleese?
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE
from JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off ” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective
Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.” The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance ”to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.” Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level. Regards, John Cleese, British writer, actor and tall person Sent in by Les Taylor
The perfect password... We enjoy primary school students and children from Newport Primary School have been coming to the Club for several years every Friday during term time to receive bowls coaching. Their enjoyment when they bowl is apparent, with many showing a real talent for the game Visitors to the Club are welcome, if you have any queries, visit our website www.newportbowlingclub.com.au where all further contact details are available.
“My memory is gone Mildred, so I changed my password to “Incorrect.” That way when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me… “Your password is incorrect.”
OCTOBER / NOVEMBER 2014 NEW SOUTH WALES BOWLS PLUS 17