The Homecoming Issue (10.24.2016)

Hanover Review Inc. P.O. Box 343 Hanover NH, 03755

Volu m e 3 6 , Is su e 9

Mond ay, O c tob er 2 4 , 2 0 1 6

The Homecoming Issue

The Bonefire Rages unlike most people, nowadays.

Dartmouth Night Joseph Rago

Editor-in-Chief Emeritus Friday is Dartmouth Night, an evening of tradition impressive even

by Dartmouth College standards. It kicks off the traditional Homecoming weekend with an evening of speeches, a parade, and of course, the famous bonfire. For over one-hundred years, Dartmouth students, alumni, and—ahem—administrators have reveled in the camaraderie, good cheer, and College spirit. For instance, Douglas Vanderhoof 1901 wrote home to his parents during his freshman year, “This is one of the best nights for years… & of course great enthusiasm was aroused.” Though much has changed since then, the classic spirit of the legendary fire remains.

The origins of the

Dartmouth Night fire trace back over a century. In 1888, students from all four classes built a bonfire of cordwood from the forests around the college to celebrate a baseball victory over Manchester, 34-0. An editorial in The Daily Dartmouth criticized the fire, saying “It disturbed the slumbers of a peaceful town, destroyed some property, made the boys feel that they were being men, and in fact did no one any good.” Nevertheless, the idea remained popular and the bonfires continued informally, both before athletic events and in celebration of their victories. These bonfires frequently included an outhouse as part of the fuel for the fire. Five years later, the College officially recognized the fires.

Seven years after the fires began, President

William Jewett Tucker introduced the ceremony of Dartmouth Night. On September 20, 1895, the first Dartmouth Night was held to celebrate the accomplishments of the alumni of the College and, in Tucker’s words, “to promote class spirit and… initiate freshmen into the community.”

The Daily Dartmouth described it as an event where students were “addressed by representative alumni who illustrate the success and ability of Dartmouth graduates.” However, less formal sources relate that the evening tended to be composed of torturously long speeches. Fortunately, over time the speeches came to compose a smaller part of the ceremony and other events became more prominent.

Dartmouth Night became part of President Tucker’s self-conscious

effort to strengthen and deepen what he called the “Dartmouth Spirit.”

Or, as he put it another time, it was a way to “capitalize the history of the College.” In 1901, for example, the evening celebrated the hundredth anniversary of the graduation of Daniel Webster (students were dressed in eighteenth-century costume). At Dartmouth Night in 1896, Richard Hovey’s “Men of Dartmouth’ was elected as the best of all the songs of the College.

Probably the most famous Dartmouth Night occurred almost exactly a century ago, as William Heneage Legge, the Sixth Earl of Dartmouth and direct descendent of the British noble who provided most of the original capital for the College, visited the campus.

> FEATURES page 10

A History of Hazing Michael J. Perkins Shawn E. Honaryar Contributors Every year from August 3-12, the rising ninth grade class of my alma mater, St. Mark’s School of Texas, leave their meticulously manicured campus on large Greyhound buses. Accompanied by professors and upperclassmen volunteers, the soon-to-be upperclassmen travel over six hundred miles west into New Mexico’s Pecos wilderness.

Over the next eight days, the boys will hike as many as forty miles, carrying their tools, cloths, and sustenance on their backs. The three-page PDF posted on the St. Mark’s website offers a

lengthy description of the mandatory trip. Here’s an excerpt: “’The Pecos,’ as it is affectionately known, is a unique experience, one of the school’s most honored traditions. Distilled to its essence, the mission is to help boys grow into good men through outdoor experiences. However, the trip also bonds all Marksmen, past and present, as a community of courageous, responsible leaders. It is a period of intense reflection at a critical juncture of the boys’ lives, a time to evaluate who they are and who they want to be.”

Does this mandatory excursion constitute a form of hazing?

> Features page 14

Progress, and Tradition: A False Dichotomy

Planned Parenthood

Greek house profiles

The Review ponders the ceaseless conflict between progressives and traditionalists and its manifestation at Dartmouth.

We take a look at the inner workings of Planned Parenthood activists on Dartmouth’s campus.

The Review offers curious freshmen opinions and information on various Greek houses.

> EDITORIAL page 3

> features page 7

> features page 12

2 Monday – October 24, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

The Dartmouth Review

Table of Contents

FreSHmen Write

Work

For thirty-five years, The Dartmouth Review has been the College’s only independent newspaper and the only student opinion journal that matters. It is the oldest and most renowned campus commentary publication in the nation and spawned a national movement at the likes of Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, and countless others. Our staff members and alumni have won many awards, including the Pulitzer Prize, and have been published in the Boston Globe, New York Times, National Review, American Spectator, Wall Street Journal, Weekly Standard, Village Voice, New Criterion, and many others.

The Review aims to provide a voice for any student who enjoys challenging brittle and orthodox thinking. We stand for free speech, student rights, and the liberating arts. Whatever your political leanings, we invite you to come steep yourself in campus culture and politics, Dartmouth lore, keen witticisms, and the fun that comes with writing for an audience of thousands. We’re looking for writers, photographers, cartoonists, aspiring business managers, graphic designers, web maestros, and anyone else who wants to learn from Dartmouth’s unofficial school of journalism.

EST. 1980

EDITORIAL

editor-in-chief

‘Member Progress & Tradition?

Sandor Farkas

executive editors Brian Chen Jack F. Mourouzis

Safe

Managing editors Samuel W. Lawhon Marcus J. Thompson Joshua L. Kauderer Warren I. Schorr

Associate Editors Zachary P. Port Devon Kurtz Rushil Shukla

Business staff President

Mathew R.Zubrow

“Because every student deserves a safe space”

– Inge-Lise Ameer, Vice Provost for Student Affairs

vice president RObert Y. Sayegh

Meetings held Mondays at 6:30 PM at our offices at 32 S. Main Street (next to Lou’s in the lower level office space)

ADVISORY

Inside the issue TDR alumnus Joseph Rago illustrates the storied history of Dartmouth Night, our current Homecoming............................................................................................................ PAGE 1

A History of Hazing at Dartmouth

TDR looks at the various forms of initiation practiced at Dartmouth, past and present, as well as their morality....................................................................................................... PAGE 1

An Interview with Senator Kelly Ayotte

TDR speaks with Senator Kelly Ayotte about her past and her views while she visits dartmouth to campaign for re-election....................................................................................................................... PAGES 6

Dartmouth Planned Parenthood

Brave Reviewers venture into the lionesses’s den to understand why a group of Dartmouth students actively campaign for Planned Parenthood........ ............................................................................ PAGE 7

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A Look at Homecoming

Images from Dartmouth’s past..................................................................................... PAGE 11

Milo Yiannopoulos & Campus Free Speech

TDR discusses the long-rumered appearence of Milo Yiannopoulos and the reasons why he is coming.................................................................................................................... PAGE 11

Rush the Field

A former Reviewer argues for rushing the field........................................................ PAGE 11

Fraternity, Sorority, and Co-educational Profiles

TDR catches up the freshmenafter the ban................................................................ PAGE 12

The Review Reviews the Skinny Pankake

The Gang returns with some new members.............................................................. PAGE 14

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win great triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to takerank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

Editorial BOARD

Conservative

A History of Dartmout Night

3

MASTHEAD & EDitorial

Pontificate

space

Monday – October 24, 2016

Founders

Greg Fossedal, Gordon Haff, Benjamin Hart, Keeney Jones

Legal counsel

mean-spirited, cruel, and ugly

Board of trustees

Martin Anderson, Patrick Buchanan, Theodore Cooper-stein, Dinesh D’Souza, Michael Ellis, Robert Flanigan, John Fund, Kevin Robbins, Gordon Haff, Jeffrey Hart, Laura Ingraham, Mildred Fay Jefferson, William Lind, Steven Menashi, James Panero, Hugo Restall, Roland Reynolds, William Rusher, Weston Sager, Emily EsfahaniSmith, R. Emmett Tyrrell, Sidney Zion

Churchill reads the review. do you?

Notes Special thanks to William F. Buckley, Jr. Touch the fire!

The Editors of The Dartmouth Review welcome correspondence from readers concerning any subject, but prefer to publish letters that comment directly on material published previously in The Review. We reserve the right to edit all letters for clarity and length. Please submit letters to the editor by mail or email: editor@dartreview.com Or by mail at:

The Dartmouth Review P.O. Box 343 Hanover, NH 03755 (603) 643-4370

Please direct all complaints to: editor@thedartmouth.com

‘Member AD? ‘Member the Hood? the generations of Dartmouth men be‘Member pledge term? ‘Member hard al- fore him helped him bring Dartmouth cohol? ‘Member kegs? ‘Member hazing? into the twentieth century. Under his ‘Member Tubestock? ‘Member senior traditional guidance, Dartmouth was on canes? ‘Member the Dartmouth Indi- the forefront of the war effort in both an? ‘Member when there were no wom- world wars and the College built Baker en at Dartmouth? ‘Member freshmen Library. beanies? ‘Member Chapel? ‘Member Real progressivism and traditionalthe Lone Pine? Just as the inhabitants of ism are not inherently contradictory, alSouth Park, Colorado revel in ‘member- though one is by nature totalitarian and ing many things, Dartmouth students the other democratic. This conflict have always lived to some extent in of nature does not account for the past. The College’s remote the bitter rivalry that is the location may enhance this current hallmark of their rephenomenon, though it is lation. The true problem is hardly unique to Dartthat progressivism and tradimouth. tion have strayed from their It is easy to draw a ditrue meanings. Both have bechotomy between those come ends within themselves, who champion the inevwhich has rendered their itable march of progress meaning and their virtue and those who stand obsolete. beside Buckley, standIn part because proSándor Farkas ing athwart history yellgressivism has become ing, “Stop!” The Review a socially valuable trait, has a proud history of yelling “Stop!” and in part because progressivism is and Dartmouth students have often an easy pathway to power, progress has formed the vanguard of the progres- become the ultimate goal for progressive cause. The case of the Dartmouth sives, creating a self-perpetuating power Indian illustrates this well: Dartmouth structure. In opposition to the exclusion banned the Indian in a perfect example of tradition from progressive-domiof institutional, progressive virtue sig- nated operations, traditionalists have naling, while The Review stood by it for ceased to use traditions as a means to an the sake of tradition. This eternal battle external end begun treating tradition as between progress and tradition, while a a self-contained goal. compelling narrative for both sides, is a Hazing, an infamous specimen of trafalse dichotomy. dition, is an interesting case. A proper Progressivism, as G.K. Chesterton progressive goal would be the integraused to say, is defined as an inherently tion of new members of a community. forward-looking ideology. It therefore A proper traditionalist methodology has a definite goal in mind, an end to- would be to examine past mechanisms wards which the progressive strives of integration and select those which against all obstacles. One of those ob- performed a definite function while stacles is tradition. Tradition is an in- eliminating those which only caused herently democratic ideal that runs harm. At Dartmouth, we see progrescontrary to the single-minded absolut- sives demanding the abolition of all ism of progressivism. G.K. Chesterton forms of initiation, even if they serve said tradition, “is the democracy of the a tangible function. Those who oppose dead.” True traditionalism is not a drive this trend tend not to discriminate beto achieve an end, it is a means with tween useful and superfluous practices. inherent value. It seeks to systematize The intellectual climate of partisanship the inheritance of knowledge, and tra- and absolutism does not lend itself to a ditional practices often serve concrete practical resolution of the issue. The resocietal and individual functions, even sult is that groups eliminate many posiif these functions are not immediately tive yet public practices, while they conapparent. tinue negative, private hazing rituals.

