COMMUNICATING MY WAY TO HAPPINESS

Every institution has its guiding principles, marriage is no exception. From the foundations of this world, God was clear on the role that humans were going to play in taking care of His creation. He did not leave anything to common sense or predictions, he communicated, and He still communicates with us every day. Similarly, every human relationship needs daily conversations and affirmations.

Over the years, we have celebrated so many love stories. Everyone has their own strategies they use to keep their marriages grounded and when asked for advice or tips, our experiences are different. However, the one tip that is recurring in everyone’s experience is the power of communication, how it’s underrated and how much it contributes to the health of a marriage. Beyond the promises we make to each other at the altar, there should be daily commitments to making each other happy. However, because we are humans, our minds are limited. We can only know what we have been told.

When I got married, I had a lot of ideas, dreams, expectations, you name it. I was so determined to be the perfect wife who was finally going to apply everything she had learnt and fantasized over for the past decades. Funny enough, my husband had his own too. In my mind, I had it all figured out. I believed that loving my way was enough and I even thought that maybe this was the solution to a happy marriage.

For a while we worked with that assumption. We were mainly influenced by our upbringing and the various teachings we had acquired over the years. It did not work, and it was so frustrating. I had no idea where I was going wrong because everything I was doing was already working for others, so I believed this was the right path to follow. I was wrong. I did not need to display how much I knew. I needed to let go of everything, listen to my partner, and love him the way he wanted to be loved. We really needed to sit down and reevaluate our strategies. Suddenly, the words in Amos 3 verse 3, “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” started making sense. We had to learn to communicate our deepest thoughts and feelings to make the marriage work.

There was nothing wrong with other people’s marriage models, they were just tailormade for their relationships not ours. To address our specific visions and needs meant using other people’s experiences to learn and tailor our own model. Love makes more sense when we are loved the way we want to be loved, copying was not the right solution for us. When we made the conscious decision to stay true to ourselves and our needs, our relationship grew. We needed that!

We have different experiences and needs, but we all just want to be happy. “Where there is a will there is a way.” Check in as often as possible and find out if you are both doing ok. Normalize prioritizing your partner’s happiness. Ask them if they are happy or what you can do for them to make them happy. Have honest conversations even when you have different opinions. Make a reference to the promises you made to each other and always find ways to reassure your partner that you are still a team