The Green Key Issue (5.23.2016)

Hanover Review Inc. P.O. Box 343 Hanover NH, 03755

Volu m e 3 6 , Is su e 4

Mond ay, May 2 3 , 2 0 1 6

THE GREEN KEY ISSUE

ALPHA DELTA The now derecognized Alpha Delta fraternity hosting its annual Lawn Party over Green Key weekend in the 1980s

#BlueLivesMatter?

The Dartmouth Review Editorial Staff

The Review would like to recount its coverage of the kerfuffle surrounding the College Republicans’ Blue Lives Matter display in Collis. On Thursday, May 12, the College Republicans put up their display. The next day, a sustained conflict over the bulletin board began when a group of students removed the Republicans’ display and replaced it with flyers supporting the Black Lives Matter movement. In the end, College staff removed the flyers overnight, and President Hanlon released a statement on Sunday, May 15 affirming the right to free speech. We hope that this narrative presents a comprehensive and definitive overview of the events of that weekend.

Preceding Weeks The Dartmouth College Republicans undertook a three week process to gain

proper approval for the use of a bulletin board in Collis, Dartmouth’s student center.

The administration granted approval for a Blue Lives Matter display in honor of National Police Week for a period of two weeks between May 2 and May 15.

Thursday, May 12 Around 10:00 PM: The Dartmouth College Republicans put up a bulletin board display honoring fallen police officers.

Friday, May 13 Around 9:00 AM: News of the display gained traction on social media. One post stated in reference to the bulletin board, “In case recent news about inclusivity and diversity had you fooled, Dartmouth is still racist. Located in the student center atrium.”

Around 11:00 AM: A group of students, claiming that they were acting independently of one another

as to absolve themselves of collective responsibility, removed the College Republicans’ Blue Lives Matter display, replacing it with four flyers that state, “You cannot co-opt the movement against state violence to memorialize its perpetrators. #blacklivesmatter.”

In the intervening hours, dozens more flyers appeared, completely covering not only the College Republicans’ bulletin board, but nearby bulletin boards as well. The flyers also appeared at various locations around the campus, including the main entrance to Baker-Berry Library as well as the main entrance to Collis.

The group of students who vandalized the College Republicans’ bulletin board continuously monitored the scene, ostensibly to guard the bulletin board and to prevent the College Republicans from retaking the space. The size and composition of the group changed throughout

the day, but the group remained there past 6 PM. Around 1:30 PM: After commandeering the bulletin board, the same group of students printed and distributed pictures of the College Republicans with now-Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump. The Black Lives Matter protesters posted these pictures, with added commentary, around the campus. The picture was taken at last year’s First in the Nation Republican Leadership Summit. Some students in the picture are not affiliated with the College Republicans and had only hoped to meet then-presidential hopefuls. Similar pictures were taken with the other candidates present and none of them constituted an endorsement of any of the candidates. Several students notified their deans about the invasion of privacy in posting the pictures.

> FEATURES PAGE 8

Courtesy Photo

Prohibition Wrecks the College Sandor Farkas Editor-In-Chief

Editor’s Note: The following account of Prohibition at Dartmouth by Sandor Farkas appeared shortly after the College Administration issue the hard alcohol ban. Green Key provides an excellent occasion to reflect on the efficacy of this ban as well as President Hopkins’s comments on personal responsibility.

On move-in day earlier this term, a Safety and Security officer casually remarked to a student that this was the first day of prohibition, or at least hard liquor prohibition, at Dartmouth. His comment was both funny and disheartening, but it was not true: 2015 is not the first year

that hard alcohol has been banned from campus.

In 1919, the United States Congress and thirty-six states ratified the Eighteenth Amendment to the Constitution, ef-fectively prohibiting alcohol. Dartmouth’s isolation spared it from the ravages of the American War of Independence, making it the only institution of higher education in the fledgling states to continue classes throughout the conflict, yet not even the wilds of New Hampshire could spare the College from Prohibition.

Student rumors abound as to what exactly took place at the College between 1920 and 1933, the years in which

> FEATURES PAGE 4

THE VIRTUE OF TEMPERANCE: AN OLD IDEA IN THE MODERN DAY

STORIED HISTORY OF GREEN KEY

THE PROBLEM WITH #BLM

A look at the idea of temperance as it relates to life in the modern world, specifically in the context of life at the College.

Two pieces examining the lost traditions of Green Key weekend.

A look at the root causes of the issues surrounding the #BlackLivesMatter protests

> EDITORIAL PAGE 3

> FEATURES PAGE 6

> FEATURES PAGE 10

2 Monday – May 23, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

TABLE OF CONTENTS

FRESHMEN WRITE

WORK

For thirty-five years, The Dartmouth Review has been the College’s only independent newspaper and the only student opinion journal that matters. It is the oldest and most renowned campus commentary publication in the nation and spawned a national movement at the likes of Stanford, Harvard, Princeton, and countless others. Our staff members and alumni have won many awards, including the Pulitzer Prize, and have been published in the Boston Globe, New York Times, National Review, American Spectator, Wall Street Journal, Weekly Standard, Village Voice, New Criterion, and many others.

The Review aims to provide a voice for any student who enjoys challenging brittle and orthodox thinking. We stand for free speech, student rights, and the liberating arts. Whatever your political leanings, we invite you to come steep yourself in campus culture and politics, Dartmouth lore, keen witticisms, and the fun that comes with writing for an audience of thousands. We’re looking for writers, photographers, cartoonists, aspiring business managers, graphic designers, web maestros, and anyone else who wants to learn from Dartmouth’s unofficial school of journalism.

PONTIFICATE

CONSERVATIVE

SAFE space

“Because every student deserves a safe space”

– Inge-Lise Ameer, Vice Provost for Student Affairs

Meetings held Mondays at 6:30 PM at our offices at 32 S. Main Street (next to Lou’s in the lower level office space)

INSIDE THE ISSUE #BlackLivesMatter Defaces #BlueLivesMatter Display

The History of Hums

Prohibition Wrecks the College

The Problem with #BlackLivesMatter

The story of how prohibition turned Dartmouth into the Cuba of the North and how president Hopkins fought against it ............................................................................... PAGE 1

Brian Chen looks at the root issues lying beneath the recent #BlueLivesMatter controversy at the College .................................................................................................................. PAGE 10

Great Professors: Hakan Tell

The Folly of Free Speech

The Storied History of Green Key

The Dartmouth Review’s Thirty-Fifth Anniversary Gala

#BlackLivesMatter Protestors tear down a bulletin board in teh Collis Center and stake it out all day to prevent students from honoring fallen police officers ....................... PAGE 1

The latest in our ongoing series highlighting Dartmouth’s best professors, this time recognizing the outstanding teaching ability of Professor Tell ........................................................................ PAGE 5

A timesless classic by Pullitzer prize-winning author and TDR alumnus Joseph Rago about the history of Green Key weekend at Dartmouth .................................................................................. PAGE 6

SUBSCRIBE The Dartmouth Review is produced bi-weekly by Dartmouth College undergraduates. It is published by the Hanover Review, Inc., a tax-deductible, non-profit organization.

Please consider helping to support Dartmouth’s only independent newspaper, and perhaps the only voice of reason left here on campus. Yearly print subscriptions start at just $40, for which we will mail each issue directly to your door. Electronic subscriptions cost $25 per year, for which you receive a PDF of The Review in your inbox at press time. Contributions above $40 are tax-deductible and greatly appreciated.

Please include your mailing address and make checks payable to:

Or subscribe online at:

The Dartmouth Review P.O. Box 343 Hanover, NH 03755 (603) 643-4370 www.dartreview.com

Another timesless classic by distinguished TDR alumnus Joseph Rago about the now-lost Green Key traditon known as Hums ..................................................................................................... PAGE 7

Jack Mourouzis tackles the important issues of free speech, race, and administrative interference in higher education .................................................................................. PAGE 10

A recap of TDR’s celebration of thirty-five years of independent, conservative journalism at Dartmouth College and beyond .............................................................................. PAGE 11

PUTIN READS THE REVIEW. DO YOU?

The Dartmouth Review

Monday – May 23, 2016

3

MASTHEAD & EDITORIAL EST. 1980

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win great triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to takerank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

EDITORIAL BOARD

EDITORIAL

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

The Virtue of Temperance

SANDOR FARKAS

EXECUTIVE EDITORS BRIAN CHEN JOSHUA D. KOTRAN

MANAGING EDITORS MICHAEL J. PERKINS ASHWATH M. SRIKANTH JOHN S. STAHEL

ASSOCIATE EDITORS

JOSHUA L. KAUDERER JOHNATHON L. POSTIGLIONE MARCUS J. THOMPSON

BUSINESS STAFF PRESIDENT

MATHEW R.ZUBROW

VICE PRESIDENTS ROBERT Y. SAYEGH ASHWATH M. SRIKANTH

ADVISORY FOUNDERS

GREG FOSSEDAL, GORDON HAFF, BENJAMIN HART, KEENEY JONES

LEGAL COUNSEL

MEAN-SPIRITED, CRUEL, AND UGLY

BOARD OF TRUSTEES

MARTIN ANDERSON, PATRICK BUCHANAN, THEODORE COOPER-STEIN, DINESH D’SOUZA, MICHAEL ELLIS, ROBERT FLANIGAN, JOHN FUND, KEVIN ROBBINS, GORDON HAFF, JEFFREY HART, LAURA INGRAHAM, MILDRED FAY JEFFERSON, WILLIAM LIND, STEVEN MENASHI, JAMES PANERO, HUGO RESTALL, ROLAND REYNOLDS, WILLIAM RUSHER, WESTON SAGER, EMILY ESFAHANISMITH, R. EMMETT TYRRELL, SIDNEY ZION

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF & PRESIDENT EMERITUS MENE O.UKUEBERUWA & BRANDON G. GILL

NOTES Special thanks to William F. Buckley, Jr. “Racketeering is my favorite ‘-teering.’”

The Editors of The Dartmouth Review welcome correspondence from readers concerning any subject, but prefer to publish letters that comment directly on material published previously in The Review. We reserve the right to edit all letters for clarity and length. Please submit letters to the editor by mail or email: editor@dartreview.com Or by mail at:

The Dartmouth Review P.O. Box 343 Hanover, NH 03755 (603) 643-4370

Please direct all complaints to: editor@thedartmouth.com

Most Dartmouth students bridle at the System has only driven vice underground. mention of the word “temperance.” For One can only imagine the hedonistic hell that some, it recalls the tyranny of the Prohibition Dartmouth would become if students permitera and the antiquated morality of the Puri- ted themselves to give in to their base desires. tans. For most, it evokes a self-righteous (or Dartmouth students can discover the virself-conscious?) anger at the intimation that tue of temperance by asking themselves why they engage in “high-risk drinking behaviors.” they engage in each form of excess. While adStudents are tired of incompetent adminis- diction to alcohol, drugs, and sex are serious trators and hypocritical pseudo-academics problems on this campus, a culture of perpreaching at them and accusing them of de- missiveness towards indulgence in these bepravity. haviors is the larger issue. If students brought This is unfortunate, because temperance the same critical thinking skills they use every means more than just pandering to suffrag- day in the classroom into their personal lives, ettes. In the most basic sense, temperance they might discover that they engage is the virtue of self-restraint and modin excess not because it brings eration. In the early nineteenth them actual fulfillment, but becentury, various temperance cause it is the culturally normamovements emerged, calling tive behavior. For example, being for moderation in the condrunk is more often a means to sumption of alcoholic bevan end than an end in and of iterages. Soon afterwards, a self. Relaxation, loosening of insubset of “teetotalers” took hibitions, fraternizing with friends, to complete abstinence from and intimate relationships are alcohol. This subset grew, all perfectly attainable withProhibition passed into out alcohol but often easier law, and temperance as a to achieve in our culture with Sandor Farkas virtue became tainted. its assistance.

True temperance is the (not so) novel idea When a student understands why he enthat there is simultaneously a place for all gages in excess, he asserts control over his things and a need for moderation in all things, natural impulses. He gains the ability to modwhich the Hebrews captured in the verse, “For erate his behavior based on a realistic concepeverything there is a season.” tion of the positive and negative outcomes Today’s increasingly complex society has of his choices. If he desires to lose his social managed to confuse this simple concept. Ad- inhibitions on a given night, he may decide vances in science now indicate that many of to become intoxicated. If he simply wants the things that bring us pleasure are “natural.” to bond with his friends, he might decide to It is quite “natural” to want to consume sugar forego drinking. and fat, just as it is perfectly natural to want The same logic that applies to excess alto reproduce with anything that shows signs cohol, drugs, and sex also applies to other of life. There is an abundance of evolutionary, social behaviors. Activism, regardless of the biological, and psychological explanations for cause, is a rewarding behavior. It feels good all of our desires to engage in excess. Those to be passionate about something, and it feels who attack so-called “immoral” behaviors as even better to cause tangible ripples through “unnatural” are often objectively wrong. one’s own actions. The addictive nature of acThe issue with this natural-versus-unnatu- tivism is so powerful that it often causes inral paradigm is that most humans do not live dividuals to lose sight of their real aims and as nomadic hunter-gatherers. In most cases, become caught up in the psychological rewe do not expend enough calories to justify wards of provoking a reaction. This form of our gluttony. We no longer need to have doz- activism is no different than binge drinking ens of children to ensure just a few survive. in fraternities. People engage in it because it is One of the purposes that religion, govern- stimulates reward mechanisms and provides ment, and morality serve is to rein in extra- a sense of community. Just as with drinking, neous yet natural behaviors. If everyone did activists should stop and evaluate what their exactly as their natural desires dictated, our true goals are and how best to achieve them. complex society would cease to exist.

William F. Buckley, Jr. once said, “A ConThe flip side of this is that complete absti- servative is a fellow who is standing athwart nence is virtually impossible. While society history yelling ‘Stop!’” At the risk of over-anmight be more productive and safer if no one alyzing these oft-quoted words, it is importconsumed alcohol, natural desire is too pow- ant to ask what, exactly, the conservative is erful to wipe out. Prohibition and other such yelling “Stop!” at. Some might say that he is movements have taught us that temperance is pleading with society to cease its slide into far better than abstinence at maintain societal “progressive” morality, but this is simplistic. order.

Perhaps the conservative is yelling “Stop!”

Abstinence has never succeeded at Dart- not because the world is headed towards new mouth. Reverend Wheelock’s Puritan rules evils, but because it still struggles with the old. only drove drinking off campus into the The conservative is yelling “Stop!” because he taverns and eventually resulted in the cre- sees the pain of those caught up in the conflict ation of fraternities. Prohibition itself turned between nature and modernity, and he knows Dartmouth into the “Cuba of the North,” and the solution: objective evaluation and temperPresident Hanlon’s crackdown on the Greek ance in all things.

4 Monday – May 23, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

FEATURES

Prohibition > CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

the government enforced Prohibition. Current students and alumni may have heard of a young Theodore Geisel’s encounter with the ad¬ministration over alcohol or of a student’s murder over the same. While these two incidents have a kernel of truth to them, affairs of a greater import took place on this campus in those fourteen years.

Throughout Prohibition, the nation looked at Dartmouth as representative of the effectiveness of temperance in the New England colleges, if not in all of higher edu¬cation. President Ernest Martin Hopkins, Dartmouth’s Eleventh President, became the archetypal neutral, rational, and moral public figure in the debate over the Eighteenth Amendment. Hopkins grew up working in granite mines, and graduated from Dartmouth in 1901. His administration spanned the two World Wars, and is remembered for its emphasis on liberal arts and academic freedom, as well as its bias against Jews. In spite of the latter fact, Hopkins served the nation in high administrative positions on two occasions.

An early advocate of temperance, Hopkins seems to have initially supported the Eighteenth Amendment out of a Christian belief in temperance and overly-optimistic mind¬set. In a 1930 letter to the National Temperance Council, he reflected on this commitment to temperance and his initial support, “I feel so strongly in regard to the desirability of temperance in the use of alcoholic liquors, as in all other things, that despite my objections to the whole theory of the Eighteenth Amendment, I would support it if I either had seen or was seeing at the present day any evidence to justify a belief that legislation enacted under the amendment had worked or that it could be made to work.”

In spite of a 1923 vote by the faculty to expel any student caught drinking, Dartmouth soon became a hub for bootleggers. Many students travelled by train to Montreal to drink, while students and entrepreneurs alike worked to smuggle spirits from Canada to Vermont and then onto campus by automobile and train. Contemporary reports say that while most of the liquor in Hanover was watered down and of poor quality, finer stuff was available.

One witness even claimed that fine wine was available at College func¬tions. Townspeople operated stills, and some sold whiskey, purportedly at $11 a quart, or Mr. Farkas is a junior at the College and Editor-in-Chief of The Dartmouth Review.

around $150 today.

When the liquor smuggling began to surface at Dartmouth, it appears that these doubts began to grow in Hopkins’s mind. In a 1920 letter to Hopkins, alumnus Thomas Groves wrote, “It seems to me that there is at least twice as much drinking at present among the undergraduates as at any time in the last six years. Perhaps it is more boistrous [sic] and only sounds as though it were so widespread.” He lamented that, “Among men from other colleges I have heard Dartmouth referred to as ‘the Cuba of the north,’ and I have heard several preparatory school boys gloat over the news that liquor is plentiful in Hanover.” He pushed Hopkins to act, arguing, “a Dartmouth man I think I can distinguish between exuberance and drunkenness, and it is against what appears to me to be a considerably unnecessary amount of the latter that I wish to register me humble ‘kick.’”

Hopkins replied, “In general, I feel that the minimum of interference with undergraduate life that can be got along with, makes for the self-reliance and independence for which the un¬dergraduate body at Dartmouth is somewhat conspicuous. My convictions, however, do not run to the extent of willingly tolerat¬ing the conditions longer as they have been developing.”

A number of events and trends thrust Dartmouth into the national spotlight, and formulated the perception that it was “an oasis in a dry land.” In 1921, Hopkins sent a letter to alumnus Matt Jones enumerating the problems as the college, “I know beyond the peradventure of a doubt that the jitneys are bringing in liquor by the gallon from Rutland, Vermont, that it is being secured to some extent in White River Junction, while just now I have received information that believe to be authentic that a system of rum-running from New York is being put into opera¬tion with New England college towns as specific destinations.” He asked Jones for help, writing, “I would like some real he-man [sic] with automatic revolvers and backbone who would hold up some of the suspicious automobiles that are floating around here and would put a sufficient crimp in the idea that Hanover is easy picking.”

In addition to this general trend, a 1920 student murder over a bottle of alcohol caught the nation’s attention. Robert Meads shot fellow student Henry Maroney in his room at ΤΔΧ. After the incident, ΤΔΧ became known as “The Boom- Boom Lodge.” A subsequent investigation revealed that the two had been quarrelling over whiskey, as well as a cache

of whiskey in Meads’ rooms. The court sentenced Meads to hard labor, though he was later institutionalized. While liquor was no doubt the immediate cause of the shooting, it turns out that Meads had shot another student the year before—he was not charged because the victim, in his last breath, asked the authorities to spare Meads, saying it was nothing more than a quarrel between brothers.

A persistent legend in this period concerns Theodor Seuss Geisel, who went on to become a famous writer under the pen name “Dr. Seuss.” While much of the legend is apocry¬phal, some of it holds true. Geisel, the son of brewers from Springfield, Massachusetts, graduated Dartmouth in 1925 and was a brother at ΣΦΕ.

He wrote for the Jack-O-Lantern, eventually becoming the editor-in-chief. While legend holds that he was suspended for consuming gin under Prohibition, Dartmouth College records show that Dean Craven Laycock cited him for an unspecified offense forcing him to resign from all extracurricular activities. Geisel therefore turned to pen names, including L. Pasteur, L. Burbank, D. G. Rossetti, T. Seuss, Seuss, and Dr. Theophrastus Seuss, finally settling on Dr. Seuss.

While Hopkins worked hard to reduce drinking at the College, he was critical of those who accused Dartmouth of being exceptionally prone to alcohol consumption, “Among the exceptions there will always be men potentially danger¬ous to the welfare and reputation of the group as a whole, however carefully the selective processes of the College are operated or however insistently the moral code is imposed.” This brought much attention to some of Hopkins’ offhand comments that were not so much critical, but skeptical, of the Eighteenth Amendment. A 1932 article in the Boston Post spoke of “the stand taken by President Ernest M. Hopkins on the subject of prohibition,” and claimed, “The head of the college has attacked prohibition policies.” In reality, as Hopkins himself put it in a 1931 memorandum to the Treasurer of the College, “There is an assumption in some minds that because of my statement that I do not like the Eighteenth Amendment therefore I am in sympathy with an increased amount of drunkenness.”

He immediately became the subject of countless requests for comment, though he refused to go public with his views out of principle: he held Dartmouth’s future more dear than public opinion, and he genuinely cared about his students. Some of his opinions still leaked out. In a letter to the National Temperance Council latter published in the New York Times, he wrote that he could not understand why, “in-

ERNEST MARTIN HOPKINS dividuals or organizations whose solicitude is for building up a spirit of temperance can continue either to believe in or to support the theory or the practice of the Eighteenth Amendment….” His opposition continued along the line that he, “felt very strongly that [the Eighteenth Amendment] gave too much justification to building up great new powers of the Federal government,” and that he did, “not believe that it is a proper function of the constitution of a great Federal Government like the United States to devise sumptuary provisions for personal conduct.”

Major anti-Prohibition organizations and politicians courted him and wrote to encourage him to express his opin¬ion publicly. While he initially refused to even suggest his position, only stating that he was interested in hearing more and commending them for their work, he later expressed sympathy with them in private correspondence. In 1930, he wrote to renowned New Jersey Senator, former ambassador, and businessman Dwight W. Morrow to express his sup¬port for Morrow’s moderate stance against the Eighteenth Amendment.

When the situation at Dartmouth failed to improve, he finally agreed to come out in favor of repealing the Eigh¬teenth Amendment, but was nonetheless reluctant to make any public statement that was “not absolutely necessary.” In his letter to the National Temperance Council, he wrote about his despair at the current situation, “Areas which used to be wholly dry are not saturated, not only with liquors, but with a spirit of complete abandon in regard to the control or use of these. Likewise, the original attitude of resentment against the use of law for the support of this amendment has given place to a complete indifference to the requirements of the law, which to me is a more dangerous sit-

Courtesy Photo uation.” In response, pro-Eighteenth Amendment groups made a desperate appeal to Hopkins for his assistance. The commander-in-chief of the Salvation Army personally wrote him in 1932, which demonstrates the weight that Hopkins’ endorsement carried nationally.

He continued to be an active part of the debate over the Eighteenth Amendment until its repeal. Congress even sent him an advanced copy of proposed legislation designed to cope with the imminent demise of the Eighteenth Amend-ment. The cover of this hand-bound tome contained the simple claim that, “The evil is not in the bottle but in the individual.”

As our College enters a new period of quasi-prohibition, it is surprising that such sensational events as those that transpired between 1920 and 1933 have gone unmentioned. Shortly before the end of Prohibition in 1933, Hopkins alluded to making beer more available so as to root out hard liquor, “There would seem a definite tendency for beer to replace hard liquor in undergraduate con¬sumption and availability of beer in Hanover has seemingly quite definitely decreased the disposition of undergraduates to seek out liquor.”

At stake today is more than drinking and harmful be¬haviors. At the core of the debate over the hard alcohol ban is personal responsibility and the degree to which moral¬ity should be legislated. President Ernest Martin Hopkins had this to say in his letter to the National Temperance Association, “Personally, I believe that whether from the social, the educational or the religious point of view, the greatest weakness in American society at the present day is the disposition of individuals to avoid responsibility and to delegate this to outside agencies, and particularly to the national government.”

The Dartmouth Review

Monday – May 23, 2016

5

FEATURES

Great Professors: Hakan Tell Marcus J. Thompson Max J. Frankel Associate Editors

Hakan Tell is an Associate Professor of Classics at the College specializing in Greek literature. He is renowned for his intensive Ancient Greek class, in which students new to the language learn all of Greek grammar in only ten weeks. Professor Tell sat down with The Dartmouth Review to discuss his classes, his approach to teaching, the liberal arts, and learning at the College.

The Dartmouth Review (TDR): Tell us a bit about your intensive Greek elective. How do you approach such a rigorous class? (The Review can confirm this is the case) Hakan Tell (HT): I never think about rigor regarding a class I teach.

I think about it as fun and the enjoyment of learning. My students come in and start from scratch and in nine weeks have a lot of fun learning Greek. I focus on fostering an atmosphere of enjoying learning. I never think about it in other categories. Rigor sounds so technical and clinical.

The intensive Greek class was developed as a way for students to jump start learning Ancient Greek and take higher level reading courses very quickly. Earlier, we had an introductory sequence but we thought it wasn’t adequate in meeting students’ needs. We wanted to get to the goodies in a quicker way and benefit the students. We aimed to find a way to facilitate language instruction that ended in a high level of proficiency.

TDR: How do you see Classics fitting into the liberal arts curriculum?

HT: The composition of our department is unique in that it’s an area studies department combining ancient history, archaeology, and languages. We’re the only undergraduate institution in the country that has that configuration for Classics. All of us study the same thing from different angles so it makes sense that we should be together.

We also seek to establish connections between different departments. In that sense, I think that we are very “liberal artsy.”

Classics combines different modes of thinking into one area of focus.

In many ways the discipline is the very foundation of the liberal arts.

Classics gives us the historical perspective of what we have once been, puts us in touch with thousands of years of history of our civilization, and informs us as to how it has continued to be refined. We still use Greek and Latin and concepts developed in Ancient Greece and Messrs Thompson and Frankel are freshmen at the College and associate editors at The Dartmouth Review

Rome.

By studying the Classics we understand the unconscious of today. We think about the way we use words.

Senate, for example, comes from “senus” old man. There are these concepts of political process and organization and we use words that reflect those origins in our civilization. By studying Classics, we can

institution. What do you make of this change and what do you think is the best way to respond to it?

HT: I don’t know about the ranking of the college as a whole: that will go up and down and they’re using all kinds of different metrics to assess the university that are fairly nebulous. I can only speak for myself and my colleagues. I try to do my

“My students come in and start from scratch and in nine weeks have a lot of fun learning Greek. I focus on fostering an atmosphere of enjoying learning ... Rigor sounds so technical and clinical.” critique it from that perspective.

TDR: Classics has lost much of its social prestige over the years.

Do you think people still view the Classics differently and how does that impact your work and what you teach?

HT: I don’t have the preconception that Classics is an elitist subject. We rest on the assumption that anyone can learn Greek. If you show up to class and do the homework, I can make sure you can learn it. My ambition is to have as many Dartmouth students as possible learn the language. I want to talk about how straightforward the grammar and concepts are. For me the language isn’t technical, but language is descriptive.

It may be the case that Classics is viewed differently than other subjects, but I see very little of it personally. Of course it’s hard for me to say because I’m in the field myself.

Colleagues in other departments have implied that Classics has an air of exclusivity, but for the most part I wouldn’t say so. I also don’t think of the Classics department as an outlier in terms of social prestige.

I would expect that learning (as I mentioned previously I don’t like the word rigor) is the same ambition of everyone in the college. We are all very ambitious in our goals.

My intensive Greek course isn’t really that different from many other courses.

absolute best in balancing teaching and research. I take my teaching incredibly seriously. That means that when I teach it is my priority.

Regarding research, I always try to have projects in the works.

I just finished this project now. I’m thinking about a shift that happened in fifth-century Greece in how people envisioned succession from fathers to sons. It’s sort of this small shift that has monumental consequences. In earlier Greek society, they believed the son was a natural extension of his father. Anything that happened to the son was to the father: he carried his nature within him. Sons would turn out like their fathers. In the latter part of the fifth century, the conception changed. Fathers were not entirely sure how their sons would turn out to be. This complicated the education system because fathers became concerned about other influences on their children.

What does Socrates do? He corrupts the youth and turns them against their fathers.

Returning to the original question, I take my research and teaching very seriously. I do my best to publish work that is good and the same holds true for most of my colleagues. I think we have a very good

reputation as a department and as individuals for our research.

TDR: You’ve stated before that many professors see Dartmouth as either a small Harvard or the best liberal arts college. What are your views on this dichotomy?

HT: I think the dichotomy is indicative of the two facets of what we do at Dartmouth. I don’t want to use the term “false dichotomy” because it’s so darn cliché, but with regards to teaching and research, you do not have to pick one or the other. Teaching is incredibly resource intensive and it should be because that is how students learn. As a teacher I need to be available to my students. Without that I don’t think learning can happen. In intensive Greek I expect students to learn all of Greek grammar in ten weeks! If I’m not very accessible to my students how can I expect that kind of work from them?

Research is intensive too. Really it’s an issue of scarce resources. When Dartmouth is at its best it does both very well. When we can’t do both, the research university versus liberal arts college divide is exacerbated. The Classics department is an example of a department that does that very well. We are all productive scholars as well as accessible teachers. I never turn a student away, not because I’m a nice guy or anything but because I want to be there and assist students learning Greek. You guys come in here very well prepared and with all these ambitions and doubts and questions and that’s great. I think that being able to interact with young students is what makes the job so rewarding.

I do everything I can to make sure my research output is excellent.

TDR: You grew up and went to university in Sweden. How did that differ from university here?

In terms of the pedagogy and the culture?

HT: Part of it is an historical answer. The Sweden I grew up in is not the Sweden of today. On one level we did not have a liberal arts education. You came in and decided on your major and that’s what you did. I took Greek, Latin, and ancient history. I never took a math class or modern language or anything else. The assumption was that high school would prepare you enough and you could come in and specialize in a specific field.

I really love this idea of the liberal arts, that you don’t specialize and I wish I were able to have this experience as an undergraduate student.

Most of us never had much interaction with professors. I don’t know if this was the same for other subjects or if much has changed since then, but I wish I could have similar interactions with my professors that are afforded by Dartmouth. You can mature much quicker with back and forth interactions.

I also think that a place like Dartmouth has enormous resources at its disposal, and that means I can spend time with my students.

TDR: In addition to Latin and Greek, you and most of your colleagues are skilled in many other languages. Do you have to be proficient in other languages to be an effective classicist?

HT: It’s helpful for engaging in scholarship in the Classics. There are people who don’t know two or three other languages, but not in this department. It’s hugely helpful as a scholar. A lot of the research I’m engaging in was written in the 18th century and is in German, so being able to read the work without a translation is very important for my projects.

TDR: Thank you for your time, Professor Tell.

HT: Thank you.

I vary the curriculum based on student mood. If students are too stressed about quizzes I cancel them! Let’s read Aristotle or do something different. I sometimes feel that if I follow my syllabus to the letter, I’m missing an opportunity. Some students are so distraught that I tell them to sleep. If you lose track of the learning and don’t have your students enthusiastic about the material, you’ve lost it. I remember one day a student came to my office after failing a quiz so distraught that I ripped her quiz up and said let’s not count it. The intensive Greek class is about pure fun, collaboration with your peers, and enthusiasm for the material.

Without those elements we lose the learning.

TDR: Dartmouth recently lost its R1 classification as a top research

HAKAN TELL Professor Tell with his dog

Courtesy Photo

6 Monday – May 23, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

FEATURES

The Storied History of Green Key Joseph A. Rago

Editor-in-Chief Emeritus

Editor’s Note: Presented here is a history of Green Key week¬end, required reading for any socially literate or historically conscious Dartmouth student.

Former The Dartmouth Review Editorin-Chief Joseph Rago ‘05 made the most recent, exten¬sive updates and added other relevant information, much of it drawn from primary sources and personal accounts. Mr. Rago is now an editorial board member of The Wall Street Journal and won a Pulitzer Prize for editorial writing in 2011. All images appear courtesy of Dartmouth College Library.

In a 1951 column in The Boston Globe, Bill Cunningham ’20 wrote: “It may come as a surprise to modern prom hoppers that [the original] Green Key Weekend had nothing to do with their sort of business. Instead of soft lights, hot music, and gentle dabbles in romance, it came straight out of the he-man’s world of blood, sweat, and leather.”

The origins of the modern Green Key celebration can be traced to 1899. The class of 1900 put together House Par¬ties Weekend, a four-day celebration at the end of May that featured sporting events and parties and culminated in a Junior Prom on Sat¬urday night. During the Weekend, the up¬perclassmen invited dates from area col¬leges, whose names were printed in the Daily Dartmouth on the Monday fol¬lowing.

Over the week¬end, the women would reside in the fraternity houses while the brothers found lodging else¬where. The admin¬istration required each house to hire chaperones to guard against lewd and las¬civious behavior. Thus began the tradition of “Sneaks,” whereby Dartmouth men would try to slip past the schoolmarms and matrons guarding the upstairs in small hours of the morning. The most enterprising would often employ creative measures to sneak to the upper levels of the houses to rendezvous with their best gals.

During House Parties Weekend, the freshmen were not allowed to participate in the festivities and were barricaded inside the dining hall. Clearly, the freshmen took the brunt of the abuse at the College in those days.

First, they were required to wear freshmen caps, floppy beanies that Clifford B. Orr ’22, in a memoir of his freshman year, described as “absolutely the brightest green as you can imagine. They are the same color green as cerise is of red.” The embryonic Green Key marked the first weekend that the freshmen wereallowed to remove Mr. Rago is an alumnus of the College and a former Editor-in-Chief of The Dartmouth Review

the caps in public—though not before a considerable ordeal.

The week leading up to House Parties Weekend was known as “running season,” when every freshman was required to run out of sight when ordered to do so by an upperclassman. Orr remembered that the campus was “covered by bobbing green caps of disappearing freshmen.”

They were also required to rouse the sophomores in the morning, and to run errands for the seniors during the afternoons.

The freshmen photograph for the Aegis was always staged in the days leading up to the weekend, and the sophomore class traditionally took it upon themselves to kidnap as many of the freshman as possible so as to disrupt its taking. Marauding bands of sophomores would prowl about campus, brandishing clubs and the butt-ends of revolvers, in search of prey. When a firstyear was spotted, they would give chase and seize him; captured freshmen were tossed into the cellar of the ramshackle Phi Sigma Kappa barn. In Orr’s experience, “Sixty captives were there, tied hand and foot, and strewn on the floor. We were thrown down among them, and you can believe that we passed a wretched night, with the cold winds howling through the shattered windows, and shrieking through the cracks along the damp floor.” Orr went on to describe his harrowing escape and grueling trek back to campus. “It has surely been a grand and exciting time,” he continued, “and if the whole class doesn’t come down with typhoid fever from drinking streams… we shall consider ourselves lucky.

Thank Heaven, though, it’s over.”

Of course, it wasn’t. At sundown, a bugle would sound and all four classes would gather at the Senior Fence. Led by the band, they would assemble into columns (the freshmen last) and march up the College Hill to the Old Pine, where elite juniors would be inducted into the Palaeopitus senior society.

A parade across campus would follow, which terminated at the center of the Green, where a huge keg was waiting. In the days of Daniel Webster, the cask was filled with old New England rum; in later days, it was filled only with lemonade. Palaeopitus would advance and drink, followed by the seniors, then the juniors. By this point, the fluid would be running low, and the Rush would begin. At the crack of a pistol the sophomore and freshman classes, laying in wait on opposite sides of the Green, would charge towards the keg and attempt to pull it back towards their respective sides.

Pandemonium would always ensue—several freshmen usually ended up unconscious.

Orr remembered, “If you have never been in a rush, you do not know the feeling of endless pushing, panting, struggling,

CHARIOT RACES have been consigned to the the history books, but their spirit lives on in the festivities of Green Key weekend, 1875 slipping, fearing every moment that you will be the next to disappear under the feet of the six or seven mad youths and be trampled.” Before the Prom, a final tradition would take place—the Gaunt¬let. The upperclass¬men would line up diagonally across the Green. The freshmen would run between them while being beaten and flogged with sticks and the sting of belt leather.

(Se¬rious injuries would often result from seniors turning their belts around and whipping with the buckles). Still, the freshmen took the Gauntlet in good spirits.

For Orr’s class, “nothing very serious happened”—just “gashed and bleeding faces” and “two arms out of joint and a broken collar-bone, nothing more.”

Finally, the festivities ended with the ceremonial burn¬ing of the freshman caps.

Of course, the upperclassmen continued to revel at the Green Key Prom all the while. The tradition continued un¬til1924 when the faculty and administration decided to cancel it because of “alleged misconduct and rather wild behavior in the previous years.” It is generally believed that the ban on the Prom resulted from an incident involving Lulu McWoosh, a visiting woman who rode around the Green on a bicycle bereft of the traditional prom attire, or any other attire, following copious drinking.

While students, no doubt, enjoyed the scene, the administration was not amused.

The Junior Prom did not return to Dartmouth for another five years. There is no indication that anything else filled the void during the heart of the Roaring Twenties, but during this time,

unrelated events transpired which would allow for the return of this festive May weekend.

In 1921, the Dartmouth football team left for Seattle to play the University of Washington. The Dartmouth team was greeted at the station by uniformed Washington students who took charge of baggage, bought refreshments, and served as guides. Until then, it had been a tradition of Dartmouth stu¬dents to view visiting athletic teams with hostility. The warm welcome in Washington inspired the formation of a similar organization at Dartmouth, and, on May 16,1921, the Green Key was born as a sophomore honor society.

The society underwent dramatic structural revision over the next few years, both in terms of the way it selected its members and in its function. Initially, it had three aims: entertaining representatives of other institutions, acting as freshman rule enforcement committee, and selecting from its ranks the head cheerleader and the head usher of the College. Only the first of these aims remains today. About two years after its incep¬tion, the society voted to turn its “vigilante function”—forc¬ing freshmen to wear their caps—over to the sophomores. In time, the function of selecting the head usher and cheerleader was turned over to various College departments.

In 1927, at the faculty’s request, society members wore their uniforms of white trousers, green sweaters, and green caps with the key emblem during freshman week to help clueless frosh find their way around the College. To meet the expenses of entertaining visiting teams, the society

sponsored an annual fundraiser.

In 1929, this became the Green Key Spring Prom. The party had returned.

The administration felt that the weekend would be bet¬ter organized and take on an air of civility if the Green Key Society oversaw the activities. In 1931, the College banned fraternity house parties because of frequent occurrences of what it called “disorderly conduct.” President Hopkins, at one point, threatened to ban Green Key festivities, writing in a letter to InterFraternity Council president Albert Bidney ‘35 that “the Green Key Promenade cannot be held unless definite assurances can be made that propriety will attend it.”

Still, Green Key weekend took on epic proportions. It be¬came the font from which Dartmouth alums drew their most fantastic stories of life at Dartmouth. The Boston Herald and The New York Times carried accounts of the weekend and pub¬lished a guest list of the largest yearly party in the Ivy League. The list was no small undertaking, considering that thousands of women from all over the Northeast made the pilgrimage to Dartmouth. The fraternities took on the enviable task of housing this flood of eager women. The Green Key Ball was forcibly brought to an end in 1967 after rioting broke out.

Drinking, then as now, was always an integral part of the festivities. Green Key provided the occasion for one of Judson Hale’s most famous anecdotes.

Hale was a member of the class of ’55 and the storied editor of Yankee magazine; he was expelled from the College after vomiting Whiskey Sours on Dean Joseph McDonald and his wife during

The Dartmouth Review

Monday – May 23, 2016

7

FEATURES a performance of the “Hums.”

Hums, according to Orr, was a “Dartmouth tradition, old as the College, I guess.” Each fraternity would compose a tune and perform it for the College at large, to be judged by the music department and other administrators.

Hums became a bone of contention as the years passed by and the songs became racier and filthier. The administration gradually became less and less tolerant of these amusing tunes, and eventually began censoring them once the College went co-ed.

In 1979 “Real Hums,” sponsored by the Inter-Fraternity Council, was introduced, free from the College’s red pen. Real Hums

caught on for a while and was even reported once by Playboy magazine to be the best party of the year. Eventually, though, the tradition fell by the wayside.

Gradually, the Gauntlet, too— for whatever rea¬sons— faded away, though the ingrained traditions of ritualized beatings proved harder to stamp out.

Dur¬ing the “Wetdowns,” newly elected student government representatives would be pelted with vegetables, food, and de¬bris as they ran across the Green. During the 1960s, a tradition of chariot racing took root. The fraternities would construct unsteady and unbalanced chariots, which new and intoxicated pledges would

haul around a track on the Green while being assailed by eggs, condiments, flour, rotting vegetables, sacks of potatoes, beer cans, and other rubbish. The race ended when all the chariots were demolished. Eventually the administration forced the races off the Green and to a large field near the river. When the event finally became too violent near the end of the eighties, the chariot races came grinding to a halt.

Green Key has traditionally had no theme—simply a weekend to take college holiday for no reason. Only once in its illustrious history has it had one, and it was an unmitigated disaster. At the behest of Director of Student Activities Linda Kennedy, the

Joseph A. Rago

restroom on campus. “Our Cohogs,” as the Humwas officially titled, hardly added to the cordial ambiance.

Performed to the melody of “This Old Man,” it proclaimed that Dartmouth’s new women were “all here to spoil our fun,” that “they all ruined our masculine heaven,” that “they’re all a bunch of f-----g whores.” Goodness. Most of the other lines are unsuited for publication, but “Our Cohogs” ends with the chorus “With a nick nack patty whack / Send the b-tches home / Our cohogs go to bed alone.”

Many co-eds attending Hums walked out that year, but the song delighted others—namely, the Dean of the College, Carroll Brewster. Dean Brewster was the head judge and he immediately proclaimed “Our Cohogs” the finest song in the competition.

He bounded to the stage, and, throwing his arms around the performers, took the lead in a rousing encore presentation of the racy verses.

A “cohog” is literally a clam, being a phonetic spell¬ing of “quahog.” But it was intended by the song-smiths who dashed off the jingle as a base vernacular term for a woman’s vagina.

They also had a double purpose in mind. Unveiled duringthe first days of “co-education,” “cohog” branded College women as swine.

Hums, though insensitive, still took more than a decade to peter out. To this day the influence of the Cohog song remains pernicious, or so I’m told, as some insouciant wags still spontaneously burst into song when the occasion strikes them. And that’s the basic gist of cohogs at the College. In other areas of New England, however, cohogs are not the subject of ridicule— but, rather, of respect and high esteem.

On Cape Cod, quahogs (as I will now properly refer¬ence the beasts) would be esteemed a delicious luxury but for their great plenty along the sandy shores—as such, they are merely a delicious staple. Quahogs are oval-shaped hinged shell-fish,a

variety of which con¬chologists call bi-valvular. They have an extremely hard shell and a tough adductor muscle that, in combina¬tion, allows them to bolt themselves off from the rest of the world in a fashion that few living creatures can command; they then bury themselves at the edge of the shore and beneath the sea bottom. That is, until they’re harvested and consumed by man. The standard bill of fare on the Cape is hale and plain— johnnycakes, fried smelts, salted alewives, cranberry conserve, Indian pudding, &c. Quahogs, however they’re prepared, are an essential part of the diet. They can be stuffed, for instance, after they’ve been shucked (always remem¬bering to use a good clamknife and to fold the fingers, not squeeze). The belly and the mantle are chopped or ground and mixed with bread crumbs and seasoning and spooned back into the shell. Or, they can be made into quahog pie, which is exactly what it sounds like: quahogs in cream sauce underneath a pastry lattice. Quahog pie, no longer the indispensable dish that it once was, usually came as a breakfast dish. It was also savored at four of the clock, the customary break from the afternoon’s labor, be it raising a barn or laying in a cargo of cod. Quahog pie was usually accompanied by hard cider or blackstrap, a concoction of molasses and West Indian rum.

A chowder is a more customary way of serving quahogs these days. A proper quahog chowder is always made, not cooked, and it never contains tomatoes. The atrocious pink stew found on metropolitan menus is wholly an affront. The quahog bellies must be thrown pell-mell into a cauldron and marinated in their own liquor, before adding butter, onions, parbroiled pota¬toes, and well-larded salt pork, with cream added at the last.

A more sociable way of consuming the indomi¬table quahog is at clam bake (though the quahogs are actually steamed.)A pit is excavated on the beach and filled with burning cord; stones

The History of Hums Editor-in-Chief Emeritus

Editor’s Note: The following history of Hums by Joseph Rago‘05 was frst published in 2004. Mr. Rago is now an editorial board member for The Wall Street Journal and won a Pulitzer Prize in 2011. It is a very detailed and historical look at an oft-forgotten tradition of the College. Hums are no longer part of Green Key week¬end; Rago details why the tradition is now no longer. Perhaps, that was a good change.

The Green Key weekend historically marked the occasion when the “Hums” were performed at the College. The Hums, dating from 1899, were clever and humorous tunes composed by the fra¬ternities and presented by their pledges for the amusement of all. In the spirit of good-natured competition, the Hums were judged by faculty and administrators, with a small purse going annually to the house with the best song. Of course, the College being what it was, things gradually degenerated. Tra¬ditionally, performers were attired in crisp white shirts and pressed pants as black as night; by the late sixties, the standards were somewhat less fastidious (see the accompanying photo-graph.) The content slipped as well. Over the years, the songs became more and more risqué, and, ultimately, entirely inappropriate.

“The Cohog Song” is perhaps the most infamous Hum, debuting during the spring of 1975.

Those were heady days at the College, women having been first admitted some threeyears previous. The Hanover Plain was hardly a hospitable place for the new co-eads. The male-to-female ratio, I’m told, was something like eighty-three-to-one.

One evening before Green Key, some miscreant stole the toilet seats from every single female Mr. Rago is an alumnus of the College and a former Editor-in-Chief of The Dartmouth Review

College officially dubbed Green Key “Helldo¬rado” in1994. The tag honored the Swinging Steaks, a band the Programming Board had hired to play in the center of Green. Students could also enjoy a petting zoo, human gyroscope, moon-bounce, and a magician.

Needless to say, there was no theme the following year.

Today, though the most outlandish and violent tradi¬tions of Green Key have faded into obscurity, the spirit of the weekend lives on. Though the weekend is devoted to little more than revelry, partying, and hanging out, it has been reinvigorated over the past few years. The idea of Green Key has evolved into a celebration of spring

for the campus; a great excuse for students and alums alike to enjoy both the fair weather and smooth beers. A staple of Green Key since it began in the early nineties, despite a short interruption earlier in this decade, Phi Delta Alpha’s Block Party on Friday enlivens Webster Ave and sets the pace for the weekend’s festivities. Alpha Delta’s Lawn Party provides in that same strain an opportunity for daylight inebriation, despite the best efforts of Hanover’s finest.

As Clifford Orr wrote in May 1918, “These are happy days.

The evenings are so warm and so perfectly delightful that we do our best to get our studying done in the afternoons that we might [hang out] well before dark.”

HUMS An old tradition we may have failed, or at least NRO’d are added and fired red white hot. When the blaze expires,wet rockweed is raked over embers and the quahogs are piled on fresh from the sea; on top that, corn, potatoes, onions, and fish wrapped in cheesecloth. Then the whole rig is coveredwith sand and battened down with a canvas or tarpaulin, andleft for hours to cook. A clam bake ends with a meal enjoyed by all.

Then there is the celebrated recipe of Captain Peleg Hawes, a man whose fame has been handed down through the old-line New England folkways. Captain Peleg would simply place the quahogs mouth down onto the ground and toss hot coals a-plentifully across their backs, the searing heat destroying the tenacity of the hinges. The Captain would simply remove the upper shell and apply a pat of freshly-churned butter and a sprinkling of sea’s salt and coarse pepper. If he were feeling especially audacious, he would add a squeeze of lemon.

Captain Peleg was a man of simplicity and honesty, but he was also a vinegary old crank.

Once, at the sailing-hour for a voyage to the Orient, he promised his wife Arathusy that he would write her a letter from afar, so that he might staunch her weeping and not hold up his vessel. Twelve months from his departure, Arathusy received an envelope by post; trembling, she tore into it to find:

Hong Kong, China, May 21, 1854.

Dear Arathusy: I am here and you are there.

P. Hawes.

It would seem, then, that chauvinism was not limited to Old Dartmouth, but to Old Cape Cod as well—which brings us to the point of this fairly lengthy digression.

The term “quahog” was as exclusionary on the Cape as was “cohog” at the College. The quahog’s aboriginal name,”poquauhocks,” came by way of the Narragansett Indians. OffCape the word was abominably degraded to “clam,” but onCape it remained. Those who came from afar the Massachusetts coast were bewildered both by the menus and by the tall-talk of the laconic townsmen speaking of the mysterious “Quahog.” Eventually, the force of custom eroded, and the faint-of-heart devised “co-hog” as a mnemonic aid for the un-initiated. At Dartmouth, they thought the coeds would blow the curve, ruin the football team, and force everyone into summer school, and so they used the term the other way around and yet in the same way: to exclude and to humiliate. Remember that, whether you’re admiring a pert quahog sunning herself on the Green or unearthing a cohog when the tide is at low ebb.

8 Monday – May 23, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

FEATURES

An Assault on Dialogue and Free Speech: > CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 It became clear that the College was aware of the disruption and disallowed takeover of the reserved bulletin board. Anna Hall, the Director of the Collis Center, emailed and met with the College Republicans to discuss how to proceed. Initially, they discussed the feasibility of taking down the Black Lives Matter flyers at around 3:00 PM. However, no type of administrative response or action was forthcoming. When a Black Lives Matter display was defaced in the Fall, the administration responded with swift condemnation, exposing a clear double standard in how the administration treats different viewpoints.

2:18 PM: The Dartmouth College Republicans issued the following statement on its Facebook page: College Republicans Statement on Collis Display Vandalism On Friday, May 13 at approximately 11:00 a.m., a group of students removed our Blue Lives Matter display in Collis in honor of National Police Week.

As an organization, we took the time and effort to obtain proper approval for the display while putting significant thought into its content. We are dismayed that a group of students would attempt to censor our message while coopting the space for their own purposes.

We had hoped to bring attention to law enforcement officers and their efforts and hard work in keeping our communities safe. In particular, we had hoped to honor all the law enforcement officers who have given their lives in service to their communities.

Just this morning, in Manchester, New Hampshire, two police officers were shot.

Thankfully, both are expected to recover. However, this most recent incident only underscores the challenges facing law enforcement officers everywhere; just this year, 35 law enforcement officers were killed in the line of duty across the United States.

We hope that the Dartmouth community and the United States at large join us in appreciation of the challenging work that law enforcement officers perform.

Around 3:00 PM: The College Republicans met again with Ms. Hall. Seeking to avoid a confrontation, they proposed that Safety and Security be the ones to enforce the College’s policies governing the use of bulletin boards and remove the flyers.

Ms. Hall informed the College Republicans that it would be within their right to take down the Black Lives Matter flyers themselves, although it might not be advisable.

Ms. Hall contacted her supervisor, Associate Dean for Student Life Eric Ramsey, as well as Safety and Security for recommendations as to how to proceed.

Around 4:00-5:00 PM: Once again, Ms. Hall met with the

1

2

3 College Republicans to discuss a resolution to the situation.

Ms. Hall and an unidentified staff member spoke to the Black Lives Matter protesters, strongly informing them that they were in clear violation of College policy as the College Republicans had the bulletin board reserved and were in the right. The students responded that they were aware of the violation but were unwilling to remove their flyers.

After conferring with Safety and Security and Mr. Ramsey, Ms. Hall informed the College Republicans that the College wanted to avoid confrontation and recommended that the flyers not be removed that day. Instead, maintenance staff would remove the flyers overnight, after which the College Republicans would have use of the board.

The College Republicans responded that they, on principle, would like to regain use of the board as soon as possible. They discussed taking down the flyers themselves. The group of student protesters sent various proxies to speak to the College Republicans. They said that the College Republicans were free to take down the Black Lives Matter flyers, but a group of protesters continued to occupy the space in front of the bulletin board.

Furthermore, the College Republicans discovered that the Black Lives Matter protesters, upon seeing the Blue Lives Matter

display the night before, applied for and were granted permission to use the bulletin board nearby.

While the College Republicans were required to undergo a long bureaucratic process, the Black Lives Matter group was given expedited approval, once again exposing a clear double standard.

Meanwhile, Safety and Security informed the College Republicans that Harry Kinne, the Director of Safety and Security, and Mr. Ramsey had come to an “agreement” that the College Republicans would not be allowed take down the Black Lives Matter flyers until Collis closed at 2 AM. The officers also threatened sanctions if the College Republicans acted. Students began to disperse without any action having been taken.

6:51 PM: A Dartmouth student claimed credit for the vandalism of the Blue Lives Matter display in a rather longwinded Facebook post.

8:03 PM: The Black Lives Matter protesters began distributing the following email (sic): Please send to ALL PEOPLE– organizations, and list-serve!!!

Today, Friday May 13th the Dartmouth College Republicans reserved a central bulletin board in Collis Atrium. On this board the Dartmouth College Republicans posted the slogan “Blue Lives Matter” FOUR times. By coopting a movement intended to protect the livelihood of Black people, Blue Lives Matter” &

#AllLivesMatter facilitates the erasure of black lives. This slogan denies that black bodies are subjected to disproportionate state violence. This has nothing to do with individual police officers.

Over the past several terms, in Collis the black lives matter installation was defaced, and the signs outside of the gender inclusive bathroom were ripped off of the walls. On our campus a native woman and man were egged after a silent protest, countless women of color have been assaulted, people of color have been called racial slurs, physically threatened, and aggressively approached in public, private, and over social media.

The #blacklivesmatter protest in the fall affirmed black existence, humanity, and resilience in light of the oppressive reality here at Dartmouth. This is our reality; we are the voices of ALL people of color in classes. It is inescapable as social media, especially yikyak, is saturated with racial slurs. This morning the bulletin boards in “The Center for Student Involvement” informed the campus this space is NOT for us . Collis is intended to be a home base for all student activities, however is a site of violence.

This campus is toxic.

Our goal is to illuminate the severity of the violence people of color face on this campus. In not challenging this oppression against our bodies, instead reproducing

this narrative is actively partaking in this violence. Silencing our narratives. If we didn’t take down the display we would be reproducing a violent narrative that works to silence us in masses.

People are tired. People of color are tired of being made inferior to their peers. We are tired of conservative rhetoric reproducing the same racial stereotypes that have positioned our bodies in a violent, inhumane fashion since slavery.

We have reclaimed the board.

We are reclaiming our space, in Collis, in Class, and on this Campus. We have proclaimed “Black Lives Matter”—we do in fact matter, and we are here.

Fuck your comfort, there is no such thing as neutral existence.

Sitting in the library with your headphones in, intensifies this violence against people of color, muting the voices of the movement, the cries of your peers, and the history of inequality. Posting Blue Lives Matter reproduces the idea that All lives matter, again intensifying the violence against people of color. Invalidating individual realities.

We occupy this space, in front of the bulletin board, to guarantee our presence at this institution.

Reposting Blue Lives Matter reproduces this violent narrative against people of color, by silencing us. We will not be silenced.

We have cried, but we will persevere regardless of the

The Dartmouth Review

Monday – May 23, 2016

9

FEATURES

A Timeline of Events Photo Captions 1. The original #BlueLivesMatter bulletin board in collis, as approved by the administration

4

2. Sheer defamation: The protestors personally attack any conservative they can find, even though many in the pictures posted were not even involved with the display in the slightest 3. Protestors camping out the board to prevent students from honoring our fallen heroes

5

6

4. The bulletin board soon after the display was vandalized 5. Another view of students with nothing better to do than stare at a wall all day 6. More posters appear as the day progresses, with personal attacks scattered about.

7. The adjacent billboard is flooded with #BlackLivesMatter fliers as well, with the protestors destroying yet another display

7 complacent conservative faction on campus, we will be okay.

We need to be okay, so we can graduate from this institution with a Dartmouth degree. Face it that’s why we came here, and at the end of the day we still are here—at Dartmouth, in the Ivy League, in college, in this nation. We aren’t going anywhere.

It is your turn, stand in solidarity with us. Do not allow the cries of your peers, your friends be silenced.

ACT. #blacklivesmatter Peace, Love, Solidarity, Existence is Resistance 8:30 PM: The Dartmouth College Republicans issued a second public statement, this time in an email to President Hanlon and the Board of Trustees: Response to College Suppression of Our Freedom of Expression in Collis Today Today our freedom of speech was violated by our fellow students while the administration stood idly by. We spent three weeks getting our poster remembering fallen men and women of law enforcement approved through the proper administrative channels.

Almost as soon as it was posted in the Collis Center for Student Involvement, it was torn down and replaced with Black Lives Matter posters. Parkhurst was unwilling to remove the posters as it was afraid of taking a political stance. There is, however, nothing political about standing up for freedom of speech,

our First Amendment right.

While we wholeheartedly stand behind our message, whether the College agrees with us or not should not have an effect on its response. Unfortunately, it clearly has. When Black Lives Matter’s t-shirt display was previously vandalized, the school quickly and appropriately responded with an email condemning the violation of freedom of speech. President Hanlon spoke of creating a “safe space” for students to express their opinions. He wrote that Dartmouth “strive[s] to balance freedom of speech with strong community values of civil discourse.” President Hanlon continued, “at their core, institutions of higher education are places where open inquiry and the free debate about difficult and sometimes uncomfortable ideas must thrive.”

Yet, when it came time to enforcing these protections for students on the other side of the political spectrum, there was only deafening silence. In fact, after much discussion, we were told

by Safety & Security and Collis leadership that restoring our display would put us in violation of College policy and that we would be subject to punishment

by Dartmouth Judicial Affairs.

While our posters were kept off the bulletin boards (at least until 2 AM when Collis closes), theirs were allowed to remain unchecked with no repercussions. In fact, they were given expedited permission

8 to have their posters placed in Collis. This group was granted approval within hours, while we had to schedule almost a month in advance.

Even when the posters vandalizing our memorial to fallen heroes started to become personal attacks on and photographs of members of our Republican community, Dartmouth failed to act. The administration claims it will not tolerate making other students feel unsafe. However, many members of our community do not feel safe walking through the student center where photos are present. Would Parkhurst’s response to these attacks have been the same if it was the College Republicans that had put up posters deriding and targeting members of the Black Lives Matter movement? We think not.

All we ask is that the protections and freedoms of self-expression afforded to other student organizations be extended to us.

We do not see the Black Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter movements as mutually exclusive.

It is possible to recognize the service and contributions of law enforcement officers while simultaneously pushing for reform to correct the grave mistakes of the small minority of officers.

On National Law Enforcement Appreciation Week, we just hoped to highlight the monumental sacrifices made by these officers to protect us every day.

Regardless of your personal opinions of our views, you should be willing to stand by our right to express our opinions. If others would like to counter protest our memorial, we stand by their right to do so in a civil manner.

If they wish to go through the proper administrative channels, we welcome them to exercise their fundamental right to selfexpression. However, we will not stand idly by as our detractors suppress this same basic freedom for us. All we ask is that the administration defend our rights as well.

Sunday, May 15 11:34 AM: President Phil Hanlon sent an email to the College strongly condemning the removal of the Blue Lives Matter display on free speech grounds: To undergraduate students: Freedom of expression is a fundamental value of the Dartmouth community. By its very nature, the exercise of free speech will include views with which some of us disagree or which we find hurtful.

The unauthorized removal on Friday of a student display for National Police Week in the Collis Center was an unacceptable violation of freedom of expression on our campus. Vandalism represents a silencing of free exchange, rather than open engagement. This was true of the vandalism of the Black Lives Matter display last November,

8. Yet another personal attack on free-thinking conservatives, with a typical meaningless and unproductive caption and equally true of Friday‘s action.

Any students identified as being involved in such actions will be subject to our disciplinary process.

Freedom to dissent lies at the heart of freedom of expression, and Dartmouth will always protect it. We encourage those who dissent to assert a counter perspective openly through one of many communications avenues available.

Robust and respectful debate will always have a home at Dartmouth College. Open inquiry and free debate are sometimes uncomfortable. As challenging as it may be, the passionate but respectful exchange of ideas is the foundation of an academic community–both at Dartmouth and on campuses across the United States.

Sincerely, Phil Hanlon ’77, President Carolyn Dever, Provost Rebecca Biron, Dean of the College Inge-Lise Ameer, Vice Provost for Student Affairs Meanwhile, both individual protesters as well as members of the College Republicans have been singled out on social media. There have been a series of despicable tweets targeted at a Black Lives Matter protester who tore down the original display.

Similarly, the President of the College Republicans has been defamed on Yik Yak. Needless to say, The Review hopes that civility ensues.

10 Monday – May 23, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

FEATURES

The Problem with Black Lives Matter

Brian Chen

Executive Editor Dartmouth has a problem. Its campus climate is toxic, but not in the way that student protesters often claim. The recent conflict surrounding the Dartmouth College Republicans’ Blue Lives Matter display is only the latest manifestation of this culture. The College has failed — not just the College Republicans — but the student body at large. It has, unintentionally or not, taught students the wrong message regarding respect, civility, and the fundamental right to free speech.

Student protesters have complained that the Blue Lives Matter display “co-opted” the Black Lives Matter movement as justification for their actions. There are several problems with this argument that need to be unpacked.

First is the free speech issue, which has by now been addressed ad nauseam. Nevertheless, what has been said is worth repeating.

One must give President Hanlon credit where credit is due.

His response to the vandalism of the Blue Lives Matter display was Mr. Chen is a member of the Class of 2017 and an Executive Editor at The Dartmouth Review.

as forceful as could be expected.

The right to free speech protects the Black Lives Matter protesters’ often controversial and inflammatory message; to deny others that same right is simply tyranny. It is troubling that we are still having a debate about free speech in this day and age.

More problematical, however, is the presupposition that Black Lives Matter is somehow beyond reproach. It is more than slightly ironic that a group decrying racial privilege believes its opinions to be privileged above all others.

If even an unintentional slight to the Black Lives Matter movement such as the Collis display generates such backlash, then one can only imagine the response to actual criticism.

The fact of the matter is that the substance and tactics of the Black Lives Matter movement ought to be challenged. A claim of injustice, proven or not, does not somehow make a group above scrutiny; it certainly does not give one carte blanche to harass bystanders in a library. Dartmouth’s Black Lives Matter protesters, in particular, seem to enjoy manipulating bystanders’ sympathies and playing the victim card to score political points. Its members often claim to feel “unsafe,” an honestly nonsen-

sical claim for privileged students on a rural New Hampshire campus protected by doting administrators. In regards to law enforcement action in Hanover, it seems that it is drunken frat boys who receive the short end of the stick, which is not exactly the textbook definition of police brutality.

The Black Lives Matter protesters think themselves courageous, when in fact their actions can only be described as cowardly. Rather than meet the ideas of others head-on, they censor and intimidate opposing voices while hiding behind a veneer of collective action to avoid individual accountability. Their reasons for doing so are very clear: beyond its gaping credibility issue, Black Lives Matter is a movement devoid of substance, one whose obsessive identity politics do not coincide with reality outside the ivory tower.

There seem to be no concrete objectives in the Black Lives Matter movement. There has been no coherent message beyond the allegations of mass state violence directed toward African Americans and the general affirmation that black lives matter. The movement then goes on to falsely conflate the two, accusing anyone who questions the first assertion of also questioning the latter (that is, ac-

cuse anyone who dares criticize the movement of being racist).

Providing nothing more than irrational anger, Black Lives Matter collapses on its own weight; its allegations of mass, racial state violence are simply untrue.

Black Lives Matter has made a farce out of serious criminal justice and law enforcement issues.

Rather than effect positive change, Black Lives Matter seems to be intent on agitating as loudly, as antagonistically, and as ineffectively as possible. Many commentators have pointed out that Black Lives Matter has done nothing but polarize any community it touches, to which Black Lives Matter protesters respond by doubling down on the same losing strategy.

If anything, the Black Lives Matter movement has co-opted the message of civil libertarians who have been fighting for criminal justice reform and accountability for law enforcement officers for decades. Issues such as stop-and-frisk in New York City, aggressive policing in minority communities, and police militarization are not new. Let it not go unsaid that it was black leaders who pushed for tougher policing and drug sentencing laws in the 1980s while civil libertarians cried foul.

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has consistently and constructively advocated meaningful reforms to the criminal justice system, well before the hashtag #blacklivesmatter even existed. His ideological compatriots, Texas Senator Ted Cruz and Utah Senator Mike Lee, were onboard as well. Since then, Sen. Cruz has done an about-face, ambushing Sen. Lee over his reform bill in committee while accusing Black Lives Matter of “literally suggesting and embracing and celebrating the murder of police officers.”

Rather than win converts, it seems clear that Black Lives Matter has done nothing but turn potential allies such as Sen. Cruz into reliable adversaries. It scuttled what could have been a cross-ideological consensus that brought to light serious issues while repudiating the mistakes of the past. For this, the Black Lives Matter movement has no one to blame but itself.

If, contrary to fact, the goal of the Blue Lives Matter display in Collis was indeed to subvert Black Lives Matter, it would still have been a valuable public service. It is unfortunate that the Black Lives Matter movement has devolved to the point where it is counterproductive, but it is certainly not too late to change that.

The Folly of Free Speech Jack Mourouzis Senior Editor

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

The plight of the liberal arts campus has been well documented in recent years. The brute ideological force of the left has supplanted even moderate reason and replaced it with inflammatory rhetoric, pushing tensions amongst students to, at times, violent levels. We at the College have found ourselves at the center of several such incidents, beginning first several years ago with the storming of President Hanlon’s office, and most recently drawing scrutiny with the Black Lives Matter library protests in November of 2015. Now, tensions have reached a boiling point again, further sowing discord amongst the brothers and sisters of Dartmouth and adding a new blemish to the reputation and history of Dartmouth College.

On May 13, the College Republicans erected a display in the main hall of the Collis Center, commemorating the upcoming National Police Week. The College Republicans’ display included statistics on violence against law enforcement and openly displayed the slogan “Blue Lives Matter.” Within hours of its appearance, students, many of whom are affiliated with Dartmouth’s own Black Mr. Mourouzis is a member of the Class of 2018 and a senior editor at The Dartmouth Review.

Lives Matter movement, elected to tear down the original display and replace the posters with a message of their own: “You cannot co-opt the movement against state violence to memorialize its perpetrators. #blacklivesmatter.” Later, smaller papers were posted around the Collis Center that included photographs of College Republicans members emblazoned with the phrase “The Sons of Old Dartmouth” in a troubling ad hominem attack. After the egregious destruction of the original display, college officials prevented College Republicans from replacing the violating display with their original posters.

This, naturally, raises issues that should concern the entire student body at Dartmouth, not just regarding the suppression of freedom of speech, but also regarding double standards shown by the administration and the dangers of authoritarian ideologies held by many students at the College. Regrettably, it is not the first event that has raised these concerns, and is not likely to be the last.

Regardless, we at the Review hold the utmost disdain for such actions, as their implications are indeed destructive for all parties involved.

One of the issues at play here is the ever-widening definition of the word ‘racism.’ Previously, this word referred to ostensible acts of discrimination or segregation, or simply put, expressing disdain for a person based on his race. In recent years, however, the definition has been twisted and contorted by

left-leaning movements, being used to describe all sorts of ambiguous and amorphous ‘power structures’ and to attempt to pinpoint an underlying ‘white supremacy’ that most people fail to ever understand.

On this day, we have learned that a display expressing support for law enforcement is, in fact, racist, as it, in the words of ’18 Mikala Williams, “normalizes and naturalizes violence against people of color in this country.” What Ms. Williams, along with many others sharing her viewpoints, fails to acknowledge, however, is the two-way street of racism. College Republicans in no way have expressed (a reproachable) stance in favor of police brutality towards people of color. Rather, they have sought to call attention to the issues faced by law enforcement. As an ongoing demonization of law enforcement officers persists, indeed only because of the malicious actions of a minute proportion of officers, College Republicans have sought only to debunk this stereotype. The insinuation that support for law enforcement officers is “white supremacy,” or even “normalizes and naturalizes violence against people of color,” is not only absurd, it is insulting.

This is not to say, however, that the “co-opting” of the Black Lives Matter movement was not without criticism of the movement in question. The Black Lives Matter movement fails to recognize the danger of its own ideology, one which all too often demonizes white people, law enforcement, and all those who

dare to call its tenets into question.

The danger lies within the ideology’s own heavy-handedness; instead of calling different groups of differing opinions together for constructive discourse, all ideas contrary to that of the ideology are silenced, branded as the enemy, and treated as such.

We at the Review find this course of action reproachable. Though we admit our conservative lean, we will always stand with the side of free speech and open discourse, rather than the suppression of dissenting ideas. Rather than propagating a “race war,” as many have deemed the current situation, students should attempt to resolve issues through open campus debate - not one-sided, pontificating panel presentation - and not stoop to the level of petty vandalism.

In addition, the reaction of the administration in circumstances of strife has once again proved lackluster and troubling. Though not much was to be expected, particularly after the disappointing (and perhaps even damaging) reaction to the controversial Black Lives Matter protests in November of 2015, the egregious favoritism shown towards left-leaning groups has continued unabashed. It was first evident by the exclusion of conservative-minded students from this year’s “Inclusive Excellence” student committee, ensuring that right-leaning students would have no voice in the campaign. Theft of private property from Theta Delta Chi fraternity went unpunished. The College Republicans, in their state-

ment on Friday evening, expressed a similar sentiment: “Even when the posters vandalizing our memorial to fallen heroes started to become personal attacks on and photographs of members of our Republican community, Dartmouth failed to act. The administration claims it will not tolerate making other students feel unsafe. However, many members of our community do not feel safe walking through the student center where photos are present. Would Parkhurst’s response to these attacks have been the same if it was the College Republicans that had put up posters deriding and targeting members of the Black Lives Matter movement? We think not.”

It has been clear to Dartmouth’s conservative community that respect for conservative ideas and opinions is not valued by the administration. Similar antagonistic actions toward left-leaning students are not treated the same way when conservative students are targeted.

It is not much to ask that groups of students with differing opinions be afforded the same rights across the board. Such blatant favoritism on the part of the administration cannot, in good conscience, continue. In pursuit of the College’s mission to “support the vigorous and open debate of ideas within a community marked by mutual respect,” administrators and students alike are obliged take the high road, so to speak. For the sake of future generations, we can only hope this path becomes wellworn.

The Dartmouth Review

Monday – May 23, 2016 11

FEATURES

The 35th Anniversary Gala

On Saturday, May 14, The Dartmouth Review celebrated its Thirty-Fifth Anniversary Gala in New York City’s Union League Club. The event brought together 128 current staff members, alumni, and friends of The Review. The Gala’s occurrence was a testament to the willpower that many of the individuals present displayed in the face of sustained attempts to destroy the paper.

Father Gerald Murray recounted the early days of The Review in his benediction, while the President of the Intercollegiate Studies Institute, Christopher Long, praised The Review’s continuing role in conservative college activism. Executive Editor of The New Criterion, James Panero, honored Dartmouth Professor Emeritus Jeffrey Hart, who is best described as the godfather of The Dartmouth Review.

In her keynote address, former Editor-in-Chief Laura Ingraham ’85 exhorted current students to be fearless in their interactions with campus administrators and student radicals. Along with other alumni present, she recounted both the widely publicized and the formerly secret escapades of Reviewers, including everything from the altercation with Professor Cole to the attempt to gain COSO funding for a satirical “Bestiality Club.” (Ingraham also noted that the Gala actually fell on the thirty-sixth anniversary of the paper and that past anniversary galas have also been one year off. The Review has yet to determine the cause of this discrepancy.) She concluded with suitably provocative remarks that lent the evening an air of controversy.

The evening gave current members of the Review, especially a few brave freshmen, the opportunity to meet and learn from thirty-six years’ worth of successful writers, editors, businessmen, clergymen, soldiers, public intellectuals, academics, and other esteemed alumni. The current editors, business staff, and writers of The Dartmouth Review would like to thank everyone who contributed to the evening’s success as well as those individuals who have made The Review what it is today.

12 Monday – April 25, 2016

The Dartmouth Review

THE LAST WORD GORDON HAFF’S

COMPILED BY MARCUS J. THOMPSON AND MICHAEL J. PERKINS

“I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.”

–Robert E. Lee “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

–Frank Sinatra “We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.”

–David Sedaris “To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life’s problems.”

–Matt Groening “Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.”

–Oscar Wilde “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

–George Carlin “The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.”

–Craig Ferguson “I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of Jack Daniel’s.”

– Darynda Jones

“Abstinence is easier than temperance.”

–Seneca

“Profitability is coming from productivity, efficiency, management, austerity, and the way to manage the business.”

–Carlos Slim “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”

–G.K. Chesterton “Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.”

–Alex Levine “Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.”

–Louis Pasteur “Research consistently shows that the risks to health outweigh the benefits of drinking alcohol. My argument is that the benefits to my mental health justify the risks.”

–Graeme Simsion “Civilization begins with distillation.”

–William Faulkner

“My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.”

–Sir Winston Churchill

BARRETT’S MIXOLOGY

“Perfect wisdom hath four parts: wisdom, the principle of doing things right; justice the principle of doing things equally in public and private; fortitude, the principle of not fleeing danger, but meeting it; and temperance, the principle of subduing ones animal instincts.”

–Plato “It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.”

–F Scott Fitzgerald “That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”

–Charles Bukowski “My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done, such as drinking Dom Perignon ‘53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit.”

–James Bond “Remember gentleman, it’s not just France we’re fighting for, it’s Champagne!”

–Sir Winston Churchill “I drink Champagne when I win, to celebrate. And I drink Champagne when I lose, to console myself.”

–Napoleon Bonapart “...and I’m standing on the corner of Fifth and Vermouth.”

–Tom Waits

ADVERTISEMENT

Bloody Green Key Sunday Ingredients

• Premium Vodka • Sriracha • Adderal • Hopeless evasion of the events of the previous 48 hours.

• Salt • Celery • Smoked paprika

When partying well into Saturday night and through the twilight hours of Sunday morning, there is an indistinct, dreaded point in time at which every Green Key participant must pull back from the festivities of the weekend and muster renewed enthusiasm for academia, whose looming demands cannot be quieted by any amount of alcohol consumption.

It is in this moment, in which the expired excitement for the big weekend contrasts most severely with the dread toward impending finals, that I encourage—nay insist—that Dartmouth students prepare this recovery cocktail. The elevated expectations of the weekend are liable to leave even the rowdiest and festive of experiences with a case of FOMO. Working in conjunction, these two emotional influences—disappointment at the weekend’s events and despair at the approaching wave of work that is week eight—cast many students into a deep, sullen state of lethargy, tempered by sporadic Adderall-fueled study binges.

In an effort to avoid this melancholy trap, I invite the students of Dartmouth to indulge in a weekend cure that has become a staple recovery drink from big weekends across the world. Although prohibition on campus may forbid this spicy delight, it is in these vital, reflective moments that we consider the greater community beyond Dartmouth, and our role within society, eventually gaining an appreciation for the insignificance of these desolate, transitional moments, and returning with reaffirmed vigor—and a slight buzz—to our purpose at the College.

— Mary