Dartmouth President John George Both true progressivism and true traKemeny was a true progressive. He was ditionalism are essential elements in a an idealist who worked towards the healthy society, but as we have seen, it fulfillment of those ideals and did not is difficult for them to coexist. Progresheed any attempts to stop him. He led sivism carries with it more danger and the push for coeducation and brought greater rewards, while tradition protects many minority students to Dartmouth. society from major disturbances. While Dartmouth President Ernest Martin we must ultimately work towards a harHopkins was a traditionalist. His defer- mony of tradition and progress, tradience to the values of his working-class tion is an indispensable good, whereas parents, his mentors at Dartmouth, and progress tends to favor despots.

4 Monday – October 24, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

The Dartmouth Review

WEEK IN REVIEW President William “Slick Willy” Clinton Comes to Town Hundreds of students flocked to Alumni Hall on Monday to see President Bill Clinton. No this was not one of his famed $500,000 speeches—we know that kind of money is best spent on House themed scarves and booking bigger names like the Mowglis—President Clinton came all the way to Hanover out of the kindness of his heart, pro bono, in order to support his wife Hillary’s bid for the Presidency.

Doors opened at 10:30, but even 30 minutes before that the Democratic faithful and at least one trusty Reviewer were waiting in line on the second floor of the Hop. A small army of campaign representatives marched through the queue asking their captive audience to sign supporter cards. A look of equal parts surprise and disdain greeted anyone with the gall to reply they were not, in fact, Hillary supporters. Signing in to the event, many would learn later would result in a deluge of emails from the Hillary for America campaign (unsubscription efforts in progress…) as well as a Hillary Clinton sticker, which we were asked to don as a “ticket” into the rally. At least one was folded up and placed into a pants pocket—the rightful fate for a ticket.

A few minutes past 11:30, the Dartmouth Aires performed.

The Review would like to commend them for an incredible showing. Their renditions of Sitting on the Dock of the Bay, Shama Lama Ding Dong, and Everybody Talks made Grand Old Dartmouth proud. The next few speakers (some campaign organizers and State Representative Martha Hennessey) said little and paled in comparison to the Aires. Executive Council member and Democratic Candidate for Governor Colin Van Ostern spoke well, but it was clear that the audience was waiting for Clinton.

When he did finally take the stage after almost an hour of partisan warmups Clinton was greeted by thunderous applause. From the beginning, he had the entire room (sympathetic crowd notwithstanding) wrapped around his finger. He peppered his trademarked folksy, unpretentious rhetoric with little vignettes and stories that kept the crowd practically spellbound for the entirety of his speech.

His message was one of togetherness, hope, and optimism.

Unlike the speakers before him and the candidate he was endorsing, President Clinton spent relatively little time bashing GOP nominee Donald Trump and actually made a point to reach out to voters that disagreed with him and his party’s choice for president. Much of Clinton’s narra-

tive was one of America’s current upswing, the successes of the Obama Administration, and the boundless opportunity available to every single American provided Hillary be elected and allowed to make a few tweaks to the current system. While it’s not clear that the situation is as rosy and Clinton made it out to be or that the solutions for what problems he did address were as simple as he made them out to be, a solution and policy based discussion was a welcome change for many in the room.

An open discourse and a wide breadth of ideas and opinions are crucial to a healthy college campus. Whether it be Bill Clinton or Milo Yiannopoulos, having the opportunity to hear from speakers that may challenge our belief systems is what makes Dartmouth such an amazing place.

Campus activists issue protocols regarding appropriate halloween costumes Students across North America are on the front lines, helplessly watching the expansion of one of the greatest threats to democracy in modern times. Political correctness (PC) has taken college campuses by storm over the past decade. In recent years, the strength of PC has grown to a point where colleges are beginning to look like Orwellian states. When it comes to Halloween costumes, it is truly difficult to see any political differences between Yale and George Orwell’s Oceania.

Halloween last year proved to be quite eventful for a number of campuses. A Yale professor was corned and verbally assaulted by students after he condemned overreacting students who were reporting costumes they found offensive. Now, it is that time of year again and leftist campus activists are busy concocting a laundry list of rules for this year’s Halloween.

It is important to note that it is not college administrations who are bringing down the hammer on Halloween costumes, it is the students themselves. “Costume protocols” have been issued on many campuses, such as the University of Florida, to ensure that there is plenty of confusion about what is offensive and what is not. These protocols, which were likely intended to actually clarify what constitutes offensive, instead, merely list a few examples and then encourage students to “use their best judgment”.

The only problem with that: judgement about Halloween costumes, and judgement about what offends people, is entirely subjective. If you read these protocols, it can almost be guaranteed that you will still have no idea what

you can wear without making someone break down into tears because your costume oppresses them. Maybe that was the intention of the protocols after all…

When you are running about your campus this Halloween, do your fellow students a favor: when you see someone call out another student for having an offensive costume, step in. To a handful of more conservative sects of Christianity, Halloween is a holiday to be avoided. Some Christians find the day offensive for its relationship to witchcraft and paganism. Why must we celebrate Halloween at all if it offends these fundamentalist Christians? If you can’t beat them, join them. Just make sure that when you join them, you take the same road as “His Majesty” Grant Strobl over at the University of Michigan, who is loving the administration’s new policy on choosing your own pronouns.

Indian Head controversy rears its ugly head

Controversy over the Dartmouth Indian arose again this week when campus activists at Yale University “checked” publishers of The Yale University football game program.

The program, attempting to honor 100 games of rich tradition between Yale and Dartmouth, included historic posters from years past, naturally featuring the Dartmouth Indian. Yale’s Association of Native Americans denounced the program as racist, soliciting an immediate apology from Yale’s athletic department, which in which the administration apologized profusely for its self-professed insensitivity.

The narrative is all too familiar: despite a definitive survey in which 125 out of 151 Native American tribal chiefs reported favoring the Dartmouth Indian, activists insist on decrying the token of Dartmouth heritage which harkens back to Dartmouth’s commitment to educating Native Americans. Meetings will be held, the Yale athletic department explained, in which people will be “educated.”

It might appear that sitting down a bunch of gym coaches to learn about the how historical posters trigger Native Americans would be a gross misuse of college resources, but when one has enough people with chips on their shoulders and nothing better to do with their time, inclusive excellence becomes a top priority.

We at the Review have always been committed to commemorating our unique heritage regarding Native Americans. When confronted with the Indian head controversy,

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Devon Kurtz one also thinks of Samson Occom, a Mohegan reverend integral to the founding of the College. Reverend Occom was never reluctant to critiquing our College’s commitment to Native students, but I wonder how he would respond when one of the key issues of the Native American community has been the Indian head, often appearing alongside a caricature of a Puritan, representing Harvard.

Featuring the Indian as a symbol of our school in athletics is no different than the depiction of Native Americans in the sigil of Dartmouth College. Honoring our history as a College includes using symbolism to honor our commitment to the education of our nation’s first peoples. We hope that one day students may show pride in the College by wearing the Indian free from social repercussions.

Max J. Frankel Zack Port Jack S. Hutensky Rushil Shukla Cartoon

Swindled: The Dartmouth Student Health Plan Unfortunately, Dartmouth has long in the habit been ripping off its students. Perhaps the most egregious of such schemes is the Dartmouth Student Group Health Plan.

Every year, students are automatically enrolled or re-enrolled in the Dartmouth Student Group Health Plan (DSGHP). A $2,859 fee for is automatically charged to students unless they fill out a waiver, by the 1st of July. If a student misses that deadline, he has until the 31st of August to fill out the waiver, otherwise he is billed for half of the academic year. On its face, it might seem reasonable that Dartmouth would want to automatically enroll new students in DSGHP in order to ensure that every student here is insured. However, when one considers the proportion of students who likely have health insurance, the unscrupulous manner in which the college runs it, and the clearly unjustified practice of re-enrolling students who have previously opted out it becomes clear that the College’s interests do not lie with the students. Regrettably, the DSGHP is an administrative scheme whereby the College extracts as much money as possible out of students.

Let us take the proportion of students who might have coverage first. The hilariously named Affordable Care Act is presently law, and under the law students and their parents are obligated to have insurance coverage of their own.

Most employers are forced to have insurance plans for their employees and dependents, and accordingly the percentage of American college students that lack insurance is very low. The US Census Bureau estimates the percentage of uninsured Americans at around 15 percent. Dartmouth students skew towards wealthier backgrounds, and so the percentage of incoming freshman is probably far lower than that number. A second issue to consider is the deceptive way the college informs and bills students. The College sends emails to returning students in the summer, when they are least likely to check their Dartmouth email.

The College also hides the cost of health insurance under “tuition” each year so that if a parent is paying the bills they don’t realizing they are paying twice for health insurance. Further, the college charges its substantial late fees to the student’s DA$H account, rather than tuition, presumably so as to incentivize students to stay on the health plan. It is a very shady and unethical way to operate an insurance plan. Finally, neither logic nor morality can justify the automatic re-enrollment of students who opted out last year. It is a clear money-grab. The presumption should be that these students already have the necessary insurance coverage. This distasteful feature of the DSGHP can only be thought of as theft.

This may not seem like a very balanced article – might there be some reason as to why the College is so disgracefully conning its students? Perhaps a governmental mandate? An unintended consequence of the ACA? There might well be such a reason. However, the person in charge of administering the DSGHP, Ms. Ginger Farewell Lawrence, unfortunately ignored the Review’s requests for comment. The only conclusion left to a reasonable observer is that the College is purposively and disgracefully swindling its students.

5

“Only one more week of the freshman frat ban, Ernest!”

“Oh, Agnes, don’t remind me.”

Cartoon

“They sent out another ‘Inclusive Excellence’ email. I found it in my spam folder.”

Cartoon

“What’d you think of the debate?”

“Such a nasty woman. And a bad hombre!”

6 Monday – October 24, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

Dartmouth Planned Parenthood

A Conversation with Kelly Ayotte TDR: How has the political climate on college campuses changed since you were a student?

KA: It’s hard to know. It’s really important on college campuses that there be respect for all viewpoints. One thing I want to make sure of is that on every college campus, however you characterize yourself and your viewpoints, that you’re able to express them. I think that’s fundamental to learning.

If we cannot debate the ideas that different people have on college campuses, where are we going to debate these ideas?

Whether its conservatives or progressives, if we can’t openly tell people what we think and debate those ideas on a college campus like this, then our nation is not going to be as good a place as it could be. This is the crucible of ideas. This is where new ideas are formed and people debate them. That is what I hope and would like to see on our college campuses. sENATOR kELLY aYOTTE Campaigns in Hanover

Samuel W. Lawhon Jack S. Hutensky News Editor Contributor

The Dartmouth Review sat down with United States Senator Kelly Ayotte, when she came to Dartmouth to campaign for her reelection.

The Dartmouth Review (TDR): Your Senate race against Maggie Hassan is one of the closest in the nation and many Dartmouth students are thinking about registering in New Hampshire in order to participate in this election in particular.

If they do, why should the average Dartmouth student vote for you?

I am someone who is an independent voice, that has a bipartisan record (one of the most in the Senate), someone that is focused on delivering results in the areas that I think will be available to every Dartmouth student. Number one, on jobs, to create the best environment as you graduate from Dartmouth through tax reform, regulatory reform, and getting our fiscal house in order. These policies will make a difference for students at Dartmouth because if we aren’t focused on having a tax code that keeps jobs here and keeps us competitive, that will make it more difficult for every graduate. I would also say getting our fiscal house in order; the nineteen trillion dollars in debt—it’s you, the students, who are going to pay

“One thing I want to make sure of is that on every college campus, however you characterize yourself and your viewpoints, that you’re able to express them. I think that’s fundamental to learning.” Senator Kelly Ayotte Senator Kelly Ayotte (KA): I would ask for the vote of Dartmouth students because Mr. Lawhon is a sophomore at the College and News Editor at The Dartmouth Review. Mr. Hutensky is a freshman at the College and a Contributor at The Dartmouth Review.

it off if people like me don’t address how we’re going to get our fiscal house in order. And finally, I would say that I have a strong record of protecting our environment and working across the aisle to do that, and I think that’s important.

As a Republican, I can really be a leader in bringing peo-

ple together. Instead of having a policy where it‘s about Republicans and Democrats, it needs to be about actually conserving the environment and protecting the future for all of us.

TDR: Speak to your time in college. Can you tell us about what kind of student you were? Were you involved in politics on campus?

KA: I went to Penn State undergrad. I was in a sorority, Delta Gamma, and I was president of the Pan-Hellenic Association, the president of all the student governing bodies for sororities at Penn State. Penn State is a large school, and all of the student leaders were part of an advisory council to the president of the university, so I was involved in that context. I was also on…the ski team at Penn State, which was a club sport I did for a couple of years. I look back on my college experience, and it was a blast; it was a great experience; and I think it helped lay a foundation for me—not only the education I got—but also the ability to be in a position where you had to represent other people and resolve issues that needed to be resolved on their behalf. At the time I didn’t think it would be relevant to what I’m doing today, but I think it does have

TDR: What does it mean to you to be a moderate in a political landscape where accusations of disloyalty to the Republican party and the conservative cause are becoming increasingly common?

KA: I’m going to call it like

Monday – October 24, 2016

7

Features

features

some relevance.

The Dartmouth Review

I see it. I certainly am a Republican, and I believe in the principles of our party in terms of smaller, more accountable government and strong national security, but my view is that I’m here to represent New Hampshire.

I’m here to be a strong, independent voice for New Hampshire. I got elected by people from both sides of the aisle, and I represent everyone.

That’s how I view my job. I can do that while sticking to my Republican principles; I don’t think that’s mutually exclusive.

TDR: Which political thinker, scholar, or thinker do you think best aligns with your views?

KA: I don’t think there’s a particular person that aligns with every view I have. I have two people that I admire and think are strong political thinkers who have represented this state. I really think they did an excellent job. They’re Senator Judd Gregg (R-NH) and the late Warren Rudman (R-NH).

Both of them were focused on the fiscal state of the country and had an ability—Judd still does and Warren had—an ability to work across the aisle to deliver results and actually get things done. Both also, obviously, had great integrity in how they conducted themselves.

Senator Kelly Ayotte reads the review. You should too.

Devon M. Kurtz Associate Editor

Walking around the activity fair this past September, you may have seen a group of cheerful women wearing matching pink shirts. If you approached their table, then you found piles of candy and sweets, but almost no information about their group. This is a common fault of the Dartmouth chapter of Planned Parenthood Generation Action, established in June of 2016. It seems that this group has managed to fail at every opportunity for expanding and advancing their organization. Because they seem unable to effectively advertise themselves, The Dartmouth Review will kindly advertise their organization right here, free of charge: Dartmouth’s Planned Parenthood Generation Action (DPPGA), a chapter of the national Generation Action, one of the activist arms of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc., the largest provider of abortion services in the United States, meets Mondays at 9 PM in Carson L02. If you are interested in joining, you can find them on Facebook, but before you jump onto their sinking ship, please continue reading.

The Generation Action website attempts to make the organization seem like a massive movement of strong, independent women coming together to fight against the hordes of conservative, middle-aged males trying to control their vaginas. It describes itself as “a network of young organizers and activists” who mobilize their campuses to fight against those who try to limit abortion access, and furthermore assert that “Planned Parenthood Generation Action is committed to building a robust, national network of young leaders and arming them.” This language builds fervor in pro-choice liberals and instills fear in pro-life conservatives, quite skillfully crafting an image of power and aggression.

Most pro-life conservatives view Planned Parenthood as a nefarious corporation, with some going as far as to assert that they are committing genocide; from this perspective, it is truly difficult to find a more infamous organization. Given this, the same pro-life conservatives would presume that Generation Action, an affiliate of Planned Parenthood, would be equally as evil. Reading the Generation Action website might confirm this conjecture. It is easy to see how concerning an organization that appears to be so militant and intense would be to college students who are already weary of campuses filled with leftist groups, especially given those groups’ tendency to turn to violence and the instillation of fear to suppress their ideological opponents (i.e. Baker Library incident of 2015). However, two members of The Dartmouth Review, who posed as prospective members to attend the October 17th meeting of DPPGA, can confirm that these suspicions should be entirely dismissed, as it Mr. Kurtz is a freshman at the Review and an associate editor at The Dartmouth Review.

is actually laughable that this group could ever be considered a threat as an effective mobilizing force on campus. There is no need to worry about DPPGA ever mobilizing anyone to do anything; they are too busy sitting in a circle patting themselves on the back for work that they did on issues not even involving Planned Parenthood, women’s health, or abortion.

At their October 17th meeting, DPPGA made plans to go door-todoor with the Dartmouth Democrats, who are organizing canvasing events over the next few weeks. At first it seemed that they were planning on educating individuals about

“I usually talk about student loans, you know, issues pertaining to young people.” DPPGA’s main goals have nothing to do with student loans, yet their activists were encouraged to talk about it. DPPGA’s activists are not “fighting for reproductive freedom,” as their parent organization’s dramatic website description would suggest; in reality, they are just more grunts for the Democrat Party to throw at the electoral battle.

Their door-to-door canvasing does not further their ideological mission; the only thing it might accomplish is to establish the group’s physical existence. Their lack of ingenuity is

“The failures of the leadership of DPPGA, and perhaps the organization in general, go beyond a flagrant lack of focus and ingenuity.” issues relevant to their organization at their front doors, but the only material that will be distributed is propaganda about Hillary Clinton’s political campaign. This might have made sense if the information distributed were focused through any sort of pertinent lens, but activists were not given a laundry list of Planned Parenthood facts and figures, statistics about birth control, or literature about why women’s health is important to all Americans. When asked what the activists should talk about when at people’s doors, one of the heads of DPPGA answered,

made blatantly obvious through not only their use of the same tactics as other groups at Dartmouth, but also in their reliance on other groups, like the Dartmouth Dems, to coordinate their efforts. The DPPGA’s absence of a clear vision can be seen in this utter failure to properly execute in an opportunity to advance the objectives of their organization.

The failures of the leadership of DPPGA, and perhaps the organization in general, go beyond a flagrant lack of focus and ingenuity. DPPGA’s other major shortcoming stems from their nearly complete absence of di-

versity, a characteristic that any group labeling itself as progressive must possess and be forever increasing.

Despite being an organization supposedly representing all women, regardless of race, fifteen of the sixteen DPPGA members are white. Comically, The Dartmouth Review, which is often criticized for being too white, is significantly more diverse than DPPGA. Being such a progressive group, one would think they would might a larger effort to reach out to minorities, or maybe even men, another demographic not present in their ranks. DPPGA’s disinclination to diversify is evident from the experience of the two male members of The Dartmouth Review at the October 17th meeting. While the entirely female group was at first welcoming of the two, they soon became quite suspicious, with one member of DPPGA being openly confrontational and asking, “What is your business here?” assuming, just because they were male, that they had some ill intent. Although there were other new, female prospective members in attendance, only the two men in the room were questioned about their reasons for coming to the meeting.

This kind of subtle sexism may be the reason that the group has remained all female, and it raises questions about whether or not similar methods were used to keep the group almost entirely white. It is important to note that this hostility was not from all members of DPPGA, as one of the

heads of the group was warm and welcoming to the men.

DPPGA is not the evil organization that it has the potential to be, but this is not because the group’s ideology is any less twisted than that of other pro-choice organizations. DPPGA is an ineffectual, poorly organized group of naïve, bleeding-heart feminists who are trying to save the world by advocating for every issue that the Democratic Party tells them to support, failing in the process to push their own agenda, which includes the issues that their national organization, Generation Action, prescribes. The difference between Generation Action’s rhetoric and the actual implementation of this “robust, national network of young leaders” is so far beyond laughable that it is actually pitiful. DPPGA is the super villain who is too absentminded to actually execute any of the elaborate schemes it plots. It is honestly a shame that DPPGA cannot live up to the expectation that it would be a vile group of blood-covered, icy-eyed, blonde-haired baby-killers. While it would have been fun for conservatives to have another group to be targeted by, DPPGA cannot even properly advance their own beliefs, never mind conduct violent assaults on their political opponents in Baker Library. The best advice they can be given: take pointers from the Black Lives Matter movement—at least they can handle themselves in the big bad world of campus politics.

Nigel Farage Reads the Review, because As We all know, The Dartmouth is pretty much a non-newspaper.

8 Monday – October 24, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

Features

Lest the Old Traditions...

Clockwise from top left: An historic building falls victim to the fire, without heavy machinery, the reason why we can’t have nice things,a fire to rival the tower, before recycling, Men of Dartmouth, a team effort, the hippie Indian

The Dartmouth Review

Monday – October 24, 2016

Features

...Go Up in Flames

Clockwise from top left: Fire, older fire, ‘87s rush the field, guy in front of fire, Keggy the Keg, ‘Shmen arriving on campus, more fire, touching the fire

9

10 Monday – October 24, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

A History of Dartmouth Night The occasion was both dire and celebratory. In February, the old wood-post Dartmouth Hall had burned to the ground in a matter of minutes. The Earl was here to lay the cornerstone for the modern recreation that stands on the same ground today.

Thousands of alumni came to town for the event, gathering underneath a huge electric arch over the length of the Dartmouth Hall site, making brilliant the words, “1791—Dartmouth—1904.” The Earl rose and said, “President Tucker is the head of the family of Dartmouth on this side of the water, as I am of the one on the other side.

His family is larger than mine, but I do not believe that I envy him in this respect.” He continued. “I do believe, however, that his hope and ambition for his family are identical with mine, that the sons of Dartmouth, whether they be many or few, may be God-fearing men and an honor to the name they bear.”

Royal Parkinson 1905, an undergraduate at the time, remembered, “When that came from his heart as you could see that it did, and as it must have since he was called on unexpectedly, old alumni and guests on the platform jumped up and waved their hats and an alumnus called for a cheer for Lord Dartmouth. We almost had tears in our eyes but we gave the two loudest cheers that ever shook the walls of a building. After that the cornerstone was a small part of the occasion.”

The Earl’s visit on Dartmouth Night was as a matter of course celebrated with an enormous bonfire, but the students were not content with the traditional fire alone. In order to make a vivid impression Mr. Rago is a member of the Class of 2005 and the former Editor-in-Chief of The Dartmouth Review.

on the visiting Earl and his companion, the young Winston Churchill, the students formed a parade.

The Earl took up the lead, and the students, dressed in their pajamas, marched around the Green. The traditional herding of the freshmen around the bonfire was inaugurated.

In 1907, the orations were moved from their original home in the chapel of Dartmouth Hall to the newly-completed Webster Hall. The celebration continued to be a big event for alumni. Alumni groups from all over the nation converged on Hanover for the festivities. For those who were unable to attend in person, radio links were established to let clubs all over the nation listen to the speeches and revelry, and it was popular for the clubs to send telegrams to Hanover for reading at the ceremonies.

Football first began to be associated with Dartmouth Night in the early 1920s. Memorial Field was dedicated on Dartmouth Night in 1923. The raucous pre-football rallies, though, remained quite separate from the somber official activities. In 1936, the College first began the tradition of Homecoming games.

Football, though, had always been an integral part of the Dartmouth experience. Professor Edwin J. Bartlett 1872 remembered in his little volume A Dartmouth Book of Remembrance: Pen Sketches of Hanover and the College Before the Centennial and After (1922), “Football was simplicity itself. You ran all over the campus, and when, as, and if you got the chance you kicked a round rubber ball. You might run all the afternoon and not get your toe upon the ball, but you could not deny that you had had a fair chance, and the exercise was yours and could be valued by the number of hot rolls consumed at the evening meal.”

Milo Yiannopoulos & Free Speech Rushil Shukla Contributor

The Bonfire rages at the heart of the Green.

Bartlett was clear on the value of football, “It was glorious for exercise, and had enough excitement to make it highly interesting. It gave ample opportunity for competitions in speed, finesse, dodging, endurance, and occasional personal collisions.” However, not all agreed, “For a year the faculty in its inscrutable wisdom debarred this highly useful game because of abuses, as they thought, in the manner of playing it.” Bartlett was a member of the student committee that successfully petitioned the faculty to reinstate football at the College.

And like all of Dartmouth’s big weekends, Homecoming became in many ways an excuse to import women to the College. In the days before coeducation, when Hanover was far more of an outpost than it is today, Homecoming was one of the first times that women from area female colleges like Smith, Wellesley, &c., would be trucked onto

campus.

During World War II, the celebrations were scaled down markedly. In 1943, President Ernest Hopkins presided over only a small gathering in Thayer Hall.

However, following World War II, Dartmouth Night enjoyed a resurgence of popularity.

In 1946, the formal College events and the unofficial rally were combined in a single grand event, and for the first time the festivities were intentionally scheduled on the weekend of Homecoming. In the 1950s, the current hexagonal construction of railroad ties was first used. Since then, the weekend has undergone a number of changes, but its unique essence remains.

Often, the tradition has been interrupted or sullied by mischief, violence, or act of God. In 1954, the bonfire was canceled due to an impending hurricane, and in 1963, a drought raised concerns about a

major fire, which led to the cancellation of the bonfire. From 1969 to 1972, campus political sentiment was such that there was no official celebration of Dartmouth Night. In 1976, student radicals lit the bonfire prematurely, as it was under construction, for political causes.

In 1987, a dissident group calling itself “Womyn to Overthrow Dartmyth” and the “Wimmin’s International Terrorist Conspiracy from Hell” dressed as witches and threw eggs at the podium during the addresses. And in 1992 and again in 1997, the freshmen sweep degenerated into full-scale rioting, with downtown Hanover laid waste.

Despite change, Dartmouth Night and the ensuing games of Homecoming weekend still provide the ideal opportunities for all members of the College community to show their dedication to Dartmouth, lest the old traditions fail.

It began in the ‘60s. William F. Buckley was one of the first to raise concerns about the troubles brewing on college campuses when he published God and Man at Yale. In his book, he criticized Yale University and its faculty for doing more to impose a collectivist ideology on its students than to promote the free exchange of ideas on campus.

It was an early warning. That became clear in the 1970s, when universities became the epicenter of the antiwar movement, with students rioting against the police and disrupting administrative activities. Those protests fed into social activism on campuses in the 1980s and 1990s, which fought for equality that crossed racial, economic, and geographic lines. Yet as student activists coalesced into more unified movements on college campuses across the country, they became, wittingly or not, vocal opponents of free speech through their demands for regulations and protections from offensive behaviors and words.

Regulatory speech codes were constructed on campuses across the nation in the 1980s and the 1990s in response to pressures brought on by groups resolute in their commitment to use institutional authority to eliminate potentially offensive or uncomfortable language.

The tenuous balance between the requirements of free speech with the strong community values of mutual respect, harmony, and civility on college campuses was upstaged by a small Mr. Shukla is a freshman at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review.

and determined minority of campus activists. These activists succeeded in intimidating students committed to the classical liberal values of free speech and free intercourse of exchange.

Throughout these battles, Dartmouth College was an important center of student activism. Threats to intellectual freedom and the classical liberal education, for which Dartmouth has been a bastion for centuries, were reflective of national struggles and the larger plight of higher education.

Yet a recent incident highlighted the disconnect between those who downplay the problem that free speech is threatened on our campus and the growing mass of evidence that they’re wrong. Last spring, the Dartmouth College Libertarians invited British journalist, public speaker, and technology editor for Breitbart News Milo Yiannopoulos to speak at Dartmouth.

Mr. Yiannopoulos, a self-professed cultural libertarian and free speech fundamentalist, has been criticized for his controversial views on feminism, social justice, and political correctness.

Sandor Farkas, Editor-in-Chief of The Dartmouth Review and a co-host of the event, said that the invitation was a result of the desire to promote the exchange of ideas.

“While many members of the campus conservative community, including myself, do not approve of Mr. Yiannopolous’ actions and disagree with many of his opinions, we believe that the ability to listen to such views is fundamental to the intellectual development of all college students,” he said. “Even if you believe that a person is pure evil, you must have the intellectual courage to meet them face to face and hear what they have to say. This enables you to

gain a thorough understanding of your adversaries’ opinions and why you hold different views.”

Initially, however, Dartmouth College administrators – without explicitly expressing opposition to the event – went out of their way to prevent the event from happening. Collis Center administrators provided a prohibitively high security cost estimate of $15,000 to the College Libertarians. Administrators cited safety concerns in the wake of violent incidents sparked by Mr. Yiannopoulos’s controversial viewpoints as the rationale for this exorbitantly high security cost.

sity – were cancelled because of the inflated security costs charged to campus conservative organizations. According to the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE), an organization devoted to defending civil liberties in academia, this is an unconstitutional violation of the 1st Amendment because those security fees effectively “function as a tax on protected speech.”

Mr. Yiannopoulos himself also acknowledged the tactic but argued that it would backfire and direct more attention towards him.

“College administrations, with a few honorable exceptions, will stop at noth-

Farkas, however, said that “This estimate was nothing near the price that other organizations paid for significantly more famous and controversial figures such as Governor Rick Perry and President Bill Clinton.”

It appears that the Dartmouth College Libertarians were victims of a new form of censorship often used by colleges and universities. What has been termed “security fee censorship” is a deceptive new tactic that administrations are beginning to use to force the cancellation of controversial events under the façade of prioritizing the physical safety of their students. Many of Mr. Yiannopoulos’s recent campus appearances – including those at the University at Miami, Villanova, the University of Maryland, and Florida Atlantic Univer-

ing to torpedo my talks, and slapping extortionate security and event fees on students is easily among the lower, more slippery tools in their arsenal. I’m not sure what they hope to accomplish, beyond getting themselves in trouble and driving yet more attention to me.”

This past week, however, the College Libertarians received notice that security costs would be reduced. Farkas said that the new estimate is about onetenth of the initial estimate.

“I’m very happy that they made the decision to lower the quote, but it doesn’t actually make me feel better about the administration’s initial intentions,” he said. “As this has progressed, I’ve become more and more convinced that the administration’s intent wasn’t entirely pure from the beginning. The

reduction of the cost makes me think that the initial quote was purposefully inflated, whether through malice or through bureaucratic incompetence.”

Farkas claims that the administration lowered the costs after an extended series of conversations with conservative leadership on campus.

“I think we were quite honest with [the administration],” Farkas said. “We voiced to them our concerns that the cost was being inflated to dissuade us from having the event and that such an inflation, simply due to the other side’s desire to protest anything and everything, was categorically unfair.”

Nevertheless, the administration’s recent move to lower costs for the Milo Yiannopoulos event should be a cause for optimism. The slowly metastasizing assault on the liberal value of free speech that has played out on college campuses across the country since the 1960s has reached a crisis point. What is needed is the restoration of freedom of thought and intellectual expression.

Since the dawn of Western civilization, liberal education has been associated with the critical and dynamic exercise of the mind. The tension between competing ideologies and viewpoints has constituted the basis of such an education for centuries. In his magnum opus God and Man at Yale, William F. Buckley wrote that “what is required is more, not less, tolerance-not the tolerance of indifference, but the tolerance of honest respect for divergent convictions and the determination of all that such divergent opinions be heard without administrative censorship.” The students and administrators of Dartmouth College ought to remember these words as they confront the increasingly important issue of free speech on campus.

prospect of victory over Harvard dwindled, our determination to revive the tradition and generate a spark of excitement for ourselves and for the crowd only intensified.

When halftime finally arrived, the crowd began to heckle and the Crimson band took the field. We hardly hesitated before breaking from the stands and taking off in a line across the field toward the Harvard– occupied side. Wommack, at the point of the charge, quickly snatched the Harvard cheerleaders’ capital “D” sign (used to spell out their college’s name) in accordance with an idea we’d hatched to reclaim the precious symbol of the College from our opponents. As we made off with the prize, however, we found ourselves trailed by members of our opposition’s band, one of whom overtook Wommack and recaptured the letter. In a state of heightened intensity, and with a determination not to be outdone, DeLuca and I wrestled with the Harvard student for possession of the sign until an athletic security officer arrived to put an end to

our struggle and return our “D” to Harvard.

Though we returned to the stadium exhausted and empty-handed, our spirits were lifted by the immediate and overwhelmingly positive response that we received from alumni we encountered along the way.

In the absence of a win from the football team, and under a dreary sky, we had revived a storied College tradition; only one ’12 and not a single ’13 had rushed the field in the years before, but now the continuity seemed assured.

“Our motivation was well beyond goading. We had prior intent; we had motive; we had a cause. And so, damn the consequences, we ran to gain a few feet against those who favor change for change’s sake; we ran to strike a blow against the administrative Leviathan,” recalled Alston Ramsay ’04, my predecessor of ten years, in an article published in The Dartmouth Review in 2000. While I hope you’ll agree that Ramsay may have overreached in his choice of words to describe the act, I’d say that his description

does not go far enough in its justification of its continuance.

Not only must we continue to rush the field as an act of defiance against the administration’s efforts to dismantle the rich culture that Dartmouth men and women have spent centuries constructing, but also to contradict the common assertion of misguided students that we ought to reevaluate our customs, and eliminate or reform those with no “functional” purpose. Many of our country’s most sacred patriotic traditions — from launching fireworks on July 4th to flying fighter jets over sporting events to commemorate our armed forces — cannot be said to produce any tangible benefit to our nation.

But just as Americans are moved by the underlying meaning of these displays, I hope that Dartmouth students are inspired by the sight of their freshman peers who have accepted their role as stewards of tradition, willing to risk arrest to demonstrate to the entire student body exactly how much Dartmouth means to them.

“Since the dawn of Western civilization, liberal education has been associated with the critical and dynamic exercise of the mind. The tension between competing ideologies and viewpoints has constituted the basis of such an education for centuries.”

Rush the Field Edmund Finnerty Former Contributer Try initiating a conversation with a friend from off campus on the subject of Dartmouth, noting our wealth of opportunities, uniquely rich history, and strong commitment to teaching. Nine times out of ten you will be rebutted with equally passionate criticisms of the workload, the weather, and our remote location. To be fair, even we who ultimately chose to enroll here most likely dedicated a good amount of thought to these same negative aspects before our arrival in Hanover.

It is a wonder, then, to note the speed and boldness of our transformation from hesitant prospees into sturdy sons and daughters of Old Dartmouth.

And although we may not have recognized our metamorphosis as it occurred, it is important to understand that it didn’t hap-

Dartmouth Men gather to hear the Earl of dartmouth.

Monday – October 24, 2016 11

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The Dartmouth Review

Mr. Finnerty is an ‘05 at the College and a former contributer to The Dartmouth Review.

pen on its own. Our affection for the College is a direct result of our deep and immediate immersion in the many ancient student traditions that define the Dartmouth experience. We create and perpetuate all that is worthwhile about our school because if stripped of our customs, nothing will remain other than the tough schedules, scathing winters, and lackluster setting of which we were once afraid.

It was in this mindset that I chose to rush Memorial Field during halftime of the 2010 Homecoming football game, and thereby created for myself what will long remain a favorite memory of my experience at Dartmouth.

The four fellow freshmen with whom I collaborated — Reed Wommack ‘14, Jay Dumanian ‘14, Sebastian DeLuca ‘14, and Freddie Fletcher ‘14 — had all arrived at the same conclusion as I had in the days leading up to the game. Soon after packing into the front row of the stands, we began to plot the logistics of the rush. As the game slowly progressed and the

12 Monday– October 24, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

Features

Managing Editor Contributor We at the Review offer these Greek house profiles as a general guide to those unversed in the ways of the mainstream Dartmouth social scene. Every description should be taken with a grain of salt, and readers are encouraged to form their own opinions on different houses.

Fraternities

Alpha Chi Alpha Alpha Chi Alpha is known for its high GPA and impressive presence in many campus organizations, including Model United Nations and The Daily Dartmouth. Alpha Chi’s are fond of live music and known for their annual day party, “Pig Stick,” in the spring. The name refers to the giant wooden pole erected behind the house for daring students to climb, and the entire pig they roast and serve to partygoers. The physical house appears to be a more appropriate place for livestock than frat bros, however their backyard boasts a beach volleyball court rather than a pasture. Brothers can be identified by their red baseball caps sporting their fraternity letters.

Alpha Delta Once known as the inspiration for the legendary film “Animal House,” AD was comprised mainly of rugby, soccer, tennis, and squash players.

However, after recent events, their once magnificent lawn has been sectioned off, their windows have been boarded up, and their basement’s open sewer now runs dry. Now that said sports teams have joined other houses, AD’s brotherhood faces extinction. Some claim to see lights on and ghostly sounds of revelry emanating from the house late at night, but such reports are unverified.

Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. Alpha Phi Alpha was founded as the first historically black fraternity at Dartmouth College in 1972. Notable alumni include all-star NFL running back Reggie Williams and the MLB’s head of Baseball Operations Jimmie Lee Solomon. The fraternity has occupied two houses on Webster Avenue in the recent past and currently resides in the Channing Cox apartment facilities.

Beta Alpha Omega Beta went dark for a few years in the early 2000’s but reemerged as fixture of Webster Avenue after kicking AZD out of their old house. Brothers are generally soft, polite, and kind.

They are known for flipping tables in order to enjoy a good dance party. Their yard serves as a great place for grilling and spikeball on days warm enough to enjoy the outdoors.

Currently under suspension, Beta has been forced to delay their rush until the winter term when their suspension is lifted and are currently warming the benches of other houses (Many fraternities are eagerly awaiting Beta’s return).

Beta recruits from various sports teams, both varsity and club, and usually takes a large brotherhood.

Bones Gate Relaxed and laid-back, Bones Gate enjoys a good time, which probably accounts for their at-times tempestuous relationship with the administration. BG has a reputation for dabbling in harder substances, perhaps contributing to their generally apathetic (in a good way) reputation. Don’t be fooled by their chill vibes, as the brothers of BG are known for their ironic approach to Greek life: one of their signature house chants is simply “F--k BG.” They’re known for their live bands – usually jam, funk, or DJs – and their signature drink, Cutter.

Chi Gamma Epsilon Although they have struggled to fill their pledge classes in the past few years, all in all, Chi Gams are solid guys.

A block rush transformed the house, and many of brothers are now lightweight rowers or track and field athletes. They boast a consistently high GPA as well as many STEM majors.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention that Chi Gam boasts a large, open basement very conducive to pong.

Chi Heorot Heorot is a conglomeration of Hockey, Baseball, Rowing, Track, and Soccer players, as well as three or four token NARPs. Known for a healthy pong scene, large basement, and the Great Hall, Heorot boasts plenty of space for debauchery including the annual Masters tournament final match. Their termly “Hilighter” party and the presence of sports teams attract masses of freshmen. For Heorots interested in reading this article, an audio copy will soon be made available.

Gamma Delta Chi GDX might as well be Memorial Field. The football house tries to keep it medium-rare, but sometimes things fall through. The pit in the basement was originally designed as a swimming pool, but for safety reasons was soon converted to a racquetball court. That didn’t work out either; now, it is primarily used for more bibulous basement activities. GDX has increasingly sought to recruit beyond the football team and has rushed a handful of brothers outside its traditional roster.

Kappa Kappa Kappa Tri-Kap is the oldest local

fraternity, dating back to 1842.

Having completed physical renovations during the spring of 2015, the brotherhood boasts perhaps the nicest interior out of all the fraternities. The brotherhood, which is the most diverse on campus, is known for one of the harder pledge terms on campus (they’ll often eagerly tell you, hoping to impress) and copious consumption of Keystone Light, the brothers of Tri-Kap are never reluctant to execute a Quick-Six.

Phi Delta Alpha Lest the old traditions fail. But don’t worry, they won’t. That big white house on the row bleeds the darkest shade of classic Dartmouth green. A mixed bag of Rugby players, performance group members, and other campus leaders calls Phi Delt home, sharing in a quasi-cultish respect for tradition and one of the closest brotherhoods on campus. Known for hosting live bands during Green Key weekend’s “Block Party,” Phi Delt brothers are also down for laid back “scenes” at the “zig” and pong into the wee hours of the morning. A lot at Dartmouth has changed over the years, but the big white house on Webster has stood firm.

President’s Residence While not really a “fraternity” in the traditional sense of the word, 14 Webster Avenue is legendary for its debaucherous partying, loose morals, and outof-control, anything-goes behavior. We hear Gail Hanlon is a real dinner party animal; if you’ve got the stuff, try to score an invite to her annual “Administrators Gone Wild” gala ball. Former President James O. Freedman had a grotto installed in the backyard, which we hear can be quite sensuous in the right company.

Psi Upsilon Known for their preppy clothes and pretentious attitudes, the brothers of Psi U

Monday – October 24, 2016 13

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Fraternity and Sorority Profiles

Marcus J. Thompson John S. Stahel

The Dartmouth Review

The Greeks Shall Inherit the Earth can be seen partying through the windows of their “at capacity” house. Don’t bother trying to climb through the window, it’s been done before.

If you ever hear reference to a turkey, it’s probably an illusion to Psi U’s rather odd new member term. Psi U’s are fond of teenage angst inspired music and love to play it at their dance parties. Quite a few brothers play country club sports like squash, sailing, rowing, tennis, and golf.

Sigma Nu Despite the national fraternity’s origin in post-bellum Virginia Military Institute, Sig Nu is one of the more diverse houses on campus. They’re a small group of gregarious, genuine, and friendly guys who are prepared to chug, boot, and die, as their oft-repeated slogan suggests – as soon as marching band and Dungeons and Dragons society obligations are finished, of course. Their termly Sigma Nupa Valley party features (non-boxed) vintages, and likely more than half of the student body played their first game of pong in their basement.

Sigma Alpha Epsilon An affluent and preppy brotherhood, SAE is known for its termly champagne party and egregiously preppy clothing, including popped collars and crustacean-embroidered shorts. Boasting a central location adjacent to Baker Library, SAE has been the subject of some amount of controversy in recent years due to libelous and disproven accusations of hazing. Despite the lack of evidence substantiating these wild claims, the College derecognized SAE in the winter of 2016 after an investigation into the fraternity’s new member term. With a spirit of perseverance, SAE took a full pledge class this fall and maintained its crowded basement scene. Their winter Beach Party entices hordes of scantily-clad students to trudge through the snow in order to frolic in the tons of sand they import for the event.

Theta Delta Chi Ever since Robert Frost’s tenure at the organization in the 1890s, the literary reputation of Theta Delt has been in steady decline. TDX is known for their affinity for both black labs, lacrosse, and an increasing number of rugby players. Come 2:30 am the Boom Boom Lodge (a nickname earned after the murder of a Dartmouth student during prohibition) turns into a sweaty, steamy dance floor where hopeless partiers go as a last resort to find that special someone. The brothers of Theta Delt are famed for their soft-spoken sensitivity and respect for women, especially freshmen. But don’t let their mild nature fool you, these scoundrels can boot with the best of them.

Sigma Phi Epsilon Sig Ep is the cheese pizza of fraternities. They’re not known for one thing in particular, but they still manage to appeal to everyone. They probably have the easiest new member term of any house, which, along with their large pledge classes, probably explains why their brotherhood isn’t particularly close.

The antithesis of pompous, the brothers of Sig Ep want to have a good time without spending the night trying to dance with freshmen girls or engaging in excessive alcohol consumption. The house itself is probably one of the most sanitary on campus and is home to an absurdly large jack-of-all-trades sisterhood.

Zeta Psider event, the brothers of Zeta Psi are friendly, even towards freshmen wandering into their house. The house itself is new and spacious, allowing plenty of room for pong in the basement.

Be sure to be on the lookout for brothers selling McDonald’s burgers on Webster late at night: the money goes to a good cause!

La Unidad Latina Lambda Upsilon Lambda Fraternity Lambda Upsilon Lambda is a Latino affinity organization first established at Dartmouth in 1997. The organization has no physical plant, but hosts an annual semi-formal dinner featuring a guest speaker to discuss issues of Latin culture.

Sororities and Co-Ed Houses

Chi Delta Formerly Tri Delt, Chi Delt recently went local and boasts a class of great girls fond of flair. With aspirations to join the list of local sorority pong scenes, Chi Delt has big plans for the house’s future. Despite their love of pong, Chi Delts are more likely found on third floor Berry studying for their midterms two weeks out, rather than grimy frat basements.

These librarians probably screwed your class median making them great girls to bring home to the parents.

Epsilon Kappa Theta Formerly the Harold Parmington Foundation (HPF), EKT is one of two sororities that has dropped formal recruitment in favor of shakeout. Despite having small pledge classes, EKT boasts a very strong and diverse sisterhood. Many sisters are involved in campus activism, and the members tend to stick togather.

Zeta Psi Known for their weekly Mr. Thompson is a junior at the College and a Managing Editor at The Dartmouth Review. Mr. Stahel is a junior at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review.

Sigma Delta A handful of Sigma Delt sisters started a streaking club a few summers ago. Since then,

they have targeted basements, study areas, and even the open air, so keep your eyes peeled.

These enthusiastic ladies are fun and fond of drink, earning them a reputation as one of the “frattier” sororities. A popular destination for frat bros on probation seeking a familiar ambiance. Remember their motto: “Sinking halves and respecting women.”

Alpha Xi Delta Recently booted from their former house by the resurrected Betas, AZD is known for its achievements in the classroom more so than in the basement.

This sorority maintains a high GPA and a close relationship with Alpha Chi Alpha fraternity, whom they date at an alarmingly disproportionate rate.

Alpha Theta Alpha Thetas are a rambunctious lot – or were, back in the late Seventies. They used to get juiced up and drive their cars relentlessly around Phi Tau until they were apprehended by the authorities or the thrill was gone – whichever came first. These days, as with most of the College’s more reckless traditions, the “Phi Tau 500” is no more. Alpha Theta has mellowed out as well. They are now known more for their capes and top hats than their antics behind the wheel.

Kappa Delta Epsilon A local sorority, KDE boasts an outgoing sisterhood known for their loud outfits and voices. Formerly famous for its preppy Derby party in the spring, the sisterhood recently succumbed to political correctness and changed the theme to Woodstock (Derby with flowers). KDE’s rambunctious reputation pairs well with their recruitment from many girls’ athletic

teams. As it enjoys the most spacious basement of any house on campus, KDE is one of the few sororities to play host to frat-style partying and pong. Don’t underestimate these girls; they have a lot of practice.

Kappa Kappa Gamma Located past Alumni Gymnasium, Kappa rarely plays host to any notable social functions, but these gals are a staple on the Greek circuit. Kharacterized by the age old saying “We eat karrots and date Heorots,” these girls are often konsidered the social queens of kampus, as demonstrated in their social media presence. Although not as sporty as KDE, the sisters of Kappa enjoy their athletics, particularly skiing the slopes of NH in the winter. If you’re looking for a Kappa your best bet is to head to KAF and keep an eye out for their signature tote bag.

Alpha Phi One of the newest sororities, Alpha Phi boasts increasingly strong pledge classes of outgoing, attractive Dartmouth women. If not in a frat basement, A Phi’s can be found laughing loudly on first floor Berry.

Kappa Delta Recently relocated to a palladial new house at the far end of Webster Avenue, Kappa Delta is Dartmouth’s newest sorority.

Known for its large and diverse sisterhood, this sorority quickly outgrew its old home on the fourth floor of Hitchcock and now has room to grow for the years ahead.

Phi Tau One might characterize Phi

Tau as “eccentric,” but those more familiar with the house might count that as an understatement. They embrace their oddity and aren’t ashamed to demonstrate it. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. Their house is likely the nicest out of all the Greek houses, especially if you appreciate sci-fi and cooking.

Their termly bash, “Milque and Cookies,” features thousands of diverse cookies and a thick dairy beverage brewed in cauldrons. Sadly, it is (mostly) non-alcoholic.

The Tabard Resentment and disco dance parties are on the menu at this progressive, co-ed house.

Many Tabards are emembers of the DOC or artistic organizations. In a strange trend, Tabard attracts some frat boys later in their Dartmouth careers because they want to appear deep. Their lingerie show attracts freshmen aplenty – definitely not for the faint of heart. The Greek letters in the wrought iron railing over Tabard’s front entrance spell out the house’s former, Greek name: Sigma Epsilon Chi.

Panarchy Formerly Phi Sigma Psi, Panarchy isn’t quite a fraternity or a sorority—it’s a co-educational undergraduate society. The house broke away from the Greek system in 1994 and now hosts post-modern social events featuring striking architecture and clothing made of duct tape. They organize a popular “Gatsby” party once per term and are a destination for “free spirits.”

Amarna Another co-educational undergraduate society, Amarna is known for its termly Wine and Cheese party, as well as its eclectic membership. In recent years, a series of controversies have lowered membership.

14 Monday – October 24, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

The Dartmouth Review

Features

A History of Hazing

> CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

The answer is unequivocally no, but the trip would certainly qualify in the eyes of Dartmouth’s administration. Certainly, words like “tradition” and “rite of passage” would set off the alarm bells in Parkhurst.

Further, St. Mark’s frames the trip as an admission-ticket into the Upper School, violating Dartmouth’s definition of hazing: “a condition of initiation into, admission into, continued membership in or association with any organization.”

Phil Hanlon’s determined effort to address Dartmouth’s bad press problem has resulted in what amounts to social regulation. Identifying the influential power of fraternities on campus—and labeling them with what amounts to social capital—the Dartmouth hazing policy specifically withholds the consent of the victims. Employing broad definitions and stringent punishments for hazing, Hanlon seeks to quiet the horror stories of Andrew Lohse and Ravital Sengal.

However, like all regulations, these overarching policies have unintended consequences. A large portion of social life on campus is conducted within the Greek scene, and Hanlon’s unwelcoming meddling subtly affects the conduct of hundreds of students. So how did the College arrive at these policies?

It is only logical to begin with a definition of hazing, courtesy of the New Hampshire Hazing Law: “any act directed toward a student...when (1) such act is likely...to cause physical or psychological injury...and (2) such act is a condition of... admission into...any organization.” More colloquially, nearly anything that new members are obligated to do that senior members don’t have to do constitutes hazing. Violation of the law qualifies as a misdemeanor.

There are several driving factors behind hazing. The first, and most obvious, is the sense of tradition. For many Greek associations, it feels wrong to allow pledges to ascend into brotherhood or sisterhood without having to jump over a few hurdles first; the alumni wouldn’t deem it just if they were hazed while newer members were not. Furthermore, hazing serves as a source of fun and humor for senior members, fosters brotherhood and comradeship among the pledges experiencing it side-by-side, and, finally, it offers an early opportunity to demonstrate loyalty.

The Rauner files are kept in Mr. Perkins is a junior at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review. Mr. Honaryar is a freshman at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review.

manila envelopes. The hazing file’s earliest document is a letter written in 1918 describing how the “Sophomores delighted in demanding whenever they met a freshman to bow and give the sophomore his favorite brand of cigarette.” The letter is intriguing not only because of its author’s belief that “the college did away with [hazing] many years ago,” but also because of the total absence of any mention of fraternity involvement in the act. Much like St. Mark’s Pecos Trip, this hazing was not confined to an initiation into any specific club.

Continuing through the file, we encounter several official-looking e-mails from the College’s deans and policy implementers. These regulatory memos detail changes in the College’s hazing policy.

In 1991, Dean of the College Edward Shanahan distributed a blitz to all undergraduates clearing up a few aspects after the end of a hazing incident’s trial. He assures students that “the timing of the hearing was not related in any way to the publication schedules of The Dartmouth,” and reaffirms the fairness of the punishment for the convicted students.

The “Alpha Delta” file is much thicker than the “Hazing” folder. Of course, there is far more material irrelevant to our purposes. Among the archived banquet invitations and nostalgic photographs is a yellow slip: “Freshman! Read and Obey!” is proclaimed beneath a skull and crossbones.

The instructions are written with intentional strictness. Alpha Delta’s brothers of Richardson Hall are instructed to visit the rooms of the older boys every evening at 7:30 to receive instructions. They are told not to wear hats, not to use profanity, and made to perform several other tedious or cumbersome tasks for the amusement of the older members.

Although the tasks seem arduous and silly, one can’t shake the feeling that there was a tremendous amount of fun experienced by both parties during these official rituals. Other similar instructional memos are included in a variety of colors. Freshman are commanded to walk backwards to their rooms once they enter the buildings and wear pieces of twine as neckties.

The brothers of Alpha Delta clearly took a unique delight in crafting absurd abuses for their incoming brothers. The introductory lines of said booklets from various fraternities provide insight on the manner in which brothers treated their pledges: “Oh ye unknown, untried, insignificant parasites obey the following precepts” (year un-

known) “Scum of the earth---read and falter.” (1915) “Hear ye, ye miserable worms and bow ye before superior intellect.” (year unknown) “Attention ye fresh, insignificant reptiles of the worthless class of 1910” (1910) Now, if we examine the rules themselves, the booklets only become more interesting. Here are some excerpts: “Initiates, when meeting upperclassmen in the corridors, shall back up against the right hand wall and salute respectfully” (1903) “All 1915 hemlocks will walk backwards when ascending or descending the stairs” (1915) “Appear ye clothed as becomes thy station each morning at six hundred seconds before the stroke of seven on our spacious front veranda. Late sleeping is detrimental to children of your age. We would not have thee ruin thy youth while yet of such tender years.” (year unknown) “Violation of these rules will be severely punished...for very serious offenses the ‘Triple Kibosh’ will be inflicted.” (1916) Skip forward to the end of the twentieth century to examine more examples of hazing. Indeed, an article published by The Dartmouth from March 6th, 1991 details how ten Beta Theta Pi pledges and one brother were found guilty of kidnapping and harrowing a brother from Chi Gamma Epsilon. The abducted, Rich Nelson ‘92, pressed charges since he “wanted to make sure that no one else would have to go through this.” Nelson had been kidnapped by different Beta pledges during his freshman year, and remarked that “it happens to someone every pledge period.”

After several hours of deliberation, Dartmouth’s Committee on Standards (COS) ruled that all ten pledges, who, inter-

Pledges go for a walk.

estingly, were all members of the football team, were guilty of, “reckless conduct, disorderly conduct and violent and potentially injurious conduct.”

The pledges were each placed on probation for one to six terms and were compelled to create a “program to teach all rush classes about the dangers of hazing.”

A newspaper article from the same period describes the suspension of two Dartmouth seniors. The boys’ transgression is described as encouraging an aspiring brother to “consume liquor as a condition of initiation into the Beta Theta Pi Fraternity by giving him four double shots of 80 proof J&B Scotch Liquor for failing to answer trivia questions about the upcoming national exam into said Fraternity.” Included in the article are quotes by the convicted students which interpret their punishment as unjust: “The college wanted to make a stand and sort of drive home the idea that they’re serious about the hazing policy with the severity of our punishment.” These regulatory memos and newspaper clippings do not construct a satisfactory image of the tradition of hazing at the College.

In an article from the winter of 1996, the author Scott Straus describes some of the horrors he experienced as a pledge of Alpha Delta Epsilon (AD). Indeed, each week, two of the pledges had to imbibe the “Rack of Gnarl,” a 100-ounce, stomach-turning, vomitous mixture (one favorite was a concoction of Listerine, blue cheese, and Diet Coke). During the entire first two months of their initiation, pledges were not allowed chairs during meetings and instead sat on the floor, they endured constant disparagements, and were forced to act as beer lackeys for the senior brothers. All pledges also suffered through initiation ceremonies in the “Sex Room,”

where they performed fellatio on a phallic object. Straus was told that the fraternity strove to, “let [him] experience what a girl goes through when she sucks [his] d--k.”

Gazing into the future, where will hazing practices lie? President Hanlon, who began his tenure in June 2013, has initiated a war against fraternities and hazing culture. In his speech delivered on January 29th, 2015, the foul Hanlon introduced his “Moving Dartmouth Forward” campaign. He affirmed that, “Dartmouth will take a lead among colleges in banning hard alcohol on campus” and that “Greek organizations...must and will be held to much higher standards and a far greater level of accountability than they have been before.”

Hanlon proceeded to declare that, “no student organization will engage in pledging of any kind.”

His sentiments, most unfortunately, have already begun to manifest themselves. The fraternities Sigma Alpha Epsilon and Alpha Delta (interestingly enough, Hanlon himself graduated from Dartmouth as a member of AD) have recently been suspended due to hazing complaints.

The future of hazing at Dartmouth may seem bleak today.

However, one mustn’t forget that the notion of hazing embodies a large element of pushback against authority; while Hanlon may succeed in shutting fraternity doors one at a time, the practice of hazing is necessarily rebellious. It occurs in secret and the participants work to keep the traditions a secret. No amount of carefully defined and forcefully implemented regulation will extinguish what the members of the College desire to keep alive.

As for now, we command you to read all further articles of The Dartmouth Review while ascending the stairs backwar ds.

Monday – October 24, 2016 15

REVIEW REVIEWS

Blasphème: The Skinny Pancake Sheriff Rick Grimes Breaker Morant Vercingetorix

Contributors After quite a long hiatus, the Review is back in business with its legendary review series as the gang makes their way over to one of Hanover’s newest additions, The Skinny Pancake. Based out of Burlington, Vermont, The Skinny Pancake claims to be “on a mission to change the world by building a safer, healthier and more delicious food shed while creating everyday enjoyment that is fun and affordable.” In pursuit of these goals, however, the restaurant’s quirks turn out to be cheap, awkward, and downright strange.

Veteran Reviewer Sheriff Rick Grimes is the first to shuffle up to the scene, back after a bit of a break from restaurant reviewing.

Given his soft spot for European cuisine, however, a new crepebased restaurant in Hanover was too good to pass up. Breaker Morant, an Australian martyr of the Boer War, and the barbarian Vercingetorix join him.

Upon arrival, the gang is immediately thrown off by the unorthodox ordering style. The hostess does not guide guests to their assigned table, guests immediately queue at the ordering bar and browse the overhead menu to make their decision. Though certainly different from a traditional restaurant experience, the Sheriff becomes annoyed; this aspect of Skinny Pancake is quite reminiscent of the average fast food experience. In addition to being unnecessary, the process is not at all conducive to the quality social experience one expects from fine dining. Vercingetorix is also worried that the food will not arrive all together, leading to a messy experience at the table (Unfortunately, fears would later be confirmed). Breaker Morant’s eye focuses on the extensive beer menu emblazoned on the wall; the selection is more than thorough. After finishing their orders and paying, the gang take their numbers and find a seat in the middle of the dining room.

Taking their seats at the table, the gang is struck by the unorthodox type of seating - benches, rather than traditional chairs.

Morant takes a seat on one side of the table, while the Sheriff and Vercingetorix sit opposite him, on the same narrow bench. If out to dinner with a significant other, this seating method might Sheriff Grimes, Lieutenant Morant, and Vercingetorix are contributors to the Review and enjoy spending time debating the merits of crispy versus soft bread doughs.

be endearing; in this situation, it simply makes the two men uncomfortable.

Vercingetorix also shakes his head in disapproval of the “tacky” Halloween decorations; fake spiderwebs adorn the windows and various wooden fixtures throughout the restaurant. They conjure images of Boer ghosts for Morant: he is triggered. The decor is otherwise quite nice. Skinny Pancake is clearly going after a rustic-modern inspired design and more than accomplishes this goal.

Most everything is made of reclaimed wood, and the open ceiling acts as a finishing touch.

Then, out of nowhere, the lights dim. Vercingetorix and Grimes scoot away from each other. With a few taps of an electronic drum, the live music begins. Situated at the far wall of the restaurant, the stage is within clear view of every patron. Tonight’s entertainment is provided by “Navytrain,” an alternative band out of Burlington, Ver-

ers, main courses, and desserts arrive all at once. It is difficult to fit all the plates on the table, which is frustrating to both the gang and the waitresses. To the Sheriff ’s dismay, his food is not included; the wait staff promises to have it out “shortly.” Without hesitation, the three attack the appetizers. Morant, a vegetarian, opts for the Skinny Fries (Fresh cut native potato fries with your choice of ketchup, honey mustard or pesto mayo, $5.95), while Vercingetorix and the Sheriff go for the poutine (French fries, local cheddar cheese curds and chicken gravy, $10.95). The fries are, in general, well-seasoned, fresh, and flavorful, but only lukewarm, as if they sat out on the counter for a while. They are slightly soggy and potentially undercooked; there is not much crisp to be found. Depending on one’s personal french fry preference, this could be a pro; to the Sheriff, however, this is most certainly a con. Vercingetorix is

and the combination of the meat with the onions and cheese is well-balanced and tasty. This is a full entreé, and the barbarian is fully satisfied by the end of it.

Unfortunately, the coleslaw is not up to par. It feels like more of a garnish than a side, and its flavor is very weak.

Breaker Morant selects the Fried Cheese Curds (Local cheddar cheese curds breaded and fried with a side of marinara sauce, $10.95) for his entreé. He recalls the days in the bush when he and his comrades cooked all their food in an old skillet, and he begins to worry.. Expecting either burned kernels or uncooked globs of cheese, he is surprised to receive a plate of lightly browned nuggets. The curds are neither burnt nor undercooked; the exteriors are crunchy, and the interiors are thoroughly melted. The curds are also seasoned, a significant improvement over those he used to make while camping in the Transvaal. The marinara,

mont. The band is reminiscent of a more modern, upbeat Bon Iver, which earns a thumbs up from the Sheriff; Breaker Morant, who prefers historical war ballads, is less than enthused.

It is at this point that the gang discovers their thirst. Vercingetorix rushes back up to the front and orders a glass-bottled fruit soda, and Morant opts for a glass of water. The Sheriff is, as usual, on duty and thus unable to consume alcohol, so his colleagues’ selections of softer beverages makes him feel better about his old stand-by: an ice-cold glass of water. To his dismay, at the Skinny Pancake, this is easier said than done. Table service is not the norm here. Customers must stand up, walk over to a dispenser across from the bar, and fetch a simple glass of water by themselves. The Sheriff spends an extra minute searching high and low for ice, which turned out to be located in a white ice chest perched atop the bar. So much hassle over a simple beverage is a grave inconvenience, and confirms the service quality of the Skinny Pancake to be not much more than that of a fast-food restaurant.

After a few more moments, the gang’s food arrives. Turnaround time was relatively quick; however, as the gang feared, appetiz-

ashamed that such food could be named after his native land. Both Vercingetorix and Grimes agree that the poutine is good, but not hot enough, and certainly not “Canadian genuine;” as opposed to the gravy poured over the top, the curd-covered fries are sitting in a pool of chicken gravy, which leads to the fries on the bottom being overly saturated with gravy. In spite of this, there are certainly some positives; the pesto mayo is a real achievement, and the Sheriff nearly licks the condiment cup clean.

After ten minutes elapses since the first round of food arrived, Vercingetorix, uneducated in modern manners, expresses concern that the main courses are becoming cold. The Sheriff, always a gentleman, insists that his colleagues dig in; frustrated at his slow service, he cannot help but frown. “Blue lives matter,” the Sheriff grumbles under his breath.

Vercingetorix aggressively cuts into his Johnny Crepe (Slow braised NH pulled pork, caramelized onions and Cabot cheddar in a cornmeal crépe with a side of root slaw and sweet maple BBQ sauce, $11.95). He is surprised to find a delicious meal, reminiscent of the hearty meat and mead dinners he is used to enjoying. There is plenty of pork,

while fresh, is nothing special.

Both could be spicier, but Morant realizes that the multitude do not share his manly taste buds.

Vercingetorix goes to search for a napkin, but is unable to find one. All that is offered is the small paper napkin that came wrapped around the provided silverware.

Scoffing, he wipes his hand on his pants and struts off to the restroom. After his business is finished, he returns, laughing.

“You’ll never believe this,” he tells his friends. “There is one men’s bathroom, but TWO women’s bathrooms! Gender equality, am I right?” The gang share a hearty laugh at The Skinny Pancake’s quirky decision, but in the back of their minds, each of the men is ever so slightly triggered.

The music drones on, and after a few more minutes, the Sheriff ’s food arrives. He eagerly digs into his Garlique Chic crepe (Local chicken, roasted red peppers, caramelized onions, basil-sunflower seed pesto and Cabot cheddar, $11.95). The crispy outside is immediately off-putting; having traveled extensively throughout Europe, Grimes has enjoyed many a crepe in the shadow of La Tour d’Eiffel, and knows that crepes should always be soft. A properly prepared savory crepe involves cooking the crepe separately from the ingredients, then

placing the substance within the crepe, not grilling it all together like a simple, plebeian panini. In addition to its awful crispiness, the dough has been cooked too thick, no doubt a product of the bizarre desire to pack the crepe before grilling it. In spite of this downright offensive flaw, he consumes the rest of his entree. Ultimately, he finds it to be less than satisfactory. The filling relies too heavily on cheese, and does not include enough spice to create a flavorful edge.

Finally, the gang moves on to the desserts. Morant opts for the special dessert crepe, including cocoa, mocha, and powdered sugar, along with cabot whipped cream Mocha Crepe, $10.40).

The Sheriff, on the other hands, opts for the more simple and traditional option in the Pooh Bear (Sweet crepe with cinnamon sugar inside with local honey on top, $5.50). Vercingetorix assists with both options. The mocha crepe is not too sweet, and the coffee pairs well with the cream cheese.

Unfortunately, it fails to “pop.”

There is no crunch, no sharp flavor. The thick crepe and large mound of filling do not match the delicate expectation of a dessert crepe. According to Grimes, the crepe part of the Pooh Bear is a definite improvement over the savory crepe, being thinner and less crispy (although more so than optimal, unfortunately).

The flavor is certainly an improvement, and overall, it is a successful dessert crepe.

After another successful battlefront conquered, the gang shuffle out, slightly displeased with their overall experience at The Skinny Pancake. Ultimately, the mediocre-at-best food does not justify the relatively high price tag, and the subpar service was off-putting. Vercingetorix thinks back to his tip at the beginning, likening it to a confidence swindle; how is one supposed to calculate a tip before having experienced the service?

The self-service beverage system and all-together serving of the dishes makes the situation even worse. Going out of your way for a glass of water is annoying, and having more plates than the table can accommodate is always a hindrance, especially when half the food sits there getting cold while earlier courses are consumed. The dishes are hit-ormiss, with some being much better than others. The live music is a of course bright point, though can be a bit of a distraction if one is looking for more traditional dining experience. The Skinny Pancake’s inherently flawed business model results in a dining experience that falls flat; we, the reviewers of the Review, are unlikely to attend again.

16 Monday – October 24, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

The Last word Gordon Haff’s

Compiled By Zachary “Bad Luck Zack” P. Port

“How good and pleasant it is for brothers & sisters to sit together.”

–Psalm 113 “Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”

-Oliver Wendell Holmes “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.”

–Robert Frost “The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.”

-Confucius “Home is the place we love best and grumble the most.”

-Billy Sunday “Home is where one starts from”

- T. S. Eliot

“A girl phoned me the other day and said... ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.”

-Rodney Dangerfield “When memories fade, can one ever really return home?”

-Floyd Skloot “I think anybody who goes away finds you appreciate home more when you return.”

- Yo-Yo Ma

-Juan Carlos

“Homecoming means coming home to what is in your heart.”

-Author Unkown

“Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love.”

-Billy Graham

“Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven.”

-Tyron Edwards

“Being part of a fraternity has given me the foundation for everything I do in my career from the loyalty to the determination; it laid the foundation for everything I’ve been able to enjoy. I’m heavily involved with Omega Psi Phi.” -Terrence J

“When it comes to anything that’s social, whether it’s your family, your school, your community, your business or your country, winning is a team sport.”

-Bill Clinton

“Don’t give up the ship.”

“People decided that I was the frat guy, even though I’ve never been inside a fraternity, or the guy who beat them up at school, even though that wasn’t me at all.”

-Ben Affleck “The home is the chief school of human virtues.”

-William Ellery Channing “He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.”

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe “When I go home, its an easy way to be grounded. You learn to realize what truly matters.”

-Tony Stewart “I saw ‘Animal House’ in the theater the night before I left for college. And for better or worse, it made an impression. Within a week, I was in a fraternity myself.”

-Neil Flynn

BArrett’s mixology

The Gas Guzzler Ingredients

• 1 pt. top shelf vodka... paid for by NextGen • Dash of premium, low-octane gasoline... also paid for by NextGen

Tuesday: 5:46 PM Via Text Message: “Hi, this is Liana with NextGen. Just wanted to make sure you were committed to voting against Donald Trump in November. Can I count you in?”

–Liana with NextGen Tuesday 5:49 PM Via Text Message: “Hi Liana, I don’t know which one of my disgruntled ex-girlfriends gave you my phone number but since you now have it I would like to make you aware of a few things. Number one: your nuisance has made me all the more committed to voting against Hillary Clinton. In fact, I sold your phone number to a telemarketing agency for fifty dollars, which went toward vodka, cigarettes, 12-gauge shotgun shells, and gasoline for my Hummer H2, not to mention a modest contribution to Donald J. Trump’s presidential campaign (don’t worry; the donation was made fully in your name). But by all means, keep worrying about the foxes and sheep. Meanwhile, I am going to support the candidate who will put millions of Americans back to work by rejuvenating our energy industry, thereby uplifting the middle-class backbone of this country. Or we can continue to support the stoning of women and homosexuals through our dependency on Saudi oil. That you can count on!

— Oswald di Medici

“Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.”

-Doug Larson “For a community to be whole and healthy, it must be based on people’s love and concern for each other.”

-Millard Fuller “You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it’s all right.”

-Maya Angelou “Every traveler has a home of his own, and he learns to appreciate it the more from his wandering.”

-Charles Dickens “In reality he was not returned, but brought” -Julio Cortazar “I’m gonna touch the fire when I’m lit”

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-Dartmouth ‘